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p_176
LMP -
i like your point about not having gone through lots of the BS that single people have gone through ['cause you have been with mr. pug the whole time].

a [asian] friend of mine recently made the comment that in the US, people are on their own to find their own mates - which means that they don't generally get the feedback or support from parents/families. and that may be why there are so many dysfunctional relationships.

i'm not an advocate of arranged marriages but if someone knows you really well and can recommend someone that might make the search easier, i'm all for that.
LoveMyPugs
I know I'm lucky. I get frustrated with my friends who break up with someone after one fight. That drives me crazy. If Mr. Pug and I broke up after our first fight we wouldn't have lasted a week. We take it one fight at a time. I know others aren't as lucky as me to have found "the one" so young. I feel bad for people who are much older and still haven't found someone they can really connect to. That has to be hard. If I were single and a friend thought they knew someone who would be perfect for me then I'd give it a try. What's the worst that could happen? It doesn't work out and you move on and try someone new right?
starkitty
Argh...I ddon't think I'm even looking for actual advice right now, more just hoping my relationship doesn't really drive me into to loony bin, a la the title of this topic.

Part A: My boyfriend of a year and some change and I decided to start having sex about a month ago. Unfortunately, no one informed certain parts of the anatomy about this, and so we haven't actually managed to do so, which is driving me slightly insane right now. (We're both virgins and just graduated high school. Can you tell?)

This led to...Part B: This whole not-actually-having-sex and being all sympathetic/whatever thing led me to realize how much I love him...which is now scaring the hell out of me. Even though I'm positive I want to sleep with him, I also ideally only want to sleep with one guy, ever, so this is all rather confusing. I also know that I want to marry him someday, and while that isn't an impossibility, it's not something that happens frequently.

Maybe I'm panicking because we're about to go away to different colleges, even though they aren't really all that far away from each other. Or maybe I just need to get laid really badly. Hah.

*le sigh*
missjoy
I'm not trying to be negative here - but being at seperate colleges is very, very hard on a relationship. Once again, I know many people work this out - but I know when I went to college I suddenly felt like I wanted to be out with friends and meeting new people. I think this is why Thanksgiving weekend is so often referred to as the "turkey dump" when people break up with their mate that they were with at home.

Just to be on the safe side -ask yourself if you would be angry if you had sex and then broke up... perhaps it is best to wait. You also don't want to have sex just to try to ensure that you don't break up - there may be some of those feelings mixed in as well.

Once again, I don't know you or your relationship - I know some that have been strong through being apart - but just a small caution.

On another note, for my first time we were both virgins too - and it didn't quite "work" the first couple times. I think I was too nervous about it hurting, and then that was worse... in the end we had a relaxing night with a few drinks and it just worked. Try not deciding that it will happen at a certain time and just relax and do other things, and if it leads to sex - all the better (if you are sure you want to).
starkitty
I understand that concern, but I'm not worried about having sex and then breaking up. I definitely took that into consideration before deciding, but concluding that it wouldn't make it any harder or easier to get over him, because I'm pretty much guaranteed to remember him for the rest of my life in any case, etc. Thanks, though.

I'm also not worried about college. We never had one of those typical high school relationships where a couple spends every second together, because we already went to different schools, so we only saw each other on weekends. Only we actually didn't see each other much then either, because he was always in another state for debate, and if he wasn't then I probably had forensics or rehearsal. So college shouldn't be too different, since we only saw each other about once a month anyway. We may actually see more of each other next year then usual. Weird.

I think I'm more just worried about time in general. Like, a really long time from now. Which I probably shouldn't even be worried about right now, but I'm incredibly pessimistic and silly. Ah, well.
missjoy
Ah - that is why to pepper my thoughts with as much synonyms of "your millage may vary" as possible. I know all relationships are different and it sounds like yours is quite mature and more ready than most for college.
LoveMyPugs
QUOTE(missjoy @ Jul 18 2007, 10:55 AM) *
On another note, for my first time we were both virgins too - and it didn't quite "work" the first couple times. I think I was too nervous about it hurting, and then that was worse...


Same with me and Mr. Pug. First couple times didn't work. I was nervous and therefore my body was like, "No way! What is that? Not happening." Eventually, we wanted to badly enough and it happened. I'd go as far as to say the first three times we had sex sucked. Not that it hurt or anything it was just boring cause neither one of us knew what we were doing. We were both virgins. Now, he's the only person I've ever been with and vice versa. I know what he loves and vice versa. There is none of that, "Well my ex liked that so why don't you?" kinda stuff. My friend F. talks to me about his girlfriends every time he gets a new one. Once he confided in me that he couldn't understand why he couldn't make his current gf ejaculate when he had made his ex do it so easily. I had to have a long sit down discussion with him after that. Somtimes men really need to be educated. He thought cause his current gf wasn't ejaculating that she wasn't actually cumming and that she was faking it. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Men?!?!

I wish that Mr. Pug and I had waited a little longer. Not that I regret having sex when we did I just think we did it because others were doing it and not because we were ready. Still, my first time would have been with him either then or later on and we must have done something right cause we are still together. Mr. Pug's guy friends used to get on him about having only slept with one woman. They said, "How do you know she is any good in bed if you have nothing to compare to?" He'd just reply, "To me she is fantastic because I have nothing to compare to. She is the best and will always be the best." *squeel* He's so sweet to me!

