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stargazer
(((syb)))


(((cocl)))
auralpoison
I am a jerkface. I do not know why/how good things keep coming to me, because I am a jerkface. TOTAL jerkface. And everybody knows it. I don't hide it. I am a jerkface.

And for a skinny, dorky white boy, he's a damned fine kisser. Just enough pressure, just enough spit. And I like the way he bites my lower lip just before we part.
zoya
I am fucking the alien. I am so fucking stoked.

I think the only person who might have any idea what I'm talking about is Bunny. Maybe Sybarite.

but yes, I am fucking the alien. my dreams have come true.

I'm such a geek.


freckleface7
[quote name='lilacwine13' date='Dec 1 2008, 01:47 PM' post='226447']
I am procrastinating on finding someone to help with my anxiety.
lilac, this line worries me.
please don't put it off.
pm me if you want.
((((((lilac))))))))

zoya, whatever it means, I hope you enjoy every second of it. wink.gif

ap: I don't know what you meant, but you're aces to me !

thirtiesgirl
Confession: I cannot seem to stop spending money right now. I spent all weekend shopping for stuff I didn't need, in addition to online shopping yesterday and today. And the sick thing is, it's all because I'm feeling so damn lonely and empty without the L-D guy, which I'm in major denial about.

None of the stuff I bought will fill me up and make me feel less lonely and empty. But I don't know how to feel those things without the insurmountable fear that they'll completely overwhelm me. I wasn't taught how to handle this shit, aside from spending money on material things. My mom was always big on material rewards, but she didn't know how to teach me to deal with difficult emotions because she didn't know herself.

I feel so empty without him. Which sounds stupid to me because things are still new with us. And the feelings of stupidity are a large part of the reason I'm in denial. But it's been long years, and I do mean long years, that I've been without someone who I feel I could trust with my heart. I feel that way about him. It's becoming more than just casual dating for me. Which is why I feel so empty without him and want to see him every day. ...And why I can't seem to stop spending money on shit I don't need. Thanks, mom.
doodlebug
Confession: I am slowly but surely realizing that the man I thought I was falling in love with is NOT same person as the man I find myself wanting to talk with almost every single day. It's not that I am thinking of jumping ship for another man. It's that what I get from the other man - as a friend alone - is making me realize what I am missing from the one who quite probably isn't the one after all.
auralpoison
Seriously, though. I am a jerkface. I am shocked at how you people accept me even though I am obviously Satan. You should hate me. I'm utterly awful. A horrible, awful, no-good person. I'm the bubonic plague of people; I'm fucking malignant.

Thirties, retail therapy has it's place. Don't be beating yourself up over it. You are a pretty *SENSIBLE* shopper. You do the Bogo; where I decide that it's perfctly reasonable to spend exorbitant amounts of money on being shod. After my meetings with the lawyers last week, I dropped almost $300 at B&Lu, $400 at Emitations, & a grip on panties from like, four diff sites. Did it fill the hole in my heart? NO. But it did provide some temporary respite. I really fought dropping the $500 on the new boots, but bought a brand new plasma TV instead. And a DVD player. And a whole bunch of other shit.

I come from a long line of emotional shoppers. My gran's catchphrase was, "Well, let me BUY you something!" Because new shit always fills the hole.
bunnyb
QUOTE(zoya @ Dec 2 2008, 02:58 AM) *
I am fucking the alien. I am so fucking stoked.

I think the only person who might have any idea what I'm talking about is Bunny. Maybe Sybarite.

but yes, I am fucking the alien. my dreams have come true.

I'm such a geek.


Beware the anal probe laugh.gif .
erinjane
Confession: Right before I got together with my boyfriend, my exboyfriend (from 3.5 years ago who I consider my first love) wrote me a really hurtful email that made me stop wanting to be happy for him and where his life is now. I get a twisted satisfaction from knowing how much more I love my boy than I ever loved him and I hope he knows it. I can't help it, I can be a bitter person sometimes!

