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runningwestward
This thread is for sharing bullying stories from grade school all the way up into the workplace. For those of us who are in a bully situation I want us to be able to use this as a support network because in the workplace there are very few things you can do about the bully. And if you do have suggestions that would be awesome. It's bloody hard to stand up to these people.

Wanting to start this thread was spurred by the recognision of a bully over the weekend. He's in my lab where I work. He's junior to me but is a few years older. Everyone in the lab can't stand the guy. He's inappriate, sexist, believes that his is always the right way and the only correct and valid opinion... you get the picture. And until a few weeks ago I had just dismissed him as an ass. That is until he actually had the nerve to point at a physical flaw (something that took me year to accept and be alright with) on my body and pester me about it. And he did this in front of about 10 people at work. I was floored. I didn't know what to say and all the memories of people who look at it funny and all the shame I used to feel about it came back in a flash. I bit my tongue though. Stuttered out an answer. But that night I went home and cried. I've been harbouring some resentment (to say the least) to this guy since and it all came out this weekend. We were hosting a conference and I was working the registration desk and he starting critizing the way I was doing my job (picture having 30 people in a line and having to write out receipts answer questions remember to ask them certain ones all in about 30 seconds a person... a little stressful...) and I just snapped. I told him to leave me alone and I'd answer him when I had a chance but he kept pushing. Saying I wasn't doing it right, saying that it wasn't good enough, saying that I should be working faster... and I lost it. I told him to f*ck off very loudly in front of 4 of the most important people at the conference: the keynote speaker and the guy I want to work for in a few months included. I just couldn't stop myself. And he just played the victim. Saying loudly for everyone to hear "what's her problem" "what did I do". I wanted to just cry. It felt like grade school and high school all over again. I am so sick of people defending him with "oh he's just a jerk" or "it's a personality thing" "it's not personal" (my ass it isn't... why doesn't he treat everyone like this then??!!!?? and why only the women?) and the fact that the responsiblity of remedying the situation fails into the victims hands. I don't know how to approach this guy and tell him to lay off without giving him more power over me. That approach backfired in highschool with that bitch AC and crew. I doubt it will work now on an ex Israili military jerk. I don't want to feel the way I felt when I was younger. I had my fair share of emotional breakdowns and stress related illness back then thank you very much. But I can feel it all coming back and I don't know how to stop the flood. That felt good to say. Thanks for letting me vent.
kittenb
rw - that is ridiculous! Maybe it wasn't "appropriate" for you to say "fuck-off" in front of everyone, but I say way to go. Sounds like no one ever stands up to him. Dismissing someone's cruelty by just saying "oh he's just a jerk" does nothing. And if anyone judges you for it, I would ask them what they thought about the way he was treating you in the first place.

I had bullies target me from K-12. It was crazy. Even after my family moved to a different state (I don't think I will ever meet an 11 y/o as happy as I was to move away from all of her "friends") the bullies in my new school targeted me. As surely as if I was wearing a sign saying "Kick me." What really upsets me is how much of the insecurity lingers. I still have a hard time eyeing men in public out of fear that they will laugh at me or something. I automatically drop my gaze to the floor. It's embarressing.

Anyway, I think what you did was just fine. Maybe now that you've lost your temper on him, the next time you confront him you'll be more confident and can do it in a way you are happier with. Good luck!

PS. I'll be back w/more stories, but if I wrote them all at once, I'll cry or something.
berenguela
kittenb, I also have terrible problems meeting people's eyes. I always thought it was just because I'm Canadian... But it might be the bullying. How horrible that the effects may last so very long after I felt I was over it.
runningwestward --- in some ideal universe there may have been some wonderful way to respond to that asshat but I know in your position I would have done exactly what you did. I hope naming him as a bully will help you cope with him. Because you're right, that's what he is. But you're not the same person you were back in high school.
pepper
rw, first do some damage control and send a written appology to the 4 important people. i would keep it simple, admit you made a mistake, don't make any excuses, just appologize for inapropriate behavior. that will at least ease your mind about your end of the deal.
after that, well, can you speak with your supervisor about his behavior? being "just a jerk" is not an excuse for harassing people at work and viciously attacking their physical appearance. i there is sure to be policy about that. what a horrible ass. you shouldn't be subjected that that crap while you're trying to do your job.

berenquela, that's a funny thing to attribute to being canadian. huh.

i had crazy curly hair and big lips and eyes AND my parents dressed me funny all through lower grade school, boy did i ever get picked on. stories to follow....
venetia
It sounds like recognisable workplace bullying to me, Runningwestward. Bullying is really freaky, not least because you believe it's somehow you not the bully, and that if you just "deal" it will be okay. But actually it's recognised these days as a form of harrassment, and it's more or less illegal.

Maybe if you get hold of a book like The Gentle Art Of Verbal Self Defense At Work it will help you formulate answers to the bully which let him know that you consider his behaviour inappropriate and bullying, and that you want him to stop. For some reason rehearsing words from a book helps me because that way it's not such a personal investment as in my own words.

You may need a formal record that the man's behaviour is a problem for you, so you'll need to make a note to a supervisor or boss. Not necessarily a complaint, just let them know that for the record you have asked X to (for eg) stop making personal remarks to you or engaging in other bullying behaviour.

