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swedishchick
I had a miscarriage the other day.. It was really early, almost like the egg never got implanted at all, but I still became really, really sad. We just recently started trying to get pregnant, and I know that all this means that SOME things about our bodies are working, but I just got so upset. Partly because it hurt like hell, I woke up in the middle of the night bleeding. I even stayed at home from work today, partly because of this. aaahhh.... I relly dont' know what else to say.. anyone else here with some experience of this?
kiss_the_fiddler
aw, i'm sorry you're having to go through this.

fiddler
beck
hi swedishchick, i'm sorry too. (((swedishchick)))

i went through some miscarriages - one when i was 18 and had no idea i was pg, with hindsight i guess i was about 7 or 8 weeks along. then last summer a positive test followed by a negative and a bleed - very early or maybe didn't even implant (4.5 weeks), and then in October, a miscarriage at 9 weeks but where i think the baby had not developed beyond 5 or 6 weeks. It was really hard, not so much the individual experiences, although the last one did hurt, but more the fear that there was something wrong with me and i wouldn't be able to conceive or carry a pg.

It's so much more common than people realise, but is not talked about much. What helped me was when i told my good friend, that she said that she had also gone through the same thing, she now has 2 gorgeous and healthy children. It made me feel there was hope for me too. (i am now 19 weeks pg btw, and everything is going absolutely fine).

I think it is hard though, as the decision to try is such a momentous one, once you have decided, it feels pretty urgent and for it not to work right away feels scary.

this probably isn't very articulate (long day at work) but you're definitely alone in here, there are a lot of people in here who went through similar experiences

ETA oops stupid me, of course i meant NOT alone. Sorry, swedishchick
Lindsey
Swedishchick,

I am so sorry. I had an eptopic pregnancy the beginning of the year and then a m/c right after that. It is a hard thing to go through. I have found it very helpful to just get all of my emotions out in here. Everyone is so supportive. As I have talked to friends, family, and the bustie girls I see that so many other people have gone through similar thing you and I have gone through. Know that you are not alone. Hope you recover well.
swedishchick
Thank you so so so much for the support! It really helps.

Even though I know theoretically that there's probably nothing wrong with me, psysically, there's still a tiny bit of suspiscion growing somewhere dark, inside...

It also helps a bit to know that this is quite common etc... and yes, deciding that you want a baby IS indeed a huge decision..


Anyway, I stopped bleeding.. I only bled for about 6 days... We'll see what happens next month... I'm trying to stay positive, and things are going quite well!

Hugs to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

auralpoison
Bumped for Cristine
auralpoison
bump
Cristine
I have been trying to get pregnant for 11 months. The first 2 months I didn't track or monitor anything & also during a cycle a few months ago when I had to take a break. I have used OPK's but have relied mainly on the ClearBlue fertility monitor for 5 months, I really do love it but it's not like it's helping me get pregnant! My husband & I are confused, disappointed & starting to get depressed... I don't think he's quite reached the angry stage that I'm finding myself in. The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility was very enlightening & informative, but as the months roll by I realize I have no control over it! I wish I could get pregnant naturally & I know my husband would prefer not having medical intervention, but he's 33 & I'm 32 and we're not getting any younger!

I hope there are some others who have their stories to tell. Advice? Questions? This is a very difficult process and I hope we can all lean on each other for some support.
Michelina
Auralpoison, thanks for bumping. I had looked for this thread before and couldn't seem to find it. Cristine, thanks for initiating.

I have been TTC for over one year now. After a rollercoaster of tests and an initial diagnosis of "unexplained infertility," we have finally been diagnosed as infertile due to male factor. In other words, my husband's sperm count is low. He's had multiple analyses with the first one being borderline normal and the last one being severely low.

We have done 3 natural cycle (no meds) inseminations now with no success. My husband's count has ranged from 2 to 20 million per mL so I think we'll take a break from the inseminations as his count is too unpredictable. It's just too devastating and financially and emotionally difficult when the numbers are WAY below the 5 million they like to see post wash. We are now awaiting an IVF consult (booked for early May) and hope to start treatment this summer. It's been a very tough ride so far. We hope that our luck will turn with IVF.

