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kickitkickitkickit
My boyfriend is allowing his friend to stay here with us because he has nowhere else to go. I've had enough of this grown man literally living off of us. I wonder if I can have him deported. He is living in this country legally because he is married to some woman who he doesn't even talk to anymore and he supposedly has a daughter with another woman here. He cannot work legally in this country and that is why he is a mooch. He claims he's staying because he wants to see his daughter but I just don't see that happening. He's just a miserable twit that seems like all he wants to do is make everyone else miserable too. On Monday, things escalated and I told him to leave. He started packing his things and a long story short he is still here now. He called his own mother who refused to have him back in Canada and his sister (who he has been feuding with) told him he was not welcomed at her home. Thats pretty awful when your own mother refuses to have you stay with her! I don't know how to deal with this at this point.

My friend (boyfriend) keeps looking out for this guy and it's really putting a strain on our relationship. We have not had sex in weeks and I really ready to move out and leave them both together. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
raisingirl
It's a good idea to check in at the Community Forum before starting up a new thread. We don't operate like most message boards where new threads are started all the time. We usually add on to existing threads unless the creation of a new thread is warranted.
pollystyrene
And on the magical 11th post- what a coincidence. Try posting this in the General Relationship Advice thread.
kickitkickitkickit
QUOTE(raisingirl @ Jan 18 2007, 09:20 PM) *

It's a good idea to check in at the Community Forum before starting up a new thread. We don't operate like most message boards where new threads are started all the time. We usually add on to existing threads unless the creation of a new thread is warranted.



QUOTE(pollystyrene @ Jan 18 2007, 09:22 PM) *

And on the magical 11th post- what a coincidence. Try posting this in the General Relationship Advice thread.


Just what I had expected. Smart ass responses and not one that can actually help me. Is this not in the right forum "Friends and Family" ? It seems like to me this is as this topic applies to my boyfriend, his friend, and I. I did a search for similiar topics and did not come up with anything. Congrats for jumping all over me and making me feel welcomed at this board. dry.gif If this is in the wrong place, by all means tell a mod but don't give me shit and continue to bump it up because you feel the need to bitch at someone.
lucizoe
Wow - dial that back a bit. You were unaware of one of the quirks of the board, namely that the threads under the general topic names are waaaay more comprehensive than they may seem without taking some time to read them. No one ever starts a thread devoted entirely to their own problem; rather, you post it under the most cogent thread, in this case, General Relationships/Dating in The Mating Game forum, or even "I have a bone to pick with you...", under Friends and Family, which is a place to discuss problems with friends, or even The Roommate Thread.

There are no mods, incidentally, which is why members jumped on you. People around here can be a bit tetchy about newbies not reading around more, posting some vague non-sequiturs in order to get their post count up high enough to start new threads...and then throw a big girl fit when things don't go exactly their way. If you didn't expect anyone to post helpful advice, then why on earth start a new thread at all?

And kick that person out. Boo hoo he wants to be near his kids. Guy needs to man-up.

eta - heh. total crosspost with bustygirl.
bustygirl
Raisin was perfectly helpful in letting you know. Pollystyrene was a touch more sarcastic, but that's how a lot of us are here. Before you wreck your stay by becoming defensive, you might want to consider why new threads that fit in existing topics are prohibited.

Back in the old days, there were literally TONS of threads, and many were specific to a narrow topic covered perfectly well under more general threads. And yes, most were started by newbies who hadn't looked around enough to realize their boyfriend problem/roommate problem/hairdo problem/self-promotion opportunity could go elsewhere. So the board was a mess, hard to navigate, and irritating.

Then, of course, there were all the tr*lls who came here and started threads simply to rant about how much they loved jeezus and how all women with an IQ over 40 were going to hell, or Branson, or something.

Now that we've gotten the weeds cut down, busties keep it that way by pointing newbies in the right direction if they don't read the newbie threads and post extra threads anyway. We are a self-moderated board; telling a 'mod' isn't the way it's done here. I'm not going to harp too much on you and say that a little info gathering wouldn't have yielded this information on your own, because we've all been new, and we've all had to learn how this community works.

