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raisingirl
I know, GT, I thought that was a sad statement about her vagina, too. I guess talking about outercourse/anything sexual other than vaginal sex would have been too weird to talk about on Oprah.

It was very much middle class privilege and I really didn't appreciate the whole "I need a wife" attitude from the mothers. Yup, way to marginalize the fathers and have them not take responsibility.
pollystyrene
QUOTE(raisingirl @ Apr 7 2009, 07:30 AM) *
I know, GT, I thought that was a sad statement about her vagina, too. I guess talking about outercourse/anything sexual other than vaginal sex would have been too weird to talk about on Oprah.

It was very much middle class privilege and I really didn't appreciate the whole "I need a wife" attitude from the mothers. Yup, way to marginalize the fathers and have them not take responsibility.


I had the same thought, raisin; like the adage, "If you're poor, you're 'crazy'; if you're rich, you're 'eccentric'." The stories about the kids not bathed in three weeks, not getting their hair brushed to the point where they were getting dreadlocks, mom forgetting to make dinner....if these women weren't as affluent as they were, they'd have their kids taken away by child protective services. And that's more of a statement about the classist society we live in, not even so much a criticism of the moms on the show themselves. Individually, I don't think those things are that bad; well, three weeks without a bath is a little extreme, and that's definitely a case of "where is this child's father?". But then there's the possibilty that she's a single parent. I don't think that lets you off the hook from regularly bathing your kids, brushing their hair and feeding them though.
prophecy_grrl
Yeah, that episode was a huge disappointment and had so many problems. I was sort of looking forward to it because I think "exposing the dark underbelly motherhood" wink.gif is generally a good thing. It just ended up being another case of extolling motherhood and essentializing gender. blech.

The whole "you need a wife" thing was infuriating. So, men continue to be let off the hook when it comes to parenting while women take on all of the burden and scrutiny. It's that same attitude that allows men to get sterilized without question and ties women's worth and identity to their reproductive choices.

It's particularly annoying because I really want Oprah to be the high profile representative for CBC women, but instead she's always talking about how moms are doing the hardest most important job in our society. Really? You think those tone-deaf, affluent, breeders are doing more important work than you are!?

I'm sort of an Oprah apologist, but she's been on my last nerve lately. Between the fat shame and the mom crap - did anyone see last Friday's ep about sexuality and desire? Another case of women do/like/think this and men do/like/think that. Oh, and we all do it because we want to have babies with each other (and we're all hetero, natch). I just can't believe there's so many people who still buy all that biological determinism crap - aren't we all more complicated than our genitalia?

stargazer
Yeah, I often found it interesting how Oprah will often be a champion of more traditional values while she, herself, has chosen to cohabitat and be childfree. Oprah can be totally extreme with her statements to get recognition. I usually take her being a mom as the hardest job a way to get recognition for a woman's role which garners little to no support. However, the women she had on her show seemed to be pretty affluent. I wish her show would've included a mention or someone would've said, "What about the fathers?" There is no excuse of some of those stories of peeing in a diaper while driving your kids or not bathing your kids. But, I'm sure there will be a follow up to the show. rolleyes.gif
candycane_girl
This episode sounds like it was pretty interesting. I wish I had been able to see it. My dad wasn't very involved in raising me and my brother. My mom was always the one to dress us, bathe us, feed us, etc. My dad was always busy and mostly I just remembering him taking us to the park and having barbecues in the summer. It seems funny to me now that he could never understand why my brother and I tend to be so much closer to our mom. I mean, maybe if he had been around more instead of having an unnecessary side job and basically being a workaholic we would have been able to form a bond.

Really, where are the dads?
sassy
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Apr 7 2009, 04:53 PM) *
This episode sounds like it was pretty interesting. I wish I had been able to see it. My dad wasn't very involved in raising me and my brother. My mom was always the one to dress us, bathe us, feed us, etc. My dad was always busy and mostly I just remembering him taking us to the park and having barbecues in the summer. It seems funny to me now that he could never understand why my brother and I tend to be so much closer to our mom. I mean, maybe if he had been around more instead of having an unnecessary side job and basically being a workaholic we would have been able to form a bond.

