Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Childfree by Choice!
The BUST Lounge > Forums > Friends and Family
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62
girltrouble
i dunno, candy, i think they should have allowed the mommies+babies in. it would make a good opportunity for babies to get drinks spilled on them, glass broken over their heads, and the moms, well that's the best part. i would have loved to have been there to hear them recieve the feedback they never wanted to hear: their baby centric blogs are utterly self-indulgent, uninteresting, and even if they were written in babytalk, their own children wouldn't want them for bed time stories.

skol!
thepointybird
Oh my god! That story is so ridiculous! Who the hell even attempts to bring a child to a cocktail party full of super-expensive camera equipment? How much do we want to bet that the women getting up in arms about babies not being allowed into this event would be the exact same women who would stand in holier-than-thou judgement if their heavily pregnant neighbour was seen enjoying a small glass of wine?
sassy
So I just had to share...on Saturday evening I went to a friend's bridal shower/party and one of the girls there brought her 5-month old daughter. After she arrived, the party seriously turned into passing the baby around for a few hours. Everyone was oohing and awwing over the baby and the whole time I'm wondering what genes I didn't get to make me realize that it isn't that much fun to pass a baby around. Someone even said, "We didn't need to plan any games, NAME could have just brought her baby." Gag.
thepointybird
Also, Sassy, I'm sure the bride-to-be was pissed off. It's supposed to be her turn for attention, her life change that's being celebrated. Presumably the mother of this baby already had a baby shower whilst pregnant?

I don't understand cooing over babies either. I hate it when colleagues bring in their newborns and every other woman in the office apart from me turns into this gurning, clucky mess who's suddenly incapable of speaking English. Meanwhile I'm just looking at the ugly, fleshy lump, seeing Winston Churchill in a nappy, praying it doesn't start caterwauling and simultaneously wondering how long I have to feign interest in order to seem polite.
pollystyrene
Pfft, because those bridal shower games are so much fun, too. Better than baby shower games, I guess. At least there's usually booze at a bridal shower. But yeah, passing a baby around is no fun either.

Better not be any babies at my bridal shower. Yuck. And then that stupid "for every ribbon you break, it's another baby!" I'm going to make an announcement that for every one I break, it's another year I'm putting off having a baby (since not everyone in the family knows it's physically impossible for us to have kids), then break every single one of them. Ha ha ha ha!

sassygrrl
Yeah I was at a picnic this weekend, and people were cooing over this baby. I didn't, and people actually stared at me. People kept saying: Isn't he cute?? Pointybird, that happened once at work. I was disgusted. Bleh.

Oh, god. I hate those stupid bridal shower games. I went to one once, and I could all the bride wanted to really do is open her gifts and drink.

thepointybird
Thankfully I'm in the UK and we don't really go in for bridal and baby showers that much - I've never been to one of either in my life. Unfortunately, the new-parent-colleague thing is rampant in my office, seems that the people in this company are such a bunch of breeders! We've had about 7 babies come into the office since I've been working here. It feels like just about every month there's a money collection going round to buy gifts for colleagues' babies too. I point-blank refuse to put money into these. I can barely afford to eat on my wage, so I really resent paying to buy your crotch fruit a cutesie, overpriced onesie.
candycane_girl
I'm not going to lie, I like holding little babies. I tend to think that they're cute and they can be kind of funny. But lately I just haven't felt like oohing and awing over anything (see the letter thread). It's like, okay, you had a baby that's great but I'm not really that excited for you.

pointybird, I think it's kind of offensive to have a money collection for colleagues' kids! Granted, I'm not opposed to baby showers so maybe that makes me a hypocrite. But really, it's not the same as having your close friends over for a small party where they can give you gifts.

Recently one of my engaged friends had a bridal shower and I missed it by just one day (I no longer live in our hometown). At first I had really thought about going but then I just didn't feel like it and I realized that I didn't really care. I don't know if this is a permanent change or what but lately thoughts of weddings and babies are just blahhhh.
pollystyrene
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Jul 28 2009, 11:01 AM) *
[color=#800080]I'm not going to lie, I like holding little babies. I tend to think that they're cute and they can be kind of funny. But lately I just haven't felt like oohing and awing over anything (see the letter thread). It's like, okay, you had a baby that's great but I'm not really that excited for you.