Also you need to keep a log of what he says and does, and when, and maybe a brief sentence about any measurable effects it had (eg in that case, by bringing up his problem at an inappropriate time he hindered your ability to concentrate onthe difficult job at hand). This will quite quickly reveal a distinct pattern to his behaviour, and will be invaluable if it gets to the point where you have to make a formal complaint.

Also if you did around you'll probably find the rules that your lab is supposed to follow.

I'm not trying to suggest that you should take responsibility for his behaviour (that's probably something he himself thinks). But, he's a hazard to you at the moment and you will need to take steps to protect yourself from him.

A few years ago I was being bullied and sexually harrassed at university, and for the longest time I thought it was "just me", my fault (for years! for like, three years!). Then when I found out that the guy had been doing it to other women too, I realised and we made a complaint. It's much easier for me to act on protecting others than myself. The guy basically was removed from campus and I haven't seen him since.

Reading the workplace bullying resources online it was really strange for me because the descriptions of behaviour were striking chords - it was like, wow, this is a real, recognised thing, it's not just me, it's not my fault, and it's not all in my head!
livelyupurself
((((RW)))) my heart aches for you, that is so frustrating and absolutely uncalled for. You should not be feeling terrorized at work and forced in to a situation where you feel bad for snapping in defense of yourself.

I loathe bullies, of any sort. But adult bullies, like the one harassing you, I really despise. The kind that put their bullshit back on your shoulders, ala "what's her problem?", making you look like the idiot. I delight in calling their punk ass bullshit out. I guess when I encounter a bully, I become one myself, going out of my way to make them squirm. In fact the following statement is probably more appropriate for the BUSTie confessions thread: I am filled with utter joy when I have the opportunity to stick up for the "underdog" of any given situation and make a bully look like the complete asshole they are. There, I said it. I am a bully's bully.

I had my fair share of bullies growing up the "fat girl". I was also very shy and so nice that I could win most everyone over eventually. But there were a few particular ones that made my life a living hell growing up. The funny thing is that by the time I entered high school, I was tall and large enough that nobody really messed with me much anymore, even though I was still terribly shy and super nice. One day these girls were picking on my sister. I knew them both, we weren't friends per se, but I think we had a class or two together and had chatted before. I caught them cornering and threatening my sister and they both were scared shitless when they realised I was behind them. It was then that it dawned upon me that I could use my stature to my advantage and intimidate the bullies. Nobody messed with my sis from then on.
pollystyrene
((RW)), that situation really sucks. There's a guy like that at my job. I've never had a run-in with him, but a friend in my department has. He's in a different department but comes over to our dept. to get checks that come in for his job. He knows damn good and well what time they come in everyday, but he'd come over before then and rifle through their stuff and pester them, just be an annoyance. Finally, my friend called him an asshole, really loudly and it carried all across our section of the office. He stormed off, and my friend went to her boss, explained what happened and acknowledged that it was inappropriate to say to him. Her boss was aware of the ongoing situation, so he was understanding. Now the guy's assisstant comes over to get the stuff and they just avoid each other. I don't think there was ever a formal apology.

Yeah, I was teased and picked on in elementary school and junior high. It sucked. By high school, I distrusted the popular crowd so much, whether I actually knew them or not that I never really gave them a chance and assumed that their lives were all perfect and I hated them all. I found out later that one of the more popular guys, who I didn't know pre-high school and never really did anything to me in high school had a younger brother suffering with leukemia. I don't know if he made it or not, but it sort of showed me that I had this idea of everyone's backgrounds in my head, and I had become as bad as they were. I do believe that most bullies do it out of their own insecurities, though. I know that doesn't make you feel any better when it's happening, though. Sort of ironic, though- the girl who was the ring leader, the absolute worst in elementary school was voted "Most Shy" our senior year of high school, something I probably would have been if I hadn't made a conscious decision to just not care anymore.
auralpoison
Y'know what? I pretty much asked for everything I got. To me, if you hated me, I was doing something right. I was an impossibly angry youth. I did everything I could to distance myself from my peers. I was too smart for my own good & flaunted it. My hair was always a weird colour, I dressed like a mental patient, I was a rabble rouser, typical teenage hijinks.

Story: Junior year one of the... special... students developed a crush on me. He had *MAJOR* emotional/mental issues. One day whilst high out of my mind I commented on how I liked the chairs in this one class we shared. A week later he disassembled one & gave me the pieces. While strange, I still thought it was sweet of him & thanked him. Every bit but the seat would fit in my locker, so I carried it around all day. If somebody asked I explained, but if they didn't, meh. A few days later I get up to get my SAT booklet & my number two pencil & a guy (Whose name I still remember. Fuck you, DK, you closet queen.) said something like, "Don't break the chair with your big ass!" I did a vertical leap from the floor to the table top & went down a lunch table talking trash to a bunch of ignorant jocks all Cyrano DeBergerac stylee. I remember EVERYTHING & brought up ancient, truly mortifying stuff. From the guy whose johnson I saw in gym to the guy that smelled like Polo & a rotting corpse. I ripped about twenty guys apart & not a one said a goddamned thing. For about three days I was a fucking rock star.