I hope that I can give support and info to others out there who are having a rough time in the baby making department. Who knew reproduction could be so hard? But the reality is that 1 in 5 or 6 couples is in the same boat. Sadly, many people suffer over infertility in silence.
Cristine
Hey Michelina, something I didn't mention on the other thread... this month I believe I had implantation spotting. I always said that if I spot midcycle it would be likely that's what it is since that has NEVER happened to me! Anyway, it happened at 10 dpo in the afternoon and was super super light pink. My cycle was already crazy this month so I really thought I was starting but then there was not a drop for the rest of my usual 14 day LP! Made it suck that much more.

I really am sorry about your last IUI, is there any reason why you have to wait so long for IVF?
Michelina
Cristine, I understand how letdown you must have felt after the spotting. Last summer the same thing happened to me and I really thought it was finally "my month." That period was a really horrible one because I felt like my body had tricked me into getting excited. It's so tough. Are you and Mr C going to start investigations now, or will you give it some more time?

I think the wait list for IVF is long because there are relatively few centres in Canada offering it. There is one Vancouver clinic that apparently has no wait list, but I have a better feeling about the one that does. It is a very busy clinic with great success rates. We thought about going to the US for it, but the cost is double for the procedure. We couldn't believe the difference. Possibly it reflects the fact that more Americans have private insurance that will cover some of the costs. In Canada, I think few people have insurance that covers it so we have to pay out of pocket. I have insurance through work, but absolutely no fertility treatment or meds are covered.
Michelina
Oops. Double post.
Fookie
Hi Cristine and Michelina,

Glad to see this thread bumped (thanks Aural Poison). I had followed this thread for a long time until pretty much all the ladies having difficulties trying to conceive, got pregnant, had kids and moved on to the Hip Mammas thread. So … I think that’s good news, right? All the ladies that weren’t getting pregnant, eventually did. I think you both have great odds.

Michelina I’m sorry about the failed IUI. It’s so hard and sad and defeating and horrid. I remember it all so well. I’m happy to hear that you’ve got your mind set to the next step and that you’ll hopefully start the IVF this summer.

Cristine, I’m sorry about the spotting and all the emotions that probably went along with that. If it was implantation bleeding, it means your body can at least get you that far. I would think that’s a good sign (though disappointing it didn’t result in a pregnancy this cycle).

I’m still in the waiting to be “officially approved” part of the adoption process … and then we get to wait for a match. There is no end in sight to the waiting we will have to do, though after the three years of infertility, IUIs, drugs etc., we’ve kind of become pros at it.

Last week, I kind of slowly started letting important people at work know that we’ll be approved in the next week or so, and that once we’re approved, it could conceivably happen very quickly, though in all likelyhood we’re still looking at a year or two. That was fun. I feel good that people know the path we’re on, and that I won’t have to walk into work to pregnancy rumours or any such thing the next time I have to leave early for an appointment. (What could be worse than being in the middle of fertility treatments and finding out that everyone at work thinks you’re pregnant b/c you’ve been going to doctor’s appointments!!! Gah! Actually, my boss calling me into her office to congratulate me on my pregnancy, was worse. Lesson #231, 800, 999: People are idiots.)
Cristine
Fookie, it's great to see you here! Hopefully more people will find this thread and you would be quite a valuable resource here! That's great that you're officially approved! smile.gif I so hope that this process goes quicker rather than longer for you guys, you've waited long enough! Please keep us posted!
Michelina
Fookie, I'm so glad to hear from you! Sounds like the waiting and uncertainty is tough, but as with everything else, you are handling it with grace. It must be exciting to share the news of an impending adoption with others. It must also be wonderful knowing that you have one certainty now: that you WILL be parents!
aphelendra
Hi ladies!

Just wanted to pop in, if you don't mind, and just say how happy I am that you guys have found this thread. Having gone through some scary infertility stuff, I understand needing a place separate from all the preggos to vent and discuss, but do know we'll miss ya.

I'll be lurking around, hoping good things for all of you.
Cristine
Aphelendra, I know if any preggo could relate to anyone who reads or posts on this thread, it would be you! I hope you continue to have an amazing pregnancy & I wish all the best for your developing family! smile.gif Thanks for checking in...
Cristine
Michelina, where are you at in your cycle? I can't remember, are you doing medicated IUI this round?

