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period_monster
confession: I am seriously contemplating walking away from the life I've been carefully constructing for the last eight years or so. And if I do, it will be to return to the first dream, one that was denied long ago but has never gone away. Every few years it stirs and it brings me to my knees. It feels an awful lot like purpose.

And ABBA is awesome. And anyone who doesn't think so should probably stop trying so damn hard.
stargazer
QUOTE(period_monster @ Dec 16 2009, 04:51 AM) *
confession: I am seriously contemplating walking away from the life I've been carefully constructing for the last eight years or so. And if I do, it will be to return to the first dream, one that was denied long ago but has never gone away. Every few years it stirs and it brings me to my knees. It feels an awful lot like purpose.


(((period))) I think the universe is telling you something.
lilacwine13
I don't really care for the commercial side of Xmas and since I'm not a Xtian, I don't see the point of me celebrating it. I hate buying presents for people, hate trying to come up with things I would like to get from people and am really not in the mood to deal with a bunch of bullshit surrounding the holiday. The thing I like most about it is the food my mom makes, especially cookies and desserts from Norway.
AbleDanger
QUOTE(deschatsrouge @ Dec 15 2009, 09:13 PM) *
Confession: I underhandedly convinced/suggested my Dad to get a Turducken this year because I've always wanted to eat one. He's going to barbeque it, which is even better.


Um, so what exactly is a Turducken 'cause it sounds really wild and crazy?


Confession: I'm not liking my family very much right now and don't want to buy anyone presents because I feel more like walking away from them completely than feigning for a few days that everything is okay. And I'm cheap and only like to buy presents for people I like. And I also think that spending money on things that they're probably going to forget about in the next few months is a complete waste.



auralpoison
Turducken.
period_monster
Thanks Stargazer. I know that you are right.

confession: I have already put steps one - three into motion for changing my life.

confession: While those closest to me understand why I want to get out of academia, I am really not looking forward to telling the professors who have talked me down and kept me in the two graduate programs I am currently in, that I am getting out-now, while the economy is in the crapper and now when the it is the worst possible time to get into beekeeping, even if I have such a promsing future as an academic--I want more.

confession: When I tell people that the county I come from has one person per sqquare mile, they find it crazy that I'd want to return.

confession: I cannot wait until Sunday afternoon, when I step off a plane and see me dad in Denver. Then it's time to break him the news. Or talk him into doing something I know he wants to do--teach what he knows to a member of his family, one of his children who see the value in a life of tending bees.
auralpoison
Period_monster, I so envy you the beekeeping. It was always something I wanted to try my hand at until I nearly died from anaphylactic shock at a summer party. Go for it if it's what you really want to do! I'd like to buy myself a top of the line bee suit & visit you!
zoya
I'm so happy with my life, it's great.

but I'm so fucking lonely. I'm here in my flat and all the usual people I talk to online are not on, cause they're home with their S.O., staying warm and cozy in this horribly cold weather. I begin to doubt that I'll ever have a partner to just chill, just converse, just hang out with. Just to be there. Just to be my friend. Just to count on. I'm just fucking lonely.
flanker_ji
((((zoya))))
kittenb
{{{{{zoya}}}}} I know what you mean.
rogue
Confession: Unless forced to, I'm not going to do any work today. My immediate boss isn't in for the day and it's Christmas week. I'm not celebrating, but whatever. Most people are vacating the office early and the ones who are here aren't doing anything anyway.

Confession: I just found out today that the youngest, cutest guy in my office is leaving to pursue other career options. Tomorrow is his last day. He's engaged and all, but I'm still going to miss looking at him and fantasizing about us doing it in the backroom. He's also really odd, which I find kind of endearing. Needless to say, I'm going to miss him.

Confession: I'm not doing the Christmas thing this year, but I'm really pissed off that my dad isn't going to send me anything. I know this because he doesn't have my address (he's never asked me for my new one) and because he never sends me anything anyway. But he sends all his other "kids" something - you better believe my stepsister will get something from him. I'm his one true daughter and I don't get so much as a card. I should be over this by now - it's been twenty-one years! - but I just can't let it go. It burns me so much. I don't care about the gift that I won't be getting - it's the principle of it. If he's going to send something to them he should do the same for me - especially since I'm his kid and they aren't, but it's because they're always around and I'm not. Le sigh.
ketto
(((roque)))

(((zoya)))