Confession 2: I love my boy! But I'm too scared to tell him yet, even though I think he loves me too.
CandyMandyDandy
I've been spending A LOT on myself lately and Christmas is right around the corner. i know by the time Xmas comes all the bills will too sad.gif I just couldnt help myself Gucci was having a sale
thirtiesgirl
QUOTE(auralpoison @ Dec 2 2008, 01:12 AM) *
Seriously, though. I am a jerkface. I am shocked at how you people accept me even though I am obviously Satan. You should hate me. I'm utterly awful. A horrible, awful, no-good person. I'm the bubonic plague of people; I'm fucking malignant.

I don't believe a word.

QUOTE(auralpoison @ Dec 2 2008, 01:12 AM) *
Thirties, retail therapy has it's place. Don't be beating yourself up over it. You are a pretty *SENSIBLE* shopper. You do the Bogo; where I decide that it's perfctly reasonable to spend exorbitant amounts of money on being shod. After my meetings with the lawyers last week, I dropped almost $300 at B&Lu, $400 at Emitations, & a grip on panties from like, four diff sites. Did it fill the hole in my heart? NO. But it did provide some temporary respite. I really fought dropping the $500 on the new boots, but bought a brand new plasma TV instead. And a DVD player. And a whole bunch of other shit.

I come from a long line of emotional shoppers. My gran's catchphrase was, "Well, let me BUY you something!" Because new shit always fills the hole.

I can so identify with this. The thing is, while I do shop cheap (Payless, Target, Old Navy, JC Penney sales), I don't stop. I won't just buy one or two pairs of shoes at Payless. I bought several, in the store and online. Same with clothes shopping. I'll buy some stuff at Target, but if they don't have everything I want in my size, I'll go home and check online and spend more money there.

I've learned the hard way that while it does fill a temporary need (and keeps me well shod, with a good wardrobe), my feelings of emptiness always come back to haunt me. I'm not happy with myself for not striving to be a better person. Not to mention, the constant shopping keeps me from accomplishing my other goal which is to save enough money to buy a new car (as in new to me, but used). I've been driving my Honda POS hatchback (POS = piece of shit, for those not in the know) for over 11 years and I'd love something a little newer and shinier, with maybe another set of doors. AND I've got student loans to pay, which I generally do on a monthly basis. But I've defaulted a couple of times and right now my credit is in the toilet. It's gonna take me a while to repair that one. Ach.
freckleface7
confession: I am a manic & obsessive online-window shopper.
it started w/ that black silk robe last year (which I never did find exactly tho close- at Target!) and has beern followed by so many things sinse I cannot remember. most recently it's been the vintage sari patchwork or silk kimono, and then the New (to me too thirties) car (which in my defense IS going to happen, but not for several more months yet) and the latest is the small (1/4 ct) emerald cut diamond solitare in yellow gold.
just now I've decided that I desperately need a 2-piece velour lounge set & a camel colored wool peacoat and have spent the last hour online Scouring sites for exactly-the-perfect-ones.
sad.

confession: I get a big fat head & the giggles over finding out about more boys that had crushes on me in high school or guys I dated in the past that still have little torches for me.
- it was 20 years ago & I am very happily married to the mr. seems something wrong about it.
flanker_ji
I'm suprised by my posting presence here, especially in the sex threads. I haven't posted there for years!
culturehandy
30's and AP, I'm with you on shopping. I'm getting better about not shopping as often. But instead of dealing with things and going shopping, I still don't deal with things and now work out. a lot.

We will always find something to fill the void. Better than drinking or blowing it upyour nose.
pollystyrene
I had to do something I'm really not proud of. I got a message via Facebook from my ex-best friend, LeBoy's ex-girlfriend. She is a toxic, toxic person. We're talking Zenia from The Robber Bride. I can't even believe she contacted me- I closed our relationship with a letter that sent her back into therapy. She said she still thinks about me, is now a SAHM. She was a pretty anti-social person, so I'm still just shocked she joined Facebook, let alone contacted me. Fortunately, most of my personal information on FB is kept private, so she has no idea we're engaged. We have no mutual friends, so I don't think she could have heard it through the grapevine.

