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roseviolet
Looks like the old version of this thread was accidentally deleted, so it was suggested that it be revived. Well, here it is!
thenewrussia
Does anyone have Facebook? Does anyone play the apps? I got a new Facebook account and actually like some of the apps. I've heard mixed feelings about them.
stargazer
russia, this is the wrong thread to post your question. there is a thread in the media whore thread called friendship by degrees...you might want to post your question there.
pollystyrene
First of all, don't single me out as the one saying not-so-nice things about you. You've been disliked all over this board, something you've brought upon yourself.

Despite our repeated hints (eventually not-so-subtle ones) to back off a little, integrate yourself into our existing conversations, you chose to continue to shove your way in and tell us needy wimmin how it should be.

Stay or leave, I don't care, but don't expect us to feel bad for you when you've continually disrepected our space, feelings and requests.
girltrouble
dood. i can't believe that you interrupted that thread where a bustie is going thru some serious shit to make it ALL ABOUT YOU.

you have got some nerve, funk. look. you fucked up in a lot of ways in the lounge, but if you really want to be a part of this community you need to suck it up, listen to what we said about you and change what you do. but this sort of horseshit is not likely to make you friends. but i'm with polly, stay if you want to try to learn, leave if you can't suck it up. i don't care which.



girlygirlgag
Alrighty. GT, I think you are great, but you need to chill out on Moderating, questions about moderating, etc etc.

You're taking things way too personally (especially for the internet) and you are acting like a jerk. You have no right to condescend to BUSTIES asking a question about moderation, you even stated you are not a moderator anymore, so just RELAX.

Seriously, you bring this energy in that people are attacking you, when they aren't, then you fly on the defensive and it makes this place, frankly a place I don't want to be and I ask myself why I come back.

Take a few seconds to back away from the keyboard and just chill.

One thing you need to learn about the internet is that you don't "lose anything" by shrugging off a poster who annoys you, or says something stupid or ignorant, by just ignoring them. By engaging in all of these e-battles with trolls and now with BUSTIES who are just curious about board goings on, you are really giving away more of your power than teaching them anything.

Think about. You won't self destruct and the BUST board will still go on, if you just shrug off the Steves and Ronias of the internet. Believe me, I used to over engage trolls and get caught up in e-drama, and it is just a waste of time. You're better than that, and I care about you.


*now to brace myself for the lashing that will ensue."
girltrouble
QUOTE
that's your right to pitch a hissy fit if you like and to insult and insinuate about the people who don't jump on your band wagon. i personally think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill because you like being the center of attention. so here's a little fuel for your fire, i am sure that you'll milk it for all that it's worth.
-pepper

so if i reply then it's just another hissy fit? i can't even defend myself from some of the things you assert in this post, that aren't true?

no 'hissy fit,' here, pepper, i'd like to make a case for my actions. if you think i'm wrong, feel free to reply.


QUOTE
first you badger the hell out of the PTB to make you a mod and then you ditch the whole thing in a huge fit saying that "we" don't understand how tough the job was blah blah blah and Then you turn it around and do the very thing you freaked out about all over the PTB.

first things first:
don't get it twisted: i didn't want the job. i said it in my posts. i said it in my pms to debbie and L3. i said it repeatedly. i thought i'd be awful at it. i'm too hot blooded. do me a favor, pepper, go back and look. read my posts. i'll do more for you than you did me-- i'll give you the benefit of the doubt-- i don't think you meant to meant to make me look shady, it's just easy to remember it that way. i thought it should be up for a vote-- and we all know i am certainly not the most popular bustie around here. so i can see how you might, wrongly, think that my motives were selfish. i'll just take that as an honest mistake. after all, if there was a poll, my bet is that i would be only slightly above steve. my flaws are obvious and numerous. hell, i don't think you had to strain to write that post about me. any number of busties could rattle off that list without batting an eye. but let's make this clear: i didn't jockey for the job. not at all.

