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treehugger
no confessions here.

((((gt)))))

((((freckle))))
girltrouble
thanks freck. you just keep working on those plans. wub.gif
deschatsrouge
((((Freck))))

Confession: I ate junk food for dinner four nights this week. Today was the first day this week I have eaten anything of quality.
zoya
I am sitting in my kitchen, working at my computer - naked. with the windows open. I feel that the windows are too small and I'm too far away from the neighbors behind me for them to see. At least that's my excuse for being too lazy to put clothes on, or pull down the blinds.
freckleface7
goooooo Zoya! enjoy every second!

confession: I just wrote LOVE on my arm; today is the day for it.

confession: gt just sent me The' best kick-ass article on being Kick-ASS and it has boosted me very much.
Noey- please post it here?
every woman here has a LOT of Kali already I realise but to understand her roots, amazing.
rogue
Confession: Today is To Write Love On Her Arms Day and I wrote LOVE on my wrist with a heart underneath it. As someone who is no stranger to self harm, I feel really loved today seeing the people on my Facebook who are taking part in the "event". It's weird but I literally feel like they are all behind me, even if they don't know this very personal thing about my life.

Freck (& anyone else who has done this) you are awesome. Thank you. ((((All y'all))))
ketto
((((freck))))

((((roque))))
sassygrrl
((freck))) ((rogue))

Rogue and Freck: I wrote love as well. In a way, it's helping me combat my depression this week. My self esteem has been shot for some reason.

Confession: Craving pumpkin pie.
pollystyrene
Sassy...I have a Costco pumpkin pie sitting in my fridge right now....18 inches of pumpkiny goodness....
freckleface7
rogue, trust me when I say this.. the support you feel here & at crack is very Real.
I don't know all the details, but I know the need to do some thing to yourself (in my case eat- or of late craving a smoke when I don't smoke) just to feel alive.
((((((((rogue))))))))))

((((((((((((sassy)))))))))) I wish I could give you a huge hug & then lots of PIE.

polly: heavy on the metallic tasting spice (what's it called?) ?
my mom makes THE' best pumpkin pie in the whole history of the world.
really.
nothing from any store bakerie has ever come close but if you say the Costco one is good, I'd be willing to try except Damn- no costco's around here. mad.gif - can I come over & share yours instead?

confession: strange looks or not, I'm totally rockin' my tweed bowler hat from Ireland.
I honestly don't get why more people don't wear hats? they're weather sensible And cute!
sassygrrl
((freck)) I miss hats. I use to have a ton of them from U.K. I lost some in various apartment moves.
((rogue)))
((polly))
((zoya))p

PIE PARTY!!!!

Confession: Finally wrote FB ex to tell him to get the f out of my life. I feel much better, and wish Mcgeek was here to kiss or hug.
Confession: Wish I had a maid to clean my disaster of a house for my party this weekend.





AbleDanger
freck, that's great that you're getting a plan, and being super careful on the computer. I forgot to mention about the links I posted earlier that it can be way better/safer to use a public computer, such as at the library. And can I just say, that's crazy that he's watching everything you do online. Though, I often feel like I need to be very careful about what I write on here as I think my bf knows that I come on here, and I'm not sure if he knows my name. I was on another forum and ended up changing it there, so I'm trying to be super careful here, not because I'm concerned for my safety so much as our relationship is totally off and on right now and I'm working on an exit strategy that will leave me okay financially, emotionally and with a decent place to live, so that in case I do end up leaving, I will know I will be okay.

Confession: I'm feeling like parent in my relationship with my mom lately and am super resentful to the point that I'm wanting to leave town because I can't deal with her craziness. And I feel incredibly guilty even saying that. I'm having a hard time not being short with her and am constantly feeling like a bitch doing so. Especially with all these stupid family holiday movies out with all the family members loving each other and getting along and turning to their family for support. The LAST thing I want to do is turn to my mom for support because I'm half scared of being completely annoyed at her advice which is completely out of touch with where I am, and because I want to be an adult, with my own life, that doesn't need the support of my parents. I've tasted the life of a family of my own and am so much more in that space.

