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ginger_kitty
Everyone was pushing thier work off on me today, my supervisor plays favorites and I am not one fav employees so I get screwed over on a regular basis. I was so overwhelmed at work today, that I snuck off and cried in the bathroom for a couple minutes. It was so out of character for me, that I felt weak and ashamed.
grrrlyouwant
i'm starting to wonder if i hang out with a certain friend of mine because, compared to her, i'm the cute, fun, outgoing one for once.
culturehandy
All three of my supervisor's are away, all day. So it's going to be a big do not much day around here. It's great. But in the same breath, my supervisor's are really great. So, even if they were here, I don't mind so much.

pollystyrene
I've been at my job just over 2 months and I'm already thinking about leaving.
Arcadia
QUOTE(grrrlyouwant @ Apr 19 2007, 12:07 PM) *
i'm starting to wonder if i hang out with a certain friend of mine because, compared to her, i'm the cute, fun, outgoing one for once.



Grrrl, I am also guilty of this.
Well, I was in high school. I don't really have many girly friends since I moved, only my sisters cause they are the only girls I know here!

But! I think it's a common thing to feel this way.

Oh & I L.O.V.E. your hair! You're one foxy lady! biggrin.gif
mouse
my ex is back in town after over a month of working on the opposite coast and i wish like hell he was still 3,000 miles away. FUCK.
aliboo
http://bp0.blogger.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/RitInt...hellpmyself.jpg

This secret posted on the Post Secret website this week was me about a year ago. Only then I did not realize that this was my motivation. I thought if I had the qualifications to fix other people, then I had to be qualified to fix myself too. And on a deeper level, I thought if I had those qualifications, then nobody could possibly suspect how fucked up I really am.
faerietails2
QUOTE
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bull. So go on, reach out.

Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder-if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.

polly, were you aware that you for quoted (for this) in the bust e-newsletter this week? you're famous!
culturehandy
I want more notches on my bedpost.
zoya
I don't want to live in the US. I want to live abroad. And I want to do it soon.


I have a self-destructive pattern that I fear may have fucked up a real good relationship: whenever I sense change, I go immediately to this worse-case scenario place in my head that it's the end, and I go into panic mode and I create chaos (usually by trying to control a situation that most of the time isn't even reality except in my head) which ends up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. I fucking hate it. and I know I do it and often can feel I'm going there, step outside of myself, see it for what it is and chill. but I didn't in this situation - I created the chaos and it wasn't until I'd done it that I saw what I had done. and now I'm concerned that I shifted the whole dynamic and fucked shit up. and that upsets me immensely.

pollystyrene
Yep, I did see that, faerie. I love that they pick that, rather than some deep, introspective comment I made. laugh.gif

Confession: I'm becoming very hostile towards people who smoke. Like, it's becoming "you may as well be a heroin addict" to me. I know it's an addiction, a hard-to-quit one, and I know that a lot of people out there who smoke want to quit, but I just hate the smell so much and I'm tired of it invading my space. My new downstairs neighbors smoke and now I can't keep my windows open because they smoke outside. My next door neighbors smoke and it comes in through the holes in the walls in the bathroom where the pipes pass through. It drives me fucking nuts, it makes me feel sick and I just want to strangle people for smoking. I know that there are people reading this who smoke and I know you're probably offended, and I'm sorry if you are. I love you on Bust, but cod help you if we met IRL and you reeked. Why can't more people be like me and just have never started at all.

Sorry. I just had to get that off my [pink, healthy-lunged] chest.

And now I'm off to close my windows.
freckleface7
confession:

I laughed so hard when I snuck out & scared my girlchild and her friends in the tent in the backyard tonight, that I peed my pants a little. they were literally screaming like girls, and it was adorable, and they loved it. laugh.gif

confession: they then invited me inside the tent to hang out awhile..what an honor! I feel like the coolest.
culturehandy
I really don't feel that bad when humans die, but when I see a dead animal, I feel a a psrt of me is dying, because I am so close with the eart. When an animal is dead, I feel as though a piece of the earth has died.

freckle that is really fun!
ginger_kitty
I torture myself over things that I cannot control.
culturehandy
I self sabatoge in relationships.

