Feb 4 2009, 11:45 PM
The highlight of my day is pumpkin waffles for dinner.
I don't know if that means I need a life or not.
Feb 4 2009, 11:48 PM
Confession: We ate cupcakes for dinner tonight. Just cupcakes. But they were carrot cake, so at least we got some veggies. Right?
Freckle, I'm dying to know which newscaster is eliciting these dirty dreams!
Feb 5 2009, 03:50 AM
thanks freck. i know, but it's really hard. ugh. i hate it. it's that familiarity that works just like a trap. you start brushing up against each other, going back to those pet names and in jokes...
confession:she put her hand on my thigh when she was driving, and against my better judgment, i put my hand on hers. i really shouldn't be around her. she says that she won't date me ever again, but that's not how she acts.
Feb 5 2009, 05:12 AM
Stargazer, I hear you. Sometimes--often--I am convinced that writing/editing in a cabin all by myself is the only way I will get this thing done. Is there nowhere else you can work in isolation; even the public library during the day (w/ laptop?)
Best of luck with it; I feel your pain!
Feb 5 2009, 05:42 AM
Confession: I have insomnia and am up at 2:30 in the morning, futzing around on the internet, when my alarm will go off in 2.5 hours to wake me up for work.
Confession #2: I think the reason I have insomnia is because I'm in denial that I'm depressed.
Feb 5 2009, 07:52 AM
n-n: she's playing you, saying one thing & acting another and it'll hurt twice as bad if not worse when things go back to how they were when you Knew you needed out. it's a Control game. you're stronger than that. - I KNOW you are.
walk away NOW & don't-look back.please.
rv: his initals are b. m. and he's a reporter for wral. I don't want to type his name lest it ever pop up in somone's random googling of him.
and while he is just an ordinary guy, he was Very Naughty (in kind of a scumbag jerk way that strangely turned me on anyway) and the dream was pretty..
Feb 5 2009, 02:42 PM
I feel like a bad kitty mama because when I dropped my kitty girl off to spayed this morning I had to decline all the recommended extras (EKG, full blood panel, etc.) and just went for the pain shot and meds to take home because I am too broke this week. With my surgery last month my paychecks have been running short and the car I recently got had to go to the shop yesterday and that was another $500 I wasn't planning on. And with the economy sucking ass the way it does and not knowing if I'm going to have my job much longer, I just felt like I couldn't afford it.
I am so fucking sick of Governator Schwarzenegger going after the elderly, disabled and poor in California and thereby going after my bff's and my job (not to mention thousands of others) that I'd like to personally run his privileged ass over with one of his many Hummers he's hogging up the gas with. Assgoblin.
Feb 5 2009, 05:24 PM
Confession: The Hostess donut story still makes me laugh.
Confession: I knew I never should have signed up for crackbook. One of our mutual friends found me yesterday. Within a couple hours of that, another of his peeps friended me. Today he found me. After eight long years. I don't really want to talk to him, but I know him well enough to know that he's gonna be so up my ass until I do. I need to just woman the fuck up, own the situation, & let it roll. Easier said than done.
Yuefie, you are NOT a bad kitty mama. You can only afford what you can afford, & vet bills are quite frankly exorbitantly GINORMOUS.
GT, for the love of MIKE, stay the hell away from Daddy. If the milk is sour in the first place, sticking it back & the fridge & trying again later isn't gonna make it good again. You get that urge, you call me. I have no life, I will talk you down. It would only cost me $250 to fly to the PNW & I've been offered a secure roost on a local aerobed . . . don't make me come out there & break my foot off in yo ass!
Freck, I had my first sexy dream in a long time early this morning. I dreamt that I got my Great King & I was sexin' it up while HB watched & then for some reason my aunt came in & caught us. *shudders*
Star, Kansas is extraordinarily quiet, y'know. And I know how to leave people alone. Empty back bedroom, I'm just sayin'.
Thirties, insomnia sucks. I am a total insomniac. Wash some Benadryl down with a winecooler. You should be able to get at least four hours.
Mmmmm . . . cupcakes & waffles! YUM!
Kon, in retribution for skankasaurus' myspace drama, I'd go ahead & order that new vibe. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. It's not like the box says what's inside! You just have to beat him home to retrieve it!
