Sep 11 2006, 10:39 PM
My boyfriend and I have been dating for just about 5 years. For the past 2 years I have been not so suttaly mentioning that we should move in together. We have actually gotten in arguments about it, because he's "not ready for that kind of committment". My lease is up in 2 months... so last month I brought it up again (this time I kinda made it an ultimadum). I figure that if we've been together for 5 years, it's time to take it to the next step, or move on.
This time when I mentioned it, he said he would think about it. Tonight, when I brought it up again... he said that the thinks that he'd ready to make that move... except that he feels that I'm "too out of shape". If I would "take better care of my body" he'd be more apt to move in together.
OK... I know I'm fat (I wear a size 16), and when we had started dating (5 years ago), I was a size 10. For the past 6 months I have tried different diets, and nothing is working. I've started working out 5 days a week, and he knows that I'm trying.
I just feel that if he truly did love me... it shouldn't matter that I'm overweight. I guess I know what I need to do, I just need some encouragement to do it.
Sep 12 2006, 07:18 AM
cubbi - welcome to BUST!! *hands cubbi a mimosa*
Just so you know, we're a self moderated board here, so we try to keep the board as pared down as possible to eliminate duplicate discussion topics. When you want to start a new thread, please hop on into the Community Forum in "Ladies who Lounge," and propose your topic, to gauge interest before starting. And while you're over there, introduce yourselves in the Newbies thread...I expect there's butter tarts just waiting to be passed out over there to welcome you!
A couple places you might find some interest in your topic: Our Bodies our Hells: Becoming healthy (or, "When did my bottom get so big?"), as well as in "Mating Game" - the Committed thread, Idiotic things dates have said....there's alot of overlapping themes in your post, so look around. Oh, and I'd highly recommend checking out the "Friends & Family" thread, "Write a letter...one you'll never send." Sometimes, I find a good letter to the person who's upsetting me is just the thing to help me let go.
Thirdly, what's most important is that you feel good about yourself, regardless of what your BF thinks or says. If you want to work out and be healthier for YOU, then go for it. If the only motivation is shame, guilt, and coercion from your partner, I'd seriously take stock of how the relationship is fulfilling my desires and either work on communicating what I need from my partner, or consider whether this really is the relationship I want.
Good Luck, and welcome to BUST!
*hands cubbi a butter tart*
Sep 12 2006, 01:47 PM
Welcome Cubbi! I just wanted to echo everything that turbojenn just said -- going to the older threads will also make sure that more people see you (sometimes shorter threads get ignored by Busties without a lot of time). Anyway, I also agree that you should feel good about yourself (obviously easier said than done) and while it's good for partners to be honest with each other, trying to manipulate you into changing your body by holding out in a different area of the relationship (i.e. moving in together) seems unfair.
Sep 13 2006, 05:18 PM
Yes, I agree with others that this will probably get more of a response if you ask in pre-existing threads.
In the meantime....it sounds like an excuse to me, given your boyfriend's history as being a bit commitment-phobic about moving in.
I don't know the details, but from what you've posted, if it were me - and I'm no skinny-minnie either - I would probably leave the relationship. Even if it's NOT a fear of commitment issue on his part, what he's doing is trying to control you by picking on what he KNOWS is your weak spot emotionally - your size - and that's just not right. He has knowingly compromised your self-worth. Who wants to be with a guy like that?
By the way, a size 16 does fall within the "normal" range of body-sizes, IMHO. We are not all meant to be thin and wasp-waisted. When you love your body for what it is right now, and try to make the best of that, someone else will see that and also love you for exactly who you are, fat or thin. I'm not saying don't try to lose the weight or get healthier (and yes, you can be healthy and fit and still be fat) if that's what you really want to do, but don't let anyone tie their "love" of you to your body size, because that's not love.
Sep 13 2006, 05:56 PM
(i d k, in the past this thread was hott... then again, i'm a habitual lurker and wouldn't have much more to contribute than DTMFA...)
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