I think I'm getting a crushie on Navy Boy. Eeeep.
flanker_ji
I have a profound addcition to answering questions on Yahoo! Answers. It is so much fun, new questions are continually coming in, and thus, the distraction can be never-ending unless you have a lot of self-control. For me, guilt and impending obligations are the only things that help me log off.
into_a_bulb
QUOTE(pollystyrene @ Apr 29 2007, 02:10 AM) *
Yep, I did see that, faerie. I love that they pick that, rather than some deep, introspective comment I made. laugh.gif

Confession: I'm becoming very hostile towards people who smoke. Like, it's becoming "you may as well be a heroin addict" to me. I know it's an addiction, a hard-to-quit one, and I know that a lot of people out there who smoke want to quit, but I just hate the smell so much and I'm tired of it invading my space. My new downstairs neighbors smoke and now I can't keep my windows open because they smoke outside. My next door neighbors smoke and it comes in through the holes in the walls in the bathroom where the pipes pass through. It drives me fucking nuts, it makes me feel sick and I just want to strangle people for smoking. I know that there are people reading this who smoke and I know you're probably offended, and I'm sorry if you are. I love you on Bust, but cod help you if we met IRL and you reeked. Why can't more people be like me and just have never started at all.

Sorry. I just had to get that off my [pink, healthy-lunged] chest.

And now I'm off to close my windows.


I quit smoking once I found out I was pregnant and I've never gone back ( 2 years). Now I am vigilant when it comes to even being outside and having someone smoking in the near vacinity of my daughter. I get enraged. My boyfriend's brother has moved in the apartment downstairs and his bedroom is right under my daughter's room and I can smell smoke everytime I'm in her room. I told them yesterday a little white lie that the duplex is non-smoking. I haven't smelt smoke since.
octobersky
I'm completely freaked out that I won't find a teaching job for this school year. I'm afraid that if I do luck into an interview that they will take one look at me and decide since I can't control my weight how could I control a classroom? and that will be the end of jobs for me. I'm freaked that most people I will be competing with for jobs are 10 years younger and much more cute and perky. My fear has become so real that I spend a about two hours a day working out and thinking about all the foods I can't eat.
MaybeSparrow
QUOTE(octobersky @ May 5 2007, 12:41 PM) *
I'm completely freaked out that I won't find a teaching job for this school year. I'm afraid that if I do luck into an interview that they will take one look at me and decide since I can't control my weight how could I control a classroom? and that will be the end of jobs for me. I'm freaked that most people I will be competing with for jobs are 10 years younger and much more cute and perky. My fear has become so real that I spend a about two hours a day working out and thinking about all the foods I can't eat.


October, you should come and talk in the bulimia and anorexia thread. Its a great place to talk about stuff like this.
skinwithoutscars
so a friend and i have major UST (unresolved sexual tension), and we tried to resolve it a couple of times.

i don't like the way he kisses. (he's not a bad kisser, we just have different kissing styles, you know what i mean?)

but we still have UST and i would still engage in drunken making out because of my long-ass dry spell.

i'm a bad person. and i know i shouldn't be willing to sacrifice this friendship in any way, and i especially shouldn't kiss people who don't thrill me with their kissing style, but . . . sometimes you just think with your cunt.

haven't acted on it yet; can't say i won't.
kelkello
Were taking back cunt! I love that word!
zoya
I am really slow on the uptake. I will think of things I should have said as a response to any given thing in a conversation, hours, or sometimes days, later.

I beat myself up for things that I say and do, especially since I often say things before I think.

I struggle with low grade depression. I know that when I am "up" things go so much better in every area of my world, but that familiar feeling of dysthymia is like a cocoon sometimes. an uncomfortable cocoon, but one I can sink into very easily once I start to slide. Even with the anti depressants. I'm there right now, and I'm at the point where I'm scared to feel happy, because I'm scared that might mean everything changing. I see how ass backward that is on one level, and yet it completely feels comfortable on another level. I hate it.

culturehandy
zoya. I understand.

I get bored with men quickly.

I'm bored with life, but I don't know what I can do to change it.

I have this feeling deep inside me that I will do something for the greater good. I just don't know what it is yet. I am afraid to find out.