Feb 5 2009, 06:46 PM
rv: I saw the noon news & it's Not 'mildwulf' - I'd forgotten there were at least 2 b.m.s at that station.
confession: the mr is on his way home (!!!!!) & while we can't go too wild w/ the kid home tonight, I've asked him not go in to work tom til later so we can have some alone time.
wooo hooo freckle's gonna get her
ap: you can totally Block anyone you want from acessing you on crackbook.
makes it easier.
yuefie: unless your cat has had some health worries already, there's little need to do an Ekg or any of the rest.
I have many friends that are vet techs & they all agree & say that bc I too felt guilty for it, but it's basically additional charges to re-coup some of the free work vets do.
Feb 5 2009, 09:55 PM
Thanks, babes. I feel a lot better now that my girl is home, safe and sound and sleeping on my quilt. But I have another confession: I feel terrible about putting that awful lampshade e-collar on her, she's so miserable she thrashed around for 3 hours straight (no exaggeration) until she exhausted herself and knocked out. I'm worried she may start up again when she wakes up and could tear her stitches, but if I take it off she could easily lick at them. Ugh.
Also I am sad that my guy's son will be moving across the country in a few monts, but obviously not as sad as he is about it 'cause he's not my kid. I feel like I have to try to stay *chipper* and find the positive in it for his sake, even though I'm really bummed out too. I know he doesn't feel this way, and that's it's probably just my codependent nature, but it's how I feel.
Feb 5 2009, 11:57 PM
i don't know that t is playing me, i think we just miss each other. it didn't help that on a tv show we both watch, they told a joke that she would tell all the time.
no. i'm going to keep her at arms length (i would look weirder than normal walking around with aural's foot up my ass, and how would i find flattering jeans?
i know what you guys are saying, but she's also family. she really knows me. apropos of nothing she asked me a question the other day that only someone who knows my habits would know. those feelings are coming up, but i know i need to be on my own. i'm really starting to like myself in new ways. it's slow going, but i've known it's what i needed for years.
confession: i did nothing today. there is a job that i could apply for and more than likely get tomorrow, but i probably won't. i don't want to.
Feb 6 2009, 12:09 AM
Confession: It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. We IM'd for a minute or two, then he called me & we had a good chat. We made little mention of that that was. In the end, I think it was a good thing. This may be the one & only time where I might be able to make friends with a boy from yesterday.
I am still confused about all the facets of facebook. I dunno how to block anybody. Star sent me something, I clicked the wrong button, now i dunno what it was. I am computarded.
ETA: Confession: I still kinda love him. I had forgotten how rich his voice was, I still blush with his praise. And he had the greatest smile & such long lashes.
Feb 6 2009, 12:52 AM
confession: I support Palestinian sovereignty.
confession: I am disgusted with world politics on a daily basis. Buck, Buck, Buck, Bang on this wicked ass system!!!
Feb 6 2009, 04:49 AM
confession - I found another flat, that is just slightly out of my price range - but WAY less so than the other one. I'm thinking if it looks as good in person as it does in the photos, I'm gonna go for it. I'm nervous that I'm not factoring in enough for utilities when I run a budget in my head, and that even though I can swing the rent, I'll get fucked on the bills. But I really wanna live alone!!! I like my flatmate, but I have a hard time with creative pursuits when someone else is around...
Feb 6 2009, 05:28 AM
ich, zoya, take care with your choice, especially if you wanna live alone. it might be better to get a place that's cheaper that you can make super nice with your extra $$$ rather than the one that's already fancy but you can't afford to do anything with...
Feb 6 2009, 07:01 AM
I frequently feel I'd be better living alone. I've lived alone and liked it a lot, and with the thesis it would work much better. I'm too busy to hang out much with the mister anyway(an issue in itself) and I crave the headspace.
But I'm (allegedly) almost done with the thesis and am told I will return to 'normal', i.e. not obsessed with the thing, at which point hopefully I will rejoin the social side of humanity. These days I'm a hermit.
Zoya, maybe do up a sample budget? Keep in mind your bills will probably not be proportional: i.e. you won't be paying exactly half of the heating bill of your last place, but slightly more again, and you'll be paying all the line rental charges for landline and broadband. That said, I envy you your choice of flats: flats in your town can be lovely.
