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kiss_the_fiddler
Ok, I really think I'm out this cycle. Huge bummer. I'm pms-ing so bad today. I can't think. I can't remember half of the conversations I had in the past week. I have a hormone headache. And, I'm spotting, like I do before I get my period (which is due in 5 more days). This is not fair. I just want to be pregnant already.

fiddler
falljackets
((((fiddler))))

try to keep a positive outlook. i know how hard that is. i am still keeping my fingers crossed for you. if not this time, next time, right?? i meant to answer your last post. i am very familiar with peeonastick.com. i used to obsess over it every month, for days at a time. i had myself convinced several times that i was pregnant when in fact, i wasn't. and then, when i was actually knocked up i was convinced that i wasn't.

i wish you and your wife all the best.
treehugger
*delurks*

fiddler, don't give up hope yet! I'm happily childfree BUT I accidentally got pregnant when I was a teenager and I thought I was PMSing the whole time too! I have my fingers and toes crossed for you!

Like FJ said...if not this time, perhaps next time.
pixiedust
Fiddler...the spotting could be implantation bleeding. It fits with the time schedule. Hope you get your positive soon.
kiss_the_fiddler
pixie, I hope you're right. The spotting has turned from brown to red. It's not heavy yet but feels like my period.

treehugger and everyone else, thanks for the words of support. i tried to start an infertility support group in my part of the state and I couldn't garner any interest whatsoever. i know i'm not the only one but shit, it sure feels that way sometimes.

fiddler
kiss_the_fiddler
Well, yup, it's my period alright. Bleeding is heavy and more painful than most periods. I use a Diva cup and so I can see exactly how much blood i'm losing. It's quite a bit this cycle. Enough to make me scared. Anyway, I'm depressed. Depressed and tired. I will try again. Today is cycle day three. I put a call into my doc to see about what he things re: short luteal phase of my cycle. It's hard to keep trying, month after month. We've been trying for three years now. It seems like forever. I know I'm moping. Tomorrow will be better.

fiddler
kiss_the_fiddler
I wrote this email to my friends tonight. The last while has been so hard and lonely for me. It's so hard to ask for help. Takes guts. But I did it. I'm proud of me for asking.






Hi. I have a hard time asking for help. I've been struggling lately and I'm having a hard time reaching out. I'm finding infertility to be quite isolating. So, I'm going out on a limb here. I need more support during this journey I'm on.

So, uh, here's some things that would be helpful to me. Phone calls or emails saying hi and that you care, asking how I'm doing and being willing to listen; Being patient with me when I'm depressed; Encouraging me to get out some, go for a walk, have coffee/tea, meet for lunch/knitting/whatever; Letting me tell you where I am in my cycle if I feel like talking about it and not asking me if I'm pregnant yet (if I get pregnant, I'll let you know); Keeping me in your thoughts and prayers; Letting me be however I am (sad, angry, tired, etc). You don't need to fix me, just be my friend. Here are some things that the girls on a website I belong to say they would like to hear. I agree with them.

1. Hey, how are you on your journey to motherhood?
2. You're going to be a great mother.
3. I believe it will happen for you. Hang in there!
4. I'm here for you whenever you need to talk.
5. You are so strong for perservering in this journey.
6. That is one lucky child to have a mommy love him/her so much to work this hard to get her here.
7. What can I do to support you in your process? Can I rub your feet?
8. You can be honest w/ me and show me your real feelings - it won't make me go away.
9. I'm here for you no matter how long it takes for you to get your baby here.
10. I love you


And, here are some things that are not helpful for me to hear.

1. It's God's will
2. Why are you wasting this much money?
3. Why don't you adopt? Infertile couples have already heard of adoption and know what it is without others suggesting it. Furthermore, the decision to adopt is very personal and adoption is not for everyone. Couples who do decide to adopt must first deal with the pain and disappointment of not being able to conceive.
3a) Don't suggest that someone is "selfish" because they DON'T want to adopt.
3b) Adoption can cost as much as infertility therapy.
4. Don't suggest that we just needs to "relax" and we'll get pregnant.
5. These things happen for a reason. God must want you to be a foster parent/volunteer worker.