Starkitty - just wait until you know for sure and you will know for sure when the time comes. The first time I talked to Mr. Pug on the phone I came home and told my mom that I met the man I was going to marry (even though we hadn't actually met in person but just on the phone). She tells people this all the time. She thinks I have ESP or something. I also dreamed that I was kissing a guy on the steps outside of someone's house and I knew what I was wearing and what he was wearing but I couldn't see his face. The scary thing is that it happened. Weeks later, Mr. Pug met and I met and later on we had our third kiss on our friend J.'s front steps of his house and we were both wearing what I dreamed. Makes me think now that it was all ment to be.

Good luck.
p_176
have been talking to my guy about the future of our relationship - it's been almost a year, and i'm his first serious relationship, so i'm wondering if he's really going to want to marry me at some point, or if he's going to want to sow wild oats?
sassygrrl
Debating on whether or not I want to move in with my boyfriend. Right now, I don't have a job. So, I'd be moving in with him for financial reasons. And I figure, I'm over there much more than I am at my apartment. But I'm seriously having some doubts.

Also, the last guy I lived with was seriously abusive. Although, I know that my new boyfriend is not like this, I still can't help but make comparisons.

I'm also worried that I'll lose some of my freedom of living on my own, and just doing my own thing.
phobia
Sassy -- sounds like you are still carrying major scars from your abusive ex. Rest assured, although some people are abusers, not everyone is! Just because you move in together, it does not neccessarily follow that you will lose your freedom. If you feel comfortable enough to move in together, you should feel comfortable enough to talk with him about all of your fears. If you aren't comfortable enough to discuss such things, I'd reconsider whether your relationship would improve by moving in together or not. Not trying to be rude, of course, but if you really can't talk to him about important stuff, cohabitating might not work out that great!

Just as an aside, does anyone else who's successfully (sp?) comitted get really frustrated at the "live happily ever after" ethos prevalent lately? It seems like a lot of people think that their SO should automatically be able to read their minds, that everything is going to be fun, that relationships aren't work, and that they'll never argue. You wouldn't believe the "issues" some of my friends have had that would be easily fixed (or nonexistent!) if the two people involved would have a conversation! Gah! Sometimes you have to have hard conversations, and sometimes you'll misinterpret each other, and sometimes you'll argue! It's reality, yo, not a fucking Disney movie!

Sorry, rant over biggrin.gif
p_176
"Just as an aside, does anyone else who's successfully (sp?) comitted get really frustrated at the "live happily ever after" ethos prevalent lately? It seems like a lot of people think that their SO should automatically be able to read their minds, that everything is going to be fun, that relationships aren't work, and that they'll never argue. You wouldn't believe the "issues" some of my friends have had that would be easily fixed (or nonexistent!) if the two people involved would have a conversation! Gah! Sometimes you have to have hard conversations, and sometimes you'll misinterpret each other, and sometimes you'll argue! It's reality, yo, not a fucking Disney movie!"

phobia - amen to that. i talked with my guy about how we saw the future of our relationship - we're not rushing into marriage or anything but definitely want to continue to develop our relationship. we both know it's work ESPECIALLY since we're an hour or so apart from each other.

i know so many people who are in their early to mid 30s, single, complain about it, yet are completely unwilling to bend or compromise. <shakes head> i don't get it.
shinyx3
i think there may be a bit of misunderstanding with the modern woman about compromise. i know there has been some misunderstanding with me about it. i wonder if maybe i am not alone. i am in a successful relationship (i am married) but had a rather abusive previous marriage and was seroiusly afraid to compromise with my hubby because i thought i was compromising myself. which, when i look back on it, i am not compromising myself and in fact he makes me a better and stronger person through compromise.
p_176
shiny - maybe that's it. i really have no idea. i do know that when you've lived alone and had things a certain way for a while, it can be hard to change that. but i seem to know lots of people who pretty much, absolutely, won't change, and then bitch that they're not in a relationship. ah well.
LoveMyPugs
shinyx3-

I feel like that often. I realy do. Especially about housework. I don't work. I go to school fulltime. However, this summer, I only took two classes. They were ten weeks long so most of the summer I was sitting on my butt doing nothing. Now Mr. Pugs works 10 hours a day and is out in the heat/cold and when he comes home he wants to eat dinner, shower, watch a little tv and go to bed. I used to get really angry that he wouldn't help me with housework. He would get angry and say that I didn't do anything all day. I told him that housework is supposed to be equal. He'd say that that didn't seem fair when he's working all day and I'm sitting around complaining about being bored. I didn't want to compromise on the "housework should be equal" because I didn't want him to think that housework is stereotypical woman's work. But in all honesty, he's been home this week on vacation and he's helped me out quit a bit. He has cooked practically every meal and his money (he's nice and calls it our money) has paid for everything we've done over vacation. We aren't even married and he put out over $100 for me to go to the doctor the other day cause I have an ear infection. I think he was actually irritated that I waited so long to go just because it was going to cost so much (we don't have medical insurance). I truely think that if the tables were turned and he wasn't working that he would do everything around the house for me. It took me a while to get my head around this. I honestly get tired of doing laundry and dishes all the time. There are certainly times when I let it go and dishes/laundry pile up. He never bitches about it. He knows I'll get around to it eventually. I think we've kinda come to this agreement that I'll do most of the housework but when I get sick of it and let it go for a bit he won't bitch about it. smile.gif works for me!!!
phobia
Pugs! Where have you been? I've been worried sick you know!