Confession: I'm eating my feelings and have put on 10 pounds since September. I always weigh more when I live near her/in this town because I revert to feeling like a kid and eating my feelings.
pollystyrene
Freck, you know you are always welcome here for pie (or anything else!)

What browser are you using? Like I said, Firefox has a "private browsing" function that I'm pretty sure is obnoxious husband-proof. It's free to download here if you don't have it. If the mister questions it, just tell him you heard it was a good browser. Use the private browsing function and he'll be none the wiser.
freckleface7
Able: without knowing you much, I'm very glad to hear you are prepping for any evenutual 'what if's.' wise.
every woman ought to have some sort of emergency backup plan, just in case.
I've always known this but still was stoopid & stubborn enough to never think that actually applied to me.
ha. irony is once more footprinting my ass cheeks.
to every single bustie here: be strong. be fierce. corny as it sounds, be True to yourself bc no one else in this life has as vested an interest in you. oh- and Love. never ever be afraid to love another.

polly: I <3 you. I so do. but I wasn't fishin' for another option, just for P I E! biggrin.gif (Mmmmm... Pie...)

the mr is way more computer savvy than myself, but I will look into that browser thing when he goes back to work.
he is totally suspcious of Everything I do however. sad.gif

confession: I pissily Resent the Hell Out of Not Being To Even Make Plans for ANYTHING right now due to the current situation. there's a meetup next tues I reallllly want to go to (an Accessories exchange- cool!) and a Vol Appreciation Dinner/Prep for World Aids Day (10 Dec 09) at PP even after that. rsvp-ing is very important to me- people rely on that for accurate head counts!
anna k
(((freckle))) I think you're an amazing woman with so much strength and courage, and I'm sending you and frecklette good vibes.

zoya, do what you do. I like lounging around alone in my apartment in a tank and underwear just cuz it feels good.

(((gt))) I hate that your friend has been such a self-serving dick to you, it's really unfair and immature.
sevenseconds
(((( everyone )))))

Confession: When I start feeling someone likes me, I freak out that I will disappoint them sooner or later. And I'm thinking, sooner will hurt less. So I start saying obnoxious things, pushing lines and being an asshole. To get it over with.  

You've seen it.
rogue
Confession: I am super excited for the trip to Montreal this week but not for the ride up there. I'm going to be driving for about fourteen hours. Thinking about being in a car for that long is threatening to keep me at home in bed for five days instead (when usually I really love road trips). *Sigh*

Confession: For some strange reason I have an irrational dislike of babies. I don't think they're cute, I think they're annoying. And I really hate when people take a perfectly normal name and spell it all crazy-like. Bah. Don't mind me - it's my PMS week and I'm highly aggitated so everything is bothering me, even though it shouldn't.
candycane_girl
rogue, please tell me that you will be sharing the driving duties with someone else! 14 hours is a loooong trip. I've done it but by the end of it I wanted to kill myself.

seven, don't be so hard on yourself. I doubt that you actually disappoint people. Sometimes, things just don't work out. And yes, breaking things off before your feelings are deeply involved will hurt less but you could be giving up some great opportunities.
rogue
Ooops - should have made myself more clear, CCG - I don't drive (never have in all my twenty-five years of life, which I think is really [personally] pathetic). It's going to be my father driving and I'm going to be crammed in the back of the car with my younger sister and my stepsister. I think that's why I'm not looking forward to the drive up there. I'm so on the fence about going now that it's not even funny. I love that I was like OMG YEY! last week and this week I'm like, "You are crazy to want to do this. Go back to bed, crazy girl."
coffeebean
Good luck Rogue...I hope that the trip goes well for all of you!
deschatsrouge
QUOTE(rogue @ Nov 16 2009, 10:51 AM) *
Confession: For some strange reason I have an irrational dislike of babies. I don't think they're cute, I think they're annoying. And I really hate when people take a perfectly normal name and spell it all crazy-like. Bah. Don't mind me - it's my PMS week and I'm highly aggitated so everything is bothering me, even though it shouldn't.