I'm on CD 10 & waiting for the peak. Mr. C & I are going camping this weekend so I'm hoping that doesn't interfere with trying this month. I had a funny/ annoying thing happen this last weekend... I was staying with family for a kind of reunion & someone needed a thermometer, well I was the only one who had one, so one of my uncles looked at me funny & announced to everyone "she's trying to get pregnant!". I laughed it off and that was the end of it, but then I started thinking how would a man instantly jump to that conclusion unless they had been through this before. So I wonder which of his 3 kids were conceived based on charting!

Fookie, how are things coming along with the adoption?

Michelina
Cristine, I am not doing anymore IUI's at all due to the low numbers. It's just not worth it when we're getting numbers that are less than 10% the bare minimum they like to see. It sucks, but we are done. On a positive note, we already had our IVF consult and are scheduled to begin next month!

Your thermometre story made me smile. I hope that ovulation comes at an opportune time for you and Mr C this month! Camping sounds like fun. Enjoy!
Fookie
Michelina, that's great news. Wow. How are you feeling about everything? I'm very excited for you.

Cristine, that thermometer story is so funny/annoying smile.gif People can be so clueless.

We are finally fully officially adoption-ready. Though now we have to wait to hear from the local children's aid society for an "update" through them. So should be all done within a month. Then some more waiting. Funny thing happened on Saturday ... was out shopping and wanted to see what time it was, so turned our cell phone, which we never use. It's a pay and go that we have in the car for emergency purposes. Low and behold there are two messages. Both are from the children's aid society and were left last Friday. The second one saying "we really have to talk to you, please call us right back, here's how to have me paged." So despite the irrationalness of it, I panicked and decided that they had a baby for us and we'd missed our chance b/c of the stupid emergency-only cell phone. Finally got in touch Monday morning, and all they wanted to know was whether the cell number was how we wanted to be contacted. BAH! I'm not even sure how they had the number, but it does not appear we lost a baby smile.gif
Cristine
Michelina, that's great news! I'm so excited for you!

Fookie, I'm glad you didn't miss any opportunities and I hope that they find your baby soon!

Please keep me posted ladies!
Michelina
Fookie, I would have panicked in that situation too! Sounds like things are really coming along for you guys!

Thanks for the excitement over my news! I am every emotion - excited, nervous, scared shitless, sad, jealous, and thrilled. You name it and I'm probably feeling it at some point during the day. I can't help but think about how devastated I will be if it doesn't work. I worry that I'm not strong enough. However, I've surprised myself with how well I have coped over the last 15 months so maybe I am stronger than I think.

And if it works, I will be expecting an early March baby!
Cristine
Michelina, I can only imagine the emotions that must be running through your mind right now... it's been a long journey. My BFF & her husband have unexplained infertility issues (he's significantly older than she is BTW) and she got pregnant with her 1st round of IVF! We just celebrated her adorable son's 1st birthday a couple weeks ago and when I see him, I see such a blessing... and he will probably never know how badly he was wanted. I feel incredibly hopeful for you and am so excited to hear the news! I got everything crossed for you girl!!
Michelina
Cristine, thank you for sharing your friend's successful IVF story. I need all the positivity I can get right now! I am off to Vancouver today for a hysteroscopy and my orientation. I'm a little concerned about flying home with $3000 worth of meds though. I hope I won't need to check with them because I don't want to part with them and I'm worried about breakage.

How are you, Cristine? Where are you in your cycle?
Cristine
Hey Michelina, I'm very excited for your trip and understand your concerns. Can you just carefully pack the meds into luggage that you can have checked? I'd be worried that they won't allow you to carry them on.

I'm at 8 dpo & think I might have missed it this month cuz of camping. My monitor still hasn't detected ovulation but I also had 2 positive OPK's followed by 1 negative, so I think I know when it happened and my temperatures reflect that. We only had sex once on the 2nd day so we'll see, who knows!

Please keep me posted!

Fookie, how are you?
aphelendra
>pokes head in<

congrats on the next phase michelina! To add to the positive stories . . . I know one woman (endometriosis) who also got pregnant (with twins no less) on her first round of IVF. Another woman, who also had unexplained infertility, missed on her first cycle, but then conceived on her second cycle using a frozen embryo from the first. Two years later she did another fresh cycle and got pregnant right away with baby number two.

sorry to bug you ladies, can't help myself poking around in here from time to time!