Shiny and Pugs, I don't know if that's what I mean. It's more like I'm often confronted with my friends who are in these relationships that they seem to think should be perfect all the time. When a problem comes up, especially one that's slightly uncomfortable to talk about, the thought of having a conversation never enters their minds. They seem to want to know how to manipulate their partner into doing what they want without having to talk or do anything hard. I blame the mainstream media, which portrays relationships as contests, where there are all those "rules," where women (especially, but not exclusively) manipulate men. That, unfortunately, is not how relationships really work in the real world. You have to talk about things, you aren't 100% compatible on everything, sometimes stuff needs discussed. It's just so frustrating.

Another thing the media pisses me off about in their portrayals of relationships is how women are portrayed as this obstacle to men having fun. This seems to lead to a lot of my single guy friends being miserable, dating girls they don't even LIKE, because that's what they think they are supposed to do. I'm not saying my boyfriend and I don't have other friends, but I like hanging out with him best of all. Everything's more fun with him around. Well, usually, but you dig what I mean tongue.gif
shinyx3
pugs, i am in a similar situation. my mr works and i ave been going to school. this summer i didn't take any classes (i just had our baby on the 8th) and i am not taking any classes this fall either. so i totally get where you are coming from. i do have to say to my hubby's credit that he has been doing tons of the house work and has not said a work about what i have not been doing lately.


phobia, i do get what you are saying though, relationships are alot of work but the god ones are sooo worth the work! there are people who just dont want to put forth the effort and then bitch that they can't find a good relationship when in reality they are just being selfish. besides, if you have ever been in a relationship where your s.o. does everything you want because of easy manipulation (i have been here) you get bored pretty quick.
phobia
Shiny, first of all congrats on the wee one! Second, I think you're right. It does have a lot to do with being selfish. I wonder if the root of the issue is with media, or with the general selfishness of all the gen x and y ers. My SO and I talk about EVERYthing, and we seem to have a pretty great relationship for the most part. Which is why so many of my friends come to me for advice. But they just don't wanna put in the effort. But you know, it's much easier to say "well, she's just crazy!" than actually go "ok, about half of this is my fault, what can I do to help?"

Hope your mr. keeps helping. New babies can be very frustrating (I'm an auntie myself, not a mum, but trying my best to keep my friend sane!).
LoveMyPugs
QUOTE(phobia @ Aug 18 2007, 12:50 PM) *
I wonder if the root of the issue is with media, or with the general selfishness of all the gen x and y ers. My SO and I talk about EVERYthing, and we seem to have a pretty great relationship for the most part. Which is why so many of my friends come to me for advice. But they just don't wanna put in the effort. But you know, it's much easier to say "well, she's just crazy!" than actually go "ok, about half of this is my fault, what can I do to help?"


Phobia -

I couldn't agree more babe. I think you hit the nail on the head. Sometimes the way my and Mr. Pug's parents act just disgusts me. They seem to have no respect for one another. Since instituting our lifestyle change *wink* we rarely fight and are more in love then ever before. I'm sure you feel the same way we do. It's wonderful.
LoveMyPugs
QUOTE(rudderlesschild @ Sep 10 2007, 08:58 PM) *
How do I get over this bullshit?


rudderlesschild - I was like that with Mr. Pug when we first started dating. Honestly, I'm really tired and it's been a long day and it's looking like tomorrow is going to be just as long so here is all I have to tell you...you'll feel different with time and the insecurities will fade away. Other then that just tell yourself that he loves you and even if things don't work out you'll be fine. So there is no reason to be so insecure. That's what I tell myself. I love Mr. Pug with everything I have and although I'd be heart broken for a long, long, long time if he left me, I'd know it was for a good reason and that both of us are probably better off in the long run. I'd be angry and hurt and miss him but I'm an independent woman and I'd be okay eventually. Does that help at all? Sorry I don't have much to offer tonight.
swedishchick
Anyone here who has never done this comparing and putting yourself down? This is what I tend to do:

I compare my body to a freakin' supermodel's.
I compare my intelligence to various "Einsteins"
I compare my professional career to that of a 45 year old
I compare my language skills to a native's

etc...

Can we just cut ourselves some slack here? We can't be the winner of every imagined championship we play in our heads!

It's the whole package that counts. That package being you, the one he is in love with.

Hope that pep-talk helped, at least a little bit...

LoveMyPugs
AMEN!!!!
phobia
Rudderless -- My only advice to you is to echo what Pugs said. The longer you guys have a good solid relationship, the more you realize you really can rely on him, the less insecure you'll feel.

I'm concerned about the level of freak-out you had regarding this modeling thing. You have to get acclimated to the fact that he probably DOES look at or fantasize about other women. Probably not when he's in bed with you, but idly, as the day goes by. Personally, I was not struck blind to good-looking people when I met my boyfriend, nor was my brain somehow damaged and I was suddenly only able to fantasize about my boyfriend. It's unfair to expect him to be struck blind. You need to realize that 2 Beeps is human too, and that you can't police his thoughts, but that you CAN expect him to remain faithful and work hard on your relationship.

