Jun 5 2006, 04:30 PM
I didn't know what schadenfreude meant so I had to look it up! Thanks for the education, polly, really weird but I also came across it in a book today after reading it here!
Jun 5 2006, 06:23 PM
(bunnyb, i had to look it up about a week ago because all the gossip websites use it liberally
i HATE confrontation. i think it's because i'm not a very good arguer/schmoozer/bullshitter.
Jun 6 2006, 12:35 AM
I am a full-blooded crier. I cry at the drop of a hat. Cry when I'm happy, cry when I'm sad. I cry at movies. Sometimes I cry over music. If I'm having a difficult discussion or an arguement with a loved one, I usually can't help crying. One partner accused me of doing it deliberately as a form of manipulation. Once the tears start, it's not easy to stop them. If I'm upset or afraid - forget it, I can't stop them at all.
Jun 6 2006, 12:59 AM
doodlebug, I want to give you a big hug. I thought I was the only one.
Jun 6 2006, 03:55 AM
Nope I do it too, sometimes even at commercials.
Jun 6 2006, 06:21 AM
Txplumwine, a lot of your post echoes what I feel, only probably more eloquently. Thanks.
Jun 6 2006, 07:24 AM
Count me in as a crier. Especially frustrated crying.
Jun 6 2006, 07:36 AM
oh, me too
Jun 6 2006, 09:36 AM
I think I might tell my husband I want a divorce.
- that might be an extraordinary confession from an ordinary busty tho, and mis-posted here?
I can take no more.
Jun 6 2006, 10:38 AM
((freckle)) I'm sorry
Jun 6 2006, 11:21 AM
(freckle) sorry to hear
confession: I too am a crier..I was in tears last night and spent most of the morning crying over leaving and frustration. I cry watching tv, when I read the news, when I have to talk about something serious, the list goes on! I remember babysitting and crying watching "Land Before Time" and Garfield!
Jun 6 2006, 12:12 PM
(((freckle))) i'm sorry
i'm a crier, too. but i only cry at movies if i'm alone, and will generally cry after an argument/discussion/whatever. i just have this mental block for other people seeing me cry.
i think i'm going to university because i'm scared not to. and i think i'm spending more money than i should so i can run out of money and take a year off to work. i think i don't care if i have enough money for university anymore.
i've felt on the verge of tears since i woke up this morning, and i think it's because my dad bought a house for him, his girlfriend, and her kids to live in. he's been around for them as long as he was around for me, but i don't remember so much of from when i was born to when i was six or seven that it feels like they get more of him than i do, and it upsets me more than i'd care to admit.
typing that last night made me cry. and i have to leave for work in less than ten minutes but i think i need a good hour-long cry
Jun 6 2006, 02:25 PM
confession: Being on bust makes me feel accepted, because you all aren't judgmental.
I got my clit hood pierced today.
I still do not know who I am, and I don't know how to figure me out.
Jun 6 2006, 04:23 PM
(((freckle))) pm me if you want to talk, I don't have any experience of your situation but I'm a good listener.
Jun 6 2006, 05:50 PM
My grandma is in the hospital today. Possible kidney failure, she's 82. I went to see her and she's twitching and incoherent and kept trying to speak but not really able to. My brother and I both cried by her bed. A doctor still hasn't seen her and she's been there all day. She's been really depressed/sick/totally different from the amazing woman she was when she lived in her house about 8 years ago now. Part of me hopes she'll let go and die so her sad life doesn't drag out anymore. And the other part of me feels sick that I can think that.
Jun 6 2006, 07:22 PM
((freckle)) I'm sorry for your unhappiness.... I hope all goes well and hey, if you want to come stay with me you can since my Mr. has decided he doesn't want me and the kids anymore and is ditching us..... right outside of Nashville is where I am, remember? You can use me as a backup plan if you like..... BIG HUGS to you!!!!!
Jun 6 2006, 08:21 PM
shitty. unless it's what you really want. and then still, kinda shitty. ouch.
tyger, that super sucks. hugs to you too.
wah, the lounge is all sad and teary eyed today! and i'm a crier too. a big, fat, sucky-baby cry face. commercials, whatever. i'm a wuss.
Jun 6 2006, 10:02 PM
(((((erinjane))))) I hear you. I've felt similarly conflicted about my grandmother for years (she has been very ill for a painfully long time).
Jun 6 2006, 10:59 PM
I just went on antidepressants. I have told no one (until now)
I am afraid that I will end up alone and that is not what I want.
