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zoya
well, as there has been a general consensus to start this thread, here we go! (and how ironic it is that this is the first thread I've ever started, considering I have only had sex twice this year. yes, it's been a dry one)

I can't think of having anyone do anything particularly weird, but I can think of a funny / odd one.... I got caught in a blizzard with a friend once for 3 days. We'd always kind of had a little thing for each other and we ended up having sex almost the whole time.. the only thing was, he had terrible gas for some reason. So with just about every thrust, he'd fart. at first he was mortified, then finally just gave in and went with it. I actually remember laughing during sex as he kept going 'here comes another one, hold your breath!' god.. it was pretty weird in the scheme of things, but it makes me laugh every time I think about it.
zoya
ps - I have no idea how an "&" sign ended up at the end of the thread description....
culturehandy
Oh I have a good one!

I had a man start playing with my feet while he was going down on me. It was so unexpected and he started licking harder and faster. He was really really turned on at playing with my feet.
edie52
Zoya, my ex used to fart during sex. He often had gas and wasn't the type to hold back. He would stop thrusting, and kind of look to the side or squinch up his face, fart loudly, and then resume the act without missing a beat. I thought it was funny, even charming (hey, I was in love) at first, but it got OLD.
sybarite
A friend and I ended up making out some years ago. We progressed to my bed and were having a great time until it became clear that he would not reciprocate in any way that took him below my waist, aside from actually having sex with me. He said 'I don't really like going down there, it gets so messy'. Um. What?

That ended the session pretty quickly. I have no idea how he persuaded anyone to actually sleep with him more than once with that MO.

Re. the farting: ew ew ew.
culturehandy
I remember one!

I was blowing this guy one time, and when he was getting close to orgasm, he started to count down from 5. I fucking swear. I had his cock in my mouth, and the first thought that ran through my head was, you have got to fucking kidding me.
themeiu
sybarite, you just reminded me of something similar that happened to me. I was making out with this guy who had been kind of a long-term crush for me. There was some groping and the he mutter "what would you like me to do to you?" I said something to the effect of "I'd love it if you went down on me". Silence. Then 5 minutes later: "what would you like me to do to you?" Seriously? I just told you what I wanted. If you didn't want to do it, then why did you ask? So then I just gave up and tried to have sex with him (not my brightest moment. I was young). But he couldn't stay hard and then he just passed out in my bed. Plus, he had the smallest dick I have ever seen, both length and width. He was a close friend of my brothers, but I would never talk to/see him again.
candycane_girl
Am I the only person who senses a connection between guys that don't want to give oral sex and guys with small penises? Seriously!
zoya
jeez, you'd think if they had a small penis, they'd make an effort to be extra good at oral....
dj-bizmonkey
ya know, you'd certainly think so, right?

i had a boyfriend when i was living in suriname and the men down there do NOT give head under any circumstances. my bf and i had an agreement while i was there, basically, if you won't do it for me, i won't do it for you, plain and simple. but it got to be very annoying, because he had no working knowledge of the clitoris and thought if he just pounded away at my vagina then that would suffice. i asked him one day what the problem was about giving oral and he said, 'it's dirty, we don't do that, it means you're not a man.' ugh, very difficult to be a cultural relativist in that situation. my reaction to his comment, 'you know you came out of a vagina, right?'
p_176
i once dated a guy (BRIEFLY) who expected oral sex and anal play, but would not do oral to me. also had the reasoning of it was dirty etc etc.

whatever!
culturehandy
That's a deal breaker for me. If a guy doesn't eat pussy, but expects. Go to hell! My vagina is good enough to fuck but not lick. I knew a gut like that who was working hard to get in my pants. He heard that I was really good at giving head, when I found out he didn't go down on women, I told him he wouldn't be experiencing the pleasure of my mouth on his cock.
erinjane
It's now a deal breaker for me. I dated a guy (who coincidently was small, but still good generally good in bed) who just never did it. At the time I was pretty new to sex and felt uncomfortable asking, but when I did finally he said he just didn't like oral in general, including me giving to him.

Since then I've had two amazing partners who went down on my almost every single time we had sex, and there's no way in hell I'm going back now. tongue.gif
zoya
it's an absolute deal breaker for me. No way no how could I be with a guy who didnt' want to go down on me. I like it that much. I've been really fortunate to be with guys who really love to do it and are really pro at it. I can't actually remember any guy I've been with who was not into it. There was one guy who needed some direction, but he was a willing student - so it worked out -that was really the closest I've come to someone not doing it.