Why does it matter? Well, the sooner you get over this jealousy thing, the sooner he can get his business going (I'm assuming this won't be the only time this comes up?), and the less resentment you'll bank. Think about it -- if you freak out EVERY TIME he shoots a model, and he backs out EVERY TIME, he'll eventually resent you for ruining his business.

Anyway, I don't want to sound too preachy. I've seen jealousy ruin some friends' relationships, and it's so sad, especially when it's the unwarranted kind of nutty jealousy (no offense!). Please try to listen to your brain and get to a place where you're not going to freak out over his JOB.

And how to prevent him turning into a ratbag? Have faith in yourself and your ability to attract the right kind of guy smile.gif Not all guys are like that, rest assured!
LoveMyPugs
QUOTE(phobia @ Sep 15 2007, 12:20 PM) *
You have to get acclimated to the fact that he probably DOES look at or fantasize about other women. Probably not when he's in bed with you, but idly, as the day goes by. Personally, I was not struck blind to good-looking people when I met my boyfriend, nor was my brain somehow damaged and I was suddenly only able to fantasize about my boyfriend.


I have to kinda agree with this part. I believe men to be much more visual and physical as they need variety in their minds in order to stay true in their bodies. I know Mr. Pug checks out other women but he comes home with me.
phobia
"I know Mr. Pug checks out other women but he comes home with me. "

Exactly. It's a relationship, not a police state biggrin.gif
zoya
rudderless -

My ex was in a rock band that toured. I too, got insecure at the outset about all the girls he'd meet who fling themselves at anything in a band - and who were much younger, firmer, and cuter than me.

My ex did not ONCE cheat on me. He wanted to be with ME. I think that it's a real test of your OWN self esteem to trust that yes, someone can (and does) love you FOR YOU. Body, heart, and soul.

(oh, and just fyi, we did not break up over anything to do with him touring or being in a band.. it was basically that we were both in very different places with where we wanted to be in our lives, I was not willing to compromise any of my goals anymore to be togehter, and he didn't want to bend on where he was headed. So we just ended up growing apart. But nothing to do with ANY outside influences)
rainface
Hi, I'm new, but I'm going to throw myself in here too... My bf and I have been together almost a year and we live together and he has a 4 yr old. He is extremely outgoing. Extremely. And I am fairly introverted. I go through phases where I feel awful that I'm not outgoing or friendly enough for him and that he is looking for more of a "party girl" to spend time with. (He is not in any way looking for this, it is all in my head). I think the thing that I have learned the most in this relationship is that if I have a feeling (positive or negative) it is valid and real even if it doesn't reflect the reality of the situation. So we just talk about it, until we both feel good. He's adamant that I (and him too) have the right to feel good about our relationship and I don't have to hide how I feel to make everything okay. (This is a complete revolution for me in relationships, guys I was with before never told me this). I guess this is just the long way for me to say that communication is so important and you have the right to get his help to feel better. Both things I'm sure you already know... unsure.gif
Dina's mom
I'm new here, but I need to vent-I feel so damned guilty and depressed.

I've been in a relationship for a little over a year now with a guy that treats me like gold, loves me to death and my daughter just adores him. He is so good with her and makes her laugh, we go on all kinds of trips together and are all very close.

The problem??? I'm not that attractedt to him sexually!!! I know I"ve made a terrible mistake in "stringing him along' all this time, but I really had bad luck in finding a good man and when I met him through an online dating website and saw that he shared a lot of the same interests as I did, I just knew in my heart that I met a great guy!! I totally enjoyed talking to him on the phone, loved his laugh and when I first met him, I thought he was kind of cute-although he really wasn't my type. I also remember seeing on his profile on the website where he mentioned how eccentric he was-after all, he is a graphic artist-and IS quite eccentric, but I figured, hey, so am I, so that won't be a problem

Well, then came the second date, I was so excited about meeting him again, that I could harldy contain myself. But, just as I walked toward his apartment, there he was, blond hair past his shoulders and a Hawaiian shirt and old cutoff jeans. My heart sunk! He just did NOT look very appealing to me anymore!!! I was shocked that I felt this way, but something about his appearance and his quirky personality just did not sit too well with me.

So, to make a long story short, I stayed with him this long because he treats me like gold and has been the best boyfriend I've had in a long, long time. But, I'm not as into him as he is with me, and even though of course I have sex with him, I just can't seem to desire him at all.

What is really hurting me the most is, even though I tried VERY hard to resist the temptations of another man when they arose, I gave in and cheated on him very recently. It wasn't sex all the way, it was kissing and oral sex. Now I'm very disgusted and upset with mysel and am praying to God for forgiveness. I've never had a guy love and cherish me the way he does and believe me, I know in my very heart that he would never DREAM of cheating on me or hurting me and that's what kills me. Now if he were abusing and belittling me, like my ex did, I wouldn't feel as terrible as I do. But I did and I can't undo it. I hate myself!!

This has always been my problem, I wish and pray for a long-term monogamous relationship with a guy that just adores me and treats me wonderfully, I get one, and what happens??? I want hot sex from guys that I find attractive and that find me attractive!! That's another problem, I have very low-self-esteem when it comes to my body, my boobs are only an A-cup and my bottom is big and I'm only 5'3" and weigh 134 lbs., so whenver I see a man smiling at me, or looking in my direction or flirting, I IMMEDIATELY feel myself sexually turned on!!! Funny, women complain about men viewing women as sexualy objects, but sometimes, I find myself viewing men that way-lol!!!

