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Full Version: The May-September Romance--how to date someone significantly older/younger than you
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john
The shitty part was being taken seriously as the significantly younger partner (16 years). I always felt like her friends treated me like a twinkie. Meeting the ex was awesomely uncomfortable, too. Still, I learned a lot. It was really exciting to just be with someone who had more experience in everything than did I. It also really sucked feeling like I was being put away like a toy when it ended, but that was just her I assume.
auralpoison
Junglista, the fella that is currently wooing me to no end is a good fifteen years my senior & has kids. I'm early thirties, he's mid-forties. The kids angle weirds me out, but other than that he's a really terrific guy. We're supposed to have dinner some time next week, but I, too, am a bit weirded out. I've always found older men attractive, but a few months ago I had lunch with a friend's father & he thought it was more than it was. I wound up losing a pretty good friend because she thought I was trying to hump her dad.
treehugger
I'm also at the younger end of an 18 year age difference. It feels weird to be 38 and dating somebody who's actively planning to retire within a year.
pixiedust
I still have you all beat. My ex botfriend was 30.5 years older than me. And yes, treehugger it is very weird to be with someone who is actively planning to retire when you yourself are just getting established. The age difference really wasn't that big of a deal to us though. Of all the problems we had, age was the least important. In fact the only time it really came into play was when we were discussing the fact that i would like to have 1 more child. But I already have minipixie so it was an issue where I was willing to budge.
lilyblue
who knew that Daniel Radcliffe could inspire such a fascinating topic?
auralpoison
Hey, this thread existed long before Mr Radcliffe made an appearance as a total teenage hottie!

So me & the HB are still going strong after seven months. He's not the guy from my previous post, but he's six months younger than my mother.

We're rubbing off on each other. We now both do things & have an interest in things that neither of us cared about before.
lilyblue
I know, I just wanted to move the convo over here because I think it's a good one.

I find myself finding younger men attractive. I mean, i would never touch a 16 year old but 18 year olds are fair game.

AP, how do his friends react to you?
auralpoison
Our first *big* outing was funny. He drug me to a wedding with a cash bar! Grrrrr! After the initial, "You dog, you!" responses from the men, they liked me just fine. I kept looking at him while we mingled like, "Should I shut up now?" but I was doing just fine talking to a pack of brilliant scientists & engineers & such. Yeah, I may be the young chippie he's banging, but I'm not a dumb chippie. The women? Didn't like me much. I got sneers & nasty looks all afternoon/evening. You'd think I peed on them or something! I almost got cornered in the bathroom until the bride walked in & saved my bacon.

My friends are more of an issue. They freak him out. He's not very social & most of the time he has no idea what we're talking about, but he's getting better at it. He actually started a coversation about ATHF the other night & I was mega impressed.
glittersniffer
( first post! woot! woot! )

There is 18 years between my other half and I. I think the hardest part for us to overcome was to realize that there is quite a large gap between us and with that, comes less life experiences and just plain knowing about life. He is well established in who he is while I am still discovering. Once you get to a comfortable spot within yourself, I believe it's smooooth sailing smile.gif
Vivienne_Tease
ohh ohh
my go!!
well i'm 24 and had been seeing (2 weeks max) an 18 year old of course i had vowed to never because i haven't ever managed to find one who stays faithful, but he did lie to me and tell me he was 23 so i was like 'sweet!, finally dating a guy close to my age!' but it never happens. I always get picked up by really young ones because they think I'm the same age as them. yeah... everything was going just great till he tried to get friendly with my friend via sms... who's in another state.

but apart from that i forgot the 6 year age gap. it doesn't sound too bad when your a bit older i reckon but the fact that's he's only become legal recently is a bit... much to take in. Of course country kids are more experienced than I could ever hope to be!
p_176
here goes.....have been dating a guy off and on for about 6 years now....he's 5 years younger than my parents, and his kids are 5 years younger than me. our relationship functions as it is - namely, we go out for lunch or dinner, don't have sex, and don't do titles. no one really knows we've been dating, surprisingly, since we know lots of people in common. if it were not for the age difference, we'd've gotten married 5 years ago....
next week we're doing dinner for a very belated birthday/valentines day celebration.
professor
Alright, I severly need help STAT! I am completely boggled by this 19 year old boy and I am well practiced in the behavioral psychology department so he is completely getting under my skin. He is a younger friend of my current boyfriends (eehhh) but he is adorable as hell and very mature (but not too mature so it's still a good time.) We have just recently become very, very, very good friends so I am having problems determining if he is just interested in being friends or if he has it in for me. So far these are his new behaviors: he visits me at work when he gets out of classes/ he text messages me at least 80 times a day/ he invited me to sleep over at his place/ when his class was all of the sudden cancelled he called me to do something immediately/ he invites me to parties (adorable.) That is mostly everything so far...I am not sure if I am just being a blind fool or if he just wants to be friends...so help me...because quite honestly, he turns me on a bit!
coela
Professor, well, how old are you yourself? 19 is indeed pretty young.
I fell for a 19-year-old when I was 25, fell hard, he fell hard too. It got messy.
Well, messy is an understatement. It was a horrible drama that lasted for 3 years.
Although we're still very close friends, the romance bit of it wasn't really worth
all the tears and the tantrums.

As for the "is he into me - is he not into me" bit, yes, he seems to be very into you.
That said, it doesn't mean he can handle it if you return his feelings, or he might
not respond in the same manner as a more experienced person would. When you're 19,
being into someone or being good friends isn't always enough to be able to handle
your own or other people's feelings very well.

A big part of it could actually be that he admires you, looks up to you. When he
discovers you're a real person who can get hurt, who waits by the phone and demands
something more from him than flirting, making out or casual sex, it might turn sour.

But I don't know, every person is different and so on. It could work. I guess it depends
a lot on what you want - just some flirting, a fling, sex once in a while, or a relationship.
_octinoxate
I would think the bigger issue might be that he is a friend of your "current boyfriend"--? Or perhaps you have an open thing, or--?

Good post by coela...
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