But one way to be sure that it doesn't work for you is biting the hands that feed. Feel free to take this advice as it stands. Lashing out will only make things more difficult.
kickitkickitkickit
QUOTE(lucizoe @ Jan 19 2007, 09:42 AM) *

Wow - dial that back a bit. You were unaware of one of the quirks of the board, namely that the threads under the general topic names are waaaay more comprehensive than they may seem without taking some time to read them. No one ever starts a thread devoted entirely to their own problem; rather, you post it under the most cogent thread, in this case, General Relationships/Dating in The Mating Game forum, or even "I have a bone to pick with you...", under Friends and Family, which is a place to discuss problems with friends, or even The Roommate Thread.
If you didn't expect anyone to post helpful advice, then why on earth start a new thread at all?


I shouldn't have. I don't even know why I am here. Maybe I should leave already. This board is a waste of my time.
girlygirlgag
Don't let the door hit ya where te good lord split ya.
pollystyrene
QUOTE(bustygirl @ Jan 19 2007, 08:43 AM) *

Pollystyrene was a touch more sarcastic, but that's how a lot of us are here.


You say that like it's a bad thing laugh.gif

Seriously, starting new threads is only somewhat annoying; posting random posts in other threads so you can start the new thread, then throwing a hissy fit when people call you on it- very annoying.
tesao
is anyone else as amused as i am by the title of this thread and the ramifications thereof due to the subsequent flounce of the originator? (at least a temporary flounce?)

polly: WORD.
pepper
i thought that was a bit hillarious too tes.

i haven't lost my temper or anything, i'm just short on patience for those who can't be bothered to learn how things work and then have hissy fits when they're told. take it elsewhere whiner.
mouse
i think bustygirl is smart.

i wrote a little about this continuing problem in the "problems with the website" thread if anyone else wants to weigh in there.
bunnyb
I also ignored this thread and posted a public service announcement in the newbie thread (with mornington backing me up and posting some fab advice tes gave a while back).

personally, I think the post limit should be extended; to be fair, how often are new threads started and, when they are, they are usually with the back up of other BUSTies so one of us could start it, on the newbies' behalf? I'm thinking 50 posts, even 100, as it would prevent this crap.
pepper
well, that might work. anyone would get frustruated enough to go somewhere and ASK why they couldn't start a new one, if they hadn't figured it out by then. but, you remember the friendly intro message that was on the old site? the one that said go to here for this, go here for that, etc with links. if that could be included in the intro message, a bit about checking before starting new threads, that would be perfect. really, a member with limited clean up, edit (thread title spell check anyone!) and delete power would be ideal. i know there would be a few volunteers.
bunnyb
maude yeah, I'd volunteer!

The old welcome message worked sometimes but on many occasion newbies didn't read it/ignored it.
pepper
if it was part of the member registration though, along with the 10 (or more) post restriction i think it would work a bit better than before. i mean, there are hardly any troll attacks now at all. someone has to have a LOT of drive to post the 10 posts first. 50 would be better, no one's that patient.
i notice that profile hasn't been deleted.
doodlebug
wub.gif bustygirl wub.gif

QUOTE(kickitkickitkickit @ Jan 19 2007, 06:49 AM) *

I shouldn't have. I don't even know why I am here. Maybe I should leave already. This board is a waste of my time.


