Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Childfree by Choice!
The BUST Lounge > Forums > Friends and Family
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62
treehugger
yeah, I guess I could've Googled it, but I wanted to hear my lovely Bustie's takes on it. It seems like it's basically a food cart, like we have. Except ours are usually little bitty trailers, not mobile in and of themselves. Parked on random street corners.

And AP, I just love that! "roach coach"!
angie_21
Oooh man I wish there was a taco truck in my city. We do have a fried chicken cart downtown that is apparently extremely popular. Food is always better out of a cart, preferably either fried or frozen.

I'm scared to get my tubes tied. I've heard awful horror stories about it. If we ever go for surgery, sweetie is getting the snip-snip, not me. There are far less vasectomy horror stories in the world, and hey, I messed up my body enough with hormonal BC already. I kinda can't wait to turn 30 and say, yep, still don't want them, and get it over with and never have to worry about birth control again... unfortunately, I do want to wait until at least then, just in case I get bored or win the lottery or something and change my mind (can't think of any other reason I'd cave in and actually let a few little brats take over my bank account & the rest of my life)

Anyone know anything about the "reversible" vasectomy?
treehugger
hey, angie.

I had my tubes tied and my whole story was lucky enough to survive the move to this forum. Go all the way back to the very beginning of the thread...it's within a page or two of the last page. If you're interested...I'm glad I did it.

ETA: Right around page 136.
angie_21
Thanks treehugger, I found it! I never even thought about the pain after surgery, I didn't realize it would be that intense. Did you ever think you had any side effects, after the healing was over? I worked with a woman who went into premature menopause after getting her tubes tied, because one of her ovaries basically shriveled up afterwards. Nothing like that happens after a vascetomy (I hope!)
treehugger
side effects after the surgery...well, it seemed like my periods were heavier than normal for about six months. But, I'm 42 and my periods are getting weird anyway, so....

But other side effects...none that I can tell.
thepointybird
Y'all, I'm hoping you will all have a drink with me tonight to celebrate my negative pregnancy test this morning! A bit of background - I had a weekend fling with a cutie about 6 weeks back, and even though I am on the pill and we used condoms, I became convinced I might have been knocked up, due to me getting some weird symptoms that I had when I was last pregnant (bear in mind also that my last pregnancy many moons ago was the after-effect of a broken condom and a failed morning after pill! I aborted.) But test was taken this morning and I'm all in the clear, thank Maud. I too am also considering getting my tubes tied, I'm so paranoid about pregnancy. When I was with my ex I took a test every month, even though I was on the pill, so fearful am I of being knocked up. It doesn't help that my friend recently had her first baby, completely unplanned, and didn't even know she was pregnant until almost 5 months in, whereby it was too late to abort. And she was using Depo Provera! I just don't think I'm ever going to be able to completely relax about sex until I can make damned sure there's no chance of conception. Off to do some research....
candycane_girl
Ack, 5 months?! Is depo provera one of those ones that eliminates your period? One of the reasons I like being on the pill is because I still get a period every month. I figure it's my way of knowing that I'm not pregnant.

I've had two pregnancy scares. Well, kind of, I think they were more just me being paranoid. The first one was because my period was really late but that was because I had just gone back on the pill and I didn't time it properly. The second one was earlier this year when I started throwing up rather regularly for no apparent reason.
culturehandy
CCG, I agree! I've heard about a number of women getting pregnant while using depo...
thepointybird
QUOTE(culturehandy @ Aug 14 2009, 02:13 PM) *
CCG, I agree! I've heard about a number of women getting pregnant while using depo...