I offer these suggestions because I'm asking for help. I want you to ask me how I'm doing. I want you to bother me. Call me. Write me. Tell me that you care. I need your support and I'm writing this to both ask and to try to help you know how to help me. Don't be afraid of saying the wrong thing to me, it won't break me. Mostly, I just need your support.

Thank you.
kiss_the_fiddler
I'll just continue jabbering away to myself in here. I kind of like the sound of my own voice.

It's cycle day 14 for me. No LH surge yet which is good. I'm scheduled for a folliculargram tomorrow morning to see which side I'm ovulating on. Only my right fallopian tube is open so I need to be ovulating on the right side. I hope I am because I hate to waste a cycle. I will be up against a time crunch though because it takes two days for my swimmers to arrive after I order them. If I order them tomorrow, they can arrive on Sat, which will be CD 16 and usually a little early. If I wait and have them shipped on Mon, then. . . I don't know. I never quite know when to have them shipped. Grrr. . . It would be so much more convenient if we had a fresh donor. I tell you though, we've tried. That's probably the most awkward conversation I've had with anyone.

Well, wish me luck. I'll need every bit of it.

fiddler
shinyx3
someday i will uncross my fingers and toes for you fiddler. because you will be big and fat and preggers. then instead of crossed toes, you will need someone to put lotion your toes that you can not reach. i will do that.


xoxo
beck
Delurking so you know you're not talking to yourself in here fiddler :-), i've been around for a while and sympathising hugely with what you've been going through. I really hope it works out for you and your wife, you sound like you will be great parents. Good luck.

I've been hanging in the pg thread but bounced back to here by a miscarriage at 9.5 weeks that started on Sunday - a little like a pregnancy version of snakes and ladders i guess. a bit sad but a very dear friend of mine has just lost a child at a far more advanced stage so I am mainly feeling grateful that I am alright, that it was early, and that I didn't have to have a D&C. I will be glad when it's over though...

I never really felt I should be posting in here as although I really want a child, I don't seem to be dealing with infertility issues per se, inasmuch as getting knocked up wasn't too problematic, and I am really hoping that the m/c will be a one-off those (well, two-off technically as I think i had one when I was much younger, around 18, although am unsure as I didn't go to the dr at the time).

But nobody hangs out in the pg thread much and anyway, I am not pregnant anymore, so I guess this is the best place for me right now.

As I have the luxury of fresh swimmers on demand, I am actively trying not to think about dates etc but will be trying again soon once I am all healed up. Right now my only goals are to be able to take a bath (only showers allowed at the moment because of the infection risk) and lose these gross pads (no tampons allowed, again because of the infection risk). Who on earth chooses to wear these things - I am walking like a cowgirl! Ugh.

Anyway, good luck Fiddler, I am thinking of you x
car
Beck - I'm very sorry for your loss.....

Fiddler - just wanted to say that reading your posts broke my heart, and I hope that your continued journey towards motherhood gets easier. I struggled with infertility a few years ago, and remember the pain in my heart, and the feeling that my friends didn't fully understand the gravity of my mental state and how hard it was to endure cycle after cycle. Thank goddess for the Busties back then, because I don't know how else I would have made it through! Good for you for sending that email to your friends - I found that people didn't know what to say, and thsu would end up either not asking me about it at all, or making those pat little remarks you put in your "what not to say" list.

hang in there, and I hope your cycle comes soon.


kiss_the_fiddler
Shiny - Thanks for the support. And yes, when I'm big huge preggers, you can do my feet. Thanks.

Beck - I'm so sorry . . . I know that words can't make it better. I'm sorry. I hope your body and heart heals quickly so you can start trying again. I know it's not what you're going through but there's some nice discussion of baby spirits in the abortion thread. I'm not dealing with abortion but I follow the discussion sometimes because I find that the issue of grief and loss they have is similar to that of mine even though the circumstances are different. Since I seem to be the only one here posting about fertility issues, I'll say that it's totally cool if you post in here. I'd be glad if you joined me although I'm sorry for the reason you're here. I hope you can take a bath soon. Nothing quite compares to soaking in the quiet of a nice hot bath.

