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Muffy
In praise of singledom: I started going back to yoga classes. My yoga instructor talked about 'acceptence' meaning accepting the you that you are now. so I'm trying to do that. Also, I cut my hair (about 4 inches or so). Its alot shorter than it was... and no significant other is going to say why the hell did you do that for? I once dyed my hair and my gf at the time, didn't like it and kept asking when I was going to dye it back to my natural color.
hcbeck
Not sure which forum should go in, but here goes. It's from a prolific British blogger:

Single: You get the whole duvet to yourself.
Coupled: You don't need a hot water bottle.

Single: There's half as much ironing to do.
Coupled: There's twice as much ironing to do but somebody else might do it.

Single: You can hoover the carpet when you think it needs doing.
Coupled: Somebody else hoovers the carpet before you think it needs doing.

Single: Nobody ever tells you that the kitchen must be repainted and the bathroom must be retiled.
Coupled: Two people can repaint the kitchen or retile the bathroom far more quickly than one.

Single: You never have to waste a Saturday doing what somebody else wants.
Coupled: You never sit around on a Saturday wondering what the hell to do.

Single: You can play your music collection really loud, even the track that nobody else likes.
Coupled: Your music collection is twice the size.

Single: You can watch whatever TV channel you like, without arguments.
Coupled: There's someone else on the sofa to snuggle up to.

Single: Nobody complains when you burp, belch or fart.
Coupled: Somebody points out when you have ketchup on your chin.

Single: You don't have to put up with somebody else's niggly annoying habits.
Coupled: Somebody else puts up with your niggly annoying habits.

Single: You never come home to a blazing row.
Coupled: You sometimes come home to a cooked meal.

Single: You get to eat the whole ready meal for two yourself.
Coupled: It takes just as long to cook for two as it does for one.

Single: You can spend all your money on yourself.
Coupled: There are two salaries coming in and only one set of bills.

Single: You can walk away from a flatshare, any time.
Coupled: You can afford a mortgage, together.

Single: There are no important birthdays or anniversaries to accidentally forget.
Coupled: Somebody actually remembers your birthday.

Single: You never have to buy useless presents for your partner, just for the sake of it.
Coupled: Somebody buys you presents occasionally, and it's the thought that counts.

Single: You're allowed to flirt with people in the street.
Coupled: You don't need to flirt with people in the street.

Single: You like the idea of being coupled.
Coupled: You like the idea of being single.

Single: You can still have a riotous social life in your 30s.
Coupled: You can still have a riotous social life in your 60s.

Single: You can always get a double seat to yourself on public transport.
Coupled: You can never find a double seat because they're all being hogged by single people.

Single: You have no friends to go out with because they've all partnered off and are staying in.
Coupled: You don't have to go out with those annoying friends you had while you were single.

Single: You don't catch every sniffle, cold and flu bug off your partner.
Coupled: When you suffer a major cardiac arrest, somebody actually notices and dials 999.

Single: You never get left all alone and desolate because your life partner's just passed away.
Coupled: When you get old and infirm, you don't end up in a care home because there's nobody to look after you.

Single: If you meet the partner of your dreams, it's not too late to marry them.
Coupled: Nobody ever meets the partner of their dreams, so better to get married before it's too late.

Single: Being coupled is restrictive, stifling and a sign of personal weakness.
Coupled: Being single is unnatural, lonely and a sign of personal failure.

Single: You can have sex with anyone you like.
Coupled: You can have sex whenever you like.

Single: You can lie in bed in the morning for as long as you like.
Coupled: There's a very good reason for lying in bed in the morning.

Single: Nobody sees what you look like first thing in the morning.
Coupled: Somebody loves you despite what they see first thing in the morning.

Single: The bathroom is always free.
Coupled: The bedroom is always full.
hcbeck
From Charlie on the Guardian website:

QUOTE
Do you want to die alone? Of course not. But you will. Ha! In your face!