I also have a phobia of babies. Is it possible to have a pediophobia? If it is, I have that. When my friend had her baby I didn't touch her till she was nearly nine months old. I have a really strong reaction when people try and hand me thier babies. I have to leave the room and calm down. It's even worse when they start walking and talking. I have a panic attack if there are unattended children running around the store. I shudder at the idea that one might touch me.
koffeewitch
Guys, now that I have my own kids, I adore kids....but I had the same thing going on. I was always extremely drawn to animals, but never to children and especially never to babies. I used to joke with my child-hating girlfriend that all those stories about wicked witches eating up children were started by women just like us who wanted to be left alone, and wanted the neighborhood brats to stay out of our yards.
rogue
Follow-up Confession: I have never, ever in my entire life held a baby. Seriously. My office is also full of ex-employees with children - and one in particular who is about eight months old and I gotta admit, freakin' adorable! - so people are always bringing them in. They've tried to get me to hold them and no dice. Do. Not. Want.

Ever see that episode of Friends where Ross tries to get Rachel to hold Ben when he's a toddler? Yeah, that would be me. Arms straight out, holding the kid under his armpits as far away from me as possible. I totally think there is pediophobia, deschats. There has to be! And I also panic when I see unattended kids. Not cool.
candycane_girl
See, I'm fine with babies it's when they start walking and talking that I have no idea what to do with them. Babies are fine because I can just hold them and they lay there and don't move around much. But kids are always running around, knocking shit over and nothing they say makes sense.
roseviolet
QUOTE(koffeewitch @ Nov 16 2009, 03:19 PM) *
Guys, now that I have my own kids, I adore kids....but I had the same thing going on. I was always extremely drawn to animals, but never to children and especially never to babies. I used to joke with my child-hating girlfriend that all those stories about wicked witches eating up children were started by women just like us who wanted to be left alone, and wanted the neighborhood brats to stay out of our yards.


Thanks for this, Koffeewitch. I think if I were a mom, this would describe me perfectly. Many of my friends have little kids and, although the kids will run up to me and hug me, I don't feel a desperate urge to run up to THEM and hold them. Some distance is absolutely fine by me.

But if a cat wanders into the room? Oh man. I am instantly smitten and hoping the cat is the friendly sort! I loooove snuggling the fur babies!

coffeebean
ccgirl - your post "running around, knocking shit over, and nothing they say makes sense" made me laugh out loud. Hilarious! smile.gif I think that it describes perfectly part of the reason I am not yet in love with the idea of having children. I have this feeling that they ruin all of the stuff that their parents worked so hard to get. Plus, I don't want to be entertaining friends with 'playschool' items as part of my living room decor and poo/pee/barf on my furniture or in my car for that matter. Sometimes I worry that I couldn't let kids be kids because of my need for order and cleanliness. Maybe that changes once you have them though because you are forced to bend on that/give up! Now I am moving over to childfree by choice.
doodlebug
confession: Soulman and I had a huge fight on Friday night, which I ended by slamming the door of his van (almost breaking it) and yelling, "Fuck you! Don't talk to me like a fucking child!"

confession: by Sunday morning, when he still hadn't called, I was so furious I was ready to end the relationship AND form a whole new band.

confession: by Sunday afternoon, he phoned to apologize, practically crawling on his hands and knees. He came over to talk, and we had a long conversation where he admitted that he'd been triggered back to his abusive marriage. And I forgave him.

confession: I'm still putting together a whole new band. A side project. I need the music aspect of my life not to be so hothouse.
crazyoldcatlady
confession: i have had ZERO concentration abilities, despite needing to study for a MAJAH test in 6 months, and compiling a lecture in 3 days.


confession: i had a bottle of diet coke, a large coffee, and two cans of diet coke today. it is 8:41 and i am thisclose to making another coke run to the local CVS b/c ... my name is crazyoldcatlady, and i am an addict.

(welcome, cocl!)

confession: confession #1 may/may not have to do with a boy...
rogue
Confession: After being all SUPER-OMG-CAN'TFUCKINGWAIT-EXCITED! to go to Montreal in two days, I'm pretty sure I'm not going anymore. I'm at about 98.275%.

Twelve hours in a car (there and back!) + five days total time with my stepsister is not something I can handle, I've finally realized. And it will save me $$$ so I can actually get things I need (like glasses).

It still sucks, though.
sevenseconds
X years ago on this day I overdosed on heroin in a trashy squat in Frankfurt. I didn't realize the batch was twice as potent as what I was used to.