Payback wasn't until the next fall when the football team nominated me to be their female representative for the homecoming court. BIG MISTAKE, BOYS. They thought I'd be humiliated. NOT. I went thrifting & found a Courtney Love style babydoll dress & wore knee high pole climber boots for my picture in the newspaper. All these pretty little girls & then the punch to the gut, me. I wore an L7 tshirt during the parade. At the pep rally I walked out ahead of my escort to the center of the bball court, took a deep bow, & raised my arms in victory. The crowd went nuts. The night of the actual event I wore a beautiful black velvet evening gown with a sweetheart neckline & four inch black pumps. I had my hair & makeup done. Nobody recognized me. It was fucking awesome. I turned the tables on those motherfuckers & they couldn't say boo about it.

It's weird. When I go back now, it's like nothing ever happened. Well, that's not entirely true. There is a girl that's a year older than me that I smarted off to when I was fourteen & she *STILL* carries the beef. Who really cares about something that happened more than fifteen years ago? Somebody really pathetic & small, I say. To this very day she tries to intimidate me. She didn't intimidate me before, why should she now? True, I used to bail when she showed up, but that was really more to save my friends the hassle than because I thought she was gonna hurt me. As far as I know, I'm the only girl she never challenged to a fight because she knew I could take her. She just settled for saying mean things about my hair, clothes, economic standing (We are both biracial & she was poor, while I was solidly middle class. She once got in my grille because we had a cleaning lady that came twice a week.) or my sexuality. The last time I saw her she tried to start shit with me. I asked her how much money she made per year. How many kids did she have with how many baby's daddies. If she was so great, why did she still live in our pisswah, bumfuck home town? What did she have to show for her badassitude? Nothing! Three kids, three daddies & a job at a beef packing plant because she only had a GED. Her big claim to fame was that she did a little Foxy Boxing & won a couple hundred bucks. I paid her tab, snapped up my Prada bag & bid her sad ass adieu. I guess that's largely why she'll always hate me. I'll always show her up because I'm smart & am willing to go the extra mile/work my butt off to get what I want. Why strive for mediocrity when one can achieve a good life with a bit o' elbow grease & some luck?

I just read over that. My cod, what a horrible, horrible woman I am. Straight to hell with me. I'm just as bad as they were. Schadenfreude, anyone?
pepper
hmm, yes. you are a tyrant, aren't you?

there's a reason we all lurves the ap you know...

yes, yes, i was a bi-otch in highschool too. i took it all through the grades when i was too nice to know what else to do, until i realized how much smarter than most of them i was. then, hoo, what a mouthy smart ass mo-fo i was. nasty little monster.
clairebear3
Mr Bear and I are currently being bullied by one of our neighbours. I hadn't really put 2 and 2 together and realised that it is bullying until I saw this thread. I can't really explain it all now i'm swinging between wanting to shoot him/crying myself to sleep in a heap on floor.

It culminated this weekend with him climbing over a fence and throwing a house brick at Mr Bears head. We have really done nothing to this guy apart from buying a piece of land at auction which he had wanted to buy. We had never met the guy before this so we didn't know he would be one of our neighbours but thats how it goes at an auction, the highest bidder wins right?

Any hoo we called the police when he threw the brick because we had to do some work there and we wanted the police to wait with us. Ridiculous isn't it? A man in his forties resorts to throwing bricks at us. I keep trying to stay calm, not sink to his level, retain the moral highground etc etc but it's not easy. One of these days i'm just going to flip out although I know that that solves nothing.

Now Mr Bear wants to sell the ground, which we where planning on building our dream house on, which means that we are now arguing about because I can not and will not give it up.

All this because of a 40something skinhead with a beer gut sheesh!
herculesgirl
AP, I love you. May I bear your Internets babies?
auralpoison
It's nice to know I am lurved. And here I thought I was merely tolerated. Thanks, Pepper.

Why certainly, Herc! Should you wish to bear the miscreants/homicdal maniacs/evil dictators that would undoubtedly spring from my loins I would not object.

He threw a *BRICK*? That's insane! A grown damned man threw a Brick at Mr. Bear's head. That's just... wrong. I'm glad you called the popos & filed a report, documentation is usefull if things should possibly escalate.

Seriously, though. I asked for it. A lot of people that got treated shitty didn't, but I did. I *wanted* them to hate me. In the immortal words of Bikini Kill, "I ate their hate like love." Most people didn't know me personally, but they sure as fuck knew my name & could pick me out of a line up. I was that crazy, raving, feminazi psycho bitch that wore flannel pajamas & houseshoes to school. The one that *met* Trent Reznor before they'd even heard of NIN. I was an obnoxious, arrogant, annoying, smartcunt little monster.

Upon reflection, I was not wholly evil. I did always stand up for those that were weaker than me. Some boys picked relentlessly on a couple of Jehovah's Witness girls until I gave 'em the smackdown. I was the queen of the freaks, the geeks, the weirdos, & the losers & I defended them valiantly. To the hilt. I always stuck up for my own.
msgoofball
i was picked on from day one until about 9th grade when i decided that i didn't give a crap what they thought...i wore what i wanted...said what i wanted and kicked several boys and girls asses in numerous ways...do i feel bad...? nah...but i forget about it until someone brings up stories of the past...remember when you threatened boys with castration by little green rubber bands and they nicknamed you 'terminator'? yeah...that was me.

i love being a geek, freak, weirdo...i would feel odd being any other title.

and AP, you rock. again....i wish i had you as a sidekick back in the day....
kittenb
See, people who meet me now have a hard time believing this, but I was quite the little mouse in school. I was weird and different, but I badly wanted to be liked. School was just not a safe place for me and that sucked. There was always someone yelling something down the hall at me, or shoving me, or scaring me. I was too scared to really stand up for myself then. I have gotten better about it now, but it took a damn long time to realize that I actually decerved to be treated better.
Luckily, I was a surprisingly upbeat kid and as hard as it could be, I always knew that my hometown(s) were temporary resting spots. I knew that I would get out. If it wasn't for that thought/dream/fact, I don't know that I would have survived high school.
auralpoison
Msgoofball, word.