Feb 6 2009, 07:29 AM
thing is, I've looked at about 10 flats so far, and if I go lower than a certain price range, they're so shitty it's just.. SHIT. ha.
The problem stems not from the rent, there's a pesky thing here in the UK called council tax, that goes on TOP of the rent. I'm sure Sybarite can attest to the frustration that is council tax. There are different tax bands (rates) based on the value of the property. So you can have different flats in the same building with different tax rates. for example, say I'm paying £400 rent, but my council tax is the highest band. I'd actually be paying more per month than someone across the hall who's rent is £500 and is the second lowest band. That's what's fucking me. The rent on this flat is actually only about £25/mo more than the highest I said I'd go, but the council tax is a bit higher than other ones I've looked at. so that's where it bumps the price up. It's so frustrating. When I look at flats, I have a price range for rent that I know I can do - but THEN I look up the council tax, and it's been the deciding factor on some of them. Sometimes landlords will negotiate on the rent, but it's such a renters market right now that I don't think that will happen. bleh.
thanks for the input on the budget - where I live now is the first time in like 10 years I've not lived alone, so I've been used to budgeting for solo living... it's not the phone or internet bill that is hard to budget, because you know exactly what that will be it's the electrical / gas. Because you just can't really tell what it will be if you've not lived in a place. Specially an old place.
I wonder if I called the power company if they could tell me what the average bill for a place has been over the last year?
yeah, I've mostly always lived alone. I've liked having a flatmate around, someone to talk to, etc. but I've also made a lot of friends here and people are pretty social, so I would expect that people will come by and stuff. And I just like being able to walk around naked and write without interruption, etc.
ETA: I love how one of my priorities is walking around naked. When I lived alone, I would seriously sometimes go all day with no clothes on. I love being naked.
Feb 6 2009, 07:35 AM
Hey, zoya, I *really* hope that it's not your flatmate that's preventing you from walking around naked just now but that HUGE, arch window you have! Most of the town would see you naked; certain uni students in their chem lab would be getting a right eyeful .
I agree with syb: some of the best flats are in my hometown, especially the area you are looking in.
eta: syb, I'm being a hermit too. At least you have a valid reason.
Feb 6 2009, 07:49 AM
oh that window has never stopped me from walking around naked. We did a test once, you can't actually see in from the street and the other buildings are so far away you can't actually see see anyone. Unless you had binoculars. And if someone does, then more power to em.
Feb 7 2009, 12:34 AM
confession: I never knew lip balm is what turns people gay. I always thought you were born what you are, but apparently it's been that evil lip balm all this time... *slaps hand to forehead* Doh!
I REALLY want to kick my future stepson's mother in the teeth.
I just overheard (they weren't talking very quietly) her son, who has admitted to both of his parents and myself that he likes both boys and girls, telling his dad how she was complaining because I put a chocolate lip balm in his christmas stocking. Apparently she said she just wishes I would stop buying him "girl" stuff already and just let him be a "normal" boy and figure out what he is on his own and stop trying to encourage him to be GAY. WTF? Really? And the thing is that when I met the kid he was already carrying around Burt's Bees lip balm with him because he always has chapped lips and *she* bought that for him. But since I bought this one for him, somehow it means I am trying to bring him to the dark side. Stupid douche.
For his sake I hope she learns to accept her son for who he is, not who he loves.
And if she doesn't, he will always be accepted in *this* family.
Feb 7 2009, 01:11 AM
yuefie: what an ass twit!
the boy is lucky to have you in his life and how wonderful it is that he can talk to you & your mr like that.
not an easy road though, so ((((((yuefies family))))))
how is your girlcat doing today?
terrible confession/sin (bc it's That bad) : the mr's grandmother has apparently taken another turn for the worse and I will not feel bad or sad if she FINALLY bites it.
I've posted about my dislike for her before and really, for the sake of the mr's mom who has carried the terrible burden of her, I hope her #'s up this time.
Feb 7 2009, 03:25 AM
Yuefie, that's awful. It's wonderful that he has you and his dad to love him unconditionally, no matter how far away you end up.