Anyway, to the part I'm guilty of- I went into LeBoy's FB account and blocked her from even knowing he exists in the FB universe. I'm not at all worried about him trying to get back with her or anything, I just can't let her back in. And I can't reply to her, even if it is to tell her to fuck off because if I reply, she'll be able to see my profile- everything that's been going on, all of the people who I'm friends with (many of whom were also hurt by her)

Oh, I feel sick.
freckleface7
oh polly, please don't feel bad!
I've done that w/ the mr's email addy before.. if it's not a big deal to Him, and it gives ME peace of mind.. doesn't that equal out to ok?

and I think not responding to her email is exactly right.
((((((polly))))))
erinjane
I often wish my (ex)SIL would just die in some stupid alcoholic enraged accident so that she can stop being the worlds shittiest mom to my 5 year old niece. She constantly ditches her, doesn't hold a job, and is continually in relationships with fellow addicts. Whenever she comes over to my parents house to see/drop off my niece, I don't come down because I can't even look her in the face without wishing horrible things upon her. She already stabbed her ex-boyfriend in the heart while she was drunk and high, but they stayed together after it all and she only got probation. It's amazing how far a pretty face will get you when the police or courts are involved. They look at her like she's some innocent lost teenager who's had a bad run of luck. She's an alcoholic, dangerous, manipulative 26 year old who doesn't care about anyone except herself. She gets mad at my brother for not letting my niece sleep over and says it's his fault when he constantly tells her that if she stops drinking and starts recovery that she can eventually do that. She says she shouldn't have to stop drinking because she doesn't have a problem.

/rant - that wasn't meant to be so long...
pollystyrene
Yeah, but your mr. knows that you do it and chooses to be okay with it. unsure.gif

Prophecy_grrl made me feel better; when I told her I felt petty and underhanded for doing it. She said she's the one whose being manipulative by contacting me, is probably feeling guilty for things she did in the past and is trying to revise history in her own head by talking about some nostalgic high school crap to try to get me back.

Homie don't play dat game. dry.gif

ETA: Okay, I told him:

PS: "Remember that plague we thought we were past, she who shall not be named?"
LB: "Uh, yeah."
PS: "Well, guess who I got a message from on Facebook today?"
LB: (Groan, sigh) "Is she just dense?"
PS: "Well, I'm thinking she must have had some sort of head injury that caused amnesia and she really doesn't remember how we ended things"....and it went on from there.

I guess I feel better about it not really being a secret, though....he really, really isn't interested in having any contact with her (he does want to see the picture of her Comic-Book-Store-Guy-esque husband and their ugly spawn, though, just to laugh at her.)
thirtiesgirl
Polly, I love that you referenced Zenia from "The Robber Bride." That's my favorite Atwood book of all time. And it's good to keep the toxic people out. I have a few of those in my past. They're not getting back in.
kittenb
erinjane - I have been there. You have nothing to be ashamed of IMO.

Confession: today I took all of my laundry down to a laundrymat/dry cleaners to have them wash it. At $0.89 it cost about $91. Do you have any idea how much dirty clothes that it? I am so ashamed. I feel like on of thoes crazy cat ladies who has a house full of cats that have taken over the house. I am a dirt clothes horder! I normally end up washing the same 4-5 loads and everything else just stays on my closet floor. My house isn't a huge mess but I just could never got on top of that pile for long.

2nd Confession: Due to my current financial situation, I had to put everything on my credit card.

3rd Confession: Despite my embarressement, I still think that was the right thing to do. I would have spent a good portion of my holiday school break doing laundry.
pollystyrene
Kitten, I have Christmas Eve until January 5th off of work and my goal is to go through my laundry, wash it all and give away most of what has been on my closet floor for months. And by months, I might possibly mean years. Like since we bought the place and I just couldn't keep up. Obviously, I haven't been missing it. I've seriously considered doing one of those by-the-pound things, just to get through it and start fresh. ...doing the math- about 100 pounds? Yeah, that's probably what I have, too. Were the cleaner people shocked and appalled? I wonder if they get a lot of people like us. rolleyes.gif

I recently got one of those email forwards, those personal survey things, favorite color, favorite drink, Italian or French dressing? things....one of the questions was "What color is your bedroom carpeting?" I replied "laundry colored."
kittenb
Thanks Polly. Yes, the laundry woman was shocked. She is this bitchy little woman whom I have argued with before but they do a good job on my dry cleaning. I'm just trying to consider it my gift to myself.