It's been a long story since, but I haven't touched it since I came to the States.

Thank you for having me.
auralpoison
Confession: I am crying my eyes out right now. I miss my furbabies at the oddest of times, but I've really been feeling it lately.

They just played one of those horrific SPCA commercials about some asshole abusing their dog in the dog's voice. Lame propaganda, I know & somehow when it's about people I don't get nearly as upset, but sheesh. He looks like such a good dog. A GOOD DOG. It makes me want to adopt every furry sweet face I see. I know in my heart that I am loved & loved greatly, but there is such remarkable purity in the relationship between human & animal that is just indescribable. I MISS it so much! I miss THEM so much!

Confession: Rogue, I'm glad you have decided to nix this trip. It sounded like a recipe for disaster to me since your stepsister is such a pill & you are on such uncertain ground with the stepbrother. Send him a nice gift & a card/note that tells him how proud of him you are, how important he is to you, & how much you love him.

COCL, caffeine is the debbil! It makes me crazy! Just say moderation!

Seven, you have added an interesting spice to the mix that is Bustie, so I am glad you survived. I'm terribly pleased that you've found a home here & that you're sticking around.

Doodle! EXCELLENT! Side projects are good. I like Scully & the Mulders, but do branch out on your own & have fun with it!

Confession: I don't like holding babies, either. My mind screams, "Fontanelle, fontanelle, do not drop, do not drop". And then when I look at their little faces? I just know they are taking a dump while I'm holding them & I take it personally.
zoya
(((AP)))

confession: I ate an entire box of oatcakes last night w/sundried tomato and basil pate. I now have THE MOST horrendous gas and I cannot stop farting. I'm sure everyone can smell me. ohmy.gif
freckleface7
(((((((((((7))))))))))) you very much are welcomed here and as AP said, you add & enriche us & for that we are all thankful.

rogue: ditto what Ap said about your trip also. family trips like that.. welllll.. I stopped going on them when I was about 13 & it was a mercy. now thankfully, the 3 of us (frecklette, mr & myself + various fur kids) travel totally harmoniously but I believe it to be sheer luck.
- so what are you going to do w/ that time Instead?

Ap: my sweetness. those commercials on tv, I cannot bear either. heart & gut wrenching, as they should and are intended to be.
but you know- they make me feel guilty- when I am never EVER the sort of person to mistreat an animal in the first place. also- I can't see those ads as persuading anyone to then go " OH! I have to go out RIGHT NOW & adopt a stray!" bc that's totallllly irresponsible.
I do hope however, that the ads increase monetary contributions. I/we give to the local shelters here in town (where we did adopt Zeppy from recently, bc that was bc frecklette was volunteering w/ them anyway & fell in love). anyway, I'm sorry you are missing your fur babies. I know what an awful ache that can be. sad.gif
if you need me, you know where to find me. (((((((((AP w/ the beautiful heart)))))))))))

zoya : ph34r.gif you know we love ya, even when ya stink! biggrin.gif
kittenb
When planning Christmas gifts this year, I actually had to plan out what was least likely to be stolen by my step-sis' idiot bf. How is this my family?
culturehandy
(((((((7)))))))

(((((((AP))))))) I'm with you, I can't watch the commercials, they make me cry, and make me want to go and scoop up every last animal at a shelter.

Zoya, fart away, being gassy and constitently farty for one night isn't such a bad thing. I rather enjoy ass burping
myself.

((((kitten))))
candycane_girl
((((((AP))))))) I miss my furbaby too. I'm kind of a dork, I set up an album on Facebook of just his pictures. I look at it whenever I'm missing him.

As for those ads, I think that most normal people find them totally gut wrenching. They even made fun of how sad they are on SNL last week. But I wonder if they actually effect people who would be abusive toward animals in the first place. In my hometown we had some really horrific cases of people abusing dogs (one guy cut off his dog's ears!!!) and they all do the "what? I don't think I did anything wrong." Fucking bastards.