I feel most alive and most complete when I am surrounded by nature when I am at the park and I forget that technology and the outside world exists.
hellotampon
QUOTE(pollystyrene @ Apr 29 2007, 06:10 AM) *
Yep, I did see that, faerie. I love that they pick that, rather than some deep, introspective comment I made. laugh.gif

Confession: I'm becoming very hostile towards people who smoke. Like, it's becoming "you may as well be a heroin addict" to me. I know it's an addiction, a hard-to-quit one, and I know that a lot of people out there who smoke want to quit, but I just hate the smell so much and I'm tired of it invading my space. My new downstairs neighbors smoke and now I can't keep my windows open because they smoke outside. My next door neighbors smoke and it comes in through the holes in the walls in the bathroom where the pipes pass through. It drives me fucking nuts, it makes me feel sick and I just want to strangle people for smoking. I know that there are people reading this who smoke and I know you're probably offended, and I'm sorry if you are. I love you on Bust, but cod help you if we met IRL and you reeked. Why can't more people be like me and just have never started at all.

Sorry. I just had to get that off my [pink, healthy-lunged] chest.

And now I'm off to close my windows.


word.

I work at a gas station so I have to sell cigarettes all day long and I'm not a people person to begin with. I get sick of seeing the same fucking people coming in constantly to buy cigarettes so at this point whenever someone buys them I take a moment to picture them dying of lung cancer. I don't even care how horrible that is, I hate most people that much. I also get really disgusted when someone comes in at 7:30 on a Saturday morning or whatever. It disgusts me that they got up out of bed when they didn't have to, just to feed their pathetic addiction, and meanwhile I dragged MYSELF out of bed because I had to come to work and make minimum wage selling this stupid shit.


That felt good.
coela
I hate throwing parties and always get anxious when I do, and depressed afterwards.

I smell my hair a lot. I've done it since I was a kid. I also smell my fingers when I pick at scabs.

I sometimes think babies are really ugly.

prettynpink
I wish that I wasnt overweight. People tell me that I look good, my husband tells me that I'm hot, but I cant stand looking at myself in the mirror. I know I'm awesome, but I dont feel like I look that way. I wish that my eating issues were that I ate too little and not too much. How sad is it that I wish I had the balls to starve myself? Excercising and eating right are hard and I cant lose what I want fast enough. I want to be a size 10 again... not 16. I dont feel pretty. I feel fat and frumpy and ugly. I dont understand how my husband can stand being with me. I hardly can.

I feel guilty about dreaming about my ex. Its not sex dreams or anything like that. Its more like dreams where we sit, we talk about how good our lives are now, how happy we are that we did split because life is awesome for us now. Its silly, but it still makes me feel guilty that I'm dreaming about catching up with him when I'm laying in bed with the Mr.



crazyoldcatlady
* i feel the sadness encroaching again, even though i've been doing okay keeping it at bay...

* i am tired of hearing my friend talk about her friend who died in the war a while back

* i hate being called "ma'am" unless it's in a cheeky/kinky sense. i don't want to hear it from the grocery store cashier.

* maelstrom intrugues me smile.gif
flanker_ji
((PNP)) I've been there. Feel free to PM/MySpace me if you wanna talk. It takes a long time to feel like you have some control over the sitch.

I hate being called ma'am by strangers too, and I feel like a lameass for thinking that, because I'm generally not afraid to be old.
tyger
sometimes i really want my acquaintance-friend (the kind where you're friends, and it's fun and fine, but on a moderately superficial level) to notice the used condoms in my boyfriend's trash can so i can find out once and for all if she think's i'm going to hell 'cause i'm playing with weiners before marriage
culturehandy
I get really overwhelmed by my women friends, to the point where I can't talk to them for days at a time.
tyger
me too, culture

sometimes i feel like my boyfriend is too sweet and too caring. i want him to say no to me, i want him to be too busy for me every once in a while when i make an unexpected appearance. i don't ever want his world to revolve around me, because mine is never, ever going to revolve around him
knorl05
most people annoy me. sometimes i mask my impatience with sarcasm or insincerity.
llamas
I have never been popular or 'cool', and have always been not only fine with that, but proud of it. In the last year or so, though, when I hang out with a certain group of new friends I am by default one of the cool kids. I feel like such a sellout because I love the feeling and crave it badly now. This isn't high school or even college, so I don't know why I care so much.
DaisyJane
I secretly am trying to get my old boss to go to prison, so I have called the ASPCA, PeTA, and World Wildlife Fund on him. I also told my dad that I heard he does alot of tax evasion so my dad will contact the IRS (dad is a cop and I worked at an exotic animal 'shelter') and they will bust him.

Im also debating on telling my best friend whos brothers are part of the Mexican Mafia as well.
culturehandy
Daisy good for you on reporting your boss!

