Sep 3 2006, 09:03 PM
I'm off birth control! I'm excited. And terrified.
Sep 3 2006, 09:47 PM
aqua! I'm so excited for you!
I'm having these vacillating feelings about birth control/au naturel, and I'm leaning toward the latter. Here's to the universe unfolding as it will!
Sep 11 2006, 02:35 AM
(I'm sort-of-new, there's an intro in Kvetch, I'm just gonna jump in here tho)
I want to kick my husband's ass. He drives me crazy. Things have been pretty lame between us lately (oddly enough our sex life is great though..) for many reasons. Today was the topper though. The kids terrorized me all week and in turn trashed the house. Between filling glasses of milk and breaking up fights, I asked him if he'd mind cleaning up a bit. He's actually a great housekeeper. I told him I would take the kids to my sister's for dinner and such and he could clean and have the house to himself. He agreed and I went to my sister's and all was going well. I come home and he did NOTHING. At all. His excuse was that he took a shower! I was gone for like 3 hours. Dude, I know you are a guy and I know what guys do in the shower sometimes, but no one takes that long. Then I put the baby in bed and went to sleep. He got all pissy that I was going to bed so early too. This may not seem like a big deal but on top of his general pissiness and fuck ups lately, this wasn't needed. Fucker.
Ah, sorry to rant. Thanks though. I needed that. I'm sure you'll get used to my bitching.
I know the feeling.
But nothing will quite terrify you though like chasing a toddler (who bites the dog and takes their diaper off everytime you turn your back) around all day then reminding yourself not to have anymore kids. Then remembering your period is late and you still haven't gotten around to getting some birth control...
Sep 14 2006, 06:56 PM
I would love to get your advice. My friend wants to propose to her man, and I looked around the web for some good advice or articles and couldn't find anything that wasn't Lame. Any of you done it, or known a girl who has done it? Any good tips? I told her she should get him a man-ring like the one Angelina gave Brad (the silver circle one). She is terrified of him saying no.
I need Cool Girl advice for her, and this is where I come.
Haha...Lorid, trust me, a large part of me is dreading the bad parts of pregnancy/parenthood. It's so weird how we have this primal instinct that just overrides all the best logic in the world..just a voice in my head screaming BABY! BABY! BABY!
By the way, I've been off almost a month...next weekend is when I can start expecting my period! (or not.) It's so bizarre to be hoping for this for the first time in 14 years of having sex.
Sep 19 2006, 07:24 PM
I killed the thread!
Sep 20 2006, 10:38 AM
no ya didn't....
as for the proposal...its hard to say...does the guy have hobbies and what not? i would intermingle them. and forget the ring part...unless she's dead set on getting him one.
mr.gb is being really sweet by helping around the house since i've been under the weather. he even did the dishes. all. by. himself.
Sep 22 2006, 12:14 PM
boyfriends are stupid. stupid stupid stupid. and dumb too. he didn't do anything "wrong" but i tell him i'm feeling taken for granted and not cared about, and he's all why? why? why? cause that's how i'm feeling, fuckface.
my friend tells her boyfriend he's been distant lately, he shows up on her doorstep with chocolate and flowers and a sweet card. i tell my boyfriend that and he just says "why?" fuck. and of course it's up to me to explain everyfuckingthing but it's still why? what? duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.
i hate crying at work, i feel so lame. it's not like anything huge happened or anything but i just feel so hurt with the way he's been acting lately. practically no interest in sex, always "too tired" lately. i feel like he thinks he's "got me" and now i'll just tag along behind him or some shit? fuck that.
i don't even know what's wrong with me but i feel crazy and so fucking sad.
Sep 24 2006, 07:53 AM
maddy, are we with the same guy?
Sep 25 2006, 09:48 AM
well, that would explain a lot ggg!
so, i had a big ole flip out at him this weekend, but we talked and i told him what i was feeling, and he was really good about it. we had a GREAT weekend and i feel somewhat relieved. i know he's been stresed for a while about a variety of things, but it's still like dude! such a grumpypants.
