OK. This is going to be a somewhat long story but I will try and keep it concise.

So about a month ago I got a myspace message from a guy I've known for about 6 years but with whom I've lost touch. It was weird because I was looking all over the internet for him a week earlier. He made a myspace profile just to find and talk to me. He told me how much he wanted to hang out etc. We talked on the phone and shared texts until the day we hung out. In his texts he told me he had had a crush on me for six years, and made a comment that it was really hard to live with. I told him I had feelings for him too.

So we met up in NYC on a Sunday and rode the subway all day taking pictures. It was absolutely sublime...we made immediate plans for that Friday...we were going to meet up again. For the next five days we talked on the phone for an hour every night. He kept making references to life after we get married. He told me a week ago he was trying to imagine where he'd be in a year, and since we hung out that he couldn't picture any of his future without me in it. I told him my feelings were mutual and that I was kind of scared of him just disappearing but that I really trusted him. He said that there was nothing I could possibly do that would scare him away.

DING DING DING

Well when Friday came along I called and texted him on the way to the city and he wasn't responding....i texted "i'm starting to get a bad feeling in my stomach". He wrote back saying "i can't do this right now. i'm having a nervous breakdown because of three friends that i trusted. all i can think about is you and that's not healthy" our exchange went on and he said he knew how wrapped up he could get and after what happened with his friends he needed a few days. i told him that if this wasn't what he wanted that he just needed to tell me because i didn't want to waste time with something that wasn't going to happen. he said it was what he wanted.

anyway a few days go back. i sent a couple texts and finally just wrote "i respect your space but this is just mean. release me from wondering this has happened to me before what's one more time"

SO HERE'S THE CLENCHER

he finally responded that he was in the waiting room to start a four week sleep deprivation study in massachusetts. NOW he had told me he was in the preliominary screening phase of this and even had to wear this little watch that tracked his location. but he can't have ANY contact with the outside world during this. and i wonder if he was even goig to tell me he was doing this if i hadn't texted him. so he's basically abandoned me, but i still believe all those things that he said. he also said in his text "wanna hang out when i'm back in ny?" i'm just like WHATTT????

i mean, i know guys get scared when they start to fall in love, but why be so mean? the best case scenario is that he knew that if we just suddenly immersed ourselves in each other that it would inevitably turn down the wrong road, but the fact that he couldn't even call me and tell me this on the phone after sharing so many other feelings makes me wonder if he's just trying to escape altogether. Then again, if he was trying to disappear, would he have responded to anything i said to him?

So I'm perterbed, I'm 2.5 weeks into this shit and I don't even know if I will hear from him when he gets out. This really frigging sucks and now I'm just like why would he seek me out on myspace in the first place??

GUH.

I don't know what I expect anyone to say about this but I also just needed to rant smile.gif He's in the sleep deprivation study and I'M the one who's awake!!

Liz