Car - Thanks for your comments. You're right. People don't know what to say. So I decided I'd help them. The response I've gotten back has been good. I'm surprised by the folks who have reached out to me. People I didn't expect to have emailed me or called me to say hi. And the ones I would have expected to haven't. It's been good. So, you've been here, huh? Did you become pregnant? Or did you decide to go an alternate route? If you became pregnant, what worked for you? If you decided to remain childless, how did you learn to cope with that decision? I'm open to input here.

My appt yesterday went well. The tech was very thorough. I'm growing an eggie in my right ovary and the lining of my uterus looks good and ready to be pregnant. So I ordered my swimmers. They'll be delivered to the doc on Monday. I think I'll ovulate on Sunday or Monday. The timing works out because the doc wants to inseminate the day after I get my LH surge. He says that give the eggie time to find the fallopian tube and start on it's way to the uterus. Less distance for the frozen and thawed swimmers to have to go that way. This cycle I'll be on progesterone from ovulation for 14 days. I hope this is the one. I'm not sure how many more times I can do this. My hopes get so high and then come crashing down. It's hard.

Thank you for the support you are giving me. It really does help to get online and see that someone out there cares.

fiddler
car
Fiddler - I am now, happily, the mom of two amazing boys.....

But we had tried for over a year, using FAM, charting, temping, ovulation predictors, etc to no avail. I had just been diagnosed with PCOS and a short luteal phase....I had literally just filled my prescription for Clomid and had an appointment for them to check my fallopian tubes when I realized I was pregnant with Coop (now 3 1/2). Thankfully, 2nd time around was easy for us...(my pregnancies not so much, but that is another story for another thread).

But with each missed cycle, I remember having the internal dialogue of "what now?" - of trying to decide what would be our next course of treatment, and what lines we would draw in the sand. We were open to adoption, and open to some non-invasive medical assistance (Clomid, having him have a full work up, etc) and were still unsure of some of the greyer areas (donor eggs, etc). I am forever thankful that we didn't have to get that far into the process, though the emotional toll that we went through was still very painful.

Most of all, I am saddened about what it did to our sex lives, for such a substantial part of our marriage. It went from being a carefree, relaxing, pleasurable experience to one that would immediately make us both tense and get our wheels spinning about what-ifs. Even now, two kids later, I can't say it has fully returned to what it was pre-trying to conceive. It's getting there, but some of the magic has been tainted.

I have made some wonderful friends who have had much harder roads to travel than I did...but still, anyone who has been on this journey can relate to the pain of wanting a child so badly, and feeling failure in your body for not complying; the pain of hearing someone lament "he just LOOKED at me and I got knocked up!"; etc.

Anyway, I'll try to check in and see how you and the other women here are doing....good luck next week!
laniethezany

fiddler -

I wish there was something I could say that would be helpful, but I haven't really come to terms with my own infertility issues, so all I can offer is support.

If I ever want to physically have a child, I will have to use donor eggs. I have premature ovarian failure, which basically means I have already gone through menopause. I was diagnosed when I was 28 (I'm just shy of 34 now), so it probably started when I was around 25 or 26.

I'm not sure what kick-started it, but I've had a bad case of parent fever lately. It isn't even necessarily baby fever, even though I adore babies - it's just the ache of wanting to be a parent. But I'm seriously single at the moment, and I think I'd be doing a child a disservice to try to become a single parent. (I have a history of problems with depression, I'm (practically) a lawyer so I sometimes work insane numbers of hours and I'm not near any family or other support system that can help pick up the slack, etc.)

Anyway, I just wanted to comment because I've been reading in here for a while and I wanted to let you know I am here, pulling for you.
yuefie
(((fiddler))))

((((beck))))

((((lanie))))


QUOTE(car @ Oct 20 2007, 11:22 AM) *
anyone who has been on this journey can relate to the pain of wanting a child so badly, and feeling failure in your body for not complying; the pain of hearing someone lament "he just LOOKED at me and I got knocked up!"; etc.