(((((kitten))))) that sucks


((((((7)))) you know we like having you around!
ketto
(((seven)))

(((roque)))

Add me to the missing my furbaby bandwagon. I have to go back to my parents at least once a week just to hold my cat.
doodlebug
(((AP)))

Psst, AP - my side project is gonna be an all-female band, I hope....if I can find the women who want to play. Why don'tcha move to Canada and play bass for me? wink.gif
girltrouble
i miss my puppy monster too, aural. i think you're right about the person/furbaby thing. there's something very pure there. but you cracked me up with the baby talk. lol. oh, and listen to doodle. i like the idea of you up in this territory.

kitten, ugh. just ugh.

and seven? ditto what aural said. i'm glad you like it here. you are something else. wub.gif
sevenseconds
(((((AP))))) I'm sorry for your furbabies. And thank you!

((((rogue)))) good choice.

(((((gt))))) - always.

((((culture)))), my rock.

((((Freckle)))) - hope you're feeling safe and loved, mama.

Candy, you are so nice to me.

good luck, doodle!

ketto, hello sweet lady.

kitten, zoya, hi!

Thank you all SO MUCH for your kindness. I am touched and warmed. I'm doing alright, putting together a self, in a new language, under a new sky. The addict mind will always seek out ways to get a fix of darkness and intensity (which I don't terribly mind;), but my body is clean and strong, and I'm working to keep it that way. And all of you ladies are so so inspiring! wub.gif
freckleface7
confession: I feel all warm n fuzzy when y'all refer to me as mama. I know that's dorky, but occassionally I do feel neurtering towards so many of you...
I am embarrassed to admit that. sleep.gif

I AM volunteering at the Salvation Army Soup Kitchen on Thanksgiving Day !! it's only 30 minutes but I hope it makes a difference.

confession: for reasons I can only logic to be that this is a sure Sign I am headed in the right direction, I feel absolutely Glorious (like w/ tummy giggles) about volunteering there, even though I haven't gone yet.
they need help weekends & evenings too so may start going sooner.
freckleface7
rudder: re: dogs vs small children?
you can legally put dogs into crates . laugh.gif
I too am firmly antichild- minus of course frecklette who was a total delight as both infant & toddler. (seriously, she was. in fact I still want to shrink & re grow her but she keeps saying No.)
but if I had to choose? I'd go w/ infants bc they are less mobile & destructive, and they like to snuggle.
ankle biters are just that. nasty sticky little creatures...
I actually broke up w/ a friend last year bc once she started spawning, she had stompy footed brats that she made no effort to encourage to behave.
buh-bye now!
girltrouble
for me personally, it's unconditional love. if something seriously shitty happens, the dog wants to comfort you. cats couldn't give a shit. where's my tender vittles, bitch? cats meh. they are fine, but they seem like (sorry cat people) snotty, ungrateful little asshole leaches. they are more than happy to ruin things i happen to like a lot, and no dogs have ever done as much damage to my stuff as cats have. dogs, love appreciation, and give it back. they are all about affection. they like to please, and to my mind offer a much more rewarding relationship than cats. but i'm a dyed-in-the-wool dog person. but you can leave dogs alone if they are well trained. cats always seem like a lesser choice. but that said i'm not afraid of children/toddlers, etc. children like me, and i know how to talk their language. i've been known to talk children into sharing toys and being enthusiastic about it.
crazyoldcatlady
QUOTE
cats couldn't give a shit. where's my tender vittles, bitch? cats meh. they are fine, but they seem like (sorry cat people) snotty, ungrateful little asshole leaches


::catlady eyeing gt suspiciously... smile.gif ::

eta: also, i have a new tagline!
candycane_girl
I'm with GT on this one. I love my dog because he just seems so grateful all the time. Now he doesn't follow me around all the time, in fact he's becoming more cat-like in that sometimes I'll pet him for a while and then he just gets up and walks away. But seriously, the frenzy that he goes into (barking, running around, barking some more) when I come home...well there is nothing else like it.

I don't know, with cats it's not just that they seem ungrateful but sometimes I swear they give you a look that says "I really, really hate you".
girl_logic
QUOTE(girltrouble @ Nov 17 2009, 06:16 PM) *
where's my tender vittles, bitch?


ahahaha
well it's the eternal gratitude that I can't stand about dogs. It seems like having a permanent 3 year old in your house, and I feel guilty because of their neediness. Also for the record, my kitty is the lovingest, huggiest little carnivore on the BLOCK!

also for the record (and a confession) whenever I see a small child or a baby, the word "animal" flashes in my mind. Weird but true.


kittenb
QUOTE
I know that's dorky, but occassionally I do feel neurtering towards so many of you...