Sep 25 2006, 11:15 AM
maddy, ggg, i sympathize.....mr.gb is so stressed that he seems distant and just wants to zone out at the end of the day, when i want to talk and cuddle. bah. and then the 'you're being distant' convo comes up....well, yah....you're a grump...i don't hang out with grumps. so we talked about it and decided that i get to go out if he's being grumpy. no questions asked. usually i just leave him alone. but this isn't going to be a long term solution...cuz it just drives us apart. whats the point of being together when its not fun anymore? hypothetical question....but something that sticks in the back of my head.
Sep 25 2006, 12:25 PM
It drives me nuts. I don't know if it is a female, (actually i don't think it is) thing, or a "me" thing, but I live my life with this little tid bit:"Just because I have had a bad day does not mean I get to ruin eveyone elses or be negative." It is so self indulgent.
Mr GGG is also trying to ween himself of ciggarettes, which is funny, because I have been feeling like sticking a lit ciggarette in his eye, so he*really* feels that nicotine he needs.
He is also not "in the mood" and it has been over a week, and I am to the point of scooting my butt across the carpet just to get the point across of how dire of a situation this is. Plus, I gave him a hummer the other night, and after he was done, he fell asleep. No thank you, no cuddle, nothing.
I sent him an email, that if this behavior keeps up, I will call cheaters and BUST his ass if he is getting down with someone else.
I bought some war paint. I am going to paint my face and sit on the couch until he gets home tonight, beating on a drum.
Sep 25 2006, 12:39 PM
omg! i know- i was giving him head to try to get him into it, and then it was just like ahhh, he came and that's it. wtf? yeah, no cuddling, no "you are so great" nothing. bleh. i really need a LOT of physical affection, lots of cuddling, snuggling, etc. not necessarily after sex, but just lots of it. and he's been so distant and non-cuddly-it's just not him to be all cold like that. i felt like the guy i feel in love with came back this weekend. he even relaxed enough to take a nap with me, which was SO AWESOME! usually he gets all hyper and like "we have to go DO something." and i'm such a homebody that i'm like, we're snuggling, we ARE doing something.
ggg do you really think he's cheating?
me and my boy don't live together, which makes things easier and harder at the same time.
also, a very important lesson i learned from all this is-don't depend on emails and text messages to communicate anything! cause he missed an email and i missed a text, and that was a BIG part of why i was so upset last week. i thought he had read it and just decided not to reply and i was FREAKING OUT! whoops.
Sep 26 2006, 08:29 AM
I know he is not cheating. I know he is going through some things and priority changes, etc.
He and I hung out last night and had a really good time and talk. I love him, and he knows he has been distant lately and things have been stressed with us.
The dry spell is OVER!
Sep 26 2006, 10:55 AM
yay for ggg! that's basically exactly what happend to me this weekend. we had suuuch awesome sex on sunday, it was so great and i feel muuuch better about everything.
Sep 27 2006, 07:59 PM
my boyfriend has been very distant, depressed, and moody lately, too. totally the same thoughts - what's the point of being together if we don't have fun together? all he wants to do is sleep and go on the computer. he is a grump.
sympathy, ladies, much sympaty.
Sep 28 2006, 10:58 AM
dudes, what is up wtih these moody grumpy men???
he's been really great all week, but sometimes i can tell he's trying a bit too hard and it's just funny
i'm just glad to see that he really heard me and is trying to be better. he said he forgot how fun it is to snuggle in my bed! i'm like, how can you forget that?! i guess cause he hasn't done that so much, cause he's been all stressy and stuff. i think he also remembered that sex is fun
thank GOOOOOD! well, not god, but something. i mean, my iud is finally chilled out and not making me bleed all the time, so i need booty! gah.
Sep 28 2006, 12:23 PM
maddy, i dont think men find snuggling quite as fun as women do..... i mean some may but not most that i know. he has to make concessions to you but i dont know, you come off sounding a little needy for all this physical affection, maybe hes just not into it right now, at least hes into sex!
Sep 28 2006, 10:59 PM
My fiance has been acting like that too! But he swings from being happy to see me to ignoring my exsistence. And because of the way he is, I can't say anything, because he'll get mad. He just acts like he has a problem with me and I wish he would just tell me whats going on. Because he hasn't even tried to have sex with me in like a week. I'm about to cry. I just don't know what to do. any advice? and no, leaving him isn't an option, because that'd hurt so much more. he's just so distant.