I relate to all of those. Deeply.

After years of dealing with different doctors and health insurance providers, sometimes being without coverage, frustration with a lack of diagnosis or answers, several miscarriages and knowing in my heart what was really wrong with me, I finally have the official PCOS diagnosis. My lab results showed my estrogen is rather low for my age, my testosterone is a bit high, and my LH and FSH are both off, especially in ratio to eachother. I am still waiting for my follow up appointment to discuss all of the results. That appointment is November 6th, which feels like ages away. I've been reading and my actual values sound like I might be bordering on premature ovarian failure. My new doctor says she wants to try me on Metformin, a diabetic medication that has been sucessful for some women suffering from PCOS related fertility issues.

I know someone, a friend of my best friend, who tried for many years to get pregnant. Even several rounds of Clomid failed in bringing about conception. Last year while visiting my friend she was discussing her fertility issues with me, knowing my history of failed pregnancies. She was asking how I managed to get pregnant at all. I recognized a few possible markers of PCOS in her and asked her is she had been tested. She'd never heard of it, so I referred to her to a few good resource websites and wrote down a list of things for her to ask her doctor. Whe she was diagnosed, her doctor prescribed Metformin and two months later was pregnant. Today was her baby shower, which I chose not to attend. One might assume I didn't attend because I am jealous, but that is not why I opted not to attend. I've been thrilled for her from the moment I heard, as I always am for people who actually want to be pregnant. But what I am is absolutely disappointed and disgusted with her. My friend let it slip to me that this woman was being particularly bitchy and was freaking out and having nic fits because, since her mother's arrival, she was having to sneak an occasional puff of a cigarette instead of the pack a day she'd been smoking. That is correct. She's been smoking cigarettes throughout her entire pregnancy. This is in spite of an early threatened miscarraige, being placed on bed rest due to an incompetent cervix, and being diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I just can't fathom how someone who has been on this painful journey, who has finally achieved it can be SO selfish and have such utter disregard for her unborn child? How can you pollute the body in which you are carrying the child you claim to have so desperately wanted and struggled to conceive? How can you knowingly poison your unborn? It's not as if she isn't educated enough to know the risks. Proof is in the fact that she has been sneaking around to conceal it from everyone. She just put her addiction first. Low birth weight? Respiratory problems? Ring a bell? dry.gif

Maybe I am jealous. And judgmental. But it makes me sick. And I feel like all around me selfish jerks, those who do not cherish their children, are always announcing their pregnancies. And I'm angry and sad about it.
roseviolet
[delurk]
Yuefie, don't feel bad. I'm not jealous of that woman's pregnancy, but if a friend of mine was expecting & continued to smoke anyway, I'd be pretty disgusted with her. I'm a pretty forgiving soul, but that's just ridiculous.
[relurk]
beck
good luck fiddler, let us know how it goes. I had been following the thread for some time and your post inspired me to delurk, so i'd be willing to bet there are lots more people out there rooting for you who haven't posted yet. And thanks for your welcome here too.

yuefie I'm so with you - i get so angry when i see parents screaming and swearing at their children - i just think what ungrateful bastards they are

(PS i know everyone yells at their kids sometimes - I'm talking about stuff like yelling at a two year old to 'shut the fuck up', that kind of thing).
kiss_the_fiddler
Wow, this thread got busy all of the sudden. Cool.

lanie - Feel free to jump in anywhere in this thread. Fertility/infertility issues are particularly difficult I think. It's something that lots of folks deal with but not many share much about. I wish it were different. So, you need donor eggs, huh? I use donor sperm. We order from on online catalogue from a cryobank in CA. It seems pretty impersonal but it's what we have to do because try as I might, I couldn't find anyone willing to be a fresh donor for us. I know how hard it is and I'm sorry you're having to face infertility. If you decide to try to become pregnant, don't be afraid to ask for help and support.

yuefie - my youngest sister keeps getting pregnant. she's a young addict and has been struggling for years. Yes, I get frustrated by her behaviours. I wish she could be responsible and care for her children. I don't think it's fair, but who am I to judge? It's hard for me to be patient though. And, I get jealous of people I know who get pregnant easily. I wish you all the best in your efforts.

beck - how're you doing? Can you take a bath yet?