I often wonder if the universe is just playing one cruel joke after another on me in terms of men: I've been sent these amazing men by the universe (and that's the only way I can describe it, they seem to drop in my lap out of nowhere) only to have things proceed forward excellently for a bit, then fall apart out of nowhere in the shittiest, most fucked up ways. It all really seems like a cruel joke after awhile.
I flushed a tampon today into the brand new, fancy water saving toilet my landlord just installed in my apartment.
Jun 7 2006, 02:13 AM
(((((Zoya))))) So sorry I was out of town when you were here.
Jun 7 2006, 06:05 AM
(((zoya))) I can relate to your first confession, it's scary and depressing in it's own right.
I admit to feeling gleefully satisfied that my bullying ex best friend had only a handful of people turn up to her birthday celebrations; one of whom is one of my closest friends and doesn't know her very well but is too nice not to be sociable. Everyone else does know her now, and what she's like so they stayed away. That's what you get for treating the friend who would have done anything for you like shit.
Yeah, I'm still bitter.
Jun 7 2006, 12:08 PM
I was happy when I first heard about 9/11. I didn't have a phone or tv at the time so I was unaware of what happened until a friend told me later in the evening. I think they said something like, "The World Trade Center is gone. Terrorists hijacked a few planes and crashed them into it. They think Osama bin Ladin did it." I grinned and excitedly said, "Really?! How did they know it was Osama bin Ladin?" I kind of felt relief like there was going to be a new beginning. Life as we knew it was never going to be the same. Things are very different now but it also feels like nothing has changed.
Of course, I cried later when I saw the footage on tv. I'm not saying I was glad people died but that was my original reaction when I first heard about it.
Jun 7 2006, 01:30 PM
When I am nervous I get gassy.
Jun 7 2006, 03:16 PM
I have never double posted... until now.
Jun 7 2006, 03:17 PM
I am scared of balloons. So much so that I couldn't stay in Tim Hortons today. It was Camp Day and the place was filled with balloons. I had to run out.
I am really worried about finding a real job when I'm done grad school. I'm worried about being able to afford to live. And yet I haven't written my CV or applied for jobs. And I continue to spend money on things I don't really need.
Jun 7 2006, 07:21 PM
I firmly believe that my past should stay there. I know it causes me problems, but while I want to help myself, I don't want help if it involves digging though the mountainous layer of crap in my past.
(((zoya))) & (((freckle))) & (((tyger)))
It pisses me off that my stepsister gets expelled twice and yet my father still pays for her to go to a private day school. Because I have worked damned hard to get here, but he doesn't seem to notice, because all he can see is her, running around, doing whatever drugs, and being very loudly fucked-up.
I want to tell my father that said step-sister does cocaine, but then I'd have to admit I went looking for her bebo page
Jun 7 2006, 07:38 PM
I am a filthy, disgusting pig. Really. I'm a total mess. I have a stack of stuff to recycle that's almost taller than me. I stole a shopping cart so I could push it all over to the center, but it's still sitting in the foyer.
Jun 7 2006, 10:40 PM
me too, ap. well, messy, not filthy. i can be disorganized as hell, so long as the toilet is clean and my laundry gets done-ish
i think the smell test is a valid way to determine the wearability of a shirt, and don't see anything wrong with wearing the same pants for a week, so long as i wear clean underwear.
i'm scared to go into the 'adult' store by myself. i go with my friend's boyfriend sorta-regularly (either when he wants to buy my friend a present or my friend wants something. she's too young and looks too young to go in and gets kicked out, but he never gets id-ed). of course, calling up friend's boyfriend and saying 'i need to buy a vibrator, will you accompany me to the naughty store' isn't really something i plan on doing
Jun 7 2006, 10:53 PM
Tyger, me too on the smell test and wearing pants for a week (or more).
Jun 7 2006, 11:08 PM
If wearing pants for a week is wrong, then baby, I don't wanna be right.
Jun 7 2006, 11:30 PM
It depends how much peanut butter and egg yolk gets encrusted on the pants during the course of the week.
Jun 8 2006, 12:40 AM
tyger, that's what underwear is FOR. that's why it was invented.
no, seriously. prior to the 19th century, most clothing wasn't intended to be washed at all.
personally, i've been known to wear a pair of jeans for 6 weeks. not every single day, though. maybe rotated in with 2 or 3 other pairs.
now the real confession i came in here for. i stole flowers from the park. granted, i took two bunches of wild miniature roses from a free-growing bush about the size of a toolshed which is not part of a flowerbed or anything but just shrubbing out by itself on the edge of a stand of trees. and there were roses for miles on that baby (still are, in fact). you can't even tell i made a cutting. but it's still totally freaking me out. is picking flowers in the park stealing? is it wrong? should i feel bad about it? does the fact that they're roses matter? would it be ok if i'd picked honeysuckle or dandelions? does that fact that they're wild make it ok? i mean it's not like they have a gardener out there carefully manicuring that rosebush. i'm really fealing guilty about this.