Yes, no matter how happily married you are or how huge your harem is, ultimately, at the precise moment of shutdown, no one else is shooting through that tunnel of light beside you. You're on your lonesome, into infinity. Unless, perhaps, you're a Siamese twin. I'm not sure what happens to you then but chances are there's no relief from your conjoined torment, even in death. There you'll be, sipping cocktails with Einstein and Monroe in the afterlife, still joined at the waist and chest to Blinky Bo-Bo, your drooling, underdeveloped sidekick. Nightmare.

But I digress. Back to dying alone, which scares people so much they resort to desperate means to avoid it, like getting married. They actually look at someone and think "Yeah, out of all the people in all the world, I'll spend the rest of my life with you. Each morning for the next 50-odd years I'll see your face, and your arse, and that weird bumpy little mole on your lower back. That'll greet my eyes every single day. And I'll hear your voice; hear it talking about what you'd like for lunch, or who's annoying you at work, or arguing with me about towels. I'll go to the supermarket with you, week in, week out, staring at the side of your head as item after item goes through the scanner. Beep, beep, beep, beep. What did you get that for? We've got loads of those in the cupboard. Never mind. You're my life partner. From here to eternity. And we're stuffing these carrier bags together. Woo-hoo. Yee-hah. Beep. Beep. Beep."
candycane_girl
Those are some interesting posts hcbeck. What is the name of that blogger? At least he/she sees the ups and downs of being single or coupled.

Even though I sometimes enjoy falling asleep in a man's arms, lately I really enjoy being able to have the whole bed to myself.
hcbeck
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Nov 19 2007, 03:10 PM) *
Those are some interesting posts hcbeck. What is the name of that blogger? At least he/she sees the ups and downs of being single or coupled.


He is a Londoner who mainly writes about London named Diamond Geezer (cockney slang for 'good man'). There aren't too many posts about relationships. He's been single for many years, that list was from a post on November 3.

He did a very interesting post on the day he was testing is new phone on the tube. Start here and read upwards. He starts off with single line, once you read that, go to the previous paragraph (like Bust forums).
stargazer
this thread needs to be resurrected.

great moment in being single today: sitting in the airport, having a quasi-italian lunch with some merlot by myself. in fact, i just love traveling by myself. i love the freedom and independence.
lux
great to be single: when you can spend your holidays by yourself, and you don't have to be polite and nice to other people's parents (and not even to your own)!
yay for traveling by yourself

erinjane
stargazer, I also love traveling by myself. When I went to Toronto last year and stayed in a hostel I had a great time. I also had the freedom to meet tons of new people and be flirty if I chose too. tongue.gif
_octinoxate
i need to enjoy this thread right now, because i just got out of a dating relationship and have a tendency to get talked back into seeing the ex! (he and I are having a chat tomorrow.) so here goes:

i really like the fact that i got to go to a rad new year's party last night SINGLE and dance with and flirt with anyone I wanted, any WAY i wanted. And not have to feel guilty or closed off or any of that. On a related note, I also get to strategize about how to best seduce my banker and/or explore dating chicks. tongue.gif

i also have been enjoying spending time only with MY friends and not a partner's friends (who are nowhere near as fun smile.gif )
stargazer
i was thinking about being single. and i love the freedom that comes with it. it feels pretty empowering to make choices and feel the energy to go in any direction. totally cool. i feel i am embracing all the good things i like about me. which sounds corny, but i feel i'll be less likely to have the expectation for whoever my next partner is to make me feel that way. make sense?
_octinoxate
perfect sense, star. i feel like so much of who we are can be determined by who we are *to other people*. it's nice to get away from that a bit.