what's more pepper, if you can find a post where i did jockey for it, post it, and i'll not only admit that i was wrong, but i'll put it in my sig as a way of my eating humble pie.

in spite of all of the fact that everybody knew i'd be a horrible trolligator, debbie gave me the job, and my thinking was, that since i made the stink, i should put my money where my mouth was, put up or shut up. so i did it. i took it too personally, i got my feelings broke over and over, and had, what even i will admit, were a dozen 'hissy fits' and still busted my ass for this site. because i thought it was worth it. i'll not apologize for that.

while we are on the topic, pepper, what have you stood for? still not "hissy fitting," just asking, other than yesterday, i can't recall a single thing. i'm not trying to belabor a fight or any such thing, but since you say you do when you feel it, refresh my memory.... because i'm curious. i've taken a lot of shit for the things that i've done, what have you?

but back to the topic at hand: you're right about the first part, you're absolutely right: i badgered debbie to create a trolligator, after years of putting up with steve. guilty as charged, i pushed for it, because i felt it was something that was needed. steve had been doing his thing around here for years, when we had tried everything under the sun to get rid of him, and she was unwilling otherwise. we pleaded, polled and posted, all to no avail. debbie paid us no nevermind, so i pushed. guilty as charged. i pushed cos nobody else was going to and it needed to be done.


but when you say this:
QUOTE
do you actually think that their job is any easier than what you were doing for 15 minutes?

i'm really going to have to shake my head, smile and give you the benefit of the doubt here again:
first, a little refresher course, because i think there is some revisionism here. before the trolligator we were waiting 3 days, sometimes a week for the lounge lady (except for lysa), to even bother to delete even one of steve's posts. steve spend every 4 day weekend posting 24/7. steve would post on average post atleast 100 time or more on these weekends. the job was done by an intern who often didn't do the job.

having spent more than two weeks checking the site for hours on end, waking up early and going to bed late, i do i think that their job was easier that the job i "did for 15 minutes." adressing the sarcasm in that line is tempting, but, i'll refrain.

as i've said before, i think it is worth making a stink about somethings. i thought it was worth it to make a stink to get a trolligator, and like it or not, it got the job done.

i also think that it's worth making a stink about the ad in the corner. debbie has been at best an absentee parent to the lounge, but the first active thing she does is create more ad space? i'm sorry but that stinks.

i think ggg, and the rest of you, are right about this much: i have been acting like a troll of late. i've been training my fire on busties, and i've been taking it all way too personally. so, to be on the safe side, i won't post in the community thread, i won't post anything about the mechanics of how the lounge is run, or comment on it. i won't start new threads etc. i will stick strictly to posting about the topics. i won't even post about trolls or in threads about trolls. i won't post to debbie, or even steve,nope, after this little "hissy fitless"conversation is done in this thread, after pepper's posted all the times i've said i would be the best trolligator and i was shouting "pick me!" i'm done.

it's all yours.

erinjane
QUOTE(girltrouble @ Oct 7 2008, 12:35 PM) *
so if i reply then it's just another hissy fit? i can't even defend myself from some of the things you assert in this post, that aren't true?

no 'hissy fit,' here, pepper, i'd like to make a case for my actions. if you think i'm wrong, feel free to reply.

you're right. completely right. i badgered debbie to create a trolligator, after years of putting up with steve. guilty as charged, i pushed for it, because i felt it was something that was needed. steve had been doing his thing around here for years.

but don't get it twisted: i didn't want the job. i said it in my posts. i said it in my pms to debbie and L[sup]3[sup]. i said it repeatedly. i thought i'd be awful at it. i'm too hot blooded. do me a favor, pepper, go back and look. read my posts. i'll do more for you than you did me-- i'll give you the benefit of the doubt-- i don't think you meant to meant to make me look shady, it's just easy to remember it that way. i thought it should be up for a vote-- and we all know i am certainly not the most popular bustie around here. so i can see how you might, wrongly, think that my motives were selfish. i'll just take that as an honest mistake. after all, if there was a poll, my bet is that i would be only slightly above steve. my flaws are obvious and numerous. hell, i don't think you had to strain to write that post about me. any number of busties could rattle off that list without batting an eye. but let's make this clear: i didn't jockey for the job. not at all.