Me too, and it seems weird - usually contraception fails when it's taken incorrectly, and unless you get your dates really wrong you can't really take Depo incorrectly, can you? I took it for around 9 months but stopped because after the 3rd time I got the injection, I was bleeding pretty much every day, not like heavy period bleeding, but quite bad spotting, and it was just a royal pain in the ass having to always use liners/towels. But I find most hormonal bc to be a pain in the ass in some way or other!
pollystyrene
I don't think I've ever heard of anyone having a good experience on Depo- they either get pregnant or the side effects are so awful (bleeding for weeks, pain, etc.) that they go off ot after a few rounds.
doodlebug
TPB, what time will the drinkin' happen? I'm performing tonight, I'll have one on stage to celebrate your barrenness. wink.gif

I had a scare recently, too - it's my paranoia in action. Even though Soulman has had a vasectomy, and my periods are regular as clockwork, my co-workers (who were teasing me) almost had me convinced that it was still possible for me to be pregnant! (Failed vasectomies, women with mid-pregnancy bleeding, etc.) I had nausea and back pain, basically, which turned out to be a tiny kidney stone in motion. But I was FREAKED! I almost bought a PG test kit. So dumb, huh?
turbojenn
Not dumb at all doodle! Now that I've got the IUD, and I don't quite know exactly *when* MRG will show up, I usually spend a couple days of paranoia every month, even though it's highly unlikely that I'd be preggo. The one nice thing about the BCP was that I knew exactly when to expect MRG. But it's a fair trade to give that up for less worry and no hormones!
roseviolet
TPB, I raise my white russian to you! Congrats!
treehugger
See, I loooooved being on Depo! No periods and I felt great! I gained a little weight but it was okay because I was underweight to begin with. My doctor took me off it because my other medication for my brain injury causes ostereoposis and so does depo. But if I could, I'd get back on it today.
crazyoldcatlady
QUOTE
I too am also considering getting my tubes tied, I'm so paranoid about pregnancy. When I was with my ex I took a test every month, even though I was on the pill, so fearful am I of being knocked up.


me too.

CBC-related cobs/observations:

i was watching a couple carry around a newborn today in the corridors at work today, and i notice that *everyone* seems to knee-jerk smile or "ooo" or "aww" at it; it's almost expected. i wish not to do any of that, but i think that the culture is that if you don't, you're being rude.

also, someone at work got "congratulated" for being pregnant again. i understand that this may apply to people who want children and may have been trying for a while. but for the most part, most women have no problem conceiving. i also happen to know that for this particular person, the gestation is an "accident". it just seems weird that we're congratulating women for something that happens (for the most part) without general effort. and "congratulations" seems to imply that work has been done and has resulted in success.


is this all too anti-social for me to think this?
candycane_girl
cocl, I understand where you're coming from! I mean, on one hand I can understand getting congratulated on a pregnancy when the couple wants kids and they're excited about having a child. But when it comes down to it it's kind of like saying, "Congrats, you had sex and nature took its course!"

Another thing that bugs me about pregnancy is that women these days seem to have it down to an exact science. They keep track of when they're ovulating, take tests to find out when they're most fertile, take their internal temperature, etc. Whatever happened to "let's get it on" ? I just don't see how getting pregnant is that difficult unless there is an actual medical problem.

Yesterday cc_boy and I went down to the beaches district which is like Toronto's yuppie central. Million dollar homes, kids that go to Montessori schools, yummy mummys and people with SUV strollers. I felt like we bonded over our shared dislike of screaming children. We got burgers at a place that is really good but also really family oriented and before long there were more families with their kids screaming about how they wanted balloons, they want this, they want that, etc. Then later we were looking for a bench to sit on and I suggested we sit on one near a playground and cc_boy said, "You really want to sit near a bunch of screaming 5 year olds?" I laughed and we kept walking.
thepointybird
Ta everyone - I had many drinks, glad you were all celebrating with me!

Weirdly enough, I spent Saturday evening at a friend's bbq & her 3yo neice was there - the kid was actually good fun and pretty cool to hang out with. But I was still glad to pass her back to her dad & mum at the end of the night, y'know? I think the fact that she's really, really cute helped, much as that makes me sound ridiculously shallow.
angie_21
Yikes. My boyfriend's friends have 2 adorable girls, about 6 years old, and we love spending time with them. Yesterday, though, the mother said, "it's too bad that by the time you guys have kids, ours will be almost teenagers and they won't be able to play together!" Now, this girl is a total sweetheart and I know it was an innocent comment and she wasn't even necessarily assuming we would have kids at all. And it's a discussion I've already had with my sweetie anyways, once all our friends started getting pregnant. But it kinda hit me, like, whoa, is everyone I know assuming we're gonna have kids in a few years? Are our families & friends just waiting with baited breath for more rugrats to pass around at family gatherings, and to keep the other rugrats occupied? Oh my god.

