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thirtiesgirl
I hear you Zoya. I can so identify with those feelings. I used to push guys away on purpose to see how they'd react, see if they'd come back after I'd pushed them away as a test to see if they 'truly' loved me. Of course I didn't realize I was doing it at first, but once I recognized my pattern of doing that in relationships, I still found it hard to stop. And, you know, only once among all the guys I dated did a guy come back and express interest in me again...but he was really only looking for a booty call. Obviously, I was successful in pushing the rest of them away. It's an issue I'm still working on now, although I've gotten much better at recognizing my anxieties with that issue and talking about it with my partner before I start sabotaging the relationship.
anarch
confession - The Traditional Values Coalition mailed a survey on "activist judges" and how important it is to keep them from the Supreme Court, to a previous owner of my PO Box. Instead of calling them to get my address off their mailing list, I mailed their postage-paid envelope ("putting a stamp here will let us put more money towards fighting for your values!" or somesuch) back to them today. I left it empty. I felt a little petty doing it but hey, pennies add up.


confession on "true sexual fulfillment" - I remember reading an article whose author said it was surprising, the number of women she knew who said the best sex they'd ever had was NOT with their husbands/SOs. I asked around in my own circles and yeah, same thing. Very few whose best sex was with their current long-term partners. Me included. Poking around in a box recently, I found a pair of pink leather handcuffs I bought for me about 4 yrs ago. We've used them twice. He can't bring himself to use them with anything but strong reluctance (which of course totally kills the feeling for me). I keep bringing it up every year or so and he improves a tiny bit each time, but yeah, I'm getting tired of wishing that all my sexual dimensions were fulfilled, or even promised to be before say a decade goes by.

Having confessed that, I do hope with all my heart that y'all find true sexual fulfillment with kickass lifetime partners who blow your minds AND bodies.
zoya
...actually all I meant by my statement was that I have loads of guy friends, and the way they all describe how they feel about someone when they're in love with them (ie: their girlfriends) is exactly some of those things I wrote below. I simply meant that I want to be that person for someone who evokes those things (implying that it's mutual, of course) I want someone to say those things about me, that my guy friends say about their partners.

There's nothing I can do to "earn" that, and I know it. it's just something that happens between two people. I've just been finding it so frustrating - lately to the point of pretty much breaking - that I know, and so do others, that I rock, yet I don't do that for anyone. Would be nice to be that person for once.


...it would also be nice if they blew me away sexually, too! wink.gif
raisingirl
I'm scared afraid of going blind.
culturehandy
In terms of the sexualiy bit, I'm going to have to agree and while I'm not married, because of where I'm at with *stuff* I will not be able to get involved with someone long term who doesn't feel the same way I do and isn't into what I'm into. I do find vanilla sex fulfilling, but only for a short time, then I start to get that itch for what I truly want and what truly satisfies me, then I go off and find it.

CH truly thinks with her pussy and not her head or heart.
LoveMyPugs
deleted
ketto
QUOTE(culturehandy @ Jan 8 2009, 01:01 PM) *
In terms of the sexualiy bit, I'm going to have to agree and while I'm not married, because of where I'm at with *stuff* I will not be able to get involved with someone long term who doesn't feel the same way I do and isn't into what I'm into. I do find vanilla sex fulfilling, but only for a short time, then I start to get that itch for what I truly want and what truly satisfies me, then I go off and find it.

CH truly thinks with her pussy and not her head or heart.