I was actually called "the equalizer". No shit.
msgoofball
heheehe the 'equalizer'..wow....anyone else get some nicknames out of their opposition?

letsee, here's a story from the memory bank archives....sophmore year of HS....another day in band camp..lol....we were mapping out our position on the field when one of the trumpet players was giving a warning to a new frosh trumpet player...about me. i was laughing with surprise....R said," watch out for that one, she kicked my ass." the frosh quips back "well, You're a wuss then, aren't you?".....me and the girls were cackling with glee as well as a bunch of band members who heard. Ah, good times....back then i was a stick, 5'10" and a 120 pounds, all muscle.

yet i was small in comparison to most...
runningwestward
I tried telling my mom over and over how badly I was treated by the girls at school (all girls school - horrible horrible experience). She never really got it. I remember getting up to vomit in the middle of the night and the intense desire not to get up to go to school. I remember just trying to deal with the anger I felt towards these girls and how it would come out physically (on inanimate things) and my mom would get mad at me but never try to find out where my anger was coming from. I had several complete breakdowns and it wasn't until my mom actually was witness to one of the attacks by the gang of girls that she did anything. Now at least she believes me about what is happening at work and is actually being supportive and understand (this is a minor miracle when it comes to my mother who is known for her "put on the happy face no matter what" command). I don't have to see the ass until tomorrow so I have a day of peace in the lab. I can ignore emails and I refused to have to add him to my MSN (our supervisor wants us all to be able to chat on MSN when he's travelling or when we are in different locations).

A BRICK!!! That's wild. Good call on the calling the police. Don't let him scare you off what is your property. You have the law on your side for this.
mornington
*delurks*

if you can lurk in a thread that's not been up a day. I moved around lots as a kid - eight schools - and got picked on as "the new kid"; I kept myself to myself a lot because I was never around long enough to make good friends. There were no ass-kickings delivered, or recieved, but I was the one who people un-obviously whispered about, was called names and so on and so forth. One charming little boy (we were ten) took my friend's nickname for me, and constantly teased me with it - to the point where I actually hid from classes. Oh, and I threw a coathanger at one of my dorm-mates (I went to a boarding school) for being vile about my clothes. It wasn't until the last year of my last school that the little boys (and the girls) really gave up trying to get a reaction out of me. I guess I managed to keep my mouth shut and my head down because I knew that I was smarter, and going more places, than they were. And because I'd given up on giving a shit & trying to fit - and they decided I was a lost cause. But even now I distrust "the popular girls" and my self-confidence isn't high; it's gotten waaay better, but I'm occasionaly convinced I have a "fat, ugly, geeky and boring" label stuck to my shirt or something.

AP - you're the bomb. I could have had nothing but respect for you had you gone to my school

the brick thing scares me... good move with getting the police in. The guy sounds like an asshat.

rv - I agree with pepper about the damage control. And you shouldn't have to stand for it, he sounds like he's being wholly uncalled for. Good that your mum is supporting you though.
auralpoison
Why thankee, Mornington.

Oh cod. I just thought of this. In eighth grade a new girl moved to my tiny town & she was a stunner. First girl I ever knew that dyed her hair black. At that point I still hung out with the rich/popular kids at the cheerleader table for lunch. I of course befriended her. The other girls were threatened like MAD. They called her names & made her cry. She took to hiding in the bathroom during lunch because they just tortured her. She accidentally brushed a girl's bum with her hand whilst walking through the halls & got the dyke brand. They teased her because of her dyed hair, so she tried to change it back & her hair wound up being fifteen different colours of orange. That's when the boys got in on the act. They started calling her names because she wasn't so pretty any more now that she had troll hair. By that point they started talking shit about me because I was friends with her. They never tried it again. There is no meaner breed than a teenaged girl.
anna_k
LONG POST AHEAD

I was a weird kid. I kept quiet a lot, and hated to be touched and was afraid of large images (like big posters of animals or dead celebrities). I read all the time, wore big glasses, and was always picked on. Either I didn't know how to socialize, would say the wrong thing, or just stuck out. Plus, I was labeled with a learning disability (now known as Asperger's) and would have to go the resource room, OT classes, attended D-level classes in junior high, and was treated as a social reject by both students and teachers.

Even when I went to summer camp, I inadvertently alienated myself from the other kids by being a nerd or saying something weird. I had said to the camp counselor, "Your name is Moira? That's like the actress Moira Kelly." I was 11. The counselor just looked at me funny and walked on. Or I had to get some iced tea for the bunk table at lunch and the iced tea was running low on the canteen, so I mixed it with water. It tasted terrible, and everyone went, "Ew" and looked at me.