Really, where are the dads?


I had a great dad who parented me more than my mom. My parents divorced when I was 7-years-old and when I turned 15, I moved in with my dad. Up until that point, I was always over at his house if possible. My mom is so much like me that I cannot believe she had kids in the first place. She doesn't want grandkids and is estatic that my husband is getting the vasectomy. I think she is a great example of a mom who probably felt pressured to have kids, but maybe would have chosen otherwise if her generation had been more accepting of married couples without kids. I think the rise of the CBC movement will only result in more people jumping on the bandwagon as they realize that humans do not have to reproduce to live happy and fulfilling lives.
girltrouble
mom-discourse? um... syb? can i have your internet babies? sorry. couldn't resist. but i do think you are supreme.

i missed the whole not bathing the kids/dreaded hair thing, but i love the points that have been made here. i think it's kind of ironic--- their intent was to lessen the pressure to be the perfect mom, but in letting dad off the hook by erasing any male responsibility to child rearing, they reinforce gender roles and strengthen the mom-discourse, as syb so gracefully put it.

how funny that so many of us watched that ep. perhaps it just confirmed all the things we knew, or at least suspected.
raisingirl
I've been watching the Oprah show more than I ever have with my critical eyes and I am fascinated by its cultural implications. Prophecy, I didn't see that sexuality one. Steve Harvey was on recently with his book "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" and that reinforced gender stereotypes as well, but was advertised/presented in a similar vein of this motherhood show ("we'll explore the HIDDEN SECRETS and tell you THE TRUTH!" barfhood).

Was anyone else distracted by one of the guest's nonmoving forehead? Sigh. I don't know why I'm still thinking about that. It was disturbing (but not unexpected). The whole show was. I would still watch a followup to it (hope you're right with your prediction, Star).

Also, what is the excuse for these parents on the show not bathing or feeding their kids or forgetting to make dinner or whatever? I mean, what is going on all day?! What is more important than filling basic needs? What is taking priority over these things? Is it the culture of busyness that people like to brag about so much these days? What the hell is wrong with this picture? Parenthood involves sacrifice and I don't understand how someone in the course of their day can't be bothered or MAKE TIME to bathe their children or feed them decent meals. I mean, what and where are the priorities here? These are affulent people we're talking about and I don't think regular baths and meals are too much to ask for.
girltrouble
wait... you mean i can't go for lunch with becky, then tennis lessons and then shopping and drinks because i've got children? *throws her celly at her husband* i need a wife NOW, damn it! we're moving to utah!
pollystyrene
LOL, gt & raisin (and everyone else!)...I can understand a bath getting put off for a day or two- shit happens. I don't even have kids and there's weeks when I push off a shower because shit happens....but at no time in three weeks could you find a time to throw your kids in the bath? Seriously?

I think Oprah does stuff like this because she panders to her audience, who are mostly SAHM's, probably affluent ones at that. Seems like the only time she features truly middle-class people is when she wants you to feel sorry for them.

I really found the episode itself to be boring (I was mostly watching it for Heather Armstrong, and since she wasn't the focus, it was sort of a snoozefest for me), but obviously, it raised some good points here.
girltrouble
uh... i rarely watch oprah, but i would love a rip reading oprah thread... this was fun....
raisingirl
ahaha, GT. Just don't go getting your brow Botoxed or else I won't be able to see how upset you really are!

