if I have to sit in another meeting where nothing gets done but people talking about what they think other people need I will have to punch somebody in the neck. I want a fucking agenda. I want the person who is supposed to be in charge to take control of the discussion. I don't want to tell you how to do your fucking job but I will if you suck at it.

Instead of telling people what they should need and epsousing your personal educational philosophy and wasting my precious time why dont we just ASK PEOPLE WHAT THEY NEED.

fuck!

at least I am not the only person on the committe who feels this way.

If I have to take over and impose my will, so be it.


Fucking dumbasses!

confession: jack and coke is really, really taking the edge off right now. yay for unhealthy coping mechanisms! (and by unhealthy, i'm referring to the diet coke, which i've forsworn. kind of.)

Gah. I am feeling so lonely and disconnected right now, I can tell I'm heading towards a meltdown later this week. I'm not going to be able to see the LD guy this month due to his DUI and I just started missing him something awful. I'm just beginning to realize how used to having a regular connection with him I was. Not that we don't still talk on the phone and e-mail, but I really needed a little real time contact this month. And the fact that it's not going to happen is really making me feel desperate and lonely. I keep trying to remind myself that it's only temporary, but it's not working. Really not working. ...Pass the jack & coke, COCL.

misslady: sometimes taking charge, even when it's not necc your place, can be the smartest career move you can make; it shows Leadership.

== tosses you a pillow to place under your head in case you start beating it against the table=
( or you can always use it for other means.. ! )

confession: i'm glad i feel comfortable traveling on my own and just doing things on my own in general. i've seen people blame others because they are not willing to take the risk to put themselves out there. or, they just don't try new things at all. I'm glad I enjoy the free fall.

confession: damn. now i got tom petty's free falling in my head.

confession: stargazer has gotten that Tom Petty song stuck in my head, too. damn it!

confession: I am totally jonsing for presents right now. for myself.
my birthday is more than 7 weeks off yet, but I've gotten several fantastic new catelogs in the mail and feel like a kid in a candy shop thinking ' ohhhhh ! which one do I choose?!' right now it's a close tie between a robe pieced together of vintage silk kimono or an organic cotton / bamboo long sleeved shirt w/ blue ombre dye that says
' know peace.' it's really ridiculous how selfish & indulgent I am feeling lately, made all the worse by the mr telling me to Go Ahead if I like it bc he knows I've had a rough time, even though we really can't afford my "shopping habit" right now. sooooo tempting not to go for the diamond ring I am lusting for.. BAD FRECKLE!

confession: the whole house is a wreck, the mr's return could near be calculated in hours now, and I am busting and reading and doing everything But what I should be to prepare.

stargazer: I like Refugee better.

confession: I'm falling in love, and, even though I've been in love before, this is like nothing I've ever known in my life.

Doodle, I'm so excited and happy for you!

ditto on that: doodle, your post made my heart smile.

enjoy the thrill ride sweetie.

Yay doodle! I love reading your posts about mr. jamhost in the okayer thread.

thanks for the pillow freck! I need it. for lots of reasons.
buy yourself something nice and happy b-day in advance

hurrah for love! hurrah for Doodle!

Yay, Doodle!

confession: I revel in my sloth when I could accomplish so much more.

confession 2: I am smug.

confession - I've just been offered the opportunity to have a HUGE position with a company that puts together projects like the ones I work on. Like I'd never be in debt again big. Like I'd be one of the main people at the company big.

But I'm happier here making less money than I've made in years, struggling sometimes, but in a stable place, with stable friends, and a simple life.

I don't want it complicated anymore. I don't want things to be so fast anymore. I like it simple and stable.

I think I might turn it down if they won't meet me halfway and do it on my terms, even though it's everything I said I was working towards.

that kinda scares the shit out of me.

this is the robe I am contemplating ordering... but it's no mui mui


http://acaciacatalog.com/pop_alternate_vie...p;pif=50964.jpg

(my shrink says I should go ahead & do it too- says a little indulgence is good for the soul )

Oooh, that's pretty, freckle.

Confession: I said too much and I feel guilty about it. I've got to learn to keep my mouth shut and what is confidential.

rudder: I have my fingers & toes crossed for your 2 beeps success! is it like a pass/fail or will he have to wait for the results to find out ?
please eat something!!

confession: I was all set & comitted to ordering online tonight.. not necc that robe (didn't like some of the fabric patterns) but some sort of kimono-esque type garment.. something in bright colors and big & blousey.. and maud dernit- I can't find anything to buy !
the mr's return is who knows when now and I was feeling sorry enough for myself for retail therapy.
I am one P-O'd Mama right now.

Hello again, BUSTies (I was so excited to be back last time I forgot to say Hiyooo)!

Freckle, I understand about the robe. If I had one of those I'd call in sick, turn up the FGTH, and spend the whole day swishing out.