I totally agree with this too. I was really really nervous when I got together with the new boy because he was practically a virgin. I know I can't be with someone who I'm not sexually compatible with and I know I still occasionally intimidate my guy, but thank goodness he's a fast learner and excellent in bed...it's weird comparing him to previous partners though because most of my previous partners were just fun fucks - I didn't have an emotional connection tied to them. But damn, some of them were fun. Oh memories. tongue.gif
freckleface7
confession: a super shy guy I knew in high school is now an ELVIS IMPERSONATOR & I think it may be one of THE'. coolest. things. Ever. I mean.. from my graduating class we have a few lawyers..a cpa or 2 etc etc, but ELVIS ??
any & all Chicagoland busties must go see him perform for me! (his pic is in my crackbook friends list)

confession: I peed in the shower today w/ only 1 bar of soap ! rolleyes.gif
humanist77
Do you know where in Chicago he performs, freckle? tongue.gif
I totally peed in the shower a couple days ago, using the genius technique of gently *pulling* everything upwards (using Method #2 on this page) so that the stream arced upwards more instead of down between my legs. Didn't get a drop on myself. It was very neat! The interesting thing (to me, anyway) is that I didn't even *think* of using that technique, I just sort did it by instinct, and the stream went more up and out. Me thinks this could be a built in instinct for women before the time of toilets....
auralpoison
Confession: A guy I went to school with *was* an Elvis impersonator from grade school on. He performed frequently throughout our formative years. Outfits & everything, schwag out the wazoo. He preferred to be called E to his given name, Duane. He adopted an Elvis accent (Thank ya. Thank ya verrry much.) & he worked at the local Kroger with me. I have no idea where he is or what he has going on or if he still digs Elvis.

Confession: I'm gonna find the guy & see what's up with him.

Confession: Finally saw D. Gonna make a move on him next week.

Better be usin' that soap on your ass last & then cleaning it real good, Freckle.
culturehandy
Confession: I'd really like it if AP and COCL would get on crackbook! crackbooooooooooooooook!
zoya
confession - I'm starting to regret a decision I made yesterday, one reason being I'm in that depressed headspace when I can't make a decision and either stick to it or not make it in the first place. I think I may have jumped too quickly into the decision. bottom line, I just am feeling like I can't trust myself to know what is right, and I'm not sure if I'm listening to my gut because my gut is going in all different directions.

basically I'm in that dark spiral that I know very well and fuck I can't wait til I'm out of it


anarch
((((zoya))))


((((Love My Pugs))))

it's funny, because you were at the back of my mind as I wrote that. I lurk in the BDSM thread often and your posts there have made me envious! I hope things work out better for you, and soon.
neurotic.nelly
(((((((((((((zoya)))))))))))) - I hate that feeling - indecision - and then - the regret and confusion. Take care of yourself.
lilacwine13
((((zoya)))))
girltrouble
((((zoya))))

confession:i giggle when i take a shower cos of all the damn busties, soap n peeing stories.

confession:yesterday was my last day at work. they phrased it like a layoff, but i got fired. it's somewhere inbetween, after all, i was technically an "overhire" temp worker.

confession: i don't think i want to weld anymore. i love it, but it's made me super, super neurotic-- not just at work, but outside of work. since i've only been doing it a little over a year, i end up getting assigned grunt work. i don't mind that, but i wasn't trained to use some of the machines, so i try hard, but i fuck everything up.... which makes me more neurotic. i had a panic attack at work a month ago, and walked out of work in the middle...


confession:i'm becoming obsessed with the movies they show on telemundo/univision @ 3am. they are always big hair 60's affairs. right now they are dancing to a spanish version of "tie a yellow ribbon (around the old oak tree)." they all look like charro was their stylist. if only i spoke spanish...
auralpoison
All right already! I am on crackbook now.

(((((Zoya)))))
treehugger
(((zoya)))

I found this soap today and lovingly thought of AP.
thirtiesgirl
Speaking of pee... and it's cohort, poo... I've been contemplating buying Pee & Poo plush toys for the past year. I just think they're so damn cute. Observe.
mouse
i want a boyfriend....................................so i can watch scary movies and still fall asleep after.
auralpoison
Confession: I want *MY* boyfriend . . . the misfit toys are cool & all, but I want my boyfriend back from the clutches of his anxiety riddled, neurotic mind.