Update - I had an appt with the doc today for IUI. So now I'm in the TWW. The longest two weeks ever. My mood is good. I'm hopeful. We're running out of chances. The doc sayd everything looked good this time. Timing was good. Follie on the right side. Tube looked good. Cervical mucus looked good. I'm supposed to call him in 14 days to tell him that I haven't had my period yet.

fiddler




beck
good luck fiddler, i'll be thinking of you. really hope this is the month!

I am getting back to normal, i'm more tired than usual, but the worst is definitely over. I'm think I'm good to take a bath again and maybe even do some gentle 'practising' wink.gif ...the doc booked me in for a smear test next week and i think she will take some other swabs as well, am holding off on any further testing for now though.



shinyx3
fiddler, if you see me and i am walking funny, it is because my toes are crossed for you and that makes it hard to walk.

xoxo
car
Fiddler...sending you many many good thoughts and vibes! I always hated the TWW, time crept backwards.
beck
hi fiddler, just dropping in to send you some good vibes and baby dust. My cycle has started again so I will keep my fingers crossed for us both to be moving over to the pregnancy thread soon...
kiss_the_fiddler
Aw, thanks gals.

One week down, one to go. I've just started my 'getting my period' headache. I hope it doesn't mean I'm really getting my period . It's early for my period yet. It's definitely a hormone headache though. Migraine. Took Rx and now it's beginning to ease up. Thank Goddess.

fiddler
yuefie
((((fiddler)))) ~~~~headache be gone vibes & super duper baby dust~~~~ all parts crossed for ya, sweetie.
kiss_the_fiddler
thanks yuefie (and everyone else with parts crossed for me). I drugged the headache away and actually slept all night.

last cycle, i got the same headache at the same time. them my period came early. on the day my period was supposed to come, i peed on a stick. positive. no sticky baby dust though. this cycle i'm on prog cream and that's supposed to lengthen my luteal phase. i hope it works.

one more week til i'll know.

fiddler
kiss_the_fiddler
so far, so good. still with the headache. ugh. and i'm really tired. but that's nothing new. i have a question for you gals who were trying hard to get pregnant and were aware of things like your cervical mucus. tonight i noticed the slightest bit of pink vag discharge. when i get my pre-period goop, it's dark brown. do you think my pink is implantation bleeding? am i just driving myself up a fucking wall hoping?

fiddler
shinyx3
fiddler, maybe . . . but honestly i think you should just sit back and make yourself some raspberry leaf tea, float some pink rose petals in it and sweeten with honey. it is good for your baby and you and will give you something to do. it will be like a love potion for your body and for baby too.

i love you

xoxo
MuppetButt
Over in Kvetch Up they said I should check this board out. My husband and I have been TTC for little over a year, and nada! I went to the DR when we first started trying and she said things we all systems go. But still nothing. We go back to the DR on the 14th together. I hope she has good news. Like I only need to take a pill or a shot and everything will be great! Or even better if she has some secret like... "wear purple socks and have sex hanging from the curtin rod during the full moon". Although I know that one won't work... tried it! biggrin.gif
kiss_the_fiddler
Hi MuppetButt. My wife and I have been TTC for three years. It's been a long hard journey. Since we're two women, we needed to buy our swimmers frozen from a cryobank. I'm a DES daughter so that complicates things further. I hope you and your husband find success very soon. Believe me, I know how hard it can be. . .

That said, I just found out that I'm pregnant!!!!!! I'm out of my mind with joy. I'm early, just 4 weeks but still, it's good.