Seriously, kickit, you don't have to play it this way. The Lounge is a fabulous place full of fabulous women and men. It's a real community, not a spammer's free-for-all or a place of exclusive self-involvement. If you can't deal with that, then yeah, go. If you can, and you choose to make an effort to become part of the community, then you will find yourself welcomed with open arms.
mandolyn
i thought this thread was for busties who we wish would leave, and i'm like, whoa, who had the balls to post that?! (i bet more than one of youze remember that long ago post in the sin bin: "i hate a bustie." which cracked.my.ass.up.good, even tho i was paranoid they were talking about me.) laugh.gif

i do wish there was less pouncing. and even less nasty pouncing/snarky "not one of us" asides. don't mean to sound holier-than-thou, but when someone irritates the shit out of me, turning off the computer & walking away works wonders.

on the flip side, i just barrelled in when i was a newbie, i don't think i introduced myself anywhere for weeks afterward. i'm sure that wasn't my only faux pas, and i'm as hypersensitive as they come. then again, several beloved old skoolers - god love 'em - were nice to me, so that was my incentive for staying.

i think intuitive people 'get' that this place is unique pretty quickly.
bunnyb
oooh, could we recycle this thread as "leave already [insert BUSTie name here]?" pretty please?

I'm only half-joking so for that I'm off to self-flagellate.

Mando, I thought it too! Although I think it would be who had the ovaries to do that? wink.gif
mandolyn
see now, bunny? your use of "ovaries" over my "balls" must mean you're a far far superior feminist than i!

i see your snark, and raise you a passive-agressive sarcasm. tongue.gif
bunnyb
of course I'm a super-duper feminist and way better than you, I CHOOSE to speak my mind and fuck what anyone else thinks! tongue.gif (to hell with being the "peacemaker", that's way too housewifey for me.)
roseviolet
And how is being a "peacemaker" equated with being "housewifey", Bunny? Was Ghandi a housewife? Was Martin Luther King Jr. a housewife? And what's wrong with being a housewife, anyway?

[Note: These questions have been asked by a peace-making housewife. But that is soooooo beside the point! tongue.gif ]
bunnyb
who knows what goes on behind the kitchen door?

[and nothing is wrong with being a housewife but the stereotypical "that is so unfeminist of you to stay at home", hence why I used it to mock. I could easily be a housewife and that's my choice wink.gif; being the peacemaker I can do too but it's exhausting]
kickitkickitkickit
Edit:

Sorry I was rude. I've moved on from this and hopefully the rest of you can now too.
greenbean
Heee!
I don't know if the Bust boards ever had so much going on at one time! How will I ever get off my ass and go out tonight?
pollystyrene
"I'm blocking you because you have proven yourself to be a nasty bitch. tongue.gif "

Honey, if you can't handle a little sarcastic comment, life's gonna be hard for you.

And if you're not here for the attention, why PM me to tell me you're blocking me?
culturehandy
indeed. I made a comment about that in the troll-y thread.
lucizoe
Awww, polly! Not fair! I want one!

*poke poke poke*
pepper
mmm, and i'm sure you'll be very welcome here too. proving that you Aren't a troll by pm-ing people that they Are fucking cunts is always a great way to intergrate yourself into a community of people.
bunnyb
Oh just leave already? So far you have been a negative presence and you are not making a valid contribution; I think you're reading the title of a thread then randomly posting instead of reading previous posts and getting a feel for that thread and what is actually being discussed. If you are intent on staying then have a look at tips about how to post -amongst other lounge etiquette- in the newbies thread.
tesao
if it hasn't occured to anyone else, we are all doing exactly what the classic "troll" definition would want: there has been division amongst ourselves, lots of bickering and name-calling, unfriendliness, and loads of negative attention being heaped onto the provoker.

i think that this person got exactly what they wanted, and what they set out to. i could be wrong, i often am. but it warrants thought.


sybarite
I have to agree with tesao, and mando as well:

'I do wish there was less pouncing. and even less nasty pouncing/snarky "not one of us" asides. don't mean to sound holier-than-thou, but when someone irritates the shit out of me, turning off the computer & walking away works wonders.'

Tr**ls are annoying, as is ignorant behaviour in general. But equally annoying to me is the time and energy spent bitching about them, their posts, their breaches in a board etiquette which fluctuates in definition.

I'm glad people are committed to keeping BUST a safe as well as expressive space. I just don't think all this policing is necessary. We all know how to avoid ignorance IRL so surely we're able to do so here.
bustygirl
I heart Doodle, too.
kickitkickitkickit
I'm not a troll and I've already apologized once so why is this still an issue? What other concerns do you have about me? By all means, I won't bite your head off. Send me a pm and we can discuss any and all issues you have with me further. Lets be adults about this. If you have legitimate concerns, by all means bring them to my attention.

