I wasn't too sure what an orgy lamp was, but it looked like a lava lamp.

Only instead of lava, it had little figures of people in every imaginable sexual position floating in the eerie blue glow.

As I peered closer at the figures, mentally adding up positions I had already tried (42), I realized that the blue glow wasn't coming from the lamp at all, but from a strangely familiar skull floating mid-air behind the lamp!

Tempted to get Shakespearean, I shook off the urge to quote Hamlet and peered into the eyesockets of the skull, wondering if it was following me or I was following it.

But, before I could finish that thought, the blue floating skull opened it's mouth and...

....burped.

"Geez," I said, "eat much garlic?"

"Pardon moi", said the skull in a heavy french accent, "but i must know, what have you done with my EZ cheese, it was for my bagette."

Uh oh, how was I going to tell skull-y that his ez cheese was involved in my weird bondage deal.

I look about for a distractionso i don't have to tell him and i notice another set of curtain.

These are some curtains, huh? I say to skull-y

"Hmm," he sniffed in a very French way, "I have zeen better on Top Design."

Clearly the distraction wasn't working, "Listen skully, I have to tell you what really happened with your Ez cheese..."

But just as I was about to reveal the embarrasing details of the dairy whereabouts, the ground beneath my feet started to rumble...

And out of the ground popped...

wow! an eight foot can of ez cheese, in the extra sharp cheddar flavor that all blue glowing skulls adore!

Wait a minute, the can wasn't eight foot tall, I was shrinking, AAAAHHHHHHHH!!

I ran for safety as to not get stomped by my party guests.

However, my clothes remained the same size, falling off as I went, so I was soon running naked through the room!

Then, out of nowhere, BAM, face to face with a mouse licking E-Z cheese of it's lips and whiskers.

"So, we meet again," he said with an evil guffaw.

"you may want to watch out for the traps under the sink" i say, feeling that i should return the favor of releasing me from the gag and trying my best to over look the evil guffaw

His eyes wandered lasciviously over my now naked body.

i began to feel self conscious and tried to cover myself with my hands.

No need to do that dearie, we aren't of the same species.

"Oh, of course not." i replied, "I was ummm, just cold"

"Well, we need to fix that", mouse snapped his finger and suddenly two other mice appeared with a full closet of clothing.

"oooohh" i exclaimed "just like shopping, but i don't have my money with me, how can i pay you?"

"Hmmm," said the mouse, "Perhaps something can be arranged. What would you say to helping me with a little problem I'm having with that glowing blue guy?"

"skully?" i asked "sure, i'll help you" i was not sure i liked skully much anyway and mouse had much needed clothes.

What did you have in mind my friend?

"Get dressed," the mouse ordered, "and come with me."

I grabbed some jeans, a hoodie (it being night and all) and a pair of comfy shoes, and followed the mouse.

He led me down a tiny dark mouse tunnel, lit only by the candles that floated near the ceiling.

i was really glad for the hoodie as it was a little breezy, this should have caused the floating candles to flicker but . . . it didn't.

all of a sudden we reached a door, and then suddenly and the candles went out and we were plunged into darkness.

I looked around and thought to myself..."Well, sh**. Why did I agree to go along with this?"

A deep, pulsing noise started to reverberate through the darkness, growing ever louder and LOUDER still!

i groped about till my hand touch something . . . something wet and slippery.

It was a Vienna sausage, still slimy from the can.

I really had the munchies, where was the EZ cheese when i needed it.

Instead of EZ cheese, in front of me appeared, some dill pickle chips with dill pickle dip.

yumm, my fav, i thought, but wonderered how i know what it was in the darkness.

Of course, the dark damp air was now scented with pickles so that may have clued me in.

"Do eat," said the mouse. "You look famished."

i really was hungary so i gobbled up a large potion and almost immediatly felt am overwhelming erge to take a nap.

But the mission seemed pressing. It was either do or die. A restless curiosity stirred me to action...

"Back to hell from whence you came, addicting DEVIL CHIPS" I declared as I hurled the chips and dip into a nearby river.

"Your resistance is very impressive" said the mouse.

"Why, yes, yes it is. Must be all those Weight Watchers sessions I've been attending," I said.