Haha I hate the end of the month drama. When I was off the pill for a year I was freaking out almost every month thinking I was pregnant (I tend to have 30-day cycles, which makes me feel abnormal anyways, but due to a lot of school stress my peroids were consistently showing up a week or two "late"). It was part of the reason I went back on the pill until recently. Now I'm tracking my cycles so that I know when my peroid should be showing up. I know approximately when I ovulate now, and always make sure to be extra careful around that time, and I know not to expect my peroid until 2 weeks after that. So even if I'm a week late for a typical 28-day cycle, it doesn't scare me anymore and I don't spend a ton of money on pregnancy tests lol

I always just play along with the congratulating and the "aww"-ing, just to be polite. No point in calling my anti-maternal instinct to everyone's attention. It's annoying, I always kind of think, why are you bringing your kid in to work and taking a whole afternoon to do jack-all, when the rest of us are trying to get work done? I hate it when people do it on their own work time, so they're getting paid to do nothing but wander around the office and chat while other people babysit their kid. Grr.

Pointy, I always noticed that well-behaved, happy children seem a lot cuter than unhappy/screaming/bratty ones, so it doesn't sound shallow to me.
sassy
So at lunch at work the other day, one of the women who had recently had her second child was talking to a childless woman about how it changes your life. "You don't really get to go out until they're three or four because you are worried about them all the time. And you never have sex anyone." Then she said she better be quiet or nobody would want to have kids at my work. tongue.gif
anarch
X-posted in Maybe Baby:

This could be our last child-free year. What should we do/enjoy?
angie_21
QUOTE(anarch @ Aug 19 2009, 01:01 PM) *



Am I a total bitch for wanting to track down artychoke and give he a severe talking to for being proud of bringing an 18-month-old to lord of the rings? I mean seriously? You would actually admit to this?

Honestly though, how would you ever have to ask such a question? Immediately about 3000 answers spring to mind.
sassy
I like this one "Wander around aimlessly, chatting and carrying very little." It's true, though. One thing that absolutely scares me about kids is how much stuff you need for them. Too much stuff.

And here is an interesting article: http://greeninc.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/...mpact/?emc=eta1

And I love this comment on the above article: "Children are not pollution; children are people. Every child is a blessing for his parents, his family and his entire society. This article is a joke, right? If there aren't going to be any more people, what's the point of saving the planet. It's not as if cockroaches care how many greenhouse gases are in the atmosphere.

The very first commandment God gave people was to be fruitful and multiply. You don't have to be a religious fanatic to believe that an aversion to children is insanity."

Yikes!
auralpoison
I'm not a big fan of Zellweger, but this made me smile today:

"'Hollywood actress Renee Zellweger is re-evaluating the possibility of starting her own family following a babysitting nightmare - comparing motherhood to "slavery".

The single 40-year-old star hasn't ruled out having her own kids but admits she was exhausted after tending to her needy niece and nephew for a single evening.

She explains, "My brother has two children now, so I've been playing aunt Renee. They're two and four. It's chaos. Moms out there, kudos to you. The cool thing about being an aunt is like, I can leave. No offence to my big brother Drew, but that is slavery. I dare you to take a shower. You can't do anything unless they let you. It's a dictatorship. They're little dictators in their crib.'"
hellotampon
lol wow! I wonder how many mothers are going to get all pissed and boycott her films now. Maybe they'll take it even further and amp up the slavery comment.
culturehandy
heh. Me likey the comment. It's totally true. I recall one time when I was tending to my ex bf's nephew, so she could eat dinner. Goddess forbid her husband do it, but I was pooped after taking care of the little stinker for an hour.
candycane_girl
There has already been some backlash against the Renee comment. I don't know what website it was but they posted the story of what she said and then added the commentary that a woman who doesn't want kids doesn't deserve to be a woman. Because we're all just meant to be baby factories, of course.
thepointybird
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/38485570.html

What an arsehole.
auralpoison
Okay. So I am not a real woman because I haven't been dreaming of having a baby since the moment I was conceived? WTF? Having a baby is a CHOICE not a fucking requirement. What does Kumar say? "Just because you're hung like a bear doesn't mean you have to do porn."
thepointybird
The thing that particularly bugs me about this attitude is this - why is no-one ever saying "he doesn't want kids, he's not a real man"? Last time I looked we still needed input from a male and a female to procreate.
angie_21
There are a lot of similar comments about "womanliness" below the article too, but most of them are sarcastic.