"Oh just leave already?"

If I left, would that resolve anything? I happen to like this board and some of you are very nice and intelligent women that I'm learning so much from. I'd prefer to stay.

"So far you have been a negative presence and you are not making a valid contribution"

Fair enough. How do you suggest that I make valid contributions? I'm really not a negative person but theres been alot going on in my life lately. I know no one probably cares and I shouldn't make excuses but it is the truth. I'll try to be more cheerful here.

"I think you're reading the title of a thread then randomly posting instead of reading previous posts and getting a feel for that thread and what is actually being discussed"

There are some threads where there are replies from 2005! One those threads, I did skim through the most recent pages and posted a reply. I don't understand the issue here if their is a topic about something and my response is on topic or relevant. Plus I don't feel comfortable jumping in on conversations that seem to be going on between other boardies. I feel like that would be rude.

"If you are intent on staying then have a look at tips about how to post -amongst other lounge etiquette- in the newbies thread."

Will do. Going there right now.
girlygirlgag
Becuase I have yet to encounter another person as clueless as you are in board etiquette.

Talking about adoption in the pregnancy thread?

Get off (or back on) your high horse and get to steppin, you racist, ninny.
kickitkickitkickit
QUOTE(girlygirlgag @ Jan 21 2007, 10:10 AM) *

Becuase I have yet to encounter another person as clueless as you are in board etiquette.

Talking about adoption in the pregnancy thread?

Get off (or back on) your high horse and get to steppin, you racist, ninny.


Adoption and pregnancy are two connected things because it still indicates that one wants a child. I'm not racist, where are you getting this from? And would you stop the attacking? It's so juvenile. Like I said, I'll listen to real concerns but I won't put up with being attacked anymore.
girlygirlgag
Then leave.
bunnyb
If you're going to quote me could you please use the quote button?

If you have read the newbies thread (specifically mornington's post where she quotes tesao) you will now know how to make respectful, relevant, on-topic posts. Please do so.

Oh and "prove me to be one or concede"? that's infammatory.
girlygirlgag
QUOTE(sybarite @ Jan 21 2007, 02:12 PM) *

I have to agree with tesao, and mando as well:

'I do wish there was less pouncing. and even less nasty pouncing/snarky "not one of us" asides. don't mean to sound holier-than-thou, but when someone irritates the shit out of me, turning off the computer & walking away works wonders.'

Tr**ls are annoying, as is ignorant behaviour in general. But equally annoying to me is the time and energy spent bitching about them, their posts, their breaches in a board etiquette which fluctuates in definition.

I'm glad people are committed to keeping BUST a safe as well as expressive space. I just don't think all this policing is necessary. We all know how to avoid ignorance IRL so surely we're able to do so here.



I wait to see if said person is a troll. Sinfullysmitten, from the beginning did not come off like one to me, just someone who is new.

Kitkitkit did because when she was advised on proper board etiquette it turned into a shit storm.

Anyone who puts the definition of a troll on their sig-line is usually such.

But now, I have her on ignore and am ready to move on.
kickitkickitkickit
This is really petty now. Are we adults? Can we act civil? I don't care how nasty or rude anyone of you choose to be towards me, I'm not going anywhere and theres nothing you can do to make me leave. So I'd suggest using the ignore function. Thanks.
roseviolet
For heaven's sake, people, this is Day Four of this. Can you please just cut it out? If you don't like someone, confront the issue in PM or put the person on ignore. Honestly, do we need an entire thread dedicated just to tearing apart one person? How is this a positive contribution to the community?

Please. I beg of you. Let this thread die already.
pepper
this is reminding me of numbnuts (why do they ALL remind me of each other?). it's been a while but i'm surprised we all haven't learned our lesson yet. it's never gonna leave if we keep feeding it. ignore ignore ignore.
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