CH - I'm with you, why the hell would I go down on someone if they wouldn't do it, too??!
candycane_girl
My first boyfriend went down on me long before I ever went down on him so now I just expect it. Hey, you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
edie52
I was with a guy for years who wouldn't do it. He wanted to put strawberry jam down there to make it taste better. Hello, yeast infection! Can you tell he was an immature virgin when we met? I hope for his sake that he got over it.
culturehandy
Strawberry jam? What on earth does he thinks comes out of your vagina? Some sort of smelly creature that will eat your face off?
candycane_girl
Wow. Strawberry jam. I just.....I mean, do guys think that their cum tastes like maple syrup?! Seriously, we are all human and most people have a taste that is reasonable so just quit whining about it and do it already!

zoya
god, bleh.. ok, I've had people put food on me before, but not there.. yuk. I actually really like the taste of a nice clean penis.. there is something kind of musky about it. I'm not a gigantic fan of the taste of cum, but it's just part of the package (no pun intended!) I swear, guys who don't like eating pussy are just immature, or have some serious issues. I have been with guys who love it so much - partly because it makes us women so happy, partly because they just really enjoy it a lot - so the whole "it's gross" is a crock.
culturehandy
Zoya, I second the smell of a nice clean cock. It's a really nice, seductive smell. At least with circumsized men. I noticed with circumsized men, that no matter how clean they are, it's just not the same as a circumsized penis.
zoya
really? I LOVE uncut guys. had no problems with that.. haven't really noticed the difference. I mean, I guess if a guy was not very good about washing it could get more funky if he's uncircumcised, but I guess I've always been with clean ones.. smile.gif

culturehandy
And I'm the total opposite. I prefer circumsized men. I like to suck hard, and I find that a foreskin comes right back up with my mouth, even if I try and hold it in place.
candycane_girl
I have somehow never been with an uncircumsized guy so I really can't say either way. Also, it's driving me nuts that spell check says I'm spelling circumsized wrong.
edie52
Candycane girl, I had the same problem earlier posting a comment that included the word circumsize on Nerve!
culturehandy
My ex wasn't circumsized. I don't like the way uncircumsized men feel inside me, and when I suck cock, it's like I have a massive wad of skin in my mouth.
anna k
QUOTE
I was with a guy for years who wouldn't do it. He wanted to put strawberry jam down there to make it taste better.


That's like seeing chocolate-flavored condoms for women who don't want to really taste a penis.

CH, he started counting down? Like his cock was a NASA shuttle about to blast off?
edie52
I really like circumsized penises- the way the foreskin moves, the lubrication. It bugs me when people get totally weirded out by a foreskin. It's fine to have a preference, like CH (and myself), but remember that episode of SATC where the guy actually gets circumsized because Charlotte is so squicked by it? He made it seem as though he'd been living in shame his whole dating life, as though he was some disfigured freak! It's totally natural.

By the same token, I hate it when people think that pubic hair is socially unacceptable.

Re: strawberry jam guy. At least he didn't expect it from me (also shitty though, cuz I wanted to do it!). And he actually did it once, sans jam, but I had to be fresh out of the bath. He gave me an O, he didn't complain, we were both very happy. But it turns out he gave me an STD. I still feel as though it's some kind of sick ironic karma for pressuring him to do something he didn't want to do. He never did it again.

But it's okay now, and I've certainly had some good oral portions since then. But to think, I went YEARS without a mouth meeting my clit.
candycane_girl
edie, years? YEARS?! That is just wrong!

I was only ever with one guy who didn't want to go down on me. It was my first hookup in college. I had just gone down on him and it was clear I was expecting him to reciprocate and he was like "Um, I don't really do that". For whatever reason I still allowed him to have sex with me (I should have just kicked him out of my dorm room) and of course it was mediocre.
edie52
I know. I was in love. That shit never would have passed otherwise.