(ten points for me, for not getting back with the guy i broke things off with. i feel like i'm out of that danger zone now... as long as i get laid sometime soon! wink.gif )
EllaMinnowPea
Good for you, Octinoxate. It was probably Sex and the City that said, there isn't a "Congratulations, you didn't end up with the wrong guy!" Hallmark card.
erinjane
Just got into a new relationship with a guy, and I really like him, but I'm soooo looking forward to having the whole day and night to myself tomorrow. I think I'll probably turn my cell off after 5PM and just relax in my own thoughts. I've been single for so long, it's hard to ease back into a relationship.
mollychan
not ready to praise anything yet, but guess i can officially join this thread. just got dumped last night, completely unexpected and crushing. crap.

but... at least i have all this free time to do laundry now? or something.
stargazer
well, you don't have to be dumped to join this thread. you could still identify with being single and dating someone. like me. there is a certain amount of joy that comes with doing some things independently. it is just a space to appreciate it here.
mollychan
oooh sorry if i killed the mood. i just had to vent somewhere and was trying too hard to look at the positive side of the situation... a bit too soon. i'll be back when i'm in a better frame of mind.
erinjane
I just started dating someone and I still hang out in this thread.

I miss having time to myself and luckily the new boy has been very understanding when I told him there will be times where I won't want to see him for a few days, or when I don't feel like texting or talking on the phone. I know if he wasn't so cool about it I would have already freaked out and ended things just as they started.

Tonight and tomorrow I'm once again looking forward to time to myself and sleeping in my own big comfortable bed.
stargazer
i'm going to a superbowl party tonight. but, part of me just wants to lay in bed and watch the L word. i really do like my alone time. and alone time with some hawt lesbians is the best.
girltrouble
bump cos this was an awesome thread
Moonpieluv
I tell ya one thing.. I miss being able to come and go as I please, be it out on a walk..out to a local pub alone..etc. without having someone potentially trying to get all weird about it.

I've got cabin fever and feel like just walkin on up to the local pub right now just to get out of the house for a few hours, but will probably get shit for going to a pub, as a woman, alone. sigh.

fuck it... i'm going.

and I definitely miss my bed. it's so much more comfortable than his.
erinjane
moon, I always want to go down to the pub, drink a beer, and listen to tunes by myself but i never have the courage. Man, I can't wait for my best friend to get home on Sunday so I have someone to go out with regularly again.

I know the name of the thread is "taking up the whole damn bed" but man, lately I just love draping myself all over my pillows and comfy duvet and bed. My bed is mostly red and I just feel sexy laying all naked in it, for some reason, especially when I'm all alone. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm in a relationship again because I love taking up the whole damn bed. (hah, i just scrolled down to my post in january and saw that I missed sleeping in my own bed alone).

I've been telling everyone right now that I'm going through my selfish phase. I think it's really given me a new found respect for myself. When I was 16 and dying to meet a nice boy so I could go on my first date I never imagined I would be so happy being single.
thirtiesgirl
Singledom rocks. After sleeping in a dinky twin bed until I was in my mid-20s, and then sharing a queen sized bed (which I bought) with a live-in b/f for several years (we were *not* going to sleep in his dinky twin bed which he'd had since high school), it took me another long time to get used to sleeping in the queen by myself. Years, in fact. But now I'm quite used to it, quite happy with it, and a major spreader. I love to loll, fling my arms & legs about and just let them go where they will without smacking anyone else in the head, arms or other precious body parts. I'm also not a big bed maker, either, so I prefer to do it without sheets. Just a contour sheet and blanket do it for me. Easy in, easy out.
stargazer
so, yesterday in my journal, i decided to choose being single for right now. i feel i have to embrace being single now and not as a defect about me as a woman.
futura
After a long relationship we decided it was best to call it quits. I now see all the things that held me (and him probably as well) down (that post from that british blogger on the other page; the one that says-single:'advantage' and then-couple:'advantage'in my relationship it was soo not like that). My ex is a really nice guy (we're friends now-no sex,no sirree!) and i still love him in some way, but he's also very difficult. So i'm enjoying keeping my house clean exactly as i want it, you know, the small stuff.