Sep 28 2006, 11:28 PM
Onna, do you initiate sex? Or is it up to him? Just curious.
See, I'm the boyfriend. I don't much care for too much snuggling. I like the little touches a lot, but the full on attatched-at-the-hip stuff bugs me. Post-coitally sated, I generally wanna sprawl out & crash. I don't like hand holding because my hands get sweaty. BUT. These are some of HB's favourite activities. So you know what? I suck it up. I can see it on his face when he's disappointed, so I've learned how to cuddle without wanting to punch him. When we (I) watch tv, I'll sit in his lap or have my feet/head there. If we both actually watch, he'll lay between my legs with his head on my chest or we'll lie at opposing ends of the sectional with our legs intertwined. When we sleep, he let's me go first & I wake up with a strong arm around my waist holding me to him. How he manages to actually get a hand under me I'll never know. These things make him happy, so I do them because I want him to be happy. Everybody should be willing to take one for the team when it's something so simple.
Sep 29 2006, 05:12 AM
I like a little cuddle afterwards, then sleep, if it's nighttime. The mister usually likes to talk but sometimes I'm too dopey afterwards for that... which just means he's done a good job.
Onna, boys being distant sucks. My mister has been like that occasionally and I've come to realise it's because he can't multitask to save his life, so when something's stressing him out he just concentrates on that and shuts everything (and everyone) else out. I leave him to it now but it is annoying. If he says it's not you, try not to take it personally.
My mister and I are on the outs. We had a short fight that blew up quickly just before he went away for a few days. Now he's gone incommunicado which he does when he's sulking, which drives me nuts. Too much drama; we should be able to communicate better than this, we've been together for years.
AP, don't think I don't notice you posting about your man in the *gasp* Committed thread...
Sep 29 2006, 07:19 AM
Actually, it was me. He was mad at me for complaining at him when I got home. I was just irritated for a second because the kitchen was a mess. I live in a house with three guys and guess whos the only one who cleans the kitchen? And the dishwasher broke, to boot.
When D gets mad at me, he'll be distant and won't really talk to me for a few hours. And then he's over it. Completely. And sometimes I won't even know he was mad at me at all. It's just the way he does it. I can somewhat appriciate it, I guess. At least he doesn't take all his frustration out on me, unless I'm the one he's mad at. He never yells, which I appriciate, as well.
Last night, I was feeling sad and angry and I said some pretty slanderous things to him. It was so terrible to me. He told me quietly that he was unbelievably angry with me and that if I was ever that creul again, it might end it. I felt pretty terrible. Why was I so terrible to him? I have the idea in my head that he never thinks that he does anything wrong. I don't really think thats true. He just never says he's sorry, because he personally feels its meaningless.
He just walked to the kitchen and got water and completely ignored me. He did make sure I got up this morning so I would get to school on time though. ::sigh:: He's going away this weekend without me. Maybe it'll be better after that.
Sep 29 2006, 07:34 AM
not to be all "men are from mars" but i really do see that most boys/men have been raised not to show emotion, not to share it, etc. so i get sooo mad at the socialization, cause i know it's mostly that- and i've done a lot of work to be able to vocalize and express my feelings, so it's extremely frustrating that he can't/won't/doesn't. grrr ! and then i end up having ot flip out before he really GETS that i'm actually upset.
i used to not like snuggling after sex, cause usually we're both just sweaty and i wanna just lay there and rest for a bit. sometimes i like a minute of togetherness, but mostly yeah, i'm not a huge after sex snuggler. i just do'nt like the feeling of being "left" right after sex, so lately i've been needing more than just a minute.
katie-re:needy-lol. really, lol! my boyfriend is a big snuggler, probably he wasn't before me, but we've always snuggled a TON. and he loves it as much as i do. it's just when he's stressed out he doesn't want that, which is fine, but i still want it! so i'm happy my snugglefriend is back
all week he's been emailing me about how he wishes he was in my bed snuggling with me. so i think it's safe to say he's into it....