I confess, I won't be doing much work this week either. Half of my workplace is already on vacation so I'm making lists of all the little busy-keep-me-occupied jobs, like buying toilet paper and refilling play therapy supplies.
anna k
(((zoya)))

(((rogue))) I miss seeing my former crush too, he was a cutie.

doodlebug
confession: I just set up an arrangement whereby my BOSS can stay at my MOM's house in Vancouver during the Olympics. Why? I don't know. Job security issues, maybe. I smell disaster.

confession: I want to stab my co-worker in the eye with a fork. Honestly. She shows up to work 35 minutes late - late AGAIN - with no phone call warning. Then 65 minutes after she arrives, she takes a fucking coffee break. Honest to fuck.

confession: I find myself replacing cigarettes with food, now that I'm quitting smoking. This is not good. Today I am going to try to curb that tendancy. What the hell is Nicorette for, after all?
auralpoison
Confession: I am trying really hard to be the bigger person. But one more dig & I'm ripping out a windpipe with my bare hands.
treehugger
Doodlebug, when I quit smoking I chewed on cinnamon sticks-very low in calories and they are about the right size and shape! If you like the taste of cinnamon, I strongly recommend you try it-I used to, uh, do all the "oral" stuff with them you do with cigarettes, and then when I'd get stressed or something, crunch!!
doodlebug
I did that with black licorice last time I quit, tree! I don't know if I could handle the cinnamon, though. I'm attempting to be more cognizant of why I'm eating.....

confession: I spent part of my paid work morning updating my resume and typing up the cover letter I wrote last night, intending to send off my application for a new job this afternoon. Only my references left to update, and off it goes. Sorry bosslady, but I can't tolerate my childish co-worker's laziness and tantrums anymore, nor can I continue to witness your inability to discipline her. So it's my turn to take advantage of company time.

confession: my cover letter is brazen. And my resume has a couple of little cheeky things on it. I figure if they don't like me based on my confidence and the mild expression of a sense of humour, it's not the right place for me.
doodlebug
confession: I just sent my resume to another company. From work. But not from my work e-mail address! tongue.gif
zoya
I'm having a nice time hanging out on my own today...and just told a good friend that I'm fine, when he said he felt bad that I am on my own.

but the truth is, I'm lonely. Really looking forward to video chat with my family later.

everyone thinks I'm so tough, but the fact is, I'm not.

(the fact that I'm in a slightly depressive state isn't helping either)
missladyj
I have not left the house since wednesday morning. I would be perfectly happy spending the rest of my vacation at home with my old man.
culturehandy
Confession: I don't really like my grandmother.
auralpoison
Confession: While I know that American chocolate technically sucks, Hershey's especially (It's so waxy!) . . . I really like the chocolate used to cover Snickers & Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I usually only eat dark chocolate, but sometimes only that uber-sweet ick that they put on those two candies is the only thing to satisfy.
rogue
Confession: Since breaking up with my ex in July I have tried my hardest not to cry anymore. Not from normal every day events, or movies, or books, or anything. I haven't in a very long time because I know that once the first tear falls I won't ever, ever stop sobbing. And I don't even know why.

Confession: I haven't told anyone this. I've only mentioned it here because it's where I feel safe. Thank you all, for that.
stargazer
(((rogue))) There is no timeline for grieving the loss of a relationship. It's ok to cry if you need to in order to move on from this relationship. Thanks for sharing and I'm glad you feel safe here. smile.gif
rogue
Awwww, thanks star. I don't think it's grief from the end of my relationship (because it was a healthy thing, the end), it's a lot more than that, but I can't pinpoint directly what it is. I just have that feeling, you know? I think most anyone's had it, the feeling where once you start crying you might not ever stop.

And truth be told, I hate crying. It hurts so bad physically that it's just another reason why I try to avoid it. My head aches and my nose fills and I can't breathe and my eyes burn. Yuck.

I'm also pretty lonely, but I don't like "real life" people knowing that, either. I have issues with not wanting people to think I'm weak, so I hide a lot of myself. It's weird.

Sigh. I hope everyone else is well.
candycane_girl
AP, you know they make dark chocolate Reese's right?

(((rogue))) you do whatever you have to do.
auralpoison
Yes, I do like the dark chocolate Reese's! Delicious!