I'll keep coming to this board and reading it and offering encouragement if that's okay with everybody else here.

fiddler
MuppetButt
(((Kiss the Fiddler))) Congrats! That is awesome! And I totally understand the DES thing. My mom is a DES daughter and I have been the case study for legacy for nearly 30 years now.
faerietails2
Ahhhh! ((((fiddler)))) I'm soooooo happy for you! I've been keeping my fingers crossed for you for a long time. smile.gif
yuefie
YAY, I am so happy for you and shiny, sweetie! ~~~~healthy micro-fiddle dust~~~~

((((muppetbutt)))) Glad you made your way in here. Also glad to hear you are going back to your doctor soon, and yes, hopefully it will be something simple. Keeping my toes crossed for ya smile.gif
beck
wow fiddler, i'm so happy for you! Congratulations! Hope to catch you up in the pregnancy thread soon!
kiss_the_fiddler
Thank you Busties! I truly feel supported.

fiddler
mornington
*delurk*

fiddler, that's fantastic! yay, wonderful wonderful news!
tankgirl
YAY fiddler!!! congrats, I'm so hapy for you.
anarch
fiddler, that's fantastic. congratulations! So happy for you.

/fingers crossed for all good things to come fiddler's way
yuefie
((((fiddler)))) ~~~continuing good vibes for you & the bean~~~

((((CNBC busties)))))

After many years (I think it was 1999 when I first inquired) I've been trying to get a doctor to give me a referral to a fertility specialist. My new gyno that I saw on Tuesday gave me the referral to a Reproductive Endocrinologist about five minutes after looking at my hormone levels. I so heart him, best doc I've had so far. Anyway, I called today to see if they had received my referral, which they had. She told me there were no appointments until early January, but while on hold someone cancelled for tomorrow morning and I got the appointment! So ladies, please keep your toes crossed for me wink.gif
kiss_the_fiddler
yuefie, Wow, that was fast! How cool for you. I hope your new RE can help you become pregnant. Let us know how it goes.

fiddler
beck
yuefie that's great news, hope your appointment went well.
more good vibes for fiddler too

i wondered if anyone could tell me if what i'm experiencing is normal - i had a miscarriage 4 weeks ago at 9.5 weeks. that took about a week. then 2 weeks after the m/c started, i got my period back. now, 2 weeks later, when i thought would be ovulation time, i'm getting what looks like another period! interestingly this one is just a day after when my period would have been due if i hadn't been pregnant. Does this sound normal - is my body just getting back into gear? or is it the miscarriage not properly completed or something?

i feel fine, in fact i was going to start running again this weekend after having not really felt like it for a while - i have been a bit more tired than usual and am taking iron tablets to hopefully give my body a boost. and actually, now i think about it, the first 'period' i was still feeling quite achy from the m/c and it hurt to run, maybe that was actually the miscarriage finishing off?

any advice?
kittenb
Congrats Fiddler!!!!!!!!!!! biggrin.gif
MsYuefie
(it's me, yuefie. just a new name because of some board glitch)

beck, I went through something similar with each of my miscarriages. Not that my ovulatory cycles have ever been "normal", but it took a while for my body to settle down from the miscarriage. if it continues into your next cycle, I would say consult your doc to make sure you do not need a D&C.

So my appointment with the RE was good. She is an absolute doll. I cannot believe how after all these years of frustration, I finally landed two of the best docs I've ever met! She gave me the definitive diagnosis, and after my second set of labs come back we are going to discuss my treatment options. She said that a lot of women who begin a particular type of treatment find they concieve within months of trying. And if that doesn't work, then they address fertility drugs. I don't want to take clomid, but I am also not currently actively TTC. I just want to know that I can. I'm not gettin any younger!
beck
thank you yuefie. Really glad the doc went well, she sounds great.
m_s_i_g
hi all! i'm so glad to find this lounge and read all your stories. i found other sites over the last few months as my fertility worries increased, but as was posted at the beginning of the thread, i was having a hard time relating to some of the other women out there. i've been ttc for seven months and nothins' happenin'. i bought 'taking control of your fertility' on month one, at first just to observe things, and it was fascinating to learn so much about my body. but then i started getting worried - one month my temp is just going up and down, one month i'm spotting for 15 days midcycle, another i seem to be having a really short luteal phase. then i bought the clear blue fertility monitor and i thought for sure it would happen right away when we started trying for reals. but now this is my third month of using it and i'm one week post ovulation (i don't know all the abbreviations yet) having mad chocolate cravings, but worring that that may mean i'm getting my period soon, like it always does.