Sep 29 2006, 10:00 AM
I gotta admit ... I got sick of those guys who couldn't express a variety of emotions and who found it impossible to talk about their feelings. That's why I'm glad I found Sheff. The man cries at movies right along with me. And he'll talk with me about deep emotional & spiritual matters. And we're both very good at apologizing if we've said or done something hurtful. Some people might call him a wimp, but I think it takes a lot of strength and bravery for Sheff to live the way he does. It makes our relationship a lot stronger, too.
And I don't have a standard post-sex behavior. Sometimes I want to sleep, sometimes I want to get up and do something else, sometimes I want to cuddle, sometimes I want to eat, etc.
Sep 29 2006, 11:18 AM
me and mr.gb don't do the post-coital cuddle....we do the 'clean up'...which is sometimes even better...cuz it breaks him down to talking about what's been going on at work, how he feels, etc. mind you, its taken quite a bit of training to get him to this point but its well worth it. we cuddle while watching tv. and thats fine by me.
and the silent treatment, how i hate thee!!!! in their minds, they are protecting us by not saying what they want for fear of hurting us but by not saying anything at all, it hurts more. once i explained that to mr.gb, he now does terse short phrases and we work it out from there...takes a lot of patience...but worth it.
just my 2 cents.
Sep 29 2006, 11:36 AM
lol ms. gb. i told my boy to just grunt something! anything! just say "i'm upset and dont' want you to bug me right now." something!
i always thought i'd be with some guy that could talk, like roses man, someone who had open access to their feelings. sigh.... he's improved a lot, but i hate the idea that i'm training him or whatever.
Sep 29 2006, 12:10 PM
then don't think of it as 'training' maddy, think of it as enlightening their addled brains to how women(you)think! we have domino thinking....one thing leads to another and another....men don't even embrace that concept.
Sep 29 2006, 12:18 PM
i know, i just don't like feeling like his mommy, ya know?
Sep 29 2006, 12:29 PM
This morning before I left, I think hes still ver angry with me, but he made me give him a hug and a kiss and told me to have a good day. That made me feel so much better. I think now that I know for sure when he's made at me or I'm bugging him, I'll back off, because it certainly doesn't happen that often. I should nag him so much I think. Maybe it should be more "Honey it would be a big help and I'd really appriciate it if you'd do the dishs while I'm gone." Maybe that would go over better than snapping at him. Because he really is a great guy.
Sep 29 2006, 06:22 PM
Maddy I bet YOU have changed in numerous ways. People adapt to one another and grow together I think. It doesn't nevcessarily mean one is "training" the other.... even if you're enjoying the changes!
Oct 1 2006, 02:54 PM
I need help! My guy and I have been together for nine months. We met through Yahoo personals and at first I was very withdrawn and told him I didn't want a relationship. I had serious fear of intimacy issues and a host of other crazinesses that I wanted to shield him from. He insisted he could handle it. He kept pursuing me and finally I gave into it. I fell head over heels in love with him.
It's more complicated than this. He is in the middle of a divorce (with an ex he is good friends with even though she cheated on him and left) and has four daughters pretty much full time. Seeing him is difficult.
He's going through this big transition in his life and he doesn't know where we are headed. He can't decide if he ever wants to live with me or marry me. Seeing as we've only been together nine months and he's not even divorced, I don't think we need to worry about that just yet. However, from his point of view, he doesn't know if those things will EVER be on the table. He can't think past the next few hours let alone the next few years. He told me he didn't realize how much responsibility it was to have a girlfriend. He feels like he tricked me into falling for him and now he doesn't know how to handle it. He says he loves me and thinks I'm wonderful and that he selfishly holds onto me even though he won't make any promises for the future.
Last night I was furious at him for going to some wine festival with his ex. She and I are actually friends, believe it or not, and I know that neither of them want to be with the other in any way other than as friends. Hell, I hang out with my exes all the time. However, she wanted to do something special for his birthday and try to get some closure. I let him go but as the day progressed I got madder and madder. She planned this months ago. He won't make plans with me farther than a few days in advance. They left the kids behind with the oldest watching the younger ones. He's never done this for me. I went over after he got home and threw a fit because he never does anything anymore to make me feel remotely special. Yet he did this thing for his ex.