The guy who posted the article, however, must have a lot of problems going on. Never mind his complete sexism in proclaiming basically that this successful, intelligent, rich, beautiful woman is not marriage material (and presumably therefore no longer attractive or womanly) because, well, you can't have the "charms" of a family with her.. I am still wondering why an asshole like him cares about what Renee has to say in the first place? Maybe his future dreams of incubating babies in her womb have been crushed.
culturehandy
I particulalry enjoyed the comment that women dream about having babies from the moment they are born. Or whatever it was.

Yah, while I was crying to have my loaded diaper changed, I'm sooooooo sure I was thinking about a little bundle of hell.
deschatsrouge
Now that I know that I'm not a real woman I can go and have a double mastectomy and a total hysterectomy and just be liberated from these dip shits.

culturehandy
make sure you get your brain removed whilst at it.
doodlebug
Straw Feminist Weekly: the baby-hater
crazyoldcatlady
QUOTE
Straw Feminist Weekly: the baby-hater


"Here, sitting in the garden, looking at the eyelashes, would you trade the baby for the possibility of writing The House of Mirth?"

IN A HEARTBEAT.
angie_21
Ha ha I didn't have to get very far down the comment list to find this one:

"I love babies. Baby-flavoured donuts!"

Awesome
thirteen
God, I have to save that article!
The opium-den part is pure gold-- I laughed so hard I nearly aspirated my tea.
culturehandy
yet another reason not to have children.
candycane_girl
Wow. I would be so pissed at the dad if I were those kids' mom. I think this is one of those "dad is an idiot" situations rather than a "kids are horrible" situation. Kids are curious. They like to get into things. That's why parents are supposed to watch over them.

I know that one time when my brother was little my dad was left at home with him. My dad fell asleep and woke up to find my brother and the walls covered in my mom's lipstick.
turbojenn
That article is awesome - thanks, Doodle!

We were in MI for my FIL's wedding over the weekend (which was among the most awesome celebrations of Love that I've ever been a part of), and spent lots of time with the niece and nephew, who we adore. They are fantastic kids, so much fun, my nephew is also celiac, so we're food buddies. My SIL asks me once again "are you reeeeeeally sure you don't want kids?? You guys are SO good with our kids, you'd be great parents." I think my SIL is quite possibly the only person I know that *can* actually make me feel guilty about not wanting kids - and she doesn't ask in the wheedling-please-make-us-all-babies way like the rest of the family does, so I didn't mind nearly as much that she asked. But I WAS totally impressed that turbomann stepped up and took the question, and firmly stated that while he appreciates the sentiment of the question, the frequency with which his wife is asked is highly frustrating to both of us, and he would appreciate it if she would end this line of questioning. I heart my husband. I still think that if it were his choice, he'd have kids - he'd also be living in the soulless 'burbs somewhere, but - he married me, and seems more than content with the life we have.

ETA: In other childfree news, I just got a bill from my gyno for $600 for the IUD that I had put in...in February. Apparently Blue Cross decided that they didn't want to pay for me to not have babies - WTF??? I shall be making a very crabby phone call tomorrow to BCBS. Esp. since I already paid $200 for my portion of it, and certainly would have gone to Planned Parenthood, if I knew BCBS was going to do this...I even called the BCBS bastards before I had it done to make sure it would be covered. Can we get some health care reform now, please???
pollystyrene
Way to go turbomann! Awesome!