I am a very liberal person, but I am sick and tired of peole expecting the country to support them and not working or even looking for work.
DaisyJane
Thanks Culture. Yea, I was an exotic animal trainer in training kind of thing. Certain things would go down like once we got a baby Bengal Tiger (illegal to possess at all) and it was about 3 weeks old. We bottle fed it for weeks. My boss told me that if anyone asks, the tiger was 10 weeks old.
They now have a baby bear that I know is also under the legal age limit to have an endangered animal. They are all felonies hes playing with in regards to the Endangered Species Act. They do jobs (commercials and movies) and filter the money in through other companies they made up to not pay taxes. Its such a load of bullshit. Hes been sued and re sued before. He was in jail for awhile but he changes his name so hes less catch-able when he gets out.

It didnt help that he called my black lesbian friend a 'n****r dyke carpet muncher" in front of her face. Or called another friend of mine a 'faggot towel head' and then when my grandmother was in the hospital, saying "well havent you ever watched your grandma die? They twitch like this"

So I COULD be nice and not report them but I dont really feel like being nice anymore. biggrin.gif
pollystyrene
Oh, please go after him, DaisyJane- that's awful. The feds do not mess around with that shit, either.

LeBoy's mom has a cousin who has a buffalo ranch in Colorado. He owns a bunch of land and people pay to come hunt the buffalo, then he processes the meat (I know that this all pretty ethical- they do actually hunt the buffalo, they're not in a pen or anything and they use all the meat, even if the client doesn't want it, it still gets processed and sold.)

Last fall, he had a customer who came for a hunt, and afterwards, the guy's check bounced. The guy was an asshole and still wanted his meat, and the cousin refused to give it to him since the guy didn't pay for anything.

Well, about a month later, the feds descended upon him, in the middle of the night, busted his door down, confiscated all of his stuff- records, computers, everything. Turns out that this a-hole had reported that they had 10-foot fences on the property and there were dead elk all over. Basically, a buffalo farm owns their land, they own their buffalo, and if an elk wanders onto the property, the hunters can shoot it. But, the elk are not considered the property of the owner and they're not supposed to be hindered in any way from leaving the property (which is what a 10-foot high fence would do) so if he did in fact have these fences that were hindering the elk that would be illegal. After a couple months of legal hassles, they started to believe that the cousin was legit, and they had someone come inspect the facility. They were so impressed with how by-the-book it was run that he exceeded the federal regulations, everything was perfect. Even after that, 5 months later (and tens of thousands of $$ in legal fees) he still doesn't have all of his stuff back, but at least he can proudly say they are surpassing regulations. I don't know if the government is going to go after the guy for filing a false report (oo, and on a federal level? That was d-u-m-b!), but I hope so.
zoya
I hate my job. And I notice that I'm slipping because I'm just coasting every day, because I want to be doing something else.

My job is hindering my personal life. I never used to think so, but now I see it.

I want to move to the UK. more and more each day. I'm going to make it happen.

I want to stop needing to define things with guys so early (too early) in the game and just relax, enjoy, and get to know the person so I can see if they are someone I'd like to be with, rather than jumping so quick it spooks them.

I want to stop creating self fulfilling prophecies - I get so afraid of something I don't want to happen happening that I end up creating it.


zoya
one more....

I am starting to question whether I want kids. I mean, I love kids, and I think it would be fun to have one - but having or not having kids has never been a dealbreaker for me in a relationship. Now that I'm getting to be in the age where it's becoming less realistic physically, I'm starting to think I might be swinging in the direction of just not doing it, on purpose. I mean, I'm pretty set in my life, and honestly at this point if I had to pick having a great relationship with no kids over waiting to find the right guy to have kids with, I'd take the great relationship and no kids.
missladyj
I despise my sister.

I know I should have more empathy but I am just so sick of her bullshit, everyones bullshit. I would be fine if my family just left me alone.
culturehandy
Missladyj, my mother doesn't speak to her sister, and I am firm believer that the whole family is blood and blood is thicker than water is a big load of bullshit. If a person is an asshole, they are an asshole, and it shouldn't matter if they are family are not.

Dasiy, I think it is wonderful what you are doing. Your ex boss deserves to be thrown in a cage.

I tell the BUSTies more than what I tell some of my IRL friends. I know you won't judge me.