Here's another one: I'd been dating this guy (another guy I mean) for a little over a month. In the middle of the night we both woke up sleepily kissing and he told me he loved me for the first time. I shouldn't have, but I said it back. I really wasn't in love with him, b ut I was sleepy and it felt nice at the time. Anyway, here's the bad part: the next time we were having sex, he kept saying "say it, say it." It couldn't say it again. I just stayed silent. It was so awkward. I know I said it back the first time, but still, who does that? Especially that early in a relationship, when it's only been said once. It just reeked of emotional desperation. I broke up with him a few weeks later.
candycane_girl
Eek! Even if I was in love with a guy, I would be weirded out if he was actually urging me to tell him I love him. Especially during sex!
culturehandy
Correct you are Anna! Like his cock was a fucking shuttle. It wasn't even that impressive. For a man who was a football player, his penis was certainly not in proportion with the rest of his body. Feh.
minx
I get so irritated by the sheer amount of men who have the BALLS to not offer cunny on the menu. My current partner included. When we do actually have sex, it's usually pretty fucking good, but daaaaaaaaaaaaayum. I like MOUTH. I like TONGUE...and please give me a little teeth.

I have made a resolution to not go down on him again until he wises up and goes doooown. Thanks for the encouragement, ladies.

Weirdest thing that's ever happened to me sexually? Hmmm...that would be a hard call. There was the guy who called me up specifically asking me to wear a men's white button-down shirt and 3" heels and be waiting at the top of the stairs so that he could "see" me whist he was walking up. Perhaps not uniquely strange, but an odd request for me.


I want to throw in my bid on farting: it happens to me 1 out of ever 5 times I have sex. I have monster orgasms, and everything just kind of goes haywire. I fart...hey, I figure it's kind of like casualty pay for getting to have sex with me.

It's totally worth the extra smattering of air biscuit. laugh.gif
Lilith
I don't have a problem with men who don't like going down as long as they're not assholes about it. That is, "it's dirty, it's gross" doesn't fly... but I'd never pressure someone who just wasn't comfortable with it. We're always saying that as women, we shouldn't let men pressure us to do anything we're not 100% okay with and I feel the same way about the reverse. I think it comes down to how important oral sex is to you. To me it's not important at all (I love giving it and I'd never go so far as to say I dislike cunnilingus, but I much much much much prefer intercourse). I think there's some kind of issue going on if he's really against it, but it's not my place to pressure him to overcome that until he's ready. Of course, like I said... that doesn't apply to "ew it's gross, it smells, it tastes bad" because that's not cool and not (in my opinion) legitimate.
pepper
i don't want a man who doesn't like giving it to even try giving it to me. oh, ugh. all i can think about is what a trial it is for him to be doing it. how sexy is that? for me, a man who doesn't appreciate all the ways he can love my body and pleasure me is missing some fundamental bit of sensuality that makes him an incompatible partner for me.
he can dislike it and not want to do it all he wants. just not with me.
Mrs.LockGamer
Ummm
I don't know if I like the whole going down thing, my boy-o has only gone down once and I think I was kinda non responsive, but I love fingering...
konphusion26
Having a "skilled" man go down on you is the best thing on earth. LOL In my experience, I've never been with anyone that didnt like giving great oral sex.

The weirdest thing that's happened to me sexually was with this guy I was seeing in college. As good as he was, he always stared right at me and made this very weird sound -- kinda like a caveman grunt during sex. LMAO It was pretty creepy, but the sex was so good, I looked past his weirdness. After I stopped laughing of course. LMAO
fuzzz_brain
I have a list of funny/strange things my "newish" man has done.

1.While taking a quick breather, he started pinching my nipples and then posed the question, "Wouldn't it be weird if breasts didn't have nipples?" This caused me to imagine jiggling chicken breasts and naked barbies, and ruined any chance of us starting up again due to hysterical laughter on my part.

2.The first time we had period sex he went to the bathroom and sang a song about being an "oil man" as he washed himself off. He then wandered back and told me he "drilled me deep" with a silly grin on his face.

3.Finally, last night I was wearing red patent leather heels, which he asked me to bring with me to the bedroom. In answer to my questioning look he calmly stated, "I'm going to wear them."