Really freckle? I've always thought you sounded like such a great mom but now I think I am a little afraid of you. wink.gif laugh.gif
girltrouble
i think that's the difference between dog and cat people. dog people love the dogs burst of adoration, i never see it as neediness, since if i tell them to go lay down they do. cat people love cats' autonomy and fuck off glances. to me dogs aren't constantly needy, they are just lovely companions who get that they couldn't open a can of food w/o me. cats are ungrateful little beasts who think they are entitled to the canned food, as if the world owes them a daily fancy feast.


and i'm glad you liked my tender vittles line, cat lady. it cracked me up when i wrote it.
auralpoison
I was wondering about that, too, KittenB!

I like both cats & dogs, but I'm more a cat person. But then, my cats were very special. When I came home, Monk immediately would come out of hiding to tell me about his day & get some love. Yoshimi was more subdued, but was also a very affectionate cat. They liked to be near me, but weren't all up in my face about it like dogs. They slept with me, they ate with me, Monk used to sit on the back of my office chair while I worked & I learned to type with Yoshimi in my lap. They were curious, but smart. It used to amaze & confound my neighbors the way they followed my commands just like dogs. They knew when I felt bad & would watch over me & take care of me.

Dogs just require too much. You have to let them out & fuck with them all the time. My mom's dog had gotten a hold of some foil that had potato bits in it & was trying to eat it, when I tried to take it away from him, he bit me. Not hard, but he BIT me. I didn't chastise him, I ignored him for about six hours. By the end of that six hours with no talk, no touch, no look? That dog was in a shambles. Never even thought about biting me again. And when I needed to leave town I'd have to find somebody to take care of him. The cats? Make sure they had food & water & fresh litter & they were good for at least five days of taking care of their own damned selves.

All that being said, I may have anew pup for the holidays, but it'll be a small one. And since I'll be getting it from my neighbor? Instant dogsitter.
pollystyrene
QUOTE(auralpoison @ Nov 17 2009, 10:10 PM) *
I was wondering about that, too, KittenB!

I like both cats & dogs, but I'm more a cat person. But then, my cats were very special. When I came home, Monk immediately would come out of hiding to tell me about his day & get some love. Yoshimi was more subdued, but was also a very affectionate cat. They liked to be near me, but weren't all up in my face about it like dogs. They slept with me, they ate with me, Monk used to sit on the back of my office chair while I worked & I learned to type with Yoshimi in my lap. They were curious, but smart. It used to amaze & confound my neighbors the way they followed my commands just like dogs. They knew when I felt bad & would watch over me & take care of me.

Dogs just require too much. You have to let them out & fuck with them all the time. My mom's dog had gotten a hold of some foil that had potato bits in it & was trying to eat it, when I tried to take it away from him, he bit me. Not hard, but he BIT me. I didn't chastise him, I ignored him for about six hours. By the end of that six hours with no talk, no touch, no look? That dog was in a shambles. Never even thought about biting me again. And when I needed to leave town I'd have to find somebody to take care of him. The cats? Make sure they had food & water & fresh litter & they were good for at least five days of taking care of their own damned selves.


Agreed, aural. Albus does the same- greets me at the door, tells me about what I missed, smooches me up as soon as I sit down, follows me around, comes when I call him. And he's as smart as a dog, maybe moreso. When something's not right, he'll lead you to it. If he's out of food or water, he'll come in and "yell" at me, I'll say, "what's wrong, Albus?" and I'll follow him and he'll take me right to the empty bowl (or wherever it is.) Yeah, he's food-motivated and he still has his "cat moments", but at least he has figured out how to communicate. He's still the best cat I've ever had.

GT, I think you just haven't met the right cat.

Oh, Albus' other method of communication- if I don't pay attention to him when he's trying to tell me he needs something, he does all the stuff he knows he's not supposed to do- chew the plants, chew the drawstring off the garbage bags, scratch the rug, threaten to jump on top of the bookcases- he's got a whole routine, and he won't quit until he gets what he wants.
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