Feb 7 2009, 09:50 AM
Yuefie, you are so awesome with the kidlet; I am touched by how readily you helped create a family with R and the kidlet. I'm sure the two of you will keep him grounded through all the upcoming changes.
Feb 8 2009, 01:14 AM
Feb 8 2009, 10:10 AM
confession: last night at the hockey game, this jerk gave me a dirty look bc I had to quick move my popcorn as he was walking by me;
he ended up sitting really close 1 row below, so when I had to sneeze- I did so At him w/out covering it with my hand or anything.
to me, this is uber bad grossness.
Feb 8 2009, 11:12 AM
Confession: I really don't find Sarah Silverman that hysterical, I'm fucking Matt Damon was pretty funny though.
Feb 8 2009, 04:01 PM
confession - I really really really want this flat I'm going to look at on tuesday. I know that there are two other people looking at it at the same time, so I'm going to call the letting agent and see if there is any way to squeeze me in tomorrow. - if all of us who look at it at the same time want it, who gets to put down the deposit? I'm pretty sure I was the first person to call about it - I think I should get priority!!! grrr!!!
Feb 8 2009, 06:17 PM
confession: i have lived in my new apartment for close to 8 months, and i just realized today that my bathroom is painted yellow.
Feb 8 2009, 09:08 PM
almost everyone i know has been laid off/let go in the last year. today i found out my best friend got laid off on friday. she was closing on a new house. they knew it and still had no qualms about giving her the boot. i feel bad cos she loved that company.
i'm kinda freaking out.
Feb 9 2009, 02:12 AM
Confession: I kinda sorta crushed a male friend's ego tonight. I wasn't trying to be hurtful, he just needed to finally know the truth: The reason he doesn't get laid isn't because of women (As *he* thinks.), it's because of him. Yes, he's smart, dry, interesting, pretty easy on the eyes, & has drive. He's also self-absorbed, superficial, arrogant, deeply insecure, & has trouble differentiating between what's funny/clever & just plain meanspirited.
I love the guy, I do. But I also know exactly why in all my heinous imperfection I see more quality ass than a toilet seat & he in all his glory pulls his pud alone. He's not a very good listener/communication oblivious, he's opinionated to the point of being fanatical, & if you don't agree with him he can be just plain insulting (Even if he doesn't see it that way). I slapped him clean across the face once after trying to communicate with him in other ways that he was being a total cock. I don't normally advocate violence, but he didn't hear me until I cleaned his clock. After that he watched himself.
Feb 9 2009, 12:55 PM
confession - I'm in an absolute SHIT mood today. I'm pre-menstrual, crampy, missing someone, hungry (and at work, and won't be able to have dinner for at least 30 minutes), need to move house soon and don't have anywhere, cold, isolated (because of my work), have WAY too much time to think today, etc. I'm very rarely a bitch, but it's all I can do to hold it in today.
Feb 9 2009, 02:35 PM
((((((((GT's best friend))))))))))))))
What horrendously bad timing. My heart goes out to her.
AP, people like that need to learn the truth. Good for you for having the guts to help him.
Confession: My mom has become one of my very best friends. I don't know if that's sweet or pathetic.
Feb 9 2009, 03:33 PM
Confession: I'm supposed to be reading 5 Chapters in my text book but I would rather look at slipcovers and apartment listings.
Feb 9 2009, 11:44 PM
Confession: Tonight I did not watch the president's press conference. I chose to watch the dog show instead.
Feb 10 2009, 09:14 AM
Confession: I've checked the Lounge every 5 minutes (at least) for the past hour, hoping for updates.
Confession: I just farted
Confession: Sometimes I think my sister isn't a very nice person.
ETA Confession: I tell other people off for saying things are 'gay', but totally use it myself and think I can get away with it because I'm being ironic. Or post-ironic. Whichever translates as "I'm allowed to use homophobic insults because I'm so obviously not homophobic".
Feb 10 2009, 07:01 PM
rv: I didn't watch it either, I watched the Secret Life of the American Teen w/ frecklette instead.
he'll be Pres for at least 4 years whereas time w/ frecklette is ever fleeting.
cocl: really ? can I say that's hysterical?
confession: my county library system is turning over all over due books to a Collection Agency 01 March.