Christine, good luck! Sounds like intercourse could very well have been well timed.

>returns to lurky place<
Cristine
Aphelendra, you can come here anytime... though it's not as active as yours! Thanks for the positive words! smile.gif
Michelina
I second that! And any other pregnant busties are more than welcome too! I lurk in the pregnancy thread but am trying not to post now. I fear I am "raining on everyone's parade" by coming in with my infertility woes.

So I had my hysteroscopy and the doctor found a polyp. He does not want us to proceed with IVF until it's gone. He tried to scrape away and free it, but he won't know for sure until after my next period. If it's still there, then I will be off to the operating room. :-( I am disappointed about this glitch, although I know it's good it was found. Those damn things secrete mucous and can affect implantation. I am going to start pituitary suppression this month and hope that it's gone. If it's not gone, I stop the meds, and we start all over after the surgery. We had such a good plan and now it's up in the air again. Crap crap crap.

Cristine, I am crossing my fingers that the camping trip did the trick!
Cristine
Michelina, I don't know much about that stuff, is it fairly common? I hope you're comforted by the fact that your doc wasn't too concerned & it's easily treatable. Is the possible surgery somewhat minor? I know you're bummed, but you are 1 step closer to baby M! Please keep us posted!
aphelendra
Nobody's raining on anybody's parade! Promise. But though we miss you guys over there, I'm still glad you guys have found a place of your own.

Michelina - As upsetting as this bump in the road is, hopefully removing that darned polyp is going to really help your chances. Does the doc think it's been there long? Maybe it has something to do with your "unexplained" infertility issues? Hope that clearing this thing up is going to help bunches, but still sorry you guys have more waiting ahead of you . . . .
Michelina
Thanks you two.

The surgery is fairly minor, but still needs to be done under general. I fear general anaesthetic so that's one of my stressors. I am not sure how long it's been there, but I'll bet it's been around for a while. Our diagnosis is now male factor infertility (i.e. low sperm count), but I'm sure this polyp didn't help any! Yes, it is best to remove it and maximize our chances. I'm just so impatient to get going. If it's still there and I need surgery, we won't start until August.

I am anxious to get my period so I can start making plans for the repeat test. I have never wanted to get my period this badly!!!
zelda
Hey...trying to steer clear and give y'all your safe space to talk, but I did want to pop in here and share this great piece I read...I wanted to stand up and cheer when I read it.

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2010/05/07/if-y...comment-1068691

Hope you don't mind me popping in...still lurking and crossing fingers and toes and sending you all the love and positive energy I've got!
Cristine
Thanks Zelda.

Michelina, keep me posted of any updates.

I just started my period and to be honest, I'm done. I can't keep doing this anymore and I'm not ready for any procedures yet. So for now, I'm choosing to opt out of contant disappointment and just go back to my regular life. If I'm not able to be a mom then I just want to go out and have carefree fun like we used to have.
Michelina
Zelda, thanks for popping by. You are always welcome here. It's almost the end for you! Hard to believe it's been almost 9 months since that exciting morning when you announced your pregnancy. I bet you can't wait to meet your little guy.

(((Cristine))) How I understand your pain. If you aren't ready for the tests and procedures, then definitely take some time to just enjoy life. It takes a lot of energy (emotional and otherwise) to go down the path of tests and treatment. It's important to be in the right mind space before starting if that's what you eventually chose to do. I will keep you posted and am thinking of you.
Fookie
((((Cristine)))) Your post just brought me back really quickly to the emotional hell that some of the last three years has been. I remember feeling the same way, and there is probably nothing better you can do for yourself than give yourself the break you describe. I was never able to completely not think about it, but the months that I forced myself not to look at the calendar, and to PLAN ahead without the "but what if i'm pregnant, we won't be able to do this or that or whatever" really really did me good. I always felt like my life was on hold. I'd put off doing things like joining a hardcore fitness class or planning vacations because I worried I'd have to cancel due to a procedure or a pregnancy etc. Giving yourself a break and doing some of the things you haven't been able to enjoy because of all this "trying" stuff, is a really good gift for yourself.

Michelina, I'm sorry about the polyp. That's a total drag because it delays your ability to start the IVF, but it's good that they found it and will treat it. How did you find the HST? That was the worst of any of the tests or procedures for me. I hated it.