At another summer camp, a girl had the same name as me, and she fucking tortured me. She pushed me into the boys' bathroom because I was too ugly to be a girl. One day a small rock flew through the air and hit me on the head. I didn't know if it was an accident or intended, but it felt like a real Charlie Brown moment.

By the time I was 12, I had had it with being bullied. With frustration and anger and sick of being quiet and alone, I lashed out. If someone teased me, I hit them. I slapped a couple of girls, got into a fistfight with a boy, and was shoved and slapped myself. I was at two extremes: being silent and withdrawn, or being violent and full of rage.

Junior high: I had been called a lesbian because I told a girl I kissed a girl on the cheek (bad move), everything was ripped apart about me, girls thought I was going to hit on them, boys asked me sexual questions (“Did you get your period yet? “Are you a virgin?”). I had big breasts and felt ugly and misshapen. I would wear a heavy coat like a safety blanket to hide in when I wanted to get away from the surrounding world. People put “Kick Me” signs on me. I had a lot of violent fantasies, like rape fantasies and being a runaway street hooker, and at night I could hear bombs going off in my head, pounding whenever I closed my eyes.

In high school, this disgusting boy who looked like Fat Albert would not leave me alone. He was perverted and sick and was always on my case. Once he humped himself on me against the wall, and I screamed and shoved him away. Another kid looked at me like I was the freak.

I didn't have any sexual experiences as a teen, because I had been told over and over how ugly and gross I was. Boys would say, "My friend wants to go out with you." "No I don't!" Whenever someone called me ugly, I either cried or hit them. Sex was violent and ugly to me, but a lot of it was mysterious to me because I had never kissed anyone or been treated with any love or affection by boys. When I got "pretty" by 17 (through losing weight and dressing better and gaining a spine) and didn't know why boys were being nice to me (especially the ones who had teased me thru junior high), I had to learn about sex and dating in college, and felt like I had missed out on a lot.

I really got into films and books during that time, and made a habit of renting lots of movies from the library, mostly old and foreign films. I would get sucked into the black-and-white world and become fascinated by old Hollywood and old scandals. I read a lot of Francesca Lia Block and learned about art and music and films and books through her world. I worked as a volunteer at an artsy movie house and saw free films and worked in the office. There I had met people who were 30 and treated me so kindly and sweetly. I still felt like a nerd in glasses and bohemian clothes (dresses over striped pants, old jackets, band t-shirts), but they were kind to me. One guy reminded me of John Belushi, and he always joked around with me and made me happy. I had come in one day down from school and bullies, and he quietly hugged me. I miss him. Another guy was a gorgeous Johnny Depp-looking man who was serpentine and cool, and would wink at me and be sexy and cool to me, despite my looks (I looked like Daria the cartoon, to put an image out there). These guys helped me be more comfortable with men and to like seeing them more as friends than as dates or enemies.

I eventually got better through therapy, Paxil, and enrolling in a half-day art school where I learned to write better stories and act in plays. I'm 22 now and have grown up since being the shy little geek, but it took a long time to grow out of that, and sometimes I wish I was a more outgoing, prettier, happier teen than being so reclusive and weird.
livelyupurself
AP, serious heartage for you. I had friends who sound a lot like you did in school, and they are the ones I am still friends with today. The rest, eh, not so much.

I couldn't be bothered to give a shit about or even consider attending some sort of reunion function, even for the good laughs I know it would afford me. I know I'd still despise those fuckers, and even seeing what losers the majority turned out to be wouldn't dim the loathing I still feel for those pissants.
auralpoison
Ain't it the truth, Lively, ain't it the truth. How many people's lives actually peaked in high school?

Oh man, my ten year was a couple years ago. I coincidentally happened to be in town. My mom went down to the bar & ran into some of my classmates & of course she told them I was at home. Drunk people that I hadn't spoken with in thirteen years started calling my house admonishing me that we were all still friends & that if I didn't come down they'd come to me. I decided one drink is worth the preservation of my sanity & I walked into a shit storm of so&so says you aren't coming to the reunion because of blahblahblahwhatever. Ten years later there were *STILL* rumours going around about me. I was like, no, I'm not going because I was an asshole then, I'm an asshole now. And I'm cheap & I hate golf. Also the girl that organised it married one of my idiot relatives & I didn't speak with either of them until he finally got smart & divorced the horse faced witch.

I am beginning to understand why my buddy J says I am the Ernest Hemingway of not giving a fuck. Gotta love that fella.

I'm not in contact with anybody I went to high school with. Not a bloody one. I try to be cordial when I run into one, but a lot of them are total humps.

I spent the majority of my senior year totally alone. I pissed off one set of friends because I rejected a guy & then nearly ripped his head off when he told everyone why even though I told him not to. The other set because I said the wrong thing in front of the wrong person & the fit hit the proverbial shan. Today I wonder if the guy is still ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road. He's gotta be 'cause he hit every branch on the ugly tree on the way down. I can't imagine he smells any better, either.
livelyupurself
I've really only kept in touch with a total of two, yes, dos amigos, from the school daze.