Jun 8 2006, 12:54 AM
nah, bklynhermit, I think you're ok.
unlike me, who at 12, picked some alpine tundra flowers up in the mountains, which carries a fine of (literally) thousands of dollars. Needless to say, my dad just about had a coronary when he saw, and ran me to the car so I could stash them in the trunk. (Alpine tundra takes hundreds of years to regenerate and grow, so its a protected species) The funniest thing is that I did it right in front of the sign that says there is fine for picking them!
I think that a rose cutting will be ok. It's a public park, after all.
Jun 8 2006, 05:02 AM
I read in some sunday supplement that fashion types advise washing jeans as little as possible, so that they keep their shape for longer. Which is why I wash mine every 3 weeks or so.
I'm worried because my sex life with the boy is kind of not rocking my world and I don't know what to do about it. It feels artificial to consciously try and get things back on track somehow. It makes me sad, and frustrated.
Jun 8 2006, 06:34 AM
i feel horribly selfish for not having another child - for my husband, for my son, for my family. but never horrible enough to actually have had another one. somehow i know i was just supposed to have one kid. who is actually the perfect kid, so part of me feels it's all good.
but yeah. the guilt wracks me at times. and it's going to follow me to my grave. no matter what anyone says.
i'm a kind, generous, warm person. but i need far too much acknowledgement. which kind of negates the kind, generous, warm thing. i wish i could just do good for the pure inner joy of doing good.
Jun 8 2006, 07:05 AM
This is sort of a pre-confession. I'm planting some flowers in pots for my balcony and I was going to buy some lava rocks to put in the bottom of this pot to help with drainage and take up some room so I don't have to use so much dirt. Well, then I noticed that the condo downstairs, which is empty, it's patio area is surrounded by lava rocks. Well, why go buy them when there's millions of unguarded ones right below my feet? Yep, I'm gonna sneak down there in the dead of night and take some rocks. They'll never notice!
ETA: I too get as much mileage out of clothes before I wash them. Usually pants work better than shirts for me- I'm notorious for spilling stuff on my shirts.
Jun 8 2006, 07:51 AM
clotheswashing confession: Everything I own gets coffee stains on them. Everything. It's the single reason I do laundry. (and yes, I also wear jeans for about 2 weeks on and off before washing them)
the actual confession: I ran into a girl from my highschool yesterday in Montreal (went to high school in Halifax). I wanted to be her for three years then. She was always the most gorgeous, smart, pleasant, friendly, exotic, etc. creature in the school. I tried talking to her many times back then, but it always felt like I was the nerd groupie chasing the popular girl. So I gave up. Now, 3 years later, my life is more established than hers. My hair is perfect. I'm no longer a nerd. So I got a major power trip out of meeting her. That was the single reason I got her number. So we can go for coffee and I will no longer be the nerd groupie.
confession2: my ex of 4 years was online for the past two days. I feel like talking to him just so I can hurt him as revenge for the misery he put me through. then I want to talk to him so we can get back together and work it out. It's really quite tormenting. I won't talk to him though.
Jun 8 2006, 12:30 PM
I live in fear that my mom will get very ill. For mostly selfish reasons.
She is a horrible patient. Even routine diagnostic procedures send her into fits of self pity and unceasing crying. She frequently brings up that she lives alone and makes me feel guilty for not living near her, even though she is not ill.
Feeling this way fills me with guilt. She's my mom and would care for me unselfishly if I were sick. She always says the perfect soothing thing when I'm sick -- even if it's just a cold. I want to be unselfish. But I also want to scream at her to be stronger. I want to tell her not to feel sorry for herself when so many people suffer from debilatating illnesses. I know I can never do this.
I know if she did have a serious illness or injury, she would go through a type of mental anguish that I can't even bear to think about, but will have to witness every bit of.
Jun 8 2006, 01:57 PM
I am so incredibly behind on my work that I want to crawl into a closet and never come out.
If I didn't need the paycheque so badly, I would walk away from my job right now.
Jun 8 2006, 02:17 PM
Now that I am not involved with someone I am afraid that no one will love me again, and that I will find no one.