Confession: I must admit I am in the premenstrual throws. I want chocolate & I found myself crying like a baby at a Glee flashmob vid from Rome. I do not know why. I wasn't moved or anything, I just started crying. Crying sucks, but it is okay & often a needed physical release of joy/pain/whatever.

Confession: I hate the telephone. I really, really do. The only people that call me are people I don't wanna talk to.
konphusion26
Confession: I don't know when I'm in over my head until it's too late. Damage has been done, and it's beyond repair.

lilacwine13
I walked out of the middle of a threeway on New Year's Eve because it made me too uncomfortable. I then proceeded to kiss the neighbor I've been hooking up with--who is currently seeing someone--made out with one of his friends and woke up really hungover the next day with the third guy who was wondering if I wanted a relationship. I didn't, which made him disappointed.

I also realized I miss AZ Guy a lot more than I'm willing to let on.
AbleDanger
I just cyberstalked my ex-two-times-removed's new girlfriend who he just bought a place with because he was always the one I thought I could turn to for a quick get over fling which I so want to do now because I would rather f**k than cry and all I want to do is lie in bed and just cry and feel sorry for myself and not do anything except feel sorry for myself that I left my boyfriend and feel so alone. I hate this part of a breakup! Damn Facebook for allowing us to follow the lives of our exes! And damn exes for having gf's who openly blog on myspace that is really easy to read. But, she sounds perfect for him.

confession: I chose to buy a ridiculously cheap bed and lots of clothes rather than an expensive bed and fewer clothes. Priorities! I think I maxed my credit card today. It was declined at a store, and I didn't really care.
auralpoison
Confession: I want to hug most of you & I don't know why. Too many reasons to pinpoint, I suppose.
culturehandy
I agree AP.
auralpoison
Confession: I spent more than six hours last night IMing & flirting wildly with an old friend that had a crush on me (of which I was unaware of then) back in the day. It was so much fun! I'm not gonna do anything stupid or that I have to feel guilty for, but I have to admit that I really enjoyed the "newness" of the flirtation.

Confession: Praise be to big white baby Jebus, I still got MAD skillz with the fellas! Had him eating out of my palm like a sweet lil' fawn. I was worried I might have lost my edge what with the lack of viable opportunities to keep up mah skillz. Still sharp even in my advanced years!
treehugger
AP, I wish the lounge had a "like" button like facebook--but since it doesn't, let me applaud you! You've still got it, chica!!! smile.gif
anna k
AP, I'm so happy it went so well chatting for so long! You are just crazy charismatic, I'm not surprised he had a crush on you!
candycane_girl
AP, please send me your man-magnet skillz.
stargazer
Confession: I think my colleagues kids are ugly.
missladyj
Star
ME TOO! I kept getting this holiday picture / card with family photos and all I could think of was why would you put your ugly kid on that and give it out to everyone. It was astounding.
stargazer
missladyj, well, I know some people have a face only their mother can love. laugh.gif But, seriously, every time this one colleague posts pictures of her daughter and, now, newborn daughter...I just keep thinking, "Dude, your kids are not cute." I have friends with better looking kids.
auralpoison
Confession: I wish I were more surprised by the fuckery that my fellow species continues to perpetrate against not only those around them, but themselves.

I sort of knew this guy. He was your classic tall, skinny nerd. Think a very young Richard Belzer. He didn't have a lot of friends, but he took photo one year when I was the TA & we hit it off. We talked a lot of books, comics, music, film, etc. Because he was so shy & didn't talk to a lot of people, sometimes when he got to class I'd have to tell him to cool the fuck out because he'd be so excited to talk about whatever. He was very kind, sweet, & fragile. It saddens me to know that such a gentle person found himself so distraught, so alone, that he he felt the need to stray as far as he did.

Confession: I'm going to go call some family just to tell them how much I love them. And that as much as their constant worry irritates me, I'm glad that they care.
rogue
((((AP))))
That really sucks. Just reading what you wrote about him - my heart really goes out, you know? It sounds really awful. I don't know if "I'm sorry for your loss" is appropriate, but I am all the same.

star, I totally understand where you're coming from. I admit I sometimes frequent celebrity gossip sites. Not nearly as much as I used to, but anyway, I always hated when they posted photos of Britney Spear's kids because people would freak out about how cute they are and my reaction was just, "Really?" I don't think they're cute at all! It sucks though, cause can you really say that to someone about their children? Nope! My best friend adores the crap out of her niece and says how cute she is all the time.