I was in tears when I told him that yes, I do feel he tricked me. I warned him away from me. I told him I was damaged goods. I told him he should find someone else. And he wouldn't go away and he wouldn't let up. And then I fell for him. And on top of all this, he gave me herpes, which he didn't even know he had. So now, here I am with a guy I love, who doesn't have much to give right now, and I have herpes. I feel like I may as well stay with him because I love him and who's going to want to date me now that I could give them a rash all over their wang? I don't know what to do. All I know is I love him. Despite how fucked up his life it, I love him. What am I supposed to do with that?
Oct 2 2006, 12:26 PM
kell, I hate to say this, but I think you should break it off. It sounds liek there is not the closer that needs to happen on his part re:his marrriage. I don't think it si appropriate to spend the day with your ex when #1, it is not "finished" in your mind #2, When you have a new partner.
The reason I say it is not finished for him, is that he cannot see himself committing to someoen else, etc. I know youa re mad about him, but he was foolish to begin dating so soon, he is obviously not ready.
I don't think you should end on a bad not, but a "When you are ready and know what you want, maybe I will be there, if not, take care".
Oct 3 2006, 11:50 AM
i agree with ggg...you are worth so much more...and if he really wants you, he'll make an effort.
Oct 4 2006, 10:58 AM
I share my life with a control freak.
Oct 4 2006, 11:21 AM
Me too. Except mine's super messy to boot... the worst of both worlds.
Oct 4 2006, 11:24 AM
QUOTE(sybarite @ Oct 4 2006, 05:38 PM)
Me too. Except mine's super messy to boot... the worst of both worlds.
I swear Sy, I know I have said this before, but I seriously think we are dating clones.
Oct 4 2006, 01:54 PM
Some days, I hate my husband and wish I was never married.
Lately, every waking moment we have together, we fight. And I'm not talking about little arguments: things are thrown, broken, names are called, every feeling is dredged up and wrung out, everything hurtful that can be said is said.
I'm finding myself wondering more and more what we have in common, and why I married him in the first place. Sometimes I swear we hate each other and we're just sharing a roof. To all the singles out there, seriously, stay single. And for god's sake don't have kids.
Oct 4 2006, 02:17 PM
Oct 4 2006, 04:10 PM
Busty Girl, Have you thought about conciling maybe?
Oct 4 2006, 07:12 PM
a kidlet changes the dynamics for sure. you have to create a whole new relationship, it's weird. i haven't been successful at it, obviously. single single single (by that i mean unmarried). but headed down that path again. he already irritates me, what the hell am i gonna do down the road when i'm drained from breastfeeding and no sleep? i must be crazy. at least we don't live together anymore though, that's actually working out better this time.
Oct 5 2006, 01:51 AM
What happened? We had a kid. I hate to say it, but as much as I love my son, he is sometimes not so great for the marriage.
For example: I am up at 3 in the morning because we are in hour number 2 of my son's screaming fit. Hour two. Still going strong.
My son hasn't EVER slept through the night. Not in 14 months. The best we've gotten are 4 hour stretches, and those are hard to come by. My husband's stupid job switched him to nights, so he's getting 5 hours on the days he works, and the kid the other times. I get more sleep than him, but it's only because I'm watching the kid/cleaning the house/doing the yard work/and running a business. Literally every minute of my day is spent running an errand of one kind or another.
We're in counseling, but counseling isn't a magic wand. I hate to say it, but occasionally I think maybe I could have been happier childless. I'm sure it will change as the kid learns to go to sleep, but right now the days are hard and the nights are harder, and there's no end in sight.
I love my husband, and he loves me, and the two of us have a very strong bond to weather the last year, but we're human. You can't be stressed out to this degree every single day and not expect problems to show up.
The simple fact is that having a kid is extremely hard, grueling, mostly thankless work. I love my kid dearly, but that doesn't make me impervious to the stress he brings.
Mostly, I'm venting because I'm stressed out. I'm sure most of the parents here can relate.
Oct 5 2006, 08:58 AM
MrGGG talks about when his son was first born, and he was a tough one, too. Didn't sleep, screamed, and he and his ex were sleep deprived, stressed and ready to blow at the drop of the hat. I wish I could say it gets better soon, but I think it took little Mr to about 30 months before he started to somewhat chill.
But, you and MrBusty have a bond better than MrGGG and his ex did, so I am sure you can weather this storm.