Yeah, BCBS kinda crapped out on LeBoy's vasectomy, too. We called before the surgery and asked what kind of coverage we had for it. They said, "you'll be covered in full, don't worry about it, the deductible doesn't even apply, so you won't owe anything at the time of service." Then we get the bill that says we owed for the initial consultation, like $75 (granted, we didn't even think about having to pay for the consultation, and the doctor didn't mention anything, so it's not really BCBS's fault) and they didn't cover all of the procedure itself- it fell about $150 short. I guess this doctor charges beyond what BCBS considers "reasonable and customary" probably because of the extra steps he takes- cutting, cauterizing, tying back, etc. plus it's no shot, no scalpel, so whatever- I'll pay the extra money.

My mom was at that town hall meeting in the suburbs last night, Jenn (Jan Shakowsky is her rep). She said it was cah-razee.
turbojenn
Yep, our advocacy staff went to the town hall too, and said it was out of control - yikes!

Well, I've already paid $150 for the IUD, plus 2 $30 co-pays...but I called BCBS this morning, and talked to a very helpful CS rep who said that the doc didn't even submit it for payment until Monday...WTF? So, he put it through for processing, and I likely won't owe $600, at least...but yeah, not worrying about BC is a very good thing. And then I called the doc's billing service and talked to a very rude CS, who confirmed that they hadn't even submitted the bill to BCBS when I was sent the invoice - WTF?? So she told me to throw out the invoice, and wait for BCBS to process the bill.
pollystyrene
Wanting to smack the crap out of a kid in Wal-Mart for crying= normal

Actually doing it= CRAZY!
angie_21
WTF?! Here in "communist" Canada, I just had to go the the pharmacy with a prescription for the IUD.. $45. The referral, consultation, insertion, and removal were covered by provincial universal health care. I never had to sign a paper or look at a bill... literally, we walk into the office, show our health care card, and walk out after the appointment. And as of last year, Albertans don't even pay premiums for it. Oh yeah - and I was able to book an appointment with 3 days notice. (but.... I won't start on a rant about how our government is trying to take it all away from us. it's scary)

treehugger
Weird-I never got a bill or anything for my tubal ligation 3 years ago. I guess I'm pretty lucky!
Persiflager
I'm having a rare moment of appreciating the UK NHS - not a penny ever paid for BC, or for getting IUD fitted.
angie_21
The pill is definitely not covered here. While I was on student health insurance, I only had to pay 10% of the cost, while was only a few $$ a month, but otherwise I've had to foot the bill all myself. Persi, does UK coverage of BC include condoms? Because that would rock! I mean, honestly, can you imagine how much money it would save the health care system if people had better access to protection not just from pregnancy, but STDs too?

Our friends came to visit us today - they had twins 14 months ago and we've only seen them twice since. Yikes. It was really nice to see them , and their girls are really freakin adorable, really smart and sweet. Yet again, I had a friend tell me, oh when you guys have kids..." It's always something nice, like you'll love it, or our kids will play together, whatever, but still! Is it really such an inevitability to everyone that they just assume we must be planning it?
pollystyrene
*Sigh* Another gathering with LeBoy's family tomorrow, the start time of which has been determined by the nap times of the no-necked little monsters. No regard to me and the fact that I have to leave at 5:30 to go volunteer at the shelter. I'm so tempted to give Albus some Rescue Remedy and bring him with in a baby sling, and walk around with him, "shhh, he's taking a nap!"
Persiflager
Sort of - you have to pay at chemists, but if you go along to a (free) sexual health clinic they give them away free. I think you can also get them free from family planning clinics, or from your GP. So there are definitely free sources, but I'm not sure that they're fully taken advantage of.
thepointybird
Sigh.... I'm getting ready to move to another city and possibly finally get round to going to uni next year (at the age of 35 as I will be then!) and my married-with-kid friend just chided me over Facebook saying "don't you think it's about time you settled down?". Excuse me? She knows I don't want kids. Also, what the hell am I supposed to do? Conjour a husband up out of thin air (I'm not even seeing anyone at the minute), magically repair my woeful credit rating and miraculously find a job that pays twice as much so we can afford to buy a house, and start breeding? It appears that in the complete absence of a biological clock of my own, other people's biological clocks are ticking for me! How. Fucking. Annoying.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2014 Invision Power Services, Inc.