Feb 7 2007, 02:40 PM
I'm creating this thread because of all the flamewars that have been going on around here lately. I truly believe that if your are wrong you should put your pride aside and apologize. So let me start by saying sorry to Maddy for yesterday.
I feel I should apologize for:
(1) Getting involved in something that was not my business.
(2) Making it personal which it wasn't.
First, I have a bad habit of saying what's on my mind when sometimes (not all but some) I should just keep my opinion to myself.
Second, I can't remember exactly what I said and I'm not about to start coping and pasting quotes from other threads to this one. I know I said things that hurt you personally and I'm sorry for that. I have to admit that last night I went back as far as I could into the survivor's thread and read many, many of your posts. I think the way that you treat your fellow survivors is admirable. The way you console them and encourage them is exceptional. I would feel lucky to have someone like you to talk to if something so horrific like rape happened to me. I can understand why you have the feelings you have about BDSM. I do hope that you know that what Mr. Pug and I do is safe, sane and consensual. We love each other very much and I know he would never hurt me. I hope that can ease some of the concern in the back of your mind. As I said before if you ever want to talk about with me please don’t hesitate to post to me or PM me.
All in all I was wrong for coming into the Take it Outside thread the way I did and I will try to remember this mess next time I feel the urge to jump into something that doesn’t involve me.
Please know that you can choose to completely ignore this post and not react to it in anyway. I am fine with that. I’m not apologizing in order to receive an apology. I personally hate when people do that. It’s been many hours since the argument between us and I’ve had time to cool off and think things through and I honestly wanted to apologize to you.
Hope we can still be friends and converse on the boards.
Feb 7 2007, 02:48 PM
thank you, lovemypugs! we need some positivity here.
i'm sorry for thinking that the "take it outside" thread was a good idea. i'm afraid others were right. it has become a breeding ground of hate and that was not what were were hoping it would be.
and also, this might seem to come out of left field but, it's been weighing on my heart and i have to say it:
i would like to apologize to amilita and anyone else that was offended by my confession post months ago regarding the hurricane. i'm not going to defend it or anything else. i just want her to know that i am truly sorry and if i'd put a little more thought into it before i said it, i probably wouldn't have. it has given me a sense of guilt over the past 5 or so months and i guess i'm hoping this will help me get past it, even if the offended party may have already long gotten past it.
thanks again, lmp, for starting this. really really good of you.
Feb 7 2007, 02:53 PM
It's funny, cause I saw this thread and I was like "cool, I can apologize to pugs." Hee hee-great minds think alike I guess?
I am VERY sorry for copying and pasting that stuff you wrote, and for flinging it in your face. I really am. Honestly, I could just copy your entire post and direct it back to you-cause you really said what I'd say-sometimes I just need to shut the hell up!!!!
I will say, cautiously, that I do have concerns about you, specifically when it comes to the BDSM stuff. I didn't before, but when I read your letter yesterday in the letters thread, it literally made me cry. So of course, instead of just expressing that concern, I get all cranky and rude. Nice maddy!! I just feel concerned, that you are using this stuff to punish yourself. Maybe I'm way off, but it worries me. Not in an "I think you are gross" kinda way-not at ALL. I just wanted to put that out there, but I trust that you and the people who support you in the bdsm thread will handle this appropriately.
And yeah, maybe I shouldn't read some of the sex threads, because they are so triggering. It is really hard to read about someone wanting to set up a rape scene, when that is something I've been through. It's very tough for me not to react with anger to that. But, I'm trying to learn about BDSM which is why I read the thread sometimes! So, I'm not sure where to go from here...
But regardless, I'm sorry.
GGG-I apologize for calling your comment vapid. I was already pissy, and I shouldn't have come down on you so hard like that. I apologize.
Feb 7 2007, 03:24 PM
i've already apologized to maddy by pm for overreacting-- and thank you much for your aplology, you still have my respect, (especially since you came in here to apologize. it takes a lot of courage.
anyways, i think i owe you a public apology as well.
while i may not agree with her at all times, her heart is in the right place, and i'd like to restart our conversation when i comes to my transexuality in the pron thread. perhaps i can do it better this time. k?
and i am sure if you post a question in the bdsm thread we would be happy to adress it.
there are lots of safeguards in bdsm if you are well informed so part of that thread is helping to inform people. i worry about pugs, and anyone else who asks a question on that thread. i will say safe, sane and consentual till i'm blue in the face.