In my dream home I want a laundry room. I may have posted this before. I want a room all to myself with a washer/dryer and a small tv and fun laundry accessories. It will have room for an ironing board and a window. I'll either paint it white or some light sunny color. I actually like doing laundry but hauling it up and down 3 flights of stairs is no fun.
pollystyrene
I know what you mean. A laundry room is a must for me in my next house.
culturehandy
I think I fucked up in a tough letter text message and letter I sent to a friend because I'm sick of the bullshit.

I just want to hear from him and talk to him about what I said.
auralpoison
It's our anniversary. First hump in the road called December crossed. I slept most of the day away. I woke up at right about the time I was giving her corneas away to the eye bank. They were the only things not destroyed. Her boyfriend called, but I didn't want to talk to him. I did my penance. I was nice to him for six months, I feel I did more than my part. He's a retard. Fuck 'im. I really want to go to the bar & get hammered, but I'm sure he'll be there, so I won't. I'm gonna make a pot pie & watch bad teevee instead.
neurotic.nelly
(((ap)))

******************************

I struggle with self esteem issues, and sometimes I can only see whats wrong with me, but today, I see what is right. POSITIVE things about me:

I have a presence that I exude and I do not have to be the loudest or the funniest or the wittiest or the smartest or the most fashionable and I STILL have this thing that is charismatic and unusual and attractive.

I do not bow down to authority.

I question authority.

I question and rebuke the status quo.

I am authentic most of the time. More than most modern humans.

I love myself for going with the flow this week.

I am making a new friend, and I am happy about it.
stargazer
Go Nelly!

Confession: I've heard that sometimes New Year's can be pretty symbolic. Um, last year, I feel asleep at 9 pm on New Year's Eve and woke up with my period. I started my period today and I'm expected to get my next period Jan. 1, 2009. Damn. I'm left wondering what THAT means. dry.gif
culturehandy
I really don't get the appeal of new years. It's just another night.

In fact, I think that new years is nothing but overrated. My plan is to sleep through new years or perhaps do something with one of my best friends. Like stay in.
neurotic.nelly
"I am authentic most of the time. More than most modern humans."

This really sounds pompous, rereading it. But, it is true for certain "materialistic" people. "Modern humans" - not the best description.

confession: I am so glad that I already went to the grocery store, and cleaned the house. Yay!
mouse
ch, my confession is that new years is somehow a Big Fucking Deal to me. i don't know why, i'm not like that for any other holiday---even my birthday. but if i'm not doing something extravagant when the numbers click down, i'm deeply disappointed and it sticks with me. ridiculous, and i don't know why.
crazyoldcatlady
confession: i feel like i'm wasting my youth being a hermit. "youth is wasted on the young...."

confession: i am very very very very scared.... to get my wisdom teeth out soon. i'm such a fucking baby.

confession: i have totally backslid. i am not over the Youngin'. i am weak.

eta confession: all the above make it sound like i'm in the Bell Jar, but i actually had a great hair day, and feel righteous after being on the slopes this weekend, even tho i wiped out more than i can count.
culturehandy
Mouse, I totally understand what you mean.

COCL, I was fucking petrified of getting my wisdom teeth taken out. you'll be fine.
erinjane
COCL, I just had mine out on Thursday. The actual procedure was a breeze (I was awake but frozen). Unfortunately my face got huge, like...unbelievably huge, bigger than anyone I know who's gotten there's out. It's still swollen today, but much less, and I have a massive bruise in my right cheek. For most people it's not too bad though. Do it when you can have at least 4 days off to recover. I literally stayed in bed and high on T3's from Thursday night to Sunday night and actually enjoyed being able to relax without feeling guilty. I was in some bad pain at first but the T3's really knocked it out.
anna k
I went to one New Year's party four years ago, and it was fun, but never did anything exciting since then. I can feel guilty if I don't have a party to go to on Halloween or Valentine's and don't have anyone to hang out with. Like if I don't wear a costume or do something extragavent or exciting. I've been to one Halloween party (three years ago), and spent others seeing movies or walking around the East Village, just people-watching.