My sister works for a major HMO here, Kaiser Permanente, so she has the misfortune of running in to buttloads of shmucks from school. The best though was this guy that was kind of a dick, but super hot. He picked on us, but not in a terribly hostile way. He would prank call late and tell me, in a creepy voice, that it was "lucifer" calling, or he would pretend to try to trip us in class. She was in the elevator with him, and his wife who was about to pop their kid out. She said he was still hot and very sweet. I always new he really was a nice guy cause his cousin Frankie was one of my bf's, but he went to a different school. This dude was always cool when I happened to run in to him outside of school or if he came over with Frankie to swim at my house. Except the time we were swimming late at night and he took my towel and locked me outside to freeze my ass off.
I kicked his ass tho'.

My sis and I were secretly assholes. We had names for people. We called one girl "meatloaf", one was "bathtub", oh and there was "mustard", so named because of the mustard stains on his pants he wore 3 days in a row one week. He worked at McD's after school. And "scarf", "booger", "bus", etc. I hated Pam Petersen, so she was "Spam" Petersen.
Bitches, we were.
pepper
oh mercy, i was a strange cookie in highschool. i look back at pictures of the cracked shit i would wear out in public (oh so proudly) and wonder if i'd've been friends with me.
the chicas that were brave enough to dare speaking and chilling with me are almost all still my good girl friends nearly twenty years later. what can i say, i'm a keeper. and so are they for loving the crazy lady that i am.
i laugh in the face of alla the loser shits who were such a highschool commodity back then and are sssooo uninspiringly boring and bored now. serves them right.
anna_k
Pepper, me too. When I gained sense and realized some of the things that I said and did and how it looked to others, I thought, "Jesus, I was a freak. No wonder I rarely had friends."

I was close friends with one girl during school, but we went to seperate colleges and drifted apart because of age and not wanting to hold onto h.s. memories. I was happy for the brainy academic kids who got into good schools and put their brains to great use.
auralpoison
Oh, we did that, too. We had snide little names for all kinds of people.

I was reminded of something else... Somebody used to prank call my house saying that they were this guy that I barely knew & had never even had a class with. They only called when I wasn't home & would leave his name & number when they called. There was no reason for this person to be calling me, so I never called him back. I could never decide if it was me they hated or him. Go figure. This went on for months before they figured out I wasn't ever going to return the call.
mornington
We still have snide little names for the people we go to college with. Most of them are descriptive - or come from something they've done. Thankfully, because our uni is small & geeky (we do one subject) there's less of the geek-teasing. But you can still spot the girls who were "popular" at school. I figure I'm probably turning into a bitch now - but I try to be nice to everyone (except the pro-life freak, but she's not nice to anyone).

I left school two years ago, and I'm in touch with four girls. Out of 250. I'd class one of them as a close friend. I see the "popular" girls myspace etc (or even run into them if I'm not careful) and they're still with the same crowd, still doing the same things, and living off daddy's credit card. I laugh.
laurenann
oh dear, high school. in middle school kids just teased me constantly for being dorky and awkward, and then i got into punk and started dressing like a freak and just got teased some more.

in 9th and 10th grade i hung out with a bunch of serious losers who treated me like shit. summer after 10th grade they decided they didn't want to be friends with me anymore.

i went straight edge and started dating guys in college with my best friend kim. after 10th grade i stopped eating in the cafeteria and we'd eat lunch every day in these window seats by the front door. the hall monitors looked the other way.

i kept to myself senior year, spent a lot of time in the darkroom, and hung out with my older friends after school. 12th grade was okay, kids stopped teasing me for being a poser and i managed to get all B's despite skipping class with kim like every day. i knew i'd be leaving soon for college in boston, so it stopped being so bad.

i don't think all of the teasing meant much, not for me anyway. i don't really know why i was targeted, since other kids who seemed a lot like me didn't all get bullied and teased.

runningwestward
Great news! The bully is leaving for a month in a few weeks! YAY!!!! I'm so excited. I may only have to see him 5 more times in my life if I can manage to finish before he comes back.
girltrouble
*bumpy*

pollystyrene
Thanks for resurrecting this thread, gt. Very timely. Things at work are teh suck right now and my boss announced today that our staff meeting today would be focussed on the recent communication issues amongst the staff and we're all to talk it out. *sigh* I have a feeling I'm at the center of a lot of the issues, so this should be interesting.
girltrouble
no problem, polly. i needed to get in touch with my badass side, and reading somethings AP said, i figgered i wasn't the only one.


good luck with the work bullshmackity, polly. kick their ass.
auralpoison
Oh, fucking A.
auralpoison
*bump* Just in case anybody finds it useful.

QUOTE(auralpoison @ May 15 2006, 03:26 PM) *
Why thankee, Mornington.

Oh cod. I just thought of this. In eighth grade a new girl moved to my tiny town & she was a stunner. First girl I ever knew that dyed her hair black. At that point I still hung out with the rich/popular kids at the cheerleader table for lunch. I, of course, befriended her. The other girls were threatened like MAD. They called her names & made her cry. She took to hiding in the bathroom during lunch because they just tortured her. She accidentally brushed a girl's bum with her hand whilst walking through the halls & got the dyke brand. They teased her because of her dyed hair, so she tried to change it back & her hair wound up being fifteen different colours of orange. That's when the boys got in on the act. They started calling her names because she wasn't so pretty any more now that she had troll hair. By that point they started talking shit about me because I was friends with her. They never tried it again. There is no meaner breed than a teenaged girl.