"Really?" laugh.gif

Confession: Sometimes I'm a horrible person.
auralpoison
Thank you, Rogue.

Y'know the really fucked up thing about it? Was not that I saw it on the news, but that somebody contacted me on FB about it. I don't know if everybody has a couple of these or what, but I have a few FB "friends" that I sort of regard as harbingers of doom. People I don't much hear from unless some tragedy has happened to somebody from the class of '93. "hey! how r u gurl? did u hear so&so committed suicide?!" It's like they get off on telling as many people as they can about the horror.

It's just weird. I can't say I'm devastated by the deaths or anything, but I do feel this strange sort of ache for the senseless loss of life. This guy *really* reached out to me in hs & I'm glad that I was there to extend a hand even if it was ever so brief. I remember when he discovered the glory that is Peter Cook & how he was absolutely giddy to tell me all about having caught "Bedazzled" on AMC. He was absolutely breathless, I thought he was going to piss himself in glee. I'd like to think that he recalled me as fondly as I recall him.
anna k
(((AP))) That is really horrible and unbelieveable. I don't know how somebody in their mind could do that. It's just really tragic for all involved.

You are really compassionate and kind in re-telling the nice things about him, how he was a regular but shy person.
stargazer
(((AP))) I'm glad you were able to provide this man some kind of connection in his life.

Confession: My mother is a competitive person. And for some reason, well 'cause she is narcissistic, she has been competitive with me most of my life....so, I love bragging about how good my Christmas cookies turned out this year. In fact, I intentionally comment on them because I know it annoys her so much. smile.gif
auralpoison
Criminy, Rudder, I thought it was just me. As soon as the chat window opened & I saw who it was my first thought was, "Who died now?" & my belly sank.

What is it about, this being the bearer of bad tidings? Just plain old narcissism? Some kind of variant on Munchausen's by proxy? Y'know, instead of making somebody sick to garner attention, they use somebody else's tragedy to do so? It reminds me of when my gran died, my mom/aunties ran two obits; one in our local paper & one where she had lived after she retired. My grandmother's sister was pissed that they hadn't run one in her locale & posed as one of the daughters to have one run there. Heaven for fend she didn't receive her slice of the condolences pie! Must. Have. Attention!

Star . . . mmmmm cookies.
ketto
I confess I absolutely HATE how bad paperboy is with time. I grew up in a house where my mom insisted she was a timely person but in reality everyone in her family, including herself, are horrible at time management. She's always late for things and when she starts running behind she claims she "didn't plan to be there that early anyway". It drives me nuts and as a result I've become really anal about being on time. Paperboy has my mom's time management.
culturehandy
I have the boys eating out of the palm of my hand right now. I fucking love it.
stargazer
Confession: It is days like today (waking up to hearing news about the massive earthquake in Haiti, a couple of unexpected deaths in the news, and other weirdness in the universe) that I don't know if I should cry or take cover. blink.gif
foryoursplendor
I confess that the reason I asked my old Trophy Fuck to hang out on Sunday was to distract me from being depressed about my brother's girlfriend's terminal cancer.

We're going to re-watch all of The Office (uk). Hopefully good old Ricky Gervais and Mr. Trophy Fuck (who is actually a good friend also) can pull me through this.
auralpoison
QUOTE(rudderlesschild @ Jan 11 2010, 11:57 PM) *
I think part of it is definitely trolling for condolences and sympathy. I think another part of it, and this may be more subconscious, is the tacit understanding that the bearer of the tragic news is entwined thereafter with the memory of the person mourned. So when you think of your grandmother, it becomes impossible not to think of the person who broke that news to you. If for no other reason, that person is suddenly memorable... to as many people as they can inform, providing they are the first to inform. Hence the breathless rush to get the news out over any medium possible -- even over (in my humble opinion) completely inappropriate avenues such as facebook and mass texts.

Kinda like the one person who always feels the need to post the word "first", and nothing else, to comment on super-popular blogs.


I do post on FB what I feel are interesting celebrity deaths. But I don't feel like a harbinger of death. I don't know the people, but I admire them. It's more like wanting to pay tribute to people that kicked ass rather than garnering attention.

The guy that developed Spaghetti-Os died. I had a babysitter once that fed us nothing but Spaghetti-Os. I've not eaten them since I was six because I had them every day for a couple years. I still hope that babysitter & her husband burn in hell. They were horrible people.
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