Thirties, HB got me a mono plushie last year. So cute! And possibly a harbinger.

Confession: I've been having sex with G. I initiated it. I could only hold out for so long & he smelled so good. I enjoy it while it's happening, but feel mildly guilty after. But not guilty enough to stop.
raisingirl
I confess I cried while watching the end of Tess of the d'Urbervilles on PBS. Sometimes I think I'm too sensitive.
freckleface7
confession: I just found out that back in high school whereas I may have been a Goddess to the Geeks, I was a SLUT to the rest of the guys &
I
Am
PISSED !!!!!!!
(bc not that it matters if I had sex w/anyone I choose to or not - I wasn't having sex at all back then.)
ketto
QUOTE(raisingirl @ Jan 12 2009, 12:38 AM) *
I confess I cried while watching the end of Tess of the d'Urbervilles on PBS. Sometimes I think I'm too sensitive.


Whatever, that's a super depressing story. Lately I find myself crying at something on TV every couple of days.
freckleface7
confession: have decided to let it go. the anger of the new info on my high school rep. it's 20 years ago, no sense in going retroactive on something that cannot be changed anyway.


confession: I feel myself sinking into a depression. things w/ the mr are erratically shitty and all I want to do lately is sleep. I'm seeing my therapist weekly still, but feel this is stuff that just has to work itself out in time..that or my psyche is actively Avoiding dealing w/ it completely which is also fine w/ me.
lilacwine13
((((Freckle))))) It's tough to let stuff like that go, even if it did happen twenty years ago.


Confession: I have been on antidepressants for a month and I've noticed a definite shift in my mood for the better. This is scaring me a little since I haven't felt this way in a very long time and I've forgotten how to handle it.
mouse
this one's real bad.................................




i secretly like robin williams
zoya
freckle -

don't sweat the sleeping thing. I've barely gotten out of bed all week so far, and I can't stop sleeping. I didn't even get out of bed until 5 pm yesterday. I left the house for the first time in over 36 hours today - and prior to that, I'd been out for about an hour, after being in 24 hours. I know that it will pass, but at the moment, I don't even care. I could sleep forever.
LoveMyPugs
confession: although mr. pugs has made his share of mistakes these past six months i have really not been a good fiance to him and i'm paying the price. however, i have turned over a new leaf and i am not going to beat myself up. i'm going to work hard to show him i love him. if he stays he stays if he goes he goes. i'll heal either way.

confession: i'm nervous about getting married in february. is that normal?

confession: i've seriously missed bust and i'm planning on posting like i used to from now on.
bunnyb
QUOTE(LoveMyPugs @ Jan 13 2009, 12:52 PM) *
confession: if he stays he stays if he goes he goes. i'll heal either way.

confession: i'm nervous about getting married in february. is that normal?


Is it Mr Pugs you are planning to marry? It's just that in the previous confession you write about him potentially leaving you... maybe that's why you're nervous about getting married. Obviously I don't know what's going on in your life and relationship but I know that I wouldn't be getting married if the relationship wasn't sound and if I thought he was going to leave me.

I'm sorry if that comes across as brash and insensitive, pugs, but your post confused me; in one part you write about the possible demise of your relationship and the next part is about your impending nuptials, which is somewhat incongruous.
LoveMyPugs
bunnyb - see Committed Thread for reply

missladyj
confession- I have to call hubby and have him explain to me over the phone how to get the turntable to work and the music to come out of the speakers( which have to be turned on) this requires using two patch bays, and a mixing board then I find out that the power amp is out and I can't even crank the speakers in the room where I am busting. It makes me feel retarded.

confession_ I have discovered the sirius radio station on our satelite tv which can be cranked because the power amp is apparently working in that room and there are four count em four speakers. this is way more awesome than fucking around with the turntables. The only down side is now I can't be the deejay. Dammit!!!!