I am sooooooo up shit creek, bc even if I return them they assess a maximum fine of $25** Per Book for anything more than 40 days past due and I have 5 or 6 books out sinse I can't even remember.
confession: lately, I only want to sleep, snack, read and paint occassionaly and do nothing else grown-up-y whatsoever. granted I'm still "sick" & in treatment for my severe anxiety but even I recognize the strain it's put on the mr but still cannot motivate myself to do more yet.
Feb 11 2009, 01:43 AM
confession: I skipped one of my classes last week because it was -20 out and I didn't want to leave my warm bed.
confession: In complete contrast to my usual self, I am being all mushy and romantic about Valentine's day because I now have a bf. I have a perfect night planned for the two of us and he's being a sport and going along with it because he knows it's important to me.
Feb 11 2009, 02:07 AM
I'm resisting the urge to pick up and move, sever ties with everyone in my life except for my family and just start all over again in a new town with new friends and no past to speak of.
Feb 11 2009, 02:31 AM
lilac, i get that urge every three days....
... perhaps you and i should do a "life swap."
ever consider life in sunny(at least for 2 months) seattle?
confession: tyler perry/medea movie commericals make me cry.... then look for a fork to gouge my eyes out.
...not necc'rly in that order.
Feb 11 2009, 02:48 AM
confession: I am making myself very happy with all sorts of revenge fantasies involving annoying the kidlets stupid twit mother. I keep thinking how if I'm going to be accused to trying to influence her son to be gay, I might as well deliver. I'm not going to do any of it, but it sure does tickle me to think of all the ways I could fuck with her. Like, for instance, buying him his favorite movies on DVD for his upcoming birthday, which happen to be Chicago and Breakfast At Tiffany's.
Thanks for the support, it helped so much to vent that here. It's just plain idiocy and ignorance and if I can't laugh at it, I might really punch her in the face.
Feb 11 2009, 08:49 AM
confession: I think my boyfriend may be gay. He uses a lot of lip balm (he even borrows mine on occasion, although to be fair not my benefit benetint lip balm). He also likes musicals and girly films and pastels and he cooks and he listens to the wicked musical soundtrack on his ipod and he once went to a P!nk concert with me and he wants to watch all of my Sex and the City dvds and he moisturises every day and oh my jesus jones, could he be any gayer? Not only am I a fag hag but I'm a fag FUCKER.
Feb 11 2009, 09:04 AM
Now I think I know the real reason that R broke things off with me. He had a little tub of grapefruit lip balm in his bathroom...I used it on a few occasions when in there, and thought to myself "hmm, wonder if a girl left this here at some point, because I can't imagine him getting this flavour / type of lip balm for himself." In fact, the last time I was at his place - just before the break up talk - I actually saw him, for the first time, using said lip balm. I think the gay was coming out.
Feb 11 2009, 11:25 AM
confession: i've known it for years. using lip balm makes you gay; using lip gloss makes you a tranny.
my problem was that when i was in diapers i got into my mom's purse and ate a whole thing of lipstick. i was neat, however, leaving my pucker perfectly pout red, and staying within the edges.
...at that point my mom knew it was all over.
Feb 11 2009, 12:40 PM
confession: I do NOT want to go out for valentine's day. I find that restaurants get way too cheesy, even the nicer ones, and they're so over crowded. I've dated one other guy over valentine's day and we didn't do anything and I liked it that way. I don't even want to go out for dinner at all because it'll be the fourth time this week and I can't afford it. I really wanted to go out the week after or even a few days after when it would be nice and quiet out and I wouldn't feel rushed through a meal at a crowded place that's made too many reservations, but this is my guy's first valentine's day with a girlfriend so I'm biting my tongue when it comes to him.