I have been guilty of drinking and driving. On a few occasions. I have since stopped.

I love spending money.

I love watching tv shows on DVD. Like The Simpsons, Futurama, Roseanne, and SpongeBob Square pants.

I like being pretentious sometimes.
roseviolet
I really love the concept of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" but I HATEHATEHATE the hosts on the show. They are so loud! And overly excited & emotional. They annoy the crap out of me. Sometimes I still like to watch the show, but I only keep the sound on for the beginning part when they tell the recipient family's background. After that, my TV goes on mute. ohmy.gif
pollystyrene
QUOTE(roseviolet @ May 13 2007, 07:15 PM) *
I really love the concept of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" but I HATEHATEHATE the hosts on the show. They are so loud! And overly excited & emotional. They annoy the crap out of me. Sometimes I still like to watch the show, but I only keep the sound on for the beginning part when they tell the recipient family's background. After that, my TV goes on mute. ohmy.gif


Ha, ha, you're so right, Rose. You know what the nickname for that show, right? Tears for Sears. They're just so fucking self-congratulatory- "Oh, this family needed us sooo much, thank god we're here to save them!" And they do pick completely deserving families. No argument on that. They do make huge impacts on people's lives. They're just so damn obnoxious about it. Like you, I watch the introduction to the family and the reveal. I don't care about all of the process. Plus, it's all so product-placement-y. I know that's how they make their $$, but could they be any more obvious about it?

There's a similar show out there, called Home Team. It doesn't look like it's even on anymore, but I caught a couple episodes in re-runs. They pick a deserving family who wants to buy their first home, but for whatever reason can't. They find an existing house that maybe needs some work and enlist the families of the recipient to do all the work (with the help of professionals)...they make it very comfortable, with good quality stuff, just not so over-the-top as Extreme Makeover. It was so much more enjoyable to watch. Plus, I liked that they used existing, modest houses. Yeah, like we need to encourage the urban sprawl of McMansions in America's suburbs.

Whenever my mom and I watch Extreme Makeover, we joke that either she or my dad would have to die or come down with some horrible disease to get on the show (their house needs a lot of work!). Terrible. But true.
skinwithoutscars
i could be at a party right now, and with a bit of effort, probably hook up with a cute boy who's totally socially awkward and generally adorable. but part of me is like, meh. i'm worried i'd be dissecting things while doing it and just generally not into it and that's a crappy way to be. it's odd to me that only now as i'm older am i worried about being self-conscious, or maybe just conscious. conscious of my actions. i suppose that's a good sign - being in the moment and actually paying attention, with my eyes open, as opposed to the whole teenagerhood after-we-make-out-we'll-fall-in-love-and-have-babies kind of thing. getting swept up in that whole romance illusion isn't particularly effective anymore. a casual hookup is just that. but begin disilluseioned makes me worry that i'll never have a casual hookup again. i'm also worried i'll never again get to be attracted to someone, really attracted to them, and actually get to then sleep with that person. it's a really unappetizing future to contemplate.
missladyj
Thanks CH, I really needed to hear that!

Rose, I am totally gonna try watching without the volume. All those people annoy the shit out of me but they do really help people out plus I prefer home makeover to the human makeover.
knorl05
love it, "Yeah, like we need to encourage the urban sprawl of McMansions in America's suburbs"... fucking classic.
culturehandy
I love what extreme makeover does, but I also cannot stand the people.

Mcmansions *snorts* the urban sprawl where I live reminds me too much of the houses in Edward Scissor Hands, all the same, but in different colours. Scary.
Arcadia
QUOTE(missladyj @ May 13 2007, 09:45 AM) *
I despise my sister.

I know I should have more empathy but I am just so sick of her bullshit, everyones bullshit. I would be fine if my family just left me alone.


I understand wholeheartedly, misslady.

People think it's weird that I'm not very family oriented, but I can't help it. I've never really cared about my family, except for my mother and the mister. The rest . . . . meh.

Is that weird? blink.gif
missladyj
thanks arcadia



I have always since I was a kid thought that Christians were just not real bright. I mean actually believing that a virgin could have a kid. Didn't these people know how children were made? Every once in awhile I see a post and it reminds me why I thought these people were just not too bright.


I also thought nuns were lesbians because once, while driving past a convent, my sister turned to me and said
" They do things to each other with crosses".
culturehandy
I just glot flipped over at work, but I'm not too excited about it.
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