*crosses fingers for rudderlesschild's hubby, whom I don't know but cops-to-be partnered with BUSTies must be good cops-to-be*

Zoya, slow is good. Calm is good. Changing goals are a sign of maturity, I think.

oh rudderless that just BITES!!
it's like 'up the stress & see who breaks 1st' and do they ever stop to consider the Families???

you know you & your beeps totally have my support, now & Always, but esp Now.
(((((rudderless & beeps))))))))

yah for tommynomad's return! Hail Hail ~ !

confession # 1: it's not even 0800 and I'm already planning & anticipating lunch. I'm a-takin' myself to the DQ drive thru for chicken strips, fries and a chocolate ice cream/m & m blizzard- Mmmmmmmmm !

confession # 2 : I am tired of being lonely w/out the mr here.

confession: I am most severely, unjokingly procrastinating today and my clock is {hopefully} winding down.

confession: i'm jealous of the busties who have outside-the-lounge phone friendships. i imagine them having long involved and wonderful conversations like i imagined the popular girls having when i was in middle school.

confession: i know that if i was suddenly called by these busties of whom i am jealous, i wouldn't know what to say, and it would just be awkward silence.

me too, mouse!

Yeah, I'm not a phone person, so I'd probably do the same thing. I'm very grateful for having a good in-person relationship with the Chicago Busties!

There's no beating having a long conversation with a BUSTie in person (after a regular meeting with the lovely mornington today)! Although I may have to have a long overdue chat with zoya on the phone as I miss our chats over lunch and wine.

I am fortunate to have met the lovely ErinJane, as we are both in the same city, and having talked to GT a few times.

Okay, my confesstion. I'm having a hard time letting go of this one. Hmmph.

yeah i mean. i hang out with greenbean. but. yeah. the confession i guess was more "i feel left out, but i know that were i not, i would not have anything to say". which is kind of fitting for the way i conduct my friendships irl too. hah.

I dream and fantasize about a man (12 years older) daily. I met him 2 years ago and he wanted to hook up and I didnt coz I have a man. I love my boyfriend but he wont touch me the way I wnna be touched. Sometimes I beg him for sex. He is just so passive and unattentive. I really miss L. I deleted his number out of fear of calling him for a hook-up. If we ever meet again. I make no promises of being faithful

Confession: it scares the SHIT out of me that he knows more about me than I've ever revealed in my carefully controlled words. And yet, even when those things he knows turn out to be secrets I would not have ever revealed - for the shame factor, mainly - he is nothing but gentle and sincere and loving and present. THAT scares the shit out of me too, because I know what it means.

i'm drunk!
and i hate this town!

I am claiming to be religious to get Sundays off and to switch to a different crew at work because of the crew chief. I will go to church a few times, but more for honoring my ancestors than for worship of a Xtian god.


There is also this guy I like. He likes me back. I wish we met under better circumstances because trying to keep it casual is proving to be difficult on my end.

I have never given blood, nor do I even know my own blood type. It's not that I'm scared of needles, or that I don't care, I'm just too lazy and I haven't gotten any easy opportunities to do it-like college students on a campus.

Confession: I've always had intimacy issues - I've never been comfortable with PDA's, holding hands, cuddling, frequent sleep overs, I get shy and closed off and don't know how to express myself, and I've always hated it when guys I've seen have called me or texted me everyday and not given me my space...but I think I'm falling in love because for the first time in my life I can't get enough of all that stupid shit that I banished from my dating life pretty much as soon as it started. I can't believe I've never felt like this before, not even with my ex who I was with for over a year. I spent all weekend with new boy and I feel like I can't wait until we see each other again.

i'm trying to keep an open mind, but the fact that my sister and my mom WHO WERE GOING TO VOTE FOR HILLARY are now going to see mccain and palin speak and as such, vote for them, pisses me the fuck off. AND they're in a swing state.

cocl, i think you should convince them that if the person they originally wanted to vote for isn't on the ticket, they shouldn't vote at all

confession: i took a mental health day today and skipped out of work. i don't feel any better. in fact i feel worse because i wasted the day. fuck.

I hate the department chair in my department. I think she needs to leave the mormon church, and get some vag. Maybe if she got laid by a chick, which is prolly what she really wants, she'll stop being such a beeyatch to every one.

confession 1: one of the reasons I'm hoping that things with this guy progress further into being a steady thing, is so that we can go get tested and I can get an I.U.D. I fucking hate condoms.

confession 2: sometimes I see/feel myself falling into my old patterns in regards to guys / relationships and I'm afraid I'll go back there. I know that I'm a great person worthy of what I want, and that there is no reason to feel the old way. But I find myself slipping into old feelings / actions at times, and I get afraid I'll lose myself. I suppose this is natural, but it's still scary. I like who I am now... but how I regard myself and how I present that to the world and how I interact with all people - especially guys - is uncharted territory.