Agreed- when they're little and go for longer periods of time being quiet, they're fine. Once they get old enough to squirm and make noise- forget it. But I wouldn't hold a baby just because it was there- it's fine when it belongs to close friend/family.
stargazer
QUOTE(girltrouble @ Jul 28 2009, 02:05 AM) *
i dunno, candy, i think they should have allowed the mommies+babies in. it would make a good opportunity for babies to get drinks spilled on them, glass broken over their heads, and the moms, well that's the best part. i would have loved to have been there to hear them recieve the feedback they never wanted to hear: their baby centric blogs are utterly self-indulgent, uninteresting, and even if they were written in babytalk, their own children wouldn't want them for bed time stories.

skol!


I agree, GT. They missed an opportunity to reenact the children's party where Sadie Frost's baby accidentally downed ecstasy. In fact, I thought HDB thought the scene at the party was lame and hoping to find prescription drugs instead. wink.gif
designermedusa
I went to a baby shower once, but only because I was promised there would be an amazing pina colada cake. The cake made it worth it.

I dread when people bring their children to the office. I used to work with a pretty cool guy that swore he'd never bring his baby in to visit, but he caved one day.
sassy
QUOTE(thepointybird @ Jul 28 2009, 01:46 PM) *
Also, Sassy, I'm sure the bride-to-be was pissed off. It's supposed to be her turn for attention, her life change that's being celebrated. Presumably the mother of this baby already had a baby shower whilst pregnant?

I don't understand cooing over babies either. I hate it when colleagues bring in their newborns and every other woman in the office apart from me turns into this gurning, clucky mess who's suddenly incapable of speaking English. Meanwhile I'm just looking at the ugly, fleshy lump, seeing Winston Churchill in a nappy, praying it doesn't start caterwauling and simultaneously wondering how long I have to feign interest in order to seem polite.


The bride-to-be is actually like the nicest girl I have ever met, so she probably wasn't mad. But yes, it was annoying. Just because you have a baby and some girls are into that, doesn't mean everyone is.

And babies at the work place is annoying as well. I just started working at a different job and my first week there, a girl brought in her young baby who preceded to throw up on the mom's back and down her shirt while we were having a lunch meeting. Gross!
treehugger
Gah. What I hate about the whole cluster of people passing a baby around, is that they inevitably want to plop it into my arms. I have to seriously back away and say over and over that I don't want to hold it! Grrr...

I know this is going to happen to me in September, when I go to my cousin's wedding...there's another new one in the family.
thepointybird
I normally just say "No, I won't if you don't mind, I don't have much experience of babies and I'm a bit nervous about holding them". Most new parents are protective enough that the implied threat of you dropping their precious cargo is scary as feck!
treehugger
LOL pointybird....(building on yours, of course)....

"oh...no (hic)...I've had a couple too many vodka tonics....(hic)...oh, where is that umberella, I mean baby? it's raining, I WANNA HOD MM BABY!!" (hic)...

hehe...
pollystyrene
Shudder.
thepointybird
Arrrghhhaghhhhhhhhrhghghghgh!!!! Pics of pregnant bellies are one thing, but who on earth wants to watch your birth video online? I will tell you who. Exactly no-one. That shit is nas-ty.

On a side note, one of my main reasons for not wanting kids was being forced to watch a birthing video in school at the age of 14. I threw up. It was seriously traumatic. I think they thought it might be a good way to make us think twice about having unprotected sex. Apparently it worked - not one girl in my year at school ended up having a child before her mid-20s, in spite of the fact that we were living in a borough which at that time had the highest rate of teen pregnancy in Western Europe.
hellotampon
Wasn't there a link in here a while back to a blog that made fun of trashy teen parents? Does anyone have it?
humanist77
http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com/

the last several are terrible-the baby and the snake, the woman who's breast feeding (her 3 year old?) with a rifle, and the kid on the leash. Not to mention the two obviously teenage girls...blech :P
culturehandy
Oh dear!!!! Who sends video of the birth to their friends??? EEEEEEEEEEEEEck!!!
stargazer
Polly, I think that's hilarious. I actually have a thing for bellies, pregnant bellies, people who are slightly overweight with a little pouch. I once told a friend that I wanted to rub Frank Black's belly. I have really poor boundaries around pregnant women. I was so happy when my one friend's wife was appreciative of the belly rub.

Now, I don't want to see the birthing tape of a friend. Unless, they do it like on TLC's Baby story where they don't show the vajayjay being shown. I saw that angle in my bio. class freshman year in HS. Like pointybird, I was traumatized. blink.gif
humanist77
gawd in my prenatal massage class, I had to watch at least 5 birthing videos, and these ones were way more up close and graphic than those fuzzy, dated ones they show in health class. I was also so traumatized. These women's vadges were literally being torn apart-it was horrific. The moment when the head breaks through to its full width fucked with my brain-like how is that even POSSIBLE??! I know it stretches, but I swear, not THAT much!! How could any woman want to do this more than once??