I was torn between putting this here or putting it in the thread in relationships about knowing when you have a good man.
sexysandee
Fuzzz Brain ~ that was so funny. I don't know if I could continue having sex with him after that, I would have little bouts of laughter and lose the moment. huh.gif laugh.gif tongue.gif
konphusion26
QUOTE(fuzzz_brain @ Dec 13 2007, 12:23 PM) *
1.While taking a quick breather, he started pinching my nipples and then posed the question, "Wouldn't it be weird if breasts didn't have nipples?" This caused me to imagine jiggling chicken breasts and naked barbies, and ruined any chance of us starting up again due to hysterical laughter on my part.


OMG girl I would have lost it. LOL That is friggin hilarious when you think about it. I can't even type without giggling. Thanks for making my day with that one!!! HAHAHAHHAH chicken breasts. LMAO!!!!!
stargazer
I already posted this in the general sex thread, but i will say it again....i'm noticing some newbies in the sex thread.

first, i want to say WELCOME! second, i would invite all of you new posters to introduce yourself to the lounge in our newbie thread.

and i'm encouraging you to do this so we won't think you are a troll. we get alot of trolls in the sex threads.

thanks and, again, welcome!
fuzzz_brain
If only I was a troll and this was pure fiction.

Honestly I don't think he meant the nipple thing to be funny, he was just pondering the strangeness of the human anatomy. He got rather put out when I kept laughing for about thirty minutes with a pillow over my face.

The reason I'm posting again is I just remembered something from last night. We were getting ready to take our clothes off when I made fun of him scratching my back like a cat. He then proceeded to make a loud purring noise and knead my breasts with the knuckles of his clenched fists.

I totally freaked out because it felt exactly like my cat kneading me, so I made him go to the other side of the bed for twenty minutes while I had a laughing/ weirded out spaz fit.

He's very good in bed...but man, I can only take so much silliness.
candycane_girl
Aw, he sounds so cute.
konphusion26
HAAAAAAH!!!!! He sounds like a character for real. I am laughing with you my friend. That is a bit much, especially if you're trying to get in da moooood. I would have been cracking up in his face too. He's kwazy!!! LOL
toastybean
aw fuzz...he sounds fun!

last guy i dated loved going down on me, and dont get me wrong here....i enjoyed it. but every time he wanted to go down on me he would say "how bout some of that cherry pie?" every single time... but he didnt pronounce it "pie" he said something more along the lines of a southern accent (which is weird because hes from the west coast) like "paah" it grossed me out.

another guy (only slept with him once) got up after we finished and stood in front of the mirror in my room in his t shirt (he wasnt wearing pants) and just looked at himself for like five minutes without saying anything...it was really creepy.
fuzzz_brain
Isn't it weird when they just do the same thing over and over again? The guy mentioned earlier would ALWAYS start touching me on the stomach and work his way up to my breasts. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Past tense due to our recent break-up
*sigh*
Italianwife88
Wow I think I just struck a jackpot coming to this thread. My husband L-O-V-E-S oral. Giving it, receiving it...fortunately for me he loves loves loves to give it. The sad thing is sometimes I don't want to especially if its cold in the house and hes doing a open mouth flick kinda thing. I start laughing and he gets mad, maybe he thinks I'm making fun of his skill? lol I tell him its just tickles.
calpurnia
funny, odd experience? The guy who, during our first (& only) time, while slapping my ass during sex, wanted me to 'scream so the neighbours can hear'. I went along, cos it was fun (& I love pleasing ...), but clearly I didn't make enough noise, cos he started to get a little annoyed, slapping harder - 'No, I said SCREAM ... and LOUD - I want them to HEAR!!' ... umm ok ... good thing he was never gonna be a stayer ...

btw, on another note - oral is a deal breaker for me. I love giving it and I want my guy to want to give too - I'm at an age (& possibly a bit too cynical) where, in a relationship I could say to myself 'oh yeah, I'm so in love that I'm happy to forego the experience of someone going down on me for the rest of my life' .... Nah, not for me ...
zoya
calpurnia - I'm with ya on the oral being a dealbreaker - I've said it many times in the sex threads, there is no way I could be with someone who didn't love to do it. I like it that much. (and I love giving it too!)
knorl05
toasty: LOL. literally. @creepy dude.
humanist77
This is probably something my sister does not need to know about, but it's too amusing to refrain from-
the boy was once biting and sucking on my nipples, and he stopped, looked up at me and says disappointedly, "eh,...nuthin'". It grossed and creeped me out and made me giggle at the same time. He was not allowed near them for awhile~
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