I prefer watching Twilight Zone episodes and eating Chinese food for New Year's, but if a party comes up that I'm invited to, that's cool. I just prefer being with loved ones rather than going alone to some party advertised in the Village Voice.
anarch
confession: I just polished off two bags of chips and hid the empty bags under other garbage in the trash can so my sweetie won't know. Normally I just stay the hell away from junk food because it all gives me acne, but I just discovered these chips at Safeway that are popped, not fried (zits galore) or baked (not so tasty). I couldn't stop eating them.
ihateoly
Confession: I didn't leave my house at all today. I never set a foot out the door. I avoided going to the laundromat because it was kind of cold outside and I hate the laundromat. I wish I could afford to pay someone to wash my clothes for me and that makes me feel like a lazy bastard. Meh.
mouse
anarch--pop chips?? omg they sell them at my work...the black pepper kind and the garlic parmesan kind are fucking killer....it is a temptation hard to resist for sure. sad.gif
zoya
ihateoly - I've gone 3 days without leaving my house before. bad side effect of being a freelancer.
pollystyrene
Pop chips- are they like that Pirate Booty?

Oh, here's the site: PopChips

Fascinating- I'll have to get some!
kittenb
confession - I started crying this morning because I was tired and stressed. I have not slept well since Saturday night.

confession - my sessions with my practice client did not go as well as I thought it did. My teacher could tell I was being judgemental and that my client was working for my approval. I knew about the judgemental part but I thought I was hiding it better. I had not noticed the need for approval stuff at all. Well, I noticed that she needed it I just didn't realize that she was looking for it from me.

confession - I have no perspective today and I feel like crying again and calling my practice client and apologizing even though I know that I am a student and I shouldn't expect perfection.

confession - I really can be a judgemental bitch sometimes.

confession - I want Pop Chips now.
Persiflager
((kittenb))

Confession: I am secretly relieved that my cough/cold is still too bad for me to audition for solos at choir tonight and worry that this means I am just a big cowardy custard.
anarch
polly and mouse,

OMG I see that Amazon grocery sells a variety pack of Pop Chips for $25.23/dozen! which works out to $2.10 each, which sure beats Safeway's $2.99 each. Super saver shipping means no shipping cost too. Hmmm...Original, BBQ, Salt & Pepper are $30.02/dozen but that still works out to $2.50 each.

/salivating
mouse
confession #1: after three weeks of eating REALLY FUCKING WELL (99% farmer's market veggies, hardly any bread, NO sugar) i broke down and got carls' jr fries. fuck it; i'm drunk, hungry, cranky, & sad, & my crush decided to talk to a new girl all night and refuse a ride home from me when an hour ago he was whining about not getting to go home early.

confession #2: i love the pop chips, i do, but i totally look down on people who think "health food" junk food is somehow beneficial to you. maybe it's less saturated fat than ruffles but it's not doing you any favors. if you're going to eat junk food, admit it. don't eat junk food labeled health food and think you're eating broccoli.

(disclaimer: not directed at anyone here, more my idiot coworkers)
Lily_Anne
confession: I pee in the shower.
Apparently this is not Normal unsure.gif
konphusion26
QUOTE(Lily_Anne @ Dec 11 2008, 02:39 AM) *
confession: I pee in the shower.
Apparently this is not Normal unsure.gif


I know a lot of people who do that Lily Anne (including me). Not many are willing to admit it. LOL
treehugger
Hey..Ms Treehugger here says you are saving water that way!

One less toilet flush per day multiplied by how many millions of people who don't admit to peeing in the shower, could probably fill a reservoir for a small town. smile.gif
pollystyrene
QUOTE(konphusion26 @ Dec 11 2008, 02:26 AM) *
I know a lot of people who do that Lily Anne (including me). Not many are willing to admit it. LOL


Eh, what are you going to do? Get out, pee, get back in? It's sterile, it's going right down the drain.

If I think of peeing before I get in, I do, otherwise, I sometimes do it in there.

What I hate is getting all clean, and then realizing you have to poop. Argh! There have been times where I've had to poop so urgently (not diarrhea or anything) that I do get out, do it, get back in. At least then, you get clean again.


kittenb
QUOTE
don't eat junk food labeled health food and think you're eating broccoli.
laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif

But...but...the Pita Chips I like are labeled whole grain! That's healthy, I'm sure of it.
pollystyrene
Depends, kitten- are you dipping them in hummus or some sort of cheesy/ranch dressing/sour cream-type dip? tongue.gif

((mouse))
mouse
i totally pee in the shower.
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