On another related issue, my boy and I had a somewhat serious discussion the other night. Not exactly about having kids or not, but...he says that the only thing that concerns him about me is that he thinks my disdain for children has actually crossed over into hatred. His reasoning is not specifically how I react to them, but the fact that he's never heard me say anything remotely positive about any children, in general or specifically, which he believes it means that I must hate them as a whole. I was offended by his assessment-I don't hate any creature (except centipedes, eeeeeeeek!), child or adult; I just don't think hatefulness is in me (except for centipedes tongue.gif).

I told him he was wrong, that I would know whether I felt so strongly for it to actually be Hate, and in that case I wouldn't deny it. I was a bit pissed off, not just that he'd accuse me of this, but that he wouldn't let up even after I told him it wasn't true-as if I don't know myself well enough (or as if he knows me better than I do) to know whether I hate a whole category of people or not. I let it go because he eventually said that he could be wrong, but until I prove that, he'll believe what he wants.

Have any of you ever been accused of hating children?
candycane_girl
I am actually a bit disappointed that I didn't get to see birthing videos like that in high school. We saw some kind of birthing videos (but it was in an optional class in my senior year) and it still didn't show everything. However, it did show a woman who had a home birth and spent the whole damn time naked, even after the birth when she was calling family members to tell them about the baby.
humanist77
oh dear lord.
angie_21
That "why do you have a kid" website just terrifies me. How screwed up are all those kids going to be when they grow up?

Although, the news report posted on May 20th just pisses me off. I think it is a massive breach of that woman's privacy. Clearly she has a horrible drug problem and is suffering from a lot of other problems, and for the police to be reporting all the details of her life before she has even been to court, with her name and photo broadcasted to the world, is very very wrong. I don't care how horrible of a parent you are, the poor & disadvantaged have rights just like the rest of us.
thepointybird
Oh my god Humanist, that is just too disgusting for words. WTF is wrong with people? On the fucking table in a restaurant, which more than likely had baby changing facilities anyway? Euch. Actually, yesterday I went to visit my lovely ex bf, and as we were walking out of his flat we saw that someone had dumped a dirty nappy right on the street. Just chucked it right on the pavement, even though there was a litter bin about 5 feet away. I just cannot comprehend what makes people so foul.

Also, those pre-natal videos sound awful. I actually got into an argument with a friend once because I was trying to explain my tokophobia to her - she was basically acting like I was just being such a wuss, women have been doing this for centuries etc etc. And the crux of her argument was that tokophobia is not an acceptable reason for not wanting kids - after all, the vaginal tearing doesn't happen to every woman. I know that's true, but my outlook on it is this - unless I can have a cast-iron, 100% guarantee that it won't happen to me, I ain't taking the chance! A friend of mine told me that when his wife was giving birth to their daughter, the doctor actually asked her "Would you like us to cut you or would you prefer to tear naturally?" THAT is a choice I never want to be given!

pollystyrene
QUOTE(thepointybird @ Aug 3 2009, 03:41 AM) *
Oh my god Humanist, that is just too disgusting for words. WTF is wrong with people? On the fucking table in a restaurant, which more than likely had baby changing facilities anyway? Euch. Actually, yesterday I went to visit my lovely ex bf, and as we were walking out of his flat we saw that someone had dumped a dirty nappy right on the street. Just chucked it right on the pavement, even though there was a litter bin about 5 feet away. I just cannot comprehend what makes people so foul.

Also, those pre-natal videos sound awful. I actually got into an argument with a friend once because I was trying to explain my tokophobia to her - she was basically acting like I was just being such a wuss, women have been doing this for centuries etc etc. And the crux of her argument was that tokophobia is not an acceptable reason for not wanting kids - after all, the vaginal tearing doesn't happen to every woman. I know that's true, but my outlook on it is this - unless I can have a cast-iron, 100% guarantee that it won't happen to me, I ain't taking the chance! A friend of mine told me that when his wife was giving birth to their daughter, the doctor actually asked her "Would you like us to cut you or would you prefer to tear naturally?" THAT is a choice I never want to be given!