So, am I a sex addict??? Is there hope for me?? How can I be strong and stop all of this nonsense!!! I really need help!!!!!
LoveMyPugs
deleted
Dina's mom
QUOTE(LoveMyPugs @ Sep 20 2007, 12:01 AM) *
Dina - I really don't know how to say this without sounding terrible but you sound awful. I have to stick up for the nice guy who treats you like gold but isn't "sexy" as you call it. I find a guy who treats me like gold and respects me to be attractive. I mean how can you stay with and have sex with someone for over a year who you don't find sexually attractive. Then to think about cheating? That's terrible. I feel sorry for him and worried about the emotional blow he faces when you finally are honest with him. I'm really sorry to be so hardcore but your post sounds very shallow. Maybe I'm just not understanding your situation completely but from what I read all I can say to you is looks aren't everything and if you decide to leave him let him down gently.

Okay, so I just reread your post one more time and realized that you already cheated. Sorry I missed that in my first three scans. Damn girl! Being in a very long term relationship myself I am totally against cheating in anyway. Doesn't the fact that he obviously loves you and your little girl count for anything in your mind? I think you have some serious self esteem issues. Maybe the fact that you have such a poor opinion of your own looks makes it easier for you to treat someone who isn't "sexy" so poorly. In a world that is so focused on looks we have women and men like you who don't know a good thing when they have it sitting right in front of them. God, when you dump him don't tell him the truth okay!! You could scar the guy for life giving him a complex that the next girl (if there is one) has to try to help him get over.

I'm really sorry to be such an asshole but shit like this just pisses me off. So called "unattractive" people don't have enough shit to put up with on this fucking planet without having to have their hearts broken by people they think love them but have just been lying and bullshitting them all along. Fucking hell!

I'm fat. I have acne. My penis isn't 18" long. My hair's falling out. I'm nervous all the time. My palms are sweaty. HEY! BUT AT LEAST I HAVE A GREAT GIRL TO COME HOME TO. unsure.gif Opps! Sorry there! Guess again buddy!

Is it obvious that a nerve was hit here? I'm going to regret posting this tomorrow. I just know it. If I really offend everyone I'll delete this with no questions asked but come on now. Finally there is a nice guy out there in this world and he gets the one chick who doesn't find him "sexual" attractive. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

Mr. Pug! I can't wait to hear what you have to say about this at dinner tomorrow night. I love you baby and your are fucking hot and a wonderful man as well. I know a good thing when I fucking see it.

Dina's mom
OMG=Jesus Christ-OK OK< I GET IT!! I NEED TO BURN IN HELL!! Good freakin' LORD-you really DONT" Know what I"m going thru!!

YOu know what, forget I even said anything-I feel bad enough as it is!! I came here for freakin a LITTLE bit of support and THIS IS WHAT I GET!!!!

Whatever, guess I'll go burn in hell for an eternity now, now that i know what a freakin' HEINOUS Crime I committed!! Jesus, I mean, there are people murdering other people for no reason, child molesters and abusers, and I"M HEINOUS!!!!

Excuse me for freakin' being human!!! I made a mistake!!! Didn't I say how terrible I felt at the beginning of my damn post?? DIDN"T YOU FREAKIN' OPEN YOUR EYES and actually READ!!!!!!! DAMN YOU!!!!

Yes, I do have self-esteem issues, nothing could be further from the truth!!! But God-DAMN it, I'm not a bad person!!! I did something terrible and I know at least GOD has forgiven me, but I find it hard to forgive myself!!!

Can't ANYONE out there have the god-damned SLIGHTEST BIT OF HUMAN SYMPATHY??????

I just can't WAIT for more responses telling me what an asshole I am!!! Whatever.
Dina's mom
Okay, so I just reread your post one more time and realized that you already cheated. Sorry I missed that in my first three scans. Damn girl! Being in a very long term relationship myself I am totally against cheating in anyway. Doesn't the fact that he obviously loves you and your little girl count for anything in your mind? I think you have some serious self esteem issues. Maybe the fact that you have such a poor opinion of your own looks makes it easier for you to treat someone who isn't "sexy" so poorly. In a world that is so focused on looks we have women and men like you who don't know a good thing when they have it sitting right in front of them. God, when you dump him don't tell him the truth okay!! You could scar the guy for life giving him a complex that the next girl (if there is one) has to try to help him get over.


BTW, I hope to hell you feel damn GREAT about yourself for making me feel worse that I fucking' feel already!! And yes, the fact that he loves me and my girl DOES count for something and yes, you are right about one thing-perhaps my low-self-esteem could, and I said COULD, make it easier to treat someone who isnt' "my type" so poorly!!!

Hey, but in one way, your horrendous abuse was probably what I really needed to snap me out of this, so hey, you didn't defeat me altogether, so don't give yourself THAT much credit!!!!