I am afraid of the feelings I have for the other man I was messing around with when I was in my relationship. I am afraid of being hurt again. This man means so much to me, there is a connection, and I want him to want me (I know he does), but I want him to tell me. This is a great source of stress for me.
Jun 8 2006, 04:44 PM
i think i'm in love with my boss. a little. and i think it's reciprocated. very wrong, for all the typical reasons. like, um, we're married. to, um, other people. who we love. and care about. and i know we'd never act on this. not in a trillion years. but there's this undercurrent of .... longing ... and it's not even sexual. ok, well maybe a little sexual. but it's more ... like a deep caring and concern.
probably doesn't help that i gave him a peck on the cheek and a tight lingering hug for his birthday today. he asked. innocently. it was a rough day. he was demeaned by a higher up earlier. i felt sorry for him. it was his birthday. his health is deteriorating. his marriage ain't that great. his life sort of sucks.
crap. now i'm totally rationalizing this. my bad. with a capital B.
Jun 8 2006, 05:18 PM
culturehandy, I'm pretty much in the same boat...I feel doomed in the boy department. but you know, our lives are about us, not them, right? That's what I've been telling myself lately, even tho I feel that I deserve someone who I can be with romantically...but these things begin and they end, so I think its better to make things happen in other parts of my life. just thought I'd share
Jun 8 2006, 06:25 PM
WTF... I've been calling way too many people "Babycakes." I don't know what's come over me.
And... I want a boyfriend, but I'm a dating retard. I hate it when dates feel like interviews and so I just stay away from the whole thing. I do better with friends who evolve into lovers. But seeing that it hasn't gotten me anywhere in the past, what kind of future am I looking at?
Jun 8 2006, 08:06 PM
raisin i like the friends-who-turn-into-lovers too but, meh, i don't have any friends that i'd even think about fucking right now. it's so. freaking. LAME. argh.
i confess that i am a wicked evil wench who called her ex on the pretense of wishing him a happy birthday but really wanted to see if he still wants me. not that i want him back or anything, i just wanted to see. wtf is wrong with me? i don't even kind of understand myself in this. i'm a Bitch.
Jun 9 2006, 06:26 PM
I'm getting all twisted-round and confused about a friend of mine. One minute he's giving me all the signs of wanting to be more than a friend, the next he's telling me about this girl he was dancing with the other night and how hot she was... I've known him for years, and his shenanigans with the opposite sex have never bothered me before now.
I want a boyfriend, but have no idea how to date either. Or even just chat to someone in a bar.
Jun 10 2006, 03:45 PM
i made plans for an outing tonight at the start of this week. it was my idea, i organized it, i'm driving everyone, i got the tickets. i don't want to go, and i don't want to go to the birthday party i'm going to beforehand. i want to go over to my friend's house and curl up with my head in his lap and sleep while he watches movies. that's it. that would make me happy right now. actually, that makes me happy at any point in time. i just like having someone who makes me feel safe enough to fall asleep with
Jun 10 2006, 06:31 PM
I suspect myself of wanting to sabatoge any potential relationships since I broke up with my ex 10 months ago. I just started seeing a really hot, really nice, really great guy and I'm afraid that I'm gonna get scared and runaway.
Jun 10 2006, 09:17 PM
are the stars in some weird formation? i feel like a whole mess of us is having (non) relationship issues!
i was away for work last week, and was bored the other night at the hotel. though where i stayed was charming, the town pretty much closes up at 7 PM. i perused my on-demand movie choices, and of course ended up in the porn section. i ended up accidentally* ordering the most boring porn ever. i turned it off and watched a re-run of the Fresh Prince. a total loss of $12. although my credit card was used for incidentals, i am worried that my job will find out about my porn dilly-dallying.
*i say accidentally because i hit the button on the wrong one. ideally, i would have chosen one of the crazy "storyline dramatic" style features. ya gotta love the adult film industry's attempt to make porn look like a "real movie".
Jun 11 2006, 03:31 AM
I feel fat all the time. All the time now.
I know I eat when I am tense, because I had the urge to eat tonight when I came home and I thought my roommate would be here.
Ugh. I am scared of her, in the same way I was scared of my dad when I was little. She makes me tense about 1/3 of the time, and want to cry about 1/4 of the time.
Jun 11 2006, 10:35 AM
I am a spoiled fucking brat.
I don't know how it is to support myself.
If all the change I supposedly want to happen in the world really did happen, I'd be screwed.
I'm happy they are over. It totally made my day yesterday and I've been living in a fantasy world ever since.
He will never love me but I still hope.
I forgot to take my meds yesterday.