so that's where i'm at. fretting on a friday. i look forward to talking with you.

ms siggy
kiss_the_fiddler
ms siggy,

it can be a long hard journey. i'm over on the pregnancy side of things now but i do very much understand trying so hard and not getting pregnant. you're off to a good start by beginning to understand your body and your cycle. if you have ready access to sperm (a husband or boyfriend), then most doctors won't even to begin to explore infertility treatment until you've been TTC (trying to conceive) for a full year. If you're wanting to do things before that, you can make sure that your male partner has sufficient sperm count. There are kits you can buy at a drugstore that will test the sperm count. They're a bit like a science experiment but pretty inexpensive. If your temps are going up and down with no trend, you may not be ovulating. If you've been on the pill, it might take you awhile to regulate after you quit them.

what i think finally worked for me was following the schwarzbein diet. there's an easy to read book called the schwarzbein principle that explains the theory behind it. it will correct your body's hormones.

i'm glad you found this place. this particular thread is usually pretty quiet but i look in on it whenever i see that someone has posted. don't feel like you're alone because you're not.

best of luck.

fiddler
beck
Huh. Period started this morning, 3 days late, just enough to get my hopes up.

Oh well. At least with time off over Christmas I will be free to give my full attention to trying! And I won't have to make up excuses for not drinking, that would've been tricky...

I'm not thinking of it as a fertility problem - more just probably not quite enough trying. I am pretty sure I am ovulating but reluctant to start charting yet, I think my strategy for the next few months will be to have frequent enough sex that whenever in the month I ovulate that egg gets bombarded with swimmers! That will be more fun than filling in charts and taking my temperature.

Anyone else in here? If so, hope your baby wishes come true.
kiss_the_fiddler
Hi Beck.

Shoot, that sucks. I'm disappointed for you. I absolutely know what it feels like to want it so badly and then start your period.

From my experience, there's not much action in here. I'll come read and respond whenever I see that someone has posted in here so don't think that no one is listening. If you find it's too quiet, feel free to come on into the pregnancy thread. I know though that it can be hard to read about other people who are pregnant when you're not. You're welcome there but I want you to do what works for you.

Best of luck this cycle.

fiddler
beck
hey fiddler, thank you so much, it is really great to be able to post on Bust as it's not something I really want to discuss 'outside'. i am still lurking in the pregnancy thread too so i can see all the joys in store for me later wink.gif

i was a little blue this morning, but when i actually thought it through i realised that we only tried for a couple months last time and this was our first 'try' since the m/c so not doing badly really. I just need to learn some patience. it's funny, i wouldn't describe myself as a particularly alpha female type, but i am used to deciding to do something, and then getting it done right away. i think it is probably quite good for me to learn that things don't always happen exactly as you plan them. dare i say character-building even?

so, onwards and upwards! at least i am guaranteed plenty of action over Christmas haha!!

kiss_the_fiddler
Beck,
Yes, enjoy your 'action' over Christmas. I'm feeling so damn sick that I'm not seeing any action of any kind. My poor wife must be feeling sex deprived.

Anyway, the journey toward pregnancy for me brought all sorts of insights and lessons I never could have imagined before we embarked. One of the biggest things I learned was to ask for help - to ask for support. I find myself needing to relearn that lesson on an almost daily basis. Still, it sucks not to be pregnant when you want it so badly. I'm glad that you can come here and talk about it. I really do wish you the best.

fiddler
Lindsey
Fiddler and Beck,

Thanks girls. I know we will have a baby one day... We went to a basketball game dinner and a movie with some of our friends on Saturday night. We were taking at dinner and our friends told us they were expecting! I was happy for them but so upset because they were not even trying. They have only been married only a month and a half. I have been with my husband for 4 years (two and a half married) They were our only married friends who weren't pregnant. I just feel alone. I am frustrated. My sister (who has only been with her hubby for a little over a year) is having a baby in January. I swear that people are just popping up pregnant. I now feel like just giving up. Sorry to vent and cry about everyone being pregnant.
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