Jesus Christ!!!!
Dina's mom
QUOTE(LoveMyPugs @ Sep 20 2007, 12:01 AM) *
Dina - I really don't know how to say this without sounding terrible but you sound awful. I have to stick up for the nice guy who treats you like gold but isn't "sexy" as you call it. I find a guy who treats me like gold and respects me to be attractive. I mean how can you stay with and have sex with someone for over a year who you don't find sexually attractive. Then to think about cheating? That's terrible. I feel sorry for him and worried about the emotional blow he faces when you finally are honest with him. I'm really sorry to be so hardcore but your post sounds very shallow. Maybe I'm just not understanding your situation completely but from what I read all I can say to you is looks aren't everything and if you decide to leave him let him down gently.

Okay, so I just reread your post one more time and realized that you already cheated. Sorry I missed that in my first three scans. Damn girl! Being in a very long term relationship myself I am totally against cheating in anyway. Doesn't the fact that he obviously loves you and your little girl count for anything in your mind? I think you have some serious self esteem issues. Maybe the fact that you have such a poor opinion of your own looks makes it easier for you to treat someone who isn't "sexy" so poorly. In a world that is so focused on looks we have women and men like you who don't know a good thing when they have it sitting right in front of them. God, when you dump him don't tell him the truth okay!! You could scar the guy for life giving him a complex that the next girl (if there is one) has to try to help him get over.

I'm really sorry to be such an asshole but shit like this just pisses me off. So called "unattractive" people don't have enough shit to put up with on this fucking planet without having to have their hearts broken by people they think love them but have just been lying and bullshitting them all along. Fucking hell!

I'm fat. I have acne. My penis isn't 18" long. My hair's falling out. I'm nervous all the time. My palms are sweaty. HEY! BUT AT LEAST I HAVE A GREAT GIRL TO COME HOME TO. unsure.gif Opps! Sorry there! Guess again buddy!

Is it obvious that a nerve was hit here? I'm going to regret posting this tomorrow. I just know it. If I really offend everyone I'll delete this with no questions asked but come on now. Finally there is a nice guy out there in this world and he gets the one chick who doesn't find him "sexual" attractive. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

Mr. Pug! I can't wait to hear what you have to say about this at dinner tomorrow night. I love you baby and your are fucking hot and a wonderful man as well. I know a good thing when I fucking see it.

Dina's mom
Oh, BTW, LoveMyPugs, I DO realize that looks aren't everything, believe me, you really should see some of the guys i"ve dated that were very overweight-and I happen to LOVE guys that are slightly overweight, so LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!! LAY OFF!!

No, my current boyfriend is NOT overweight, he's in great shape and I like that just the damn same!!!! I said in the beginning that I thought my boyfriend was cute, and he's not a bad looking guy at all, and NOWHERE in my post did I even fucking SAY that he was ugly or unattractive or anything of that sort, so don't you DARE even GO THERE!!! OKAY?? OKAY???

I just said I didn't feel altogether right being that I've been thru some damn horrendous relationships with slackers, and abuses, and eccentrics and I think it may be fear in my mind of him turning out that way!! You talk about not telling him about what happened when I supposedly "dump" him so I don't give him a complex that the next girl (if there is one) will need to talk him out of??? Well, then, I should be god-damned allowed to have somewhat of a complex, too, that I may need to get over!!!

And I never said that I was perfect either, and I know I"ve made a terrible mistake, so your abuse really did come in handy to an extent, don't you even WORRY about THAT!! Oh, and I just hope you had Lots and LOTS of FUN sharing this with your ADORABLE, HOT hubby, you idiot!!! Wow, is your life THAT frickin' BORING that you have to gossip to your hubby about MY damn POST!!!

YOU'RE FREAKIN" PATHETIC!!!

Oh, speaking of "touching a nerve" with you-HOW DO THINK I FRICKIN" FEEL!!!! FUCKING HELL (in your infamous words)!!!

Wow, even though your rhetorical abuse helped me somewhat, I will NEVER come to this website again!! I was sort of hoping to be told I was wrong in a more MATURE and rational way, but I suppose that's not even NEARLY possible!!!!!!

Time to go and burn myself at the damned stake now!!! Hope that makes you DAMNED happy!!

Dina's mom
Is it obvious that a nerve was hit here? I'm going to regret posting this tomorrow. I just know it. If I really offend everyone I'll delete this with no questions asked but come on now. Finally there is a nice guy out there in this world and he gets the one chick who doesn't find him "sexual" attractive. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

YEAH, DELETE YOUR FUCKING POST, you ASSHOLE!!!!! Hmmmm, why oh WHY did this actually piss YOU off??? Hmmmm, could it be something like this happened to YOU?? WELL, THIS ISN'T ALL ABOUT YOU, YOU MORON!!!!! What the fuck is your damn PROBLEM ANYWAY!!!!!


Oh, no, You have NOT heard the damn last of me yet!!! I should go cool off and let this go like I said I would, but I can't -=you've stepped WAAAAYYYYYY over the damn line with ME!!! So if anything, you better just protest and have me kicked off this site, because I'm NOT FINISHED!!!!!!!
Dina's mom
Oh, BTW, LoveMyPugs, most men cheat ALL the time and seem to get away with it ALL the time, so why the fuck is it when one woman makes a big mistake (and knows it) and cheats, she's considered a diabolical sinner and a heinous, heartless bitch???????

whatever. WhatEVER, ok!!! Just leave me the fuck alone and delete your damned post, because your god-damned work is done!!!