Feb 7 2007, 03:40 PM
I was mentally tortured by two girls in 7th and 8th grade. I’ll PM you about it sometime. Can you imagine being 13 and 14 and sitting on the floor of the girl’s room at your Catholic school crying cause you just want to kill yourself? Having teachers coming out of the stalls and looking at you, shaking their heads and walking away. Seriously considering bringing your Dad’s gun to school and blowing those two bitches away. Saying this out loud and having people laugh at you like your joking. Counselors calling your parents and telling them that their child needs help and the parents just taking you to the doctors and jacking you up on Zoloft. This was my life for two years, age 13 and 14. I came face to face (inches between us) with one of the girls at a wedding shower almost 10 years later and I had a panic attack and had to leave moments after arriving. I scared the shit out of Mr. Pug because I swear I stopped breathing for five minutes and went completely white. He would have carried me out of there had I not already been running. I can’t even talk about it in therapy. I just can’t. My mom gets so mad at me in therapy because she says to the therapist, “Has (me) told you about what happened to her in 7th and 8th grade?” When the therapist says no then my mom looks at me with wide eyes and says, “Why won’t you talk about that? Why do you keep it so deep down inside you?” I can’t even answer her. I just look at the floor and bite my lip until it bleeds. I know why I can’t talk about it. BECAUSE I BLAME MY PARENTS! There I finally said it for the first time ever. (Sorry for any spelling mistakes, it’s hard to type when your crying). Why didn’t they take me out of the school? Why didn’t they report them to the police? Why did they just put me on meds? Why, why, why? I hate them both for it.
I was never abused physically. I was abused mentally by my parents, grandparents and these two particular girls I went to grade school with. I don’t know what it’s like to be raped. I’m lucky. I think the mental shit I went through is probably much easier to get over then the physical and mental shit that you survivors have to deal with. Men that rape women should be…THERE IS NO WORDS TO SAY HERE TO EXPRESS MY ANGER!
Your concerns about me using BDSM to punish myself float around in my head on a regular basis. I'm so unhappy sometimes in this life but I can honestly say that when I'm laying over Mr. Pug's knee and he is spanking me I feel so loved, comforted, accepted, soothed, beautiful and feminine, feelings that I rarely feel on my own. I don't know why spanking makes me feel this way. I can’t give you an answer on that. Perhaps if there is a psychologist here in the boards they can offer some insight. But, without knowing, I've sort of come to the conclusion that if this is what I need to feel good and if it helps me to want to get out of bed in the morning then I’m going to do it and I’m not going to feel guilty about it. In my mind I don’t see a difference between the effects of what I do with Mr. Pug and the effects of an antidepressant (and I’ve been on so many).
As far as the rape scene I was asking about in the BDSM thread. If you had read the link that I attached to it, I think the word “rape” is really the wrong word. I don’t want Mr. Pug to rape me. Why would I want that in all honesty? I can imagine that it would hurt physically more then any spanking I’ve ever had. I think it might scare Mr. Pug, having to treat his love that way. I think it might scare me seeing Mr. Pug treat me in such a way. After rereading my own post I think what I was looking for was just a form of rougher sex then what we’ve tried in the past, just him taking me with aggression and passion but not violence. I’m sorry that I posted it that way. After reading your posts in the survivor’s thread I was ashamed of myself for posting such a question. I hope you understand my curiosity more now, shit I think maybe I understand my own curiosity a little more now that I’ve written it down here.
I don’t know much about triggers. If you think that the BDSM thread is a trigger and if it’s better for to ignore it then by all means follow your instincts. I don’t want to encourage you or discourage you because I know nothing about being raped or triggers or anything like that. I’m supporting whatever you want to do even if you’re not sure what you want to do.
Really, thanks for all of your concern. I know now where you are coming from and it’s a good place. I hope things improve here on the threads for everyone’s sake. We all need bust for different reasons. I need it as the only form of female companionship I’ve ever had.
Thanks to all the busties for being so wonderful and supportive.
Feb 7 2007, 03:44 PM
thanks pugs-I don't know why I didn't just say that I was concerned in the first place. I was just so upset and triggered.
I'm so sorry for what happened to you
And I understand about typing while crying......
Feb 7 2007, 04:08 PM
Thank you LMP. I love your pugs too, quite adorable Sharing your story could not have been easy. I admire you for it. And thanks for being the one to extend an olive branch. Sometimes it's easier said than done.I want to apologize for anyone who's feelings I may have hurt, at any time here. But more specifically for being a part of any of the negativity currently permeating the entire board.I deeply admire and respect the members here. The diversity is one of the best parts of it. If we all back off the notion that there is only one "right" way to be and stop attcking others for varying lifestyles, we can all get back on track. Jugments are a double edged sword. This, I know. Again, I am sorry for my hand in any of this ugliness.
Feb 7 2007, 05:20 PM
(((lovemypugs))) thank you
(((falljackets))) I pounced on you for that and I apologise.
Feb 7 2007, 05:22 PM
Wow! I haven't been busting much, and then today I go and investigate the goings-on only to happen upon your post, Falljackets. While I haven't harbored anger towards you, I have harbored something...I guess just some mildly hurt feelings...but it really, really means a lot to read your apology.
When you have been through something very intense and damaging in your life, it's weird how sensitive you can sometimes be about what other people say. And I've seen this phenomenon city-wide here...people (me, included) crave having our experiences and emotions validated...and it's really hurtful when you feel like they are being diminished...even if that's not anyone's intention.