I was going to recommend a rip on Oprah thread, you mind-reader.
girltrouble
great minds, raisin.

heh.... we can totally rip on all of her spinoffs too... dr. phil, rachel ray, the drs...
*sees sugar plums doing the rumba*
auralpoison
Oh, for the love of Mike! Octomom's reality show: "In Touch editor Kim Serafin says the series will be a cross between John & Kate Plus 8 and The Bachelor." I hate to think what kind of fame hungry asshats will be lining up to date this obviously mentally ill woman.
angie_21
Ooh, can I rip on Oprah here then, since we've brought it up? I've never been an oprah watcher because I can't stand how she yells everything in that annoying voice and always asks the dumbest questions. Earlier this month I saw an ad for her show where she was talking about the recession and interviewing upper-middle class people who were now homeless because they were dumb enough to buy houses they couldn't afford. Every time the commericial came on, it was about how sad it was that upper middle class people, people who used to have everything, now are homeless. They just kept emphasizing the fact that they were rich people, as if that's what makes it a tragedy. Oh wait, what about the people who were always homeless? What about lower middle class people working their asses off not to be homeless, and who never had that beautiful house and SUV to begin with?

So yeah, she does pander to the SAHMs and the mindless, soap-opera watching demographics. I didn't see the show, but I agree, where were the dads in all this? If you brought it all on yourself by marrying rich and voluntarily becoming a trophy/baby-making machine, don't cry to us because your husband is an absentee father. (On the other hand, for single moms and all those other difficult situations out there, that is a different story!)
pollystyrene
Somewhat off-topic, but I have no sympathy for upper-middle class people who got crappy mortgages and are screwed now. They to knew what they were getting into. This whole argument that "no one had any idea that sub-prime mortgages could cause this level of economic disaster" is such bullshit. We bought our condo four years ago, and when we told our mortgage broker what our budget was, she was like, "Oh, I could get you approved for twice that much! Have you thought about one of these no-money-down, interest only mortgages? They're very popular now!" I had one semester of Consumers Education in high school and was smart enough to know that was a bad idea, reinforced by LeBoy's parents, who were helping us through the process, who said, "you don't want to do that!"

Several months later, I remember looking into sub-prime mortgages for friends who were considering buying, and I remember reading an article about them, saying that if they continue to be given out, it will have horrific effects on the economy when all these people who were given mortgages that shouldn't have qualified, mortgages where they have no equity and their payments will increase after a couple of years start having to pay the piper....and look what happened!

The people who I do feel sorry for are the poor people, possibly the first ones in their family to buy a house, who didn't have the background and support system that we had, who were prayed upon by the banks and mortgage people, who had false promises, misleading statements and outright lies told to them in order to get their money. That's who I feel sorry for. Not the person who went from the $400,000 house to the $1 million dollar house, with the Hummer and boat to go with it!
humanist77
amen, polly!
Lilacgypsy1
QUOTE(angie_21 @ Apr 8 2009, 10:04 AM) *
Ooh, can I rip on Oprah here then, since we've brought it up? I've never been an oprah watcher because I can't stand how she yells everything in that annoying voice and always asks the dumbest questions. Earlier this month I saw an ad for her show where she was talking about the recession and interviewing upper-middle class people who were now homeless because they were dumb enough to buy houses they couldn't afford. Every time the commericial came on, it was about how sad it was that upper middle class people, people who used to have everything, now are homeless. They just kept emphasizing the fact that they were rich people, as if that's what makes it a tragedy. Oh wait, what about the people who were always homeless? What about lower middle class people working their asses off not to be homeless, and who never had that beautiful house and SUV to begin with?

So yeah, she does pander to the SAHMs and the mindless, soap-opera watching demographics. I didn't see the show, but I agree, where were the dads in all this? If you brought it all on yourself by marrying rich and voluntarily becoming a trophy/baby-making machine, don't cry to us because your husband is an absentee father. (On the other hand, for single moms and all those other difficult situations out there, that is a different story!)