I don't get it, everyone I know does crappy things and has people and friends that actually UNDERSTAND and offer advice. But the moment I screw up, OHHHHHHHHH mY freakin' LORRRRD, it's SOOOO heartless and heinous and I should burn in hell, and I hate you , and YOU are a terrible person/??

Guess it's true, us Pisces people never EVER get a freakin' break with ANYTHING!!! Everyone else has all the luck and forgiveness when they fuck up and all the love and admiration and I do ONE thing wrong and I'm hated by the freakin' world!!!!!

Time to go burn myself now, and be judged, because I"m going to hell!!!

Are you proud of yourself , "LoveMyPugs"!!! PLEASE RESPOND!!! I NEED THIS ABUSE!!! I CRAVE THIS ABUSE!!!!!!!#

Feel better now?? Do YoU?? Good GOD I hope so!!!!
Mr Pugs
I'm a little confused on what you were looking for with your original post Dina's mom. It read to me that you are somehow looking for approval for what you did. It wasn't a "I cheated on my man who treats me like gold, how do I rectify the situation?" instead it was "This has always been my problem, I wish and pray for a long-term monogamous relationship with a guy that just adores me and treats me wonderfully, I get one, and what happens??? I want hot sex from guys that I find attractive and that find me attractive!! That's another problem, I have very low-self-esteem when it comes to my body, my boobs are only an A-cup and my bottom is big and I'm only 5'3" and weigh 134 lbs., so whenver I see a man smiling at me, or looking in my direction or flirting, I IMMEDIATELY feel myself sexually turned on!!! Funny, women complain about men viewing women as sexualy objects, but sometimes, I find myself viewing men that way-lol!!!

So, am I a sex addict??? Is there hope for me??"

The thing that I think LoveMyPugs has an issue with is that paragraph reeks of you trying to rid yourself of the responsibility of your actions. You're saying "it wasn't my fault I don't find him sexually attractive, it wasn't my fault I have low self esteem, it wasn't my fault I'm a sex addict, it wasn't my fault because men can do it and get away with it.

Again, I'm confused about what you were seeking posting here. Were you looking for people to accept what you did and pat you on the back? I don't understand where all the animosity came from. LoveMyPugs has trouble identifying with you because she loves me and couldn't imagine cheating on the one you love. If you are stringing this poor guy along because he treats you and your daughter like gold, you should be ashamed. It's only fair that you end the relationship if you do not have the same feelings (or close) that he has for you. Every choice has a price whether we know it at the time or not, you have made your choice, now pay for it.
LoveMyPugs
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culturehandy
*delurks*

I am also confused by what was being asked.

I also have to say that the rants were compeletly uncalled for.

Pugs, do you really think I should add anything? hee hee. I totally could! Oooh maybe.

*relurks*
LoveMyPugs
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LoveMyPugs
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culturehandy
okay.

*ahem*

Dina's mom, I'd say that perhaps you should end this relationship. If you aren't sexually attracted to him and you are cheating on him, then I'd guess that the relationship is over, you just haven't acknowledged this to yourself yet.

second, you said, and I quote from your post; So, to make a long story short, I stayed with him this long because he treats me like gold and has been the best boyfriend I've had in a long, long time. But, I'm not as into him as he is with me, and even though of course I have sex with him, I just can't seem to desire him at all.

In my opinion, that's pretty shitty. You aren't even with him because you care about him? We all deserve to be treated well and have good times with someone we love, but don't forget that this is a two way street. You partner also deserves your good treatment, love and respect, and from the sounds of it, it certainly doesn't seem like you do any of this for your partner.

I can guarentee that if he finds out that you are only with him because of good treatment then he will resent you more in the long run then if you were just to plain break up with him. How would you feel if a man did that to you and you genuinely care about him?

Furthermore, if you think you have a sexual addiction then you need to go to counselling. Heck, I'd even suggest it if you are having such self esteem issues. Personal counselling can go a long way in making a better, healthier you.

Lastly, not every man cares about large breasts and a woman who is a size 0! Most men do like woman who have curves! They key is confidence.

I'm also curious where you read, anywhere in any of the responses that you are a sinner? and that you would be cast into hell for this? No one said that, it's time for you tobe hinest and upfront, the guilt won't go away until you are honest not only with your partner, but also with yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone says, the only way you are going to get over this yourself is not only talking with people, but acknowleding that yes you made a mistake (or not, depending on how you look at it). Perhaps if sex is such an issue you should be looking at an open relationship, but somehow I suspect you wouldn't appreciate your partner going off and sleeping with someone else.

We are obsessed with appearance, but I can tell you in my vast travels and experiences, that some attractive people are fucked! Not only that, but some people can't carry on a conversation. And some of them are bad in the sack. The other half, not always the case.

We all make mistakes, heck, I'm not exactly the most loyal person (there is a reason I'm not currently dating). I make no apologies for who I am. I am honest and upfront with men. If I meet someone worth settling down with, then we'll see, but I can tell you that NOTHING is worth sacrificing your happiness. My current state makes me happy.