I also discovered that guys really like me. I have never been single before, as i had my first bf on my 14th. After 8 years i rolled into my previous relationship. Never really looked at other guys as i was so busy with work, and all the stuff you think is important when you're not living life to the fullest.

But here i am, single, sleeping around, never thought i'd get to that, as i was comitted for so long!

Word on travelling alone. Instead of focusing on whoever's coming with you, you're more open to the environment, possibly new encounters. The independence and freedom makes it worthwile.

I also like to go to bars alone. Sometimes i see people on their own at a bar, or gathering and they start checking their cellphone, texting. They're so uncomfortable being alone among people, they have to act busy, like they're about to meet someone, like it's a crime to be somewhere on your own.

erinjane
futura, I agree with pretty much everything you said. I don't go out much alone in my city because I'm usually too busy, but I love going on vacation by myself and hitting a bar alone or going out for meals alone. I think it makes other people uncomfortable sometimes though. tongue.gif
futura
Erinjane, i have a friend who claims he's totally comfortable by eating out alone. He brings a book with him.

When i was visiting my parents they said they remembered me saying i was wondering if i could do it alone. You know, like life, being on your own, operating like this little unit in this world. I didn't even remember, but i was glad they brought it back because now i know I can do it.
culturehandy
bumpity
stargazer
QUOTE(stargazer @ Sep 19 2008, 02:55 PM) *
so, yesterday in my journal, i decided to choose being single for right now. i feel i have to embrace being single now and not as a defect about me as a woman.


Talk about ego. I'm quoting myself. Ha! Actually this statement is part of my resolution for 2009. I'm being single and not dating this year. I've made alot of poor choices out of fear of being alone and experiencing my own loneliness. 2009 is all about the whole cleansing, purification of the crap I've put myself through the past 5 years.


Here's to me!
anna k
To stargazer! smile.gif
Persiflager
Word. Here's to an awesome year for Stargazer!

*raises champagne glass*

I love this thread - the times I've felt happiest, most confident and have grown the most as a person have all been when I was single, which makes me more and more cautious about entering into relationships. Hurrah for space and independence!
humanist77
ahhhh just got my new, full mattress and frame set up yesterday and had a lovely, undisturbed night of sleep. No blanket hogging, no one crawling into bed 3 hours after I've gotten in, and no one begging me for sex (trust me, none of these were good things).
stargazer
I can't believe I missed these alternatives to celebrating V-day! Damn. Guess, I will need to remember these alternatives next year.
flanker_ji
After spending time with a couple of friends tonight, I came home so cheery, despite a lot of depressing talk about the deteriorating relationship of one (she needs to put this thing out of its misery for sho) and the bickering between the hostess and her husband.

Why? I am SO GRATEFUL I've taken the time I needed to know myself and be confident in my choices!!
period_monster
In addition to taking up the whole damn bed, which I do really enjoy, here are a few other things my recently single self is loving:

*Using fabric softener again--e-man had terribly sensitive skin
*leaving my dirty clothes on the bathroom floor for a few hours if I feel like it
*eating whatever I want without judgment--okay so I'm not really eating much more than dry toast yet, but I know this one is coming
*going out with friends as much as I want without worrying about group dynamics, or ignoring anyone
*getting a new kitty without someone saying, "do you really have enough space for another cat?" --It's a 2 bedrrom apartment with one human, yes there has always been enough space
*being just as anal as I want to be in the bathroom--no one stepping out of the shower before drying off and therefore leaving huge puddles on the floor that went unnoticed by him
*Hanging with my girls and doing girly things
*My bestie showing up with ginger ale and flowers to cheer me up
*Super intense, first post-breakup masturbation session last night, came so hard again and again, letting my fantasies take over and he never showed up in the cast of characters

Gotta say, I am loving this.
anna k
You sound like you're doing much better, period_monster, and really enjoying your singleness and being with your friends. I'm really happy that you're feeling so good. smile.gif
futura
((Period)), this sounds good.