At least they gave her a choice. I'd like to say it's probably better now, but it's probably not- the doctors probably give you the option, but guise episiotomies as something that's medically necessary, when in actuality, it's just more convenient for them, and a natural tear heals better for the woman....sorry, this probably isn't helping your phobia. As a feminist, even though I'm fiercely CBC, I'm massively pissed off about what the mainstream medical community has done to pregnancy and childbirth.
culturehandy
I think my genitals have recoiled permanently in horror.
girltrouble
i dunno humanist, women who don't care for children has always been a plus in my book. i like them better as friends or dating. they tend to have a more sharp wit. the polar opposite is worse. i have a friend who is baby crazy, has been as long as i've known her. she scares me.

speaking of which, i watched baby mama today, i don't know what i was expecting but after the 5th baby i was close to shutting it off. there is something about baby worship that just pisses me off. i think i thought it was gonna be less baby heavy, more about before the baby arrives. gah. then my hangover hit, and i fell asleep.
i never thought i'd say this, but thank maude for hangovers.
auralpoison
Huh. I actually thought it was pretty funny. Whenever somebody isn't really listening to me I apologize for farting in their purse. I have also had a pretty good laugh pre-coitus when we were hunting the lube & I asked if we couldn't just spray a little Pam down there & get it over with.
girltrouble
maybe i slept thru the good parts. tongue.gif


or maybe i'm just squeamish about babies. really, i get annoyed with more than 5 babies, and those opening shots of everyone turning into a baby. just ick. i really hate any sort of baby worshiping, garsh aren't babies the end all, kind of business. it works my nerves.
angie_21
Actually polly, I'm thrilled to finally have an answer to the tearing thing, I'd always heard of women having the doctors cut them and thought, wouldn't that just encourage further tearing anyways? Good to know. But why does that make it easier for the doctor?

pointybird, I saw the exact same thing last weekend at a park, someone had left their toddler's (oh yeah, it was a large one) poopy diaper on the rim of a recylcing bin, when there was a garbage can literally three steps away. WTF. if you're that freakin lazy, how did you even drag your children and your lazy ass to the park in the first place? come on, at least put it all the way into ANY bin so no one has to look at it!
thepointybird
QUOTE(culturehandy @ Aug 3 2009, 07:07 PM) *
I think my genitals have recoiled permanently in horror.


Seriously. It's really the most disgusting thing I can think of. I know C-Sections are hardly a walk in the park, but for some reason, the idea of that doesn't frighten me anywhere near as much as the idea of vaginal tearing does. I feel alternately nauseous and faint when I think about it.

GT & Humanist, I also love women who don't have much time for kids. Unfortunately, I don't know too many of them, which is why I love hanging out with you lot so much!
angie_21
I guess to me, that doesn't seem too bad after everything else your body goes thru over 9 months. What I'm absolutely terrified of is the thing where your uterus collapses after a few babies because your internal muscles can't hold it up anymore! Sure, tearing is bloody and messy... but the idea of my internal organs peeking out my vagina is too, too gross. Honestly, that should be something they tell you about if they really want to prevent teen pregnancy.
culturehandy
I was in bed thinking about this thread the other night and thought that I do not want a large baby coming out of my vagina. Then I became rather horrified thinking about how stretchy and painful it would be.

I get that all creatures have babies, doesn't mean that this creature does. nor does this creature think it's beautiful. I think it so horrifying! Oooooooooooooh yes, having to be cut open to a baby's big ass head can come out a vagina? Yah, really fuckin' beautiful.
thepointybird
Hahaa, I was recently watching a live stand-up comedy DVD of controversial Scottish comedian Franke Boyle, and he said "There's nothing like watching a woman give birth to make you appreciate the wonder - the miracle really - of contraception". I shall be borrowing that!
culturehandy
Now this is how you deal with a screaming child. Aside from drowning it. Or leaving it.

No sound, thank goodness.
thepointybird
That is priceless, Culturehandy!

Tantrums, reason number 27 why I don't want kids.
period_monster
Pokes head in to ask a question----

I'm teaching a class this upcoming semester that deals with issues of (non)reproduction. Are there any childfree websites/books that those who consider themselves a part of the childfree movement endorse?

Thanks and sorry for the interruption!
Persiflager
*delurks*

Funny clip.

*relurks*
stargazer
Dude, this this article had me cracking up so much, from the picture to the last sentence. Btw, I have no sympathy for people with children who complain about the costs of having said children. Then, say how privileged I am to have extra money and free time to myself. Um, yeah, maybe you should've thought of that before having children. Like one of the comments in this article, I appreciate people who relaxed and not grandiose about being a parent.
candycane_girl
Let me get this straight. L.A. has taco trucks? Seriously?! Taco trucks! Are they around in other parts of the states? I wish Canada had taco trucks.
turbojenn
My friends, you will love this one: Pregnant Women are Smug.