Last but not least, Dina, you're treating pugs like a douche bag, and given the fact that I like Pugs and I agree with her, if you feel so strongly perhaps you should consider not coming back here.
LoveMyPugs
deleted
sassygrrl
Moving in with Mcgeek next month. Scared. Wondering why I'm not happier. This is a man who loves me and wants to take care of me (when I can't take care of myself that is), and is extremely supportive. I just don't understand why I'm so nervous about it. Is this normal? I guess because it's a big step in a relationship (we've been dating a year).
LoveMyPugs
deleted
nickclick
phew! glad that's over!

mr.nick and i had some anxiety before moving in together a few months ago, and still some anxiety lingers of course. i think it's because we have a good relationship, and sometimes corny stuff like dishes and dust bunnies cause the stupiest fights. sassy as long as you're secure in your relationship, little fights won't cause big problems.
rainface
Wow, that was an interesting little interlude... You okay Pugs?

Sassygirl... I know for me, relying on someone and letting them take care of me makes me feel vulnerable, which is a good and bad feeling. Good because it feels good and it's nice to get close to someone so that you can care for each other. Bad because I've always had to take care of myself and I've relied on guys in the past and they've fallen through on me. So I start to feel vulnerable and I freeze up and pull away and then I have to consciously stop myself and analyze why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. I'm still learning how to do this but I'm getting better with practice. It's hard for me to embrace feeling vulnerable, but I'm getting more used to it.
sassygrrl
I think that has a lot to do with it. I spent two weeks at his house, and neglected my apartment. So, I pulled away. Yet, the majority of my old boyfriends also fell through on me. So, I keep waiting for it to happen. I've always taken care of myself, or had my family help me if I can't. And my last relationship with a man ended so badly.

Also I feel guilty right now for not having a job, and him probably having to support us. Yet, he does make more money than me, I feel like I should contribute something. I'm still searching for a job, but they don't seem to be biting.

I just have a feeling that everything is going to change.

Thanks for all the vibes and support. smile.gif
Dina's mom
QUOTE(culturehandy @ Sep 20 2007, 11:50 AM) *
okay.

*ahem*

Dina's mom, I'd say that perhaps you should end this relationship. If you aren't sexually attracted to him and you are cheating on him, then I'd guess that the relationship is over, you just haven't acknowledged this to yourself yet.

second, you said, and I quote from your post; So, to make a long story short, I stayed with him this long because he treats me like gold and has been the best boyfriend I've had in a long, long time. But, I'm not as into him as he is with me, and even though of course I have sex with him, I just can't seem to desire him at all.

In my opinion, that's pretty shitty. You aren't even with him because you care about him? We all deserve to be treated well and have good times with someone we love, but don't forget that this is a two way street. You partner also deserves your good treatment, love and respect, and from the sounds of it, it certainly doesn't seem like you do any of this for your partner.

I can guarentee that if he finds out that you are only with him because of good treatment then he will resent you more in the long run then if you were just to plain break up with him. How would you feel if a man did that to you and you genuinely care about him?

Furthermore, if you think you have a sexual addiction then you need to go to counselling. Heck, I'd even suggest it if you are having such self esteem issues. Personal counselling can go a long way in making a better, healthier you.

Lastly, not every man cares about large breasts and a woman who is a size 0! Most men do like woman who have curves! They key is confidence.

I'm also curious where you read, anywhere in any of the responses that you are a sinner? and that you would be cast into hell for this? No one said that, it's time for you tobe hinest and upfront, the guilt won't go away until you are honest not only with your partner, but also with yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone says, the only way you are going to get over this yourself is not only talking with people, but acknowleding that yes you made a mistake (or not, depending on how you look at it). Perhaps if sex is such an issue you should be looking at an open relationship, but somehow I suspect you wouldn't appreciate your partner going off and sleeping with someone else.

We are obsessed with appearance, but I can tell you in my vast travels and experiences, that some attractive people are fucked! Not only that, but some people can't carry on a conversation. And some of them are bad in the sack. The other half, not always the case.

We all make mistakes, heck, I'm not exactly the most loyal person (there is a reason I'm not currently dating). I make no apologies for who I am. I am honest and upfront with men. If I meet someone worth settling down with, then we'll see, but I can tell you that NOTHING is worth sacrificing your happiness. My current state makes me happy.
Last but not least, Dina, you're treating pugs like a douche bag, and given the fact that I like Pugs and I agree with her, if you feel so strongly perhaps you should consider not coming back here.

falljackets
*grabs popcorn*
Dina's mom
BTW, I do treat my boyfriend with love and respect-I do love him. I do agree, I should never have stayed with him if I didn't "feel" for him. And I do apologize for the rants, I was feeling terrible and I do appreciate the input. But the thing that really got me was, not what LoveMyPugs said in her response, it was the rather immature last paragraph, where she was quoted as saying something along the lines of, "Mr. Pugs, i can't WAIT to hear your response when I mention this to you at dinner time"!!! EXCUSE ME??? I'm treating someone like a douchebag, true, but I'm sorry, this is very immature!!!

I do agree there are two sides to every story and I agree with a lot of what she said, but that last paragraph took the cake. Yet, I"M the BAD GUY HERE?????

It's true, though, no one really knows what i"m going through, so you can only go on what I've laid on the table so far. But for God's sake, DON'T label me a bad person, because I"m not. I know I've done some very crappy things in the past, and I feel guilty enough as it is, believe me, I do!! I just don't know exactly what it is I want and I'm very confused.

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