I'm even having trouble dealing with someone who I used to consider one of my best friends...and she was definately one of my oldest friends. But right after I escaped the city, she said to me that the Convention Center "wasn't that bad." Now, I know she means that the violence there was inflated by the media, not that my experience wasn't bad, but those words resonate in my mind. It makes me feel silly for feeling terrorized. There are other factors in my difficulty with her, but that's one of the biggies.
Anyhow, I guess I bring that up partially to vent and partially to say that I realize I'm hypersensitive and you're not the only one who has unintentionally said something that triggered me or whatever. So, I hope by apologizing here and maybe by me accepting it, you will be able to let any residual guilt go...I certianly think you should! And again, it really, really means a lot to me that you apologized, and it's making me cry in a good way. So there.
(((Love My Pugs)))
Feb 7 2007, 05:27 PM
I love that we are all crying
kinda sweet, really.
amilita-what you said is just SO RIGHT on. I Think we are probably all pretty sensitive people, which makes all of this extra hard.
Feb 8 2007, 11:56 AM
excellent thread, pugs. i have a feeling i'll be in here alot.
i'm moved by all your apologies, but especially pugs' - who i don't know at all, but i'm crushing on pretty fiercely these days - and maddy's and falljacket's.
my cup runneth over. *hand to heart*
Feb 8 2007, 12:03 PM
It's never nice to call or imply that anybody is crazy and I'm guilty of that and I apologise; this thread is for apologies only so we won't discuss the repercussions of my hotheaded words. Pepper called me out for calling someone (hummingbird) crazy before and I should have learned that lesson, I definitely have now.
Also, (((mando))) I'm sorry again for snapping at you.
Feb 8 2007, 02:52 PM
You are soooo sweet!
*big hug, big kiss, big smack on the ass*
Feb 8 2007, 06:08 PM
This thread is really great!
I also feel that I owe maddy an apology for (also) getting involved in something I shouldn't have.
I'm just glad that all the BUSTies can get along. Really.
Feb 8 2007, 08:44 PM
I'm sorry to have offended any of you too -- I just reeeaaaallly feel the need to bark if I see a threat on the horizon.
Please see the Take It Outside and MAS threads.
Feb 8 2007, 10:12 PM
bunny, i am super sorry. i know you are a good egg, and i know your heart was in the right place. you saw a friend being hurt and you wanted stepped in. there are few qualities more admirable than that.
i don't want to make excuses, but by way of explination:
this week has been fucked 7 ways t'sunday: my great job has turned to absolute poop-- and they've started making impossible to meet demands so they can reduce my pay/fire me, and this was the job i wanted to stay at for years so i could stop the other 'work' for good, while i am working on my painting career, waiting till it took off. not so. i am sure once the read this, (it doesn't take much to figure some things out) i will pr'olly lose the job. add to that, earlier in the week i thought i was going to be homeless-- which is my greatest fear ever, i've been homeless twice, and just the thought of it freaks me out. all of this and i was still a bit sensitive to the other big blow up, and the chiding i got from busties over that. suffice to say i should have learned some lessons too. unfortunately, when you posted, and what you posted--as innocuous as it was-- just set me off. it was just a perfect storm of girltrouble uglyness. and i couldn't be more sorry. there is no justification for the things i said or the way i acted.
and if any one is a great big nasty, crusty fuckstain it's me. i deserved every post every bustie sent me and every pm i got telling me to grow up x 1000. i am sorry, sorry super sorry.
i also owe a huge apology to every bustie posting or lurking who had to wade thru my rampant rampages. sorry.
Feb 8 2007, 10:51 PM
WOW THIS THREAD IS POPULAR!
Feb 9 2007, 03:32 AM
god, i think this thread is possibly the best thing to happen to the lounge in recent memory. you GO, lmp!
i am sorry for inserting myself into situations i was not originally involved in. i'm sorry i don't know a lot of you guys as well as i wish i did. i'm sorry for making any assumptions (and while i may not have expressed them here, i still made them, and i've been proven wrong).
Feb 9 2007, 09:25 AM
Thanks for starting this thread, LMP.
gt, all I can say is, as far as blowing up when other stuff is going wrong -- everybody does it in one way or another. Your willingness to stay engaged and put out the positive stuff as well, and to explain and ameliorate the negative gets big ups from me.
Also, I will tell you that I think you really can become a success with your painting. I have two friends that make a living by putting their paintings on artists websites. (I can find out the addys and PM them to you, if you like) Potential customers can see your work (small enough not to be able to just print out and steal!) and read your personal profile. They do have to have a day job of some sort -- or a night job -- or some money from the folks -- but it's not at all a stretch to expect to have your art be 50% or more of your income.
And who knows? You might go all the way to the top! This latest painting, in your avatar, reminds me of Tansey.
Your art is beautiful, well-done, has a theme, and, those qualities are very popular in the art world these days.
~*~*~good job~*~*~good home~*~*~good giving game safe sane consensuals whatevahs~*~*~
Sep 24 2007, 10:09 AM
Sep 24 2007, 03:26 PM
I find this thread to be most impressive. It takes alot of guts to apologize and I admire the lot of you.
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