confession_ if these are my biggest problems , life is pretty good.
missladyj
Remember when you were in school and you thought if only Mrs. So and So would just get laid already she'd relax.
guess what?

you were right
zoya
I kept my appt to get an IUD today. Even though we'd talked about options so we could put the condoms away, I never got the chance to tell R I'd made the appt. It was a bit weird that last time I was in and made the appt for it, I told them I had a regular partner; and this time when they actually were inserting it, I had to tell them I don't.
stargazer
confession: i don't remember all of my passwords on various sites because mac has enabled me not to think. not good. i think i need to write them down like i used to..pre-mac. curse you steve jobs! wink.gif
lilacwine13
I have the same issue, stargazer, only it's with Firefox remembering all my passwords. I need to write them all down too and stop relying on my computer to remember them for me.

Confession: I keep on buying used books, despite money being very tight and my ever-increasing list of books to be read. It seems like for every book I finish, two more spring up in its place. I love books and I love to read (obviously); I just need to sit down and read what I have before I visit Amazon or the local used book stores again.
girltrouble
star/wine :i email a list of my passwords to myself (and all of my phone numbers) so i know i can always access them.

lilac:
as for the books, have you tried the libraries? seattle has a fantastic library system, for music and movies too. i keep thinking i should get rid of my netflix acct... (speaking of which)

confession: i've had the same movie from netflix for the last 8 mos. it's a movie i really wanted to see, but i'm never in the mood for. and most times i forget i have it. add to that i have a dozen movies to watch from the library at any one time.
missladyj
I confess that I watched American Idol last night , I hope the whore in the bikini who can't really sing totally flops in Hollywood.
pollystyrene
QUOTE(girltrouble @ Jan 14 2009, 06:22 PM) *

confession: i've had the same movie from netflix for the last 8 mos. it's a movie i really wanted to see, but i'm never in the mood for. and most times i forget i have it. add to that i have a dozen movies to watch from the library at any one time.


I've got you beat- next month it will be a year since we got Planet Terror in the mail. I don't know if LeBoy even watched it. So, we've been paying $8/month for one movie for the last year. At least we got an Xbox for Xmas (ha ha) so we can watch movies instantly over that even with the movie out. I think at this point, we can't find the movie. I should probably just report it missing.
lilacwine13
Gt, the nearest library is very tiny (I don't even think they have DVDs), but thanks to interlibrary loan, I wouldn't have a problem finding stuff to check out. I just have to get my ass in gear and apply for a card the next time I'm in town and, when I have some more money, make a donation. I just got out of the habit of using them because I would forget to return books on time and end up being fined.
ketto
QUOTE(missladyj @ Jan 14 2009, 09:04 PM) *
I confess that I watched American Idol last night , I hope the whore in the bikini who can't really sing totally flops in Hollywood.


Was calling her a 'whore' really necessary?
konphusion26
Confession: I just spent alot of money on shirts and earrings. What was I thinking. i'll probably take most of it back. DAmn
bunnyb
QUOTE(lilacwine13 @ Jan 14 2009, 10:27 PM) *
Confession: I keep on buying used books, despite money being very tight and my ever-increasing list of books to be read. It seems like for every book I finish, two more spring up in its place. I love books and I love to read (obviously); I just need to sit down and read what I have before I visit Amazon or the local used book stores again.


lilacwine, it's as if you have reached into my soul and phrased the essence of and yet detriment to my being. Really, it's that bad. Money isn't very tight here, it's practically non-existent and yet I still manage to purchase more books (yesterday I majorly splurged on some pretty yet expensive Persephones and I'm going to have to hide them from the boy and that puts pressure on our relationship and the white lies are piling up...) I am a bibliophile and now consider myself a collector as I am building up a nice little collection of out of print green Viragoes and new, pretty, dove-grey Persephones. I am addicted to buying them; I covet them all and have no self-restraint or willpower to stop myself doing it. I have unread books on the bookshelves that could easily keep me occupied for five years and yet I can't resist the temptation of new books.