This gal recently got in touch with me via FB. D found me via the page of one of the mega-cunts. She's still scarred by her treatment at those bitches hands, but her life is great now. Good job, nice fiance. She's got it going on & I think it's great!
girl_logic
I was recently reading a book called Letters to a Bullied Girl. I think it must be really well known by now - a collection of letters from people across America, to an individual in grade 7. The effort was begun by a pair of sisters who read about the girl in a local paper, horrible bullying that started when other classmates found out about her epilepsy.

So there was this incredible outpouring of supportive letters from 100s of people who had been bullied, or who were bullies and were reflecting on why they did it, people who were bystanders to someone else's bullying ordeal, parents, other kids, men and women. What was particularly interesting was how many very old people could still remember the exact words that were used to hurt them years ago and how it felt.
geoff
Hi, I'm Geoff, and yep, I'm a newbie. Bullying is a topic that hits pretty close to home, at least in my past, and it's been interesting and sometimes painful to read about your experiences.

Like several people here, I was bullied all the way through grade school. Junior high was the worst, and high school wasn't much better. Kids that age can just tear each other apart! It's easy for me to believe what girl_logic said, how very old people can still remember the exact words that others used to bully them.

Personally, I've tried kind of the opposite - to forget as much as possible. I can easily remember it when I think about it, but I'm much happier not thinking about those times. I couldn't get out of that cliquey place fast enough, and now, as an adult, in a place with more people, it's much easier to simply avoid people I don't like. They don't even notice, so they don't go out of their way to make trouble for me - and there aren't many of them anyway.

It's scary to hear some of the earlier stories in this thread, where people are still bullied as adults in the workplace. I don't know what I'd do then - probably threaten legal action or try to find another job.

I thought about something awhile back, and maybe it's old news, but the idea surprised me a little. Some of the people I work with now are great people, very friendly and nice to be around. But because they're so athletic, attractive, and outgoing, I started to wonder if they were the types that were bullies when they were kids. It doesn't change my friendships with them now, and I obviously can't and won't pin anything on them by unfair stereotyping, but it just makes me wonder. Maybe some of the people in high school turned out to be really great adults, like the people I'm friends with now. Because of the history, though, I'm guess I'm satisfied not knowing. I don't keep in touch with any of them.

Anyway, I saw this article a couple days ago. It's on CNN's site, but the story is actually from Oprah's site. It hurts to read the families' stories - not the same words that were used to bully me, but the intimidation and the feelings they cause are all too familiar.

I followed one of the links in the middle, "How to deal with bullies", and found several good articles on various aspects of bullying. (Each article has a "Related Links" section at the bottom with more on her site.) I love the "Shmuleyism" at the bottom of this article:
QUOTE
There is absolutely no place for bullying in our schools. Children must be taught to report a bully immediately and never to fear retaliation. Parents must teach their children to stand up to a bully but never to become one - even to protect themselves. Principals and teachers who don't take bullying seriously should be relieved of their duties.

Too true. Bullying is a much bigger problem than most people realize. IMO, the keys there are "never to fear retaliation" and that the school officials need to take it seriously. Those were the reasons my problems never went away until I graduated and left - the adults wouldn't do anything, and if you "tattle," the bullies just come down on you even harder.
auralpoison
Girl on girl cruelty in the Scientific American
thirteen
When I think about my entire time in school, I find myself relating to Carrie White, minus the telekinetic powers. In band class, the boys often spat all over my chair and backpack while I was out of the room, and then laughed when I had to go fetch paper towels to clean it up. Kids called me a witch and put gum on the handle of my locker, made fun of my small size, stuck garbage in the hood of my jacket as I walked around....One girl even pretended to be my friend and invited me over to her house, and I summoned up all my courage and stayed over one week-end. We had a lot of fun and I felt really optimistic, but the following Monday at school my "friend" went around making fun of me and telling everyone that I had an eating disorder and had gone to her bathroom to vomit several times. It was not true at all, and it just crushed me. After a couple of nervous breakdowns I ended up dropping out of school.

To this day I feel sick and nervous when groups of young people walk past me, laughing. The first thought that crosses my mind is that they are making fun of me, which I know is not true.

However, I have noticed that those who were considered "weird" or "outcasts" in school turn out to be the most beautiful, radiant and intelligent adults!!!! All that negativity just comes back to the people who put it out there.
lunia666
QUOTE(thirteen @ Jun 10 2009, 01:29 AM) *
When I think about my entire time in school, I find myself relating to Carrie White, minus the telekinetic powers. In band class, the boys often spat all over my chair and backpack while I was out of the room, and then laughed when I had to go fetch paper towels to clean it up. Kids called me a witch and put gum on the handle of my locker, made fun of my small size, stuck garbage in the hood of my jacket as I walked around....One girl even pretended to be my friend and invited me over to her house, and I summoned up all my courage and stayed over one week-end. We had a lot of fun and I felt really optimistic, but the following Monday at school my "friend" went around making fun of me and telling everyone that I had an eating disorder and had gone to her bathroom to vomit several times. It was not true at all, and it just crushed me. After a couple of nervous breakdowns I ended up dropping out of school.

To this day I feel sick and nervous when groups of young people walk past me, laughing. The first thought that crosses my mind is that they are making fun of me, which I know is not true.