I'm running out of time because Finnley is waking up, but I posted an update about him and how we're doing in the pregnancy thread if you guys want to check it out.

You're both in my thoughts.
Cristine
Fookie, I am so happy to hear that you finally have your little one! I don't check the other blog anymore, or any blogs really, so I'm glad you shared your news here.
Michelina
Fookie, I found the hysteroscopy much less painful than the hysterosalpingogram. I actually found the hysteroscopy no more painful than mild menstrual cramps. Go figure. I guess it all depends on the equipment used and how it is done. In some clinics, it's only done under general.

I have been on Synarel to suppress my estrogen production for a week now. So far so good. But it delays your period so I am still waiting to see red on 13dpo. It's so frustrating. The one cycle that I want my period, it's late! And no, I am not pregnant. I was told to expect a late period on this med. Once it comes, I can book my second hysteroscopy and find out whether the polyp is gone or not.

Fookie, hope you and the new little guy are doing great. Cristine, how are you?
zelda
Michelina...wanted you to know...I am always thinking of you...I hope you continue to update.

Christine, I think I can understand wanting to take a break...either thread is here for you whenever.

Cristine
Thanks Zelda...

Michelina, I wish I could say I'm doing good but it would be a lie. I hate that we had sex this month near where my usual fertile window lands. I know it won't happen but it will of course be on mind for the next 2 weeks now.
aphelendra
one million hugs to Ms. Christine . . . .
Michelina
Just a quick update. I am in Vancouver now and I start my injections tomorrow. The polyp is gone and I got the all clear to proceed! Sort of freaking out at the moment as excited as I am. Now I need to figure out how to mix these meds. Seems a little daunting right now. Fingers are crossed for lots (but not too many) eggies and some nice quality embryos in a couple of weeks.
Cristine
Michelina that is terrific news!!! smile.gif Please keep me posted!
Cristine
... and Aphelendra, thank you! smile.gif
Fookie
Michelina!!!!!!! I'm so excited for you! Keep us updated on how things go. I love Vancouver, so I hope you're able to enjoy it while you're there. Do you have to stay long?

((((Cristine)))) Hang in there and (try) to enjoy this break you've given yourself.
Michelina
Thanks for the excitement and support!!! I have jabbed myself 5 times now and have 5 more times to go. I go for my first follicle ultrasound in a few days. The injections are no big deal, but the med mixing is a little difficult. I am feeling well so far and am hoping that I continue to feel fine. I had a few hot flashes while on the suppression meds, but that was it. So far so good! I am thinking we'll be doing the egg retrieval in about one week. And then the real stress starts - while we're waiting to hear news on our embies!

I love Vancouver too, but all I've seen is rain and clouds so far. Hoping that we have some nice and sunny days soon.

Fookie, how is your son? I am just so happy for you.

Cristine, how are you doing?
Cristine
Michelina, please feel free to give details of this whole process... I know nothing about it and I'm also super excited for you! I'm fine and waiting for my period to start any day now. As of right now I'm pretty sure I want to skip next month too.

Fookie, I hope things are going great with your son!
Michelina
I am back now from my treatment and am in the torturous two week wait. I have my blood test in a week, but will likely take a home pregnancy test this weekend. Mr. M and I decided the home test should be on a weekend day so that we can either celebrate or grieve that day. My tests are very sensitive so I have no doubt that it will be accurate that day.

The whole IVF process was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I had no problems with the injections, no side effects from the meds, and the egg retrieval was a breeze. The meds were nice and they made me very relaxed for the rest of the day. I felt a little bloated after that, but the discomfort was mild. The embryo transfer was completely painless. The worst part about the whole process is the waiting and wondering.

If this cycle gives us a negative, I will do it again. It's our only chance for a baby and I'd do it again and again to get our little bundle. If only it weren't for the cost, of course...

Cristine, how are you?
funnybird
Michelina, it's great to hear you sounding so positive. I have EVERYTHING crossed for you!
zelda
Trolling and checking this thread! Michelina, I am crossing every thing and I am going to cross Elliott's fingers tonight, too...thinking of you!!!
Michelina
Thank you! I actually started tearing up when I read your posts. We have so many people rooting for us, including you lovely Busties. I am very grateful for all of the support and positive thoughts.
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