I love owning books so the library doesn't help (my visit to the library, back in Glasgow, was to borrow books that I actually owned but couldn't find amongst the books piled up around the house). I get it into my head to read a particular book and I MUST own that book and then I get distracted by the cover or synopsis of something else, read that and it reminds me of another book so I go buy/read that and it goes on and on and on.

As for the dvds: I've had Hard Candy for seven months, haven't watched it yet, and really need to cancel my dvd rental account to save money but won't until I've watched it and sent it back. I could have bought the dvd ten times over by now with the cost of the rental fee.
culturehandy
I'm going to step up to the book buying. I have TONS of unread books, and I keep buying and rereading the same ones.
freckleface7
confession: I have still not returned the stack of library books I posted about having months ago.
the mr found them out in the garage recently & is saying things like "have you returned them yet? I'm not paying for a bunch of expensive books like the Last Time." well it wasn't a "bunch" before, it was just one book.
and as I am utterly embarrassed & paranoid about returning them at all at this point, odds are not looking too good.

confession: I think the smell of book ink & paper ought to be bottled and sold as an aphrodesiac or aroma-therapy.

confession: I am sticking to light fluff reading while I am sick so while I have some headier brain books still waiting, I'm about to start another Danielle Steel today. I get way too involved emotionally w/ things I read & seek distraction rather than angst.

confession: I am totally rockin' the '70's today in gray argyle sweater w/ white & tan diamonds, blue jeans that remind me of Body Lingo's, brown clogs (but Birk's rather than w/ the wooden heel) and funkadelic argyle socks that are tan w/ darker brown, lite & dark green & burnt orange.
even my hair is very 'Dear Alex & Annie" in a smooth rounded bob today.
crazyoldcatlady
not really a confession, but i worry about the longevity of physical books.

magazines, newspapers going under? i could give two shits. but books? i need the static words, and the freckle-endorsed aromatherapy.

fuck the amazon kindle.
JoanClayton
I am lost! I don't know how to get on the path to my dreams. The harder I think, the more it escapes me. Everytime I get something I want, I mess it up. I am never satisfied. Nothing I do is good enough for my own standards. I try to live now, with what I have now but don't find contentment.

I am over worked, under relaxed. I need a vacation. I have no discipline, no guidance, no support system. I am very driven, a self starter and self motivated.

Who wants to volunteer to mentor me?
Christine Nectarine
confession pt 1) i’m totally spacing out at work today. the reason for this:

confession pt 2) A came home late (around 1:30) last night, slightly tipsy, and particularly amorous. hence, no sleep until 5:30am. i acted kind of upset at him for waking me up and not letting me sleep for so long, but i’m secretly pleased at all the attention i got without doing anything!

yeah, i really shouldn’t be typing this at the office…
lilacwine13
I think books are going to end up like vinyl records--something that can't die because there are too many people who love them, and there are aesthetic advantages to both that you won't find on a Kindle or a mp3, IMHO.

Magazines and newspaper, however, I can see going under. Right now I'm having problems finding mags that hold my interest for more than two minutes and, aside from the local news, I get most of it from online sources.

Freckle, I agree with the book and ink smell. So nice.

What I should be doing in regards to books is checking out fiction from the library and then buying the nonfiction books, since I know those will come in handy in the future and I have trouble finding titles I want at most libraries. However, bunnyb is right--there is something about just owning a book that I can't get from the library, especially if they look as lovely as the ones from those presses she mentioned.
missladyj
ketto, yes , yes it was.

I am a firm believer in calling em like a see em. A whore , is a whore, is a whore is a whore. Whether it be for money, sex, attention , fame or making to Hollywood on American Idol whoring yourself out is whoring yourself out .

That goes for the sexual chocolate contestant as well. He's a whore too.

Ya know who's not a whore, the blind guy.
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