However, I have noticed that those who were considered "weird" or "outcasts" in school turn out to be the most beautiful, radiant and intelligent adults!!!! All that negativity just comes back to the people who put it out there.



I feel the same way when ever I hear people laugh behind me I can't help but think there laughing at me. I was picked on thru out middle school. Teased because I was over weight, I didn't dress like everybody else what ever they could reason they could find. My last year I thought I had made a good friend in a new girl. She would call me everyday and we went to the movies etc.. One day she sent me a note saving she no longer wanted to be my friend and not to talk to her anymore. She then told everybody I was to fat and ugly to every have a boyfriend and would be alone for ever sad.gif. I can tell you it had a dramatic effect on the rest of my life. Almost 15 plus years later I don't feel I can trust anybody and I worry what people think and say about me. I wonder sometimes if those people ever think about what they did to me but only for a min then I go on with my life smile.gif.
ululah
Been getting bullied a little lately. Thought I was way past the age where I could expect such behavior from people sad.gif. It feels good to read this thread and know I'm not the only one who's had to deal with it.
auralpoison
The frequency with which this kind of shit is happening is disturbing to me. Girls torturing other girls for no other reason than they can. And then having no remorse & actually BRAGGING about the misery they have caused.
zoya
that is just so fucked up - and the whole "there are three investigations going on" WTF? How the fuck hard is it to see what has happened, and believe the kids who tell the adults about it?
auralpoison
Between shit like this & that little gal getting gang raped at a dance out in California, I am beginning to weep for the future. No accountability, no responsibility.

I was talking about this with some guys & they were all, "There's two sides to every story". BULLSHIT. I know the politics of the Mean Girl playground. NEW girl moves to town. NEW girl is PRETTY & exotic by school standards. NEW PRETTY girl has a fling with a guy that according to Mean Girl rules should be beyond her grasp. Mean girls mobilize & begin their Machiavellian maneuvers to systematically ruin girl's life. They get away with it because nobody is willing to rat them out because they don't want to wind up facing the same fate.

And teachers seemed to be absolutely oblivious to it all. The old bat that taught the English class that the girl I mentioned down the page & I were in with the Mean Girls? Had to have just been completely ignoring what was going on. It was a constant, systematic soul-crushing day in, day out. Even after I excused myself to go get D from the bathroom where she had been hiding & where she had cried herself to sleep, the teacher ignored her red eyes & tear stained face. Even the grown ups wouldn't ruffle the Mean Girls' feathers.
culturehandy
I'm disgusted with that sort of thing. It's so heart breaking and who would fucking brag that they aided in a suicide of a girl?? You going to brag to your fucking kids about that? hey, guess what I did when I was in high school, I bullied a girl so relentlessly that she ended up committing suicide. Yah, there's something to fucking brag about.

when I went to high school, that didn't happen and if that sort of thing did happen, teachers would step the fuck in.
girlygirlgag
Update in Phoebe's case.
http://www.thebostonchannel.com/education/...ail.html?hpt=T2

I feel so badly for these kids. I have been bullied and I have bullied. It's a vicious cycle of sink or swim. I finally clued in to how stupid and useless high school was in 10th grade, started making amends,physically confronting my bullies, and preparing for college. I wish I could talk to these kids and tell them how meaningless high school is, and though it hurts now, it is so short, while life is so long and great.


culturehandy
GGG, thanks for the update. I'm curious to see if the police and DA's office are going to follow up with this.
auralpoison
Nasty little cyber-bullying bitch may get comeuppance. And I'm glad. Somebody needs to teach these nasty little people a lesson. I do think five years is a bit much, but I hope she at least gets the full fine & an assload of comm service.
koffeewitch
Does anybody know the legalities of being bullied by a supervisor in the workplace? My partner's supervisor is such a bully to the people he dislikes (i.e. anyone short, vegetarian, politically progressive, etc.) that many of the best employees have walked off the job after years of excellent service because of the bullying. My partner is afraid to call off sick regardless of how sick/injured he is because of his boss' harassment and then there is all the petty, childish stuff. The assholes cut up a bunch of bacon into tiny pieces and hid it in Mr. KW's food. Ha, ha. To me that's about as funny as hiding shit in somebody's food. This douche is pushing 40 years old, I would think he would have outgrown tormenting vegetarians, Muslims and Jews by hiding pork in their food, but apparently not.
Then there is the constant name-calling, belittling, intimidation tactics, etc.

The only employment law I see applies only to businesses with over 500 employees (which this place is def. NOT ). Is there any protection in the workplace from harassment other than sexual or discriminatory as defined by EOE?
anarch
koffeewitch, I think you're right that if your partner won't get much help from the law here.

Have you come across the Workplace Bullying Institute? Looks like a decent resource. I don't know if this would be helpful to you, but under the "What We Offer" sidebar, clicking on "phone counselling" brings up a page where they say they charge $50/hour to listen to your situation and give expert advice. Maybe you can find their book The Bully At Work in a local library?

metafilter thread on "workplace mobbing." Somebody in there posted a link to BullyOnline (free help line but only for UK residents) -- UK context only but possibly they might talk about helpful ways to tackle the problem.

Good luck.
koffeewitch
Thanks much anarch; those are great places to look... I had been looking at labor law sites and getting nowhere.
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