Feb 11 2009, 12:53 PM
ich, tell him ketto. i'm sure he probably feels the same as you do. just cos it's his first doesn't mean he wants the usual. tell him that you'd find it much more romantic doing something that is specific to the two of you at home. you both set the rules for your relationship, don't settle for a stock, off the shelf idea of what that day, or any day should be like.
i've never really understood why couples feel the need to conform to any rule or that they "have to" do anything. this is about the two of you-- nobody else. do what makes the two of you happy, not what you are told will make you happy.
my best valentine's were with kitty-- she and i would go to the home depot and get hot dogs (cos they had the best in town, and we both loved hot dogs, like you wouldn't believe), we'd come home, i'd paint and she'd go thru my records and dj for me (cos she could find songs i never knew i had) then we'd watch a movie, and kanoodle. and it was awesome. it may not sound like much to anyone else, but she and i could not have been happier. it was all the things we loved.
confession:i got an email from a high school friend because another high school friend was asking about me (he was one of my best friends back then)wants my email adress. i honestly don't want to talk to any of them. i have two friends from hs, and i like it that way. there where the ones who saw me thru transition and supported me. i don't particularlly care about people from my past. i still feel like i am trying to break free from my (boy) past.
Feb 11 2009, 12:56 PM
Busties crack me up.
I've just added an ex crush as a friend on facebook (
whether he accepts is another story... he accepted) I was pretty crazy back when we knew one another and didn't hold back telling him how I felt about him either. He wasn't interested but reading around on facebook I think it was because he's gay (too much lip balm). Hmmm, I think I would have been less hurt and felt less rejected if maybe him or his twin sister (who I was also friends with) had let me in on that... although I understand that he wasn't out and it's the heartbreak that makes us stronger yada yada yada. At least I find it really funny and less of a blow to my fragile ego!
eta: ketto, I hate the atmosphere in restaurants on Valentine's Day. What about a romantic meal at home?
Feb 11 2009, 01:39 PM
Going out on V-Day is like going out on St. Patrick's Day- amateur's night! Staying at home is so much better. I can see where someone who's never been with someone would want to go out, but I think going out before/after would be a good compromise.
Confession: Even though we don't go out on V-Day, I am really into celebrating it...yes, I get the argument "we love each other every day, so why focus on it one day?" and my reply is "why not?" It's not like we celebrate Sweetest's Day or whatever that is...now, that
is a Hallmark holiday. I went to Hallmark last night and got their V-Day stuffed animal, Purrcy the Huggable Lion
(watch the demo!)...who can resist that? Last year, I got LeBoy the El Toro of Love
. He thinks they're cute.....off to check his coat pockets for lip balm
Feb 11 2009, 02:13 PM
I was upfront with A when we got together - i don't do Valentine's day. or marriage. my love will not conform! and i'd better not see you using any fag lip balm either!
ha, he says i'm inconsistent because i insist on celebrating birthdays, Christmas, Solstice, Halloween, and whatever else l like, and they are just as culturally relevant/irrelevant as Valentine's. to that i say...whatever. i know what i like.
confession: there is some serious shit going down at work today, resulting in vast amounts of tension between our direct manager & the staff, and i am totally using it as an excuse to not work. i hope i'm out of here soon.
Feb 11 2009, 05:38 PM
Girltrouble, if you think you can handle the excitement that is rural Minnesota, then let's go ahead with it.
The high point of my week so far is finding a kick-ass scone recipe.
Actually, the Pacific Northwest is on my list of places I'd relocate to, right now it's more a question of trying to find work than anything.
I hate Valentine's Day, I think nowadays it's a front for Hallmark and crappy chocolate makers. This year I'll probably be staying at home, talking to AZ Guy and dancing around the living room, which is fine by me. However, I don't mind exchanging gifts, as long as it's something that will be appreciated. I'd rather get--and give--something like that than some sort of generic present. We ended up exchanging gifts early; he got me a vegan cookbook and I got him Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle DVDs. A couple years ago it was shoes, he was excited over that. (Hmm, he was using my lip balm back then...)
Confession: I am a little curious about what my high school crush is doing nowadays, but he isn't on the social network sites I'm on and I'm not curious enough to google his name. I think I like my version of his life better than what he actually is doing.
Feb 11 2009, 05:49 PM
Confession: I am actually kind of intruigued by doing a V-Day thing. We are going to a showing of Coraline and then coming back to my place where he will cook for me. I was planning on suprising him with some chocolate covered strawberries from Fanny May's chocolates but when I went to order them today they said that I could only order them in pks. of 6 for $34.95. That is rediculous considering that I have bought them one at a time before. They just jacked up the $$$ for V-Day. Instead I got a chocolate cake and will serve it with a great wine. I work until 11 PM on Friday night so I think we will have the chocolate/wine at midnight. Yum!