SAHMs? would someone please explain the acronym. sorry about the double post
humanist77
Stay At Home Mom smile.gif
pollystyrene
QUOTE(humanist77 @ Apr 8 2009, 01:12 PM) *
Stay At Home Mom smile.gif


Or Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker, if you're Dooce.
culturehandy
I'm also getting on the I hate Oprah badwagon. I can't STAND the woman. especially when it comes to world issues. Suddenly when Oprah says it's an issue, the SAHM takes it up as the cause du jour until some other "new" issues comes to light. PLUS her book club. I remember working in a bookstore, and people who would never pick up these books, picks them up because Oprah says so. PLEASE. No one can interpret Ulysses by James Joyce. and I've never had anyone, EVER come and ask me for William Faulkner until Oprah had one of her picks.
sybarite
Wordy mcword to your off-topic post polly. Same thing has happened over here and while people are still driving around in BMWs from 2007 or later I ain't got no sympathy.

And thanks, GT *blush* I know you know from discourse. smile.gif
stargazer
i agree with your sentiments, polly.

as for the oprah bashing, well, i can't get on that bandwagon. i like oprah. she can annoy me as all get out on some days. it is a shame that her target audience may be closed minded culturally, but, i am glad that an african american woman (who chooses to stay in a partnership and childfree) can present some new ideas to the mass public. plus, i think what she has done is pretty innovative in terms of taking the talk show format and pushing the envelope to broader areas of mass media. her cult is interesting because it is amazing how herd like people are to her--that they follow what she says. i think what she is doing is no different than any other white male in the business/marketing biz. i think oprah and martha get alot of flack for their success because they are women and have sparked something in SAHMs. at least, that's my take.

sorry for the added derailment, but, i thought i would jump in the pool too. wink.gif
girltrouble
i don't hate oprah, don't get me wrong, star. i think she does a LOT right. for blacks, brown kids, women, and hell, americans, that said, i think there is a lot to be taken apart in what she says, the content of her shows, and her spin off shows...and her book club? hell, even if people never read those books, she's subsidizing those artists, so i am all for it.

i just don't think she's a saint, and shows like the one the other day..... are just horrible.
culturehandy
Yes, she does do good work, still can't stand her.

angie_21
I am all for the book club, whoever picks them generally strikes a good balance between trendy and quality.

Check out today's episode - how the recession is hurting marriages because men are resentful when they lose their jobs and their wives become the breadwinners. Bah. More stereotype. God forbid women should have finiancial power in their relationships! Maybe men should just grow up.

Although - I think the two income household is a pretty big capitalist scam. Once a family could live on one income (in theory), now 2 people have to work their asses off to support a family and children.. so then who takes care of the home? No one. It's a huge drain on our personal lives, I think, it's just that it shouldn't always be women who are expected to stay at home
prophecy_grrl
I very much have a love-hate relationship with Oprah, so I think a deconstructing Oprah thread would be tres cool. As for yesterday's episode, I loathe that Gary Neuman guy. Every time he is on the show, it's about how women emasculate men (he did the one about how when men cheat, it's because their wives emasculate them and don't put out enough).

So, Carry Tennis answered a letter in Salon today from a women who does not want kids but her husband might: http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2009/04/...kids/index.html. I thought his answer was really good, dealing with how we find meaning in our life and shouldn't assume that children will provide it.

Does anyone remember that "Too Breed or Not to Breed" series that Salon did a few years ago? My favorite contribution is from Michelle Goldberg - I love this paragraph in particular:
"Other women say they feel a yearning for motherhood like a physical ache. I don't know what they're talking about. The daily depredations of child rearing, though, seem so viscerally real that my stomach tightens when I ponder them. A child, after all, can't be treated as a fantasy projection of my imagined self. He or she would be another person with needs and desires that I would be tethered to for decades. And everything about meeting those needs fills me with horror. Not just the diapers and the shrieking, the penury and career stagnation, but the parts that maternally minded friends of mine actually look forward to: the wearying grammar school theatrical performances. Hours spent on the playground when I'd rather be reading novels. Parent-teacher conferences. Birthday parties. Ugly primary-colored plastic toys littering my home."