i'm beginning to doubt if i will ever have sex again. no, really. not self-pity. and if anyone says "oh don't be silly you're so cute" i will FUCKING BITE THEM. because they don't know. so fuck off. if you're wondering if this applies to you too--IT DOES.

i hate you.

yes, you.

after almost a year without my depression kicking in, in one shitty day i lost all of my good energy. and i hate you. my depression has come roaring back with a vengeance, and along with it my misanthropy.

in otherwords, i hate you, and no, that is not too strong a word. i loathe you, and if i could drop a bomb on this entire planet right now, i would sleep the sleep of the gods.

so if you are reading this, or frankly, even if you aren't i am spending my time and energy, actively hating you. because if i bothered to actually think of you, i'd hate you even more.

but most of all i hate me. in any way possible, and plenty of ways that it is not, i absolutely loathe me.

so if my hate frightens you, take solace in the fact that you aren't alone.

i hate everybody!

girl trouble,
chairperson, department of haters

gt, let me just say, that. you. are. not. alone. in your misanthropy and haterdome. i hereby formally submit my application for membership to the department of haters.

confession: some people really suck old decrepit dick. they just do. especially the copycats and fakers.

ugh. down. misanthrope down.

gt... I'm a hater too. In fact, I am a seething ball of hate. I hate people. So I'll join you too.


.... and you know what, why fight the hate? I think that we're supposed to move toward feeling good in life - and sometimes for awhile, feeling hate is better than denying it - cause it does feel good sometimes. So why get all twisted up denying yourself the hate, if it feels good right now? I say feel it. Embrace it. It will move on, and you'll be all the better for it. I'll bet even if you take the self hate for what it is, let it in for awhile, it will eventually move on naturally. I've been around here for long enough to know that you WILL cycle through it, GT, I know from my own bouts with depression that it's hard to see it when you're in it, but it will feel good when the self love comes around again. and it will. Until then, enjoy the hate!

xxxx

I'm with you, gt, with you on the hate and on the depression and interested in joining the department of haters. I'm at the point where I need substantial amounts of time alone so I can deal with other people and then I hate myself for being this way, in addition to other reasons.

gt: you know that song ' I want you to want me' ?
yah- so I can hate you & reject you for it!

seriously, you know I've got your back baby, and I've almost perfected the vaporizing device mounted underneath my car. - imagine, us cruising all over the world, taking aim at whomever annoyed us in our path?
what GLEE !

zoya, ita, I think hate can be a very empowering emotion.

if there's gonna be a club where do I sign up?

a feeling very red today..
freckle

i've had the urge to put my fist through a wall or window on a near hourly basis all week. i have patience issues.

I was just in a people hate mood.

I've now progressed to the people are sheep mood.

Confession: I wish I were an artist. i wish I could create something from scratch (and not something I can eat). something I can enjoy and show people.

I used to hate people. Then I realized they just weren't worth my time. Now I worry about how stupid people in general are because of the crappy political/economic situations we're in and the general stupidity of a general public who believes that the government can just print money out of thin air to rescue not us lay people, but the government and corporations themselves. If printing money were that easy, why do we all need to work? (end rant)

Confession: That little rant just pissed me off.

Bigger Confession: I've become one of those girls who's waiting longingly (actually, impatiently) for her boyfriend to propose, is dropping not so subtle hints about the type of ring she wants, and who somehow managed to find herself looking at really great wedding invitations online. And thinking they were great. And I'm having so much fun with it all!

And the even bigger confession: I love One Tree Hill. Absolutely love it. Especially that they are just trying to do the best they can, and are generally looking to do what's right. I think it gives me hope.

KUDOS

dirty feminist transgression confession: i want to be a disney princess.

COCL, I'll add to that, I like chivalry.

For example, a friend and I went on a tour and we had to have ID that showed who we were, well he put me on my lapel, and when the door was open, he ushered me through and had his hand on my waist. I like that.

= I know this belongs in the Sin Bin, but as I cannot find it, and I have something just bursting to get off my chest right now..=

Forgive me Busties for I have sinned:

I acted (according to frecklette who wintnessed the whole scene) very Fake to a former nemisis of mine that I ran into today, even going so far as to gush " it's SO good to see you again! " when in reality, it's a terrible evil enjoyment I get out of seeing her as I know it makes her far more uncomfortable than it does Me.
I Also know that there are all sorts of rumors still swirling around about me & the mr's departure from our old unit, several of which had us moving far far away, and I know this woman will, probably even before she reached her MINIVAN, get on the phone to call all the other busybodies about a 'spotting' of me.

.. I think I even acidentally referred to one of her kids as an ' It ' as in " .. and what did you end up naming it? '
- oops?

probably I ought to feel bad right about now. really, I should be fearing karmic retribution on a very Large scale, but...

I took a nap at my desk today. My boss was away and I've been stressed and I was sooo sleepy... and it was my lunch hour.

Despite the relative indignity of lolling dozing in my ergonomic chair I feel much better and brighter now.