Enjoy. smile.gif
designermedusa
lol@pregnant women are smug. Seriously I was laughing out loud.
girltrouble
oh candy, there was a radio report i hear about how taco/ food trucks are the new thing for up and coming chefs. they often have a hard time getting a loan from a bank for their first restaurant (it's a huge risk), so they've been borrowing money from friends and buying food trucks. even more established chefs are doing it, since the profit margin is greater. but yeah, most big cities have taco trucks, soul food trucks, there's a corn truck/hut in west seattle with great grilled corn on the cob almost year round.
/derail
thirteen
QUOTE(thepointybird @ Aug 4 2009, 08:08 AM) *
Hahaa, I was recently watching a live stand-up comedy DVD of controversial Scottish comedian Franke Boyle, and he said "There's nothing like watching a woman give birth to make you appreciate the wonder - the miracle really - of contraception". I shall be borrowing that!


Oh, that is great. laugh.gif I am so, so happy to be child-free-- but of course nobody in my family really takes my decision seriously. They say a lot of things like, "You're still young..." and "Never say never..."

Never mind that I have known for at least 10 years that I do not want to be a mother. Never mind that I value my independence, my free time, way too much to be wholly devoted to anyone else-- and that I struggle with mental illness. Never mind that I hate messes and noise and fussing and being asked questions over & over. Oh, no-- forget all that because... "You'll change your mind! Never say never! You are still so young!" &c. They just keep on mechanically repeating the same cliches, robot-wise. Sometimes I imagine them shorting out, electrical sparks and all.

If not raised properly, children can become horrid & bratty. For example, my 7-year-old niece physically attacked me last week because I told her she could not play video games that day (after she made some really snotty remarks). Terrible!

Another thing that bothers me about kids is this: They say the most brutal, devastating things-- it is not cute at all. There is nothing worse than hearing a little high-pitched voice go on and on about a stranger in the grocery store who "looks weird" or "smells funny". You cannot get them to be quiet, really, because they don't comprehend it is wrong to say such things. Horribly embarrassing. It is even worse when they make fun of you, which is basically inevitable. Ugh!!
gravy.jane@gmail.com
QUOTE(thirteen @ Aug 9 2009, 07:19 PM) *
Oh, that is great. laugh.gif I am so, so happy to be child-free-- but of course nobody in my family really takes my decision seriously. They say a lot of things like, "You're still young..." and "Never say never..."

Never mind that I have known for at least 10 years that I do not want to be a mother. Never mind that I value my independence, my free time, way too much to be wholly devoted to anyone else-- and that I struggle with mental illness. Never mind that I hate messes and noise and fussing and being asked questions over & over. Oh, no-- forget all that because... "You'll change your mind! Never say never! You are still so young!" &c. They just keep on mechanically repeating the same cliches, robot-wise. Sometimes I imagine them shorting out, electrical sparks and all.

If not raised properly, children can become horrid & bratty. For example, my 7-year-old niece physically attacked me last week because I told her she could not play video games that day (after she made some really snotty remarks). Terrible!

Another thing that bothers me about kids is this: They say the most brutal, devastating things-- it is not cute at all. There is nothing worse than hearing a little high-pitched voice go on and on about a stranger in the grocery store who "looks weird" or "smells funny". You cannot get them to be quiet, really, because they don't comprehend it is wrong to say such things. Horribly embarrassing. It is even worse when they make fun of you, which is basically inevitable. Ugh!!


Thank you for your post. I am a 31yr old who had my tubes tied at age 22. I knew that I would never have kids either. Everything you wrote is exactly how I felt and still do. It was the best decision I have ever made. This world is filling up with morons having more morons. It is disgusting! People are horrible! It does not get any better than this. I just don't want to sugar coat it for you like what happened to me. I was sheltered my whole life and I also suffer from mental illness. I understand completely. I wish you the best of luck! Hang in there you are not totally alone.
treehugger
okay, to continue the derail....is a "taco truck" a west coast way of saying "food cart"? Cause we've got those. Or am I missing something?
roseviolet
Tree, just do a Google image search for "taco truck" and you'll see what everyone is talking about. Sadly, they do not drive through neighborhoods like ice cream trucks. They're simply parked in an obliging parking lot. We have a few of them in the town where I live. They pop up late at night on the weekends in the nightclub & bar district. We also have a burger truck and a cupcake truck, but they're usually found near the universities during the week and around the farmers market on Saturday mornings.
auralpoison
In middle America we have what is summarily referred to as the "Roach Coach". Ice Cream & Mexican food mostly, in Denver there were a variety of diff carts. Couple years ago, Eric Bachman of Archers of Loaf fame actually sold these kickass Cuban sandwiches two blocks from my place. Damn. A Cuban sandwich would rock right now.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2014 Invision Power Services, Inc.