word.
stargazer
prophecy, i just got to finish the salon article. i *LOVED* the answer given in this piece. One of the reasons, I've started posting in the CBC thread is because I find myself still contemplating if I want a child in the future. I've liked kids. I do well with them. I have a surprising amount of patience with them. I didn't really consider kids until a couple of years ago. I was pretty headstrong that I wanted them. But, lately, I've been wondering what is my intention with having a kid. That's why I really liked his response. I hope most people consider their intentions about having children. I guess for me...I've grown up with people who did not seem happy being parents. My folks didn't marry until the early 70s, but, while they got along, in the long term, they were a horrible match. My mom wanted a big family and my dad...well, I'm not sure he wanted a child in the first place. In fact, I've often felt a resentment from my mom about things she was not able to accomplish for herself in her life. I would really hate to do that to my child. I often laugh when people use the "I had kids young to get it over with." You know, when they are 18, it ain't over. You are a parent for life. It is a commitment. Shite, I moved back home at 33. It ain't over.

I remember being livid with the former bff when she said she wanted to start having kids 'cause it was the next thing to do after getting married and she would feel bored without having the wedding planning stuff in her life. I kinda went off that having children is not something you put on a to do list. You don't tell a child that I had you because I was bored with my life. That would make me feel wanted as a child. dry.gif
prophecy_grrl
Star - you should check out the book that Salon put together based on the "To Breed or Not to Breed" series: Maybe Baby. You are welcome to borrow my copy. I found the book very helpful in dealing with some of my feelings about parenthood. It helped me come to terms with my ambivalence - that it's OK to feel really conflicted and uncertain about it. My husband and I have talked ad nauseum about it and I think we're pretty much on the same page - he maybe leans a little toward "I might like a kid" and I lean more towards "probably not."

I know what you mean, though. I am so amazed by people who stumble into parenthood because "that's what you do," like they're on autopilot, no examination, discussion, etc.
girltrouble
i do find that line of thought scary, that it's just the next thing, or that that's just what you do. but a lot of people never question those messages society hands them. *shrugs* they just take it on faith and that's how they run their life. other people i think are afraid of questioning things... it just seems like a scary thing to be off in this no (wo)man's land without rules and guidelines. :/
stargazer
GT, Yeah, I think it is tough for people to step outside of the box to realize people want different things for themselves, like being childfree.

Prophecy, You are giving me too many book suggestions today! laugh.gif Add Maybe Baby to the Yes means Yes book. wink.gif
shiningstar8223
Hi Everyone,

I am new posting on here and I would like to ask everyone at what age did you know that you didn't want kids?


Thanks smile.gif
doodlebug
Hi shiningstar!

I knew I didn't want kids at a very young age, basically when I was in my early teens, but possibly even earlier....I know when I was a little girl (early '70s, smallish town), I was extremely annoyed at the inequality of family life, i.e.: women as servants to their families (it was very bad, equity-wise, even back then....my mom had a day job but was still responsible for all the housework and most of the childrearing). So I think I might have been a little triggered about the idea of parenting, even back then. But I think it really hit home around the age I started babysitting, and I hated it. I hated everything about managing little kids.

In my early 20s, I did think that I really wanted a kid, but in retrospect, it was a time in my life when I was desperately seeking meaning and purpose in my life, and the feeling passed. By the time I was 26, I knew absolutely for sure that kids were not for me. I've never changed my mind. I'm 40 now - time's just about up if I did want them, but I've actually grown more certain over the years that my decision was the right one. I'm dating an older man with grown kids - he's had a vasectomy and doesn't want more kids either, so it's a perfect fit (in more ways than that one, but you know what I mean).
shiningstar8223
Hi doodlebug,

Thanks for replying back.

I think I knew that I didn't want kids when I was a teenager. My mom pressured me to take birth control and I am so glad she did biggrin.gif. I am 26 now, turning 27 in the next two weeks and I am dead set on not having kids. I have seen first hand what it is like to be child free from a co-worker, she is 45, has no kids and she looks young for her age. She is very happy and content with her life, she can get up and go as she pleases I LIKE that.

I just got out of a two year relationship and I realised that I LOVE my independence and my freedom. I grew up living in the city, I love the city life. I can't see myself living in the suburbs and living in a house. I also want to travel and see the world, I can't do that if I have kids.