Cod, i hated the wet puddles my ex left al over the floor when coming out of the bathroom.

I got some too:
Phoning and texting gf's and sis right after a date right after the guy left.

-Eating the same thing for dinner 3 nights in a row if i feel like it.
-Working out extensively in my living room and no one acts all disturbed
-Going to bed early/ taking naps and not feeling guilty about it/ no one to bitch about it (my ex is a night person, i am a morning person. In the end, it was almost like we were living in shifts)
-Watching girly shows like The Hills, The City, Lipstick Jungle. Watching crap shows like The hills, The City, real life bullshit shows.
-Not drinking as much as i used to with the ex. He's so extreme and it was hard to set boundaries living with him
-Cleaning up after myself in the kitchen, it's as clean as i want it to be
-Re-discovering the things i like to do, however stupid, unnecessary or inane, without anyone judging me

My friends tell me i have changed for the better since i'm single. Yay for me!
stargazer
Yeah for people posting in here again!

Reading the lists makes me think of the SaTC episode where Carrie was afraid of moving in with, I think Aidan, 'cause she was afraid of losing her MSSB (My Secret Single Behavior). laugh.gif

I'm glad perido_monster and future that you are embracing your singledom!
candycane_girl
omg, I looooove that episode of SATC! I think I'd be embarrassed to tweeze my eyebrows or um...use Nair for my face if cc_boy and I lived together. Also, I am a gassy person. I can't help it, any little thing sets me off.

And here here to watching The Hills! Thank cod I live alone.
period_monster
buying a new bed with no history. It will be delivered tomorrow morning, and I cannot wait to sleep diagonally Friday night!
futura
Yay for Period!

When i moved i got a new decent bed and an awesome matress. One of my friends visited me earlier this week and she marvelled at the quality of my matress.
She also helped me move my furniture around, so now my apartment looks like a totally sleek bachelorette pad (she even came up with vintage stuff at a second hand store, which would cost big bucks on the internet). When i was still livinig with my ex he did all the redecorating and stuff. I just let him, but it feels good to take back the reign, even when it's about something as simple as moving some stuff into a different corner.
rogue
period and futura, seriously all of the things that you noted that you can now enjoy being single again are all on my list! Especially the puddles on the bathroom floor! Seriously! I always hang my towel over the shower door (because the towel bar was too far from the shower) to make sure I can towel off before I get out of the shower to avoid leaving puddles all over the floor. Ex never did and I can't even tell you how many times I walked into our bathroom and went flying. So aggravating!

Also, last night when sleeping in my bed I realized that I was pretty much bent in half at the waist with my feet pressed against the wall because no one was there to prevent it and it felt amazing. I need to have bedspace! I love the name of this thread just because of that fact.

There really is something to be said about singledom, even though I completely understand the benefits of being in a relationship too. This is the first time I've been single in quite a while (I've pretty much had back-to-back relationships since 2005!) so I think it's going to be a loooong time before I co-habitate (or even date!) again.
squirrelgirl88
One thing I love about singledom and living on my own: getting to decorate my apartment. I change things about once a month just because I can. I collect postcards from every place I visit so I have an entire wall devoted to them. My room is where I work, write and think so I love that it's all mine.
rogue
I completely agree, squirrelgirl! I just moved into my own place this past weekend and all the art I have up is my own and exactly where I want it and it's awesome. I love your idea about the postcards; that is really cool. It's great to have a space that is inherently yours.

Singledom is definitely not all bad - I am loving it.
AbleDanger
Newly single and loving it!