VENT VENT VENT away mama!
Oct 5 2006, 09:52 AM
I've heard that some kids just aren't good sleepers. I suppose we're lucky that he's good at so many other things, but sometimes I'd trade some of his motor skills and cold resistance for a good night's sleep.
Someday we'll look back on this and laugh, but not now. Now we're just hanging on for dear life.
Oct 5 2006, 10:52 AM
omg no wonder bustygirl! you are both completely sleep deprived, and have been for 14 months! not getting a full night's sleep, EVER, is so bad. geez. it will get better, but man oh man i can see why you are so upset.
i don't know much about kids and sleeping patterns, but do the mamas in other threads have advice or anything like that? cause that just seems hellish.....
Oct 5 2006, 08:08 PM
I think the main reason I know I never could have kids is that when I read what Busty is going through, my only thought is, "A little Benadryl, and that kid would be out like a light." This is why I am not and probably never will be a mother.
Oct 5 2006, 09:37 PM
oh busty. i think back on the two solid years of screaming that my kid did and i can NOT imagine how i got through it all on my own. but i did and now it's a distant memory. reading that would have done absolutely nothing for me at the time but i'll just say "keep the faith" anyhow and hope that you're ok.
Oct 5 2006, 10:00 PM
Busty...Hang in there....I have twins and was active duty in the military when they were first born. one had severe colic and thier dad had just went to Afghanistan so I had to manage everything by myself....Sleep was a distant thought...I felt like a ZOMBIE for about 9 months straight...then it got better....My days ended around 2 am and started again at about 4am...It was the worst and most chaotic time in my life ever...I don't know how I made it...No family was in the state I was in, and i had NO help....I feel that the sleep is probably making you and your husband get into it because both are tired and cranky...If you could, maybe you could send your son away on the weekends (grandparents) to just SLEEP... I know how you feel on the childless thoughts that cross your mind sometimes...
Take care and try to get some uninterupted rest...It will make things so much better...
Oct 5 2006, 10:10 PM
If there are so many parents out there whose kids were bad sleepers, how come all the books act like it's a snap to get your kids to sleep, and if it's not working you're a bad parent?
Is it really just the luck of the draw? Some kids sleep and some don't?
--We have joked about "Robitussin stops the Fussin'", but unless he's actually sick, I won't dose him. But whoooo boy, sometimes I'd liketa.
Anyhoo, sorry for getting OT.
Oct 5 2006, 11:29 PM
oh man, books about babies are so full of crap. don't believe a WORD of it.
it's weird how you get the Worst Case Scenario when it comes to everything that can go wrong during pregnancy but you get the Best Case Scenario when it comes to sleeping, breastfeeding, etc. ridiculous.
girl, some babies just. don't. sleep.my little didn't have colic, he was just a big giant pain in the ass fussy little bastard. uh huh, sometimes the exhaustion and stress i felt made me think about suffocating him with a pillow. not enough to kill him, just enough to make him pass out so i could get some sleep. now, i am NOT that kind of person at all but going without sleep for so long seriously impairs you. of course i was a good mommy to him for real, but in my mind i dropped him off a thousand balconies.
don't mean to scare you, just telling you you aren't the only one who entertains childless fantasies at the worst of times.
now though, i feel like i would do it all again and then some, it's that worth it. i am really, seriously in love with this child like i never knew was possible. i sure like him a lot more now than i did for the first couple of years.
back on topic. what is it about him that makes him think it's ok to lecture me? i'm a smart cookie, don't talk to me like i'm not. trust my judgement for a change buddy. geez.
Oct 6 2006, 12:40 AM
I have NO right to pass comment in this forum, but I do know my Mom used to dunk my pacifier in whiskey, and pop it in my mouth.....
And apparently I was the WORST.BABY.EVER. albeit the most gorgeous
Busty, you will be fine, I am sure you will weather this.
Oct 6 2006, 06:02 AM
Pepper, both of my bonus kids are doing that.
"That's a squash, not a banana"
"No, GGG, that's a banana"
"No, I am pretty sure that is a squash"
***pittiingly shaking head**** "No, GGG".
" I HAVE A DANG MASTERS DEGREE! I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BANANA AND A SQUASH!"
****bangs head against wall****