If I want something to nurture, in the future I could always get a kitten or a puppy biggrin.gif. I have close friends and family who are popping out little things, they could have them I sure don't.

I want this to be a permanent thing and I am already thinking of getting sterilized. cool.gif
angie_21
Prophecy, that paragraph from To Breed or Not to Breed sums it up pretty much perfectly. wow, it was like reading my own mind lol. I am in the exact situation, I lean towards "maybe not," but my bf's clock is ticking, I think, because he has been leaning more and more towards, "maybe we should" over the last year. My pet peeve is the idea that its "selfish" not to want to have kids. I think I'm just being realistic about what I want in life, and the real people who are selfish are the ones who rush into having a baby because babies are cute and trendy, and don't understand what they're getting themselves into, and then don't dedicate the proper care to their children. I don't want kids mostly because I know if I had them, my life as I know it would be over because I would dedicate every waking and sleeping hour of my life to caring for them, because I am a martyr and I know it.

I knew probably since I was 12 that I didn't want kids and marriage the way girls are supposed to, and I know it has a lot to do with the fact that I was taught by my family to be as independant as I could. But since graduating and moving out, and looking at my family with perspective, I realized how much resentment my mom has for all that she lost as a mom. She basically gave herself entirely to raising our family, and gave up her career path because they could only afford for one of my parents to finish school. She never ever let on while we were growing up, and it is pretty repressed, but I only hope she will be able to break free and do what she wants with her life now. But there's one main thing that terrifies me - my brother was a problem child and still is, and almost destroyed my parents' marriage. The stress of trying to raise him and always worrying about what trouble he is in and whether he was going to try to kill himself as he threatened to do, and whether he will ever have a job and be able to live on his own, it has all affected my parents so strongly and they have become very unhappy people. I don't want that to happen to me. Sometimes the idea of having kids gives me a wave of terror if I imagine raising a kid that turns out like he did.
stargazer
Shinystar, I never gave having kids a thought until my late 20s and it had nothing to do with a biological clock. It was more related to existential issues after my great grandfather died. Although, right now, I'm feeling ambivalent, "I could or I couldn't." I would definitely say that as I get older it is hard, at least for me, to shut out the majority who say you better rush to have kids before it's too late or find it odd that a woman wouldn't want to have kids. I'm hope you are finding the feedback here helpful. It would be great if you could introduce yourself in the Newbie thread. We encourage everyone new to the Lounge to introduce themselves and what brought them to the lounge. Thanks!

Angie, I understand the resentment in your mom that you speak of. Although, it could totally be my own projection, but I feel that way about my mom too. I don't question my ability to parent. I think I would make a good parent. I just know that being a parent is a big commitment, emotionally, physically, and financially. I guess I don't want to carry my own resentments and displace them onto a child. I know myself that when I'm ready for a change, I usually do make changes with ease.

It is interesting because in the past couple of years, I've met women in their 40s and 50s who chose to be childfree and single. I haven't had the talk about their choices to not make them feel awkward, but, it would be great to hear another perspective from women with a similar background as mine. To hear how they managed it and the feedback from others. To live their lives differently.
missladyj
When I was first married about the second or third year in I started to really feel the pressure to get pregnant. Previously I never gave having kids a second thought. NOw I am committed to being childfree and am lovin the IUD and not having to worry about it. I am so glad I didn't fall prey to what other people expected me to do and made a decision to not reproduce. Goin on nine years married sans crotchfruit and happy.
shiningstar8223
Thanks everyone for the wonderful feedback.

I have so many other reason's on why I don't want to have kids and it's a big list.

That's another thing I am worried about is that my aunts or other people are going to pressure me. It gives me more of a reason to make it permanent, like my tattoos. smile.gif
hellotampon
I've been feeling the biological urges since I was 21 or 22. They're a pain in the ass. Very hard to deal with, but also comfortable in a way. I still know that I don't want kids. I don't even like kids. I didn't even like my own childhood. Not to mention they're too expensive, I'd probably be a bad parent and find no joy in it, and the world is overpopulated enough. Thinking about having a kid literally makes me feel TIRED, not for me, but for the kid. It would probably inherit my shyness and introversion and anxiety and tendency towards depression.