My list includes:

Sleeping in the middle of the bed
Going to bed whenever I want and NOT getting woken up in the middle of the night
Not having someone paw at me all the time
Having great 'best way to get over someone is to get under someone else' sex
Eating cookie dough for dinner
Listening to music of my choice
Figuring out what I like again because I let so much of it go

mumblestutter
figuring out what i like again! that IS a good one. I'm trying to return to the things i like now.

my x had expressed disinterest & drew me away from many of the things i care about when we were together. then very activly took on many of the same interests when we split! i felt intimidated & spent a lot of time away from things for fear of running into him.

now, i'm feeling like i want to make things happen smile.gif. I'm ready to get out & do!
AbleDanger
Congratulations on getting out there, it's glorious! I can't believe how much I stopped doing because of my ex. Actually, I can't believe how much I let go of my political beliefs. It's really depressing, though I've been having this brilliant flirtation with a very open, politically aware man and it's healing just remembering what it's like to be able to talk freely without fear that I am going to be judged because gosh darnit, I believe I have the right to decide what happens with my body!!! And I'm a feminist!!! Crazy! I have no idea how I could give up so much of myself but I've decided not to do it again.
rogue
I find it relieving to hear that I'm not the only person who has stopped doing things that she loved because of an ex. I definitely stopped doing pretty much everything I liked to do but that's mostly because I really let Ex control me, which is something I never should have done. The good thing is - I have learned my lesson for the future!

My list of things I LOVE now that I am single include:

- Singing my favourite songs at the top of my lungs no whenever I want.
- Listening to the music I like without my headphones on (seriously, I was never allowed to do this).
- Actually "taking up the whole damn bed" - I sleep a lot better!
- The fact that I don't need to buy two packages of toilet paper a week - honestly, I have never seen someone go through toilet paper like he did. He would use 16 double rolls in a week! I've used only two in the past two weeks! So frustrating and such a waste.
- Eating when I want to without being bitched at to cook dinner.
- Doing what I want, when I want, how I want. Ultimate freedom.

It's weird but the only way I can describe this feeling is to compare it to being high. I feel sooooo good. This has definitely been the right choice.

Oh & mumblestutter - my ex is doing the same thing! He NEVER would do anything I liked to do - dance, go out to a bar with friends, anything like that - and now that's all he's doing and with really slutty girls, no less, posting all kinds of pics on his Facebook to make me feel bad. Little does he know - I honestly couldn't care less. They can have him.
rogue
This is going to sound ridiculous but probably the BEST thing about my newfound (not-so-newfound? It's been two months already!) singledom is that I can once again have lemon products in my house.

Not that Ex was alergic to lemons or anything, he just hated the smell/taste/etc of them so much that I wasn't allowed to buy anything with lemon in it. No lemon cleaners, no lemon tea, and no lemon pie. Nada.

So I've been going a little overboard since I love the scent and taste of lemons so much. Just a little something I really appreciate. =)
vibrator
Sometimes being single can be great, but you hope at some point you can find someone special to share your life with, preferably someone that doesn't annoy you.
epinephrine
It's taken me a long time to feel up to writing this list. Let's see how far I get.

Since my breakup, I have been able to enjoy:

- Reading! I never read when I was attatched. I always wanted to spend my down time doing coupley stuff. Now I'm reading a book almost every week, finally starting to make a dent in that enormous "to read" list.

- Watching whatever artsy, boring, foreign, highbrow or lowbrow movie I damn well want. No more agonizing 45-minute trips to the video store, arguing and negotiating over every bloody movie. Making a dent in the "to watch" list, too.

- Wearing lipstick every day. Lipstick is a pain in the ass when you're getting kisses. If I can't have kisses, at least I can have sexy blood-red movie star lips.

- Not having to worry about all the problems that occur in my oversensitive girly bits when I'm having regular sex.

- Way less dishes and cleaning. She told me I was the messy one; how come I spend half as much time cleaning now?

- Decorating however I want! Cranberry bedroom! Bali Bamboo hallway! Plum Escape living room! Retro 1950's kitchen! Mirrors, candles, saris, pinups, and art nouveau! Yeeeah!

- Not having to listen to endless talk about the restaurant industry. Gave me nightmares, as well as a bloody headache.

...I know there's more, but that's all that comes to mind at the moment without digressing into bitter memories.

Yay!
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