I like being alone. I like spending time with my boyfriend alone. We went out last night, which we hardly ever do, and got home around 3:30 in the morning and went to bed. Around 9 the dog started barking incessantly, so I let him off his leash (I tie him to his bed at night). Then I went back to bed because I was tired and had a headache. The dog kept on slamming his water dish around. So I had to get up again. Then he kept coming into my room and getting into things. I said to my boyfriend "godddd can you imagine if we had a kid? This would be a million times worse. And we didn't even have to get a babysitter for the dog."
turbojenn
You know what I love - hanging out all day, doing not much of anything, then splitting a bottle of champagne with turbomann and having sex all over the apartment all afternoon/evening. Couldn't really do that with a kid (or at least not with alot of foreplanning). heh.

In my early 20s, when I was just getting into my career, I felt this insane pressure to reproduce, like I only had 9 years to make my career the best it could be, because once I was in my 30s, it would be all over when we had kids, and I'd be on the mommy-track. And then one morning, I woke up and realized how insane that was - that I didn't *have* to have kids...that I could make a different choice and be perfectly happy. It was such a huge revelation. I really haven't looked back since. Getting an IUD a couple months ago has been the most freeing milestone on the journey as well - I don't even have to think about BC anymore - it's amazing! And, my libido has kicked up a notch since getting off the BC, too, which is very nice indeed.

I think the great thing about being a woman now, is that any path is open to us - career, motherhood, career + motherhood...it's all good, so long as you're making the choice for yourself, and not for anyone else.
pollystyrene
Oh turbo, I'm so close to living that dream because we got the first lab test back and we're 100% FREE OF SPERM!!!!

HOORAY!!!

One more test around May 23rd before we resume....hell, start normal activities. Oh, I've got nine years of sex to catch up on. blink.gif

If I'm not around much at the end of May, y'all will know why.

Until then, he at least feels secure about non-intercourse stuff. Phew!
sassy
Yay, Polly!! wink.gif My husband's surgery is May 8th so I'm looking forward to sperm-free time soon myself.
hellotampon
When a guy gets a vasectomy does he still ejaculate? And if he does, does it look the same?
angie_21
From everything I've read, nothing really changes in that department. Also, supposedly that's the #1 question doctors get about vasectomies lol
doodlebug
I don't have a clue what Soulman was like before his vasectomy, because I didn't know him then, but everything is as normal as any other guy I've been with. With the added bonus of NO FEAR during sexual activity. smile.gif
pollystyrene
I learned ALL about this when I sat through the consultation with LeBoy for his- the sperm are made in the testes. The seminal fluid is made in the seminal vesicle. They're connected by the vas deferens. When they ejaculate, the sperm come up the vas deferens, pass by the seminal vesicle and out the urethra. A vasectomy just clips those vas deferens, so that all that comes out is the seminal fluid. The sperm are so minute in un-vasectomied ejaculate that you don't miss them when they're not there. I've heard that it tastes a little better afterwards because the sperm contain all the super-icky-tasting proteins. I mean, it won't taste like chocolate or anything, but at least not as strong. We have not tested this theory yet.
culturehandy
I've fucked men who've been fixed before, and in one case I certainly did notice the taste was much different, in the other, it was exactly the same.

as for consistency, it looks exactly the same.
hellotampon
thanks ladies. that's nice to know. My bf's excuse for not wanting a vasectomy is that he'll miss the white stuff. He thought it would be clear.
pollystyrene
See if there's a no needle/no scalpel option near you; tell him what LeBoy said- if you can't get it done with no needle and no scalpel, you are a total wuss.
stargazer
Article about CBC


Btw, Polly, Prophecy, and I posted this item within minutes of each other on crackbook. Ha!
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