what's more pepper, i'll challenge you: if you, or any bustie can find a post where i did jockey for it, post it, and i'll not only admit that i was wrong, but i'll put it in my sig as a way of my eating humble pie.

in spite of all of that, debbie made me the trolligator, and my thinking was, that since i made the stink, i should put my money where my mouth was, so i did it. i took it too personally, i got my feelings broke over and over, and still busted my ass for this site. because i thought it was worth it.

but when you say this:

i'm really going to have to shake my head, smile and give you the benefit of the doubt here again:
first, a little refresher course, because i think there is some revisionism here. before the trolligator we were waiting 3 days, sometimes a week for the lounge lady (except for lysa), to even bother to delete even one of steve's posts. steve spend every 4 day weekend posting 24/7. steve would post on average post atleast 100 time or more on these weekends. the job was done by an intern who often didn't do the job.

having spent more than two weeks checking the site for hours on end, waking up early and going to bed late, i do i think that their job was easier that the job i "did for 15 minutes." adressing the sarcasm in that line is tempting, but, i'll refrain.

as i've said before, i think it is worth making a stink about somethings. i thought it was worth it to make a stink to get a trolligator, and like it or not, it got the job done.

i also think that it's worth making a stink about the ad in the corner. debbie has been at best an absentee parent to the lounge, but the first active thing she does is create more ad space? i'm sorry but that stinks.

i think ggg, and the rest of you, are right about this much: i have been acting like a troll of late. i've been training my fire on busties, and i've been taking it all way too personally. so i won't post in the community thread, i won't post anything about the mechanics of how the lounge is run, or comment on it. i will stick strictly to posting about the topics. i won't even post about trolls or in threads about trolls. i won't post to debbie, or even steve, when he changes his name and comes back and the trolligator job is given back to an intern. after this little conversation is done in this thread, after pepper's posted all the times i've said i would be the best trolligator and i was shouting "pick me!" you can have it, it's all yours.

[/color]


My issue GT, wasn't that you were getting angry and making angry posts about it. I didn't see a problem with that. It's when others reply back with their OPINION of the situation and you get angry at those posts or folks ask questions in the community forum and people tell them to cool off and wait a while. But we don't work at the lounge and many of us are checking in once a day from work so how do we know that when something happens it 'just happened' and we should take the time to 'cool off' before we ask a question about it?

That's the main reason I just lurk in these kinds of discussions because I feel the same way you do...attacked. If you post something like this, and I reply, you feel attacked, but then if you reply back to me, I feel attacked. That's where the problem comes into it for me. It seems like lately everyone gets so defensive when someone posts their opinion and take on a particular situation, instead of just posting differing opinions and discussing it. I think bunnyb made a good point that she feels like others are trying to invalidate her feelings. But I feel like I can't even post in those threads because bunnyb's post made MY feelings feel invalid.

Wow, that reads as confusing. Makes sense in my head though.
girltrouble
honestly, i had no issue with you, ej, i took your post as just that. you posted you agreed. pepper, however, quite clearly eluded to me without saying my name. so, i said something. this is what i always do. it's fucked up. often i can't help myself.

really, i understand feeling attacked, but to me it was always more important to participate, even when i feel attacked. having a say in matters is more important, but i realize i've been alienating busties, some of whom i adore--ggg being one of them. i know there are busties who, long ago, have hurt me severely, there was someone who attacked me in a way that cut me to my heart, and several busties who attacked me, after i had bit my tongue, after i got several transphobic slur filled pms from them. they kept defending that person and piling on me and i carry that hurt around with me. i think that is why i've done what i've done, but i also realize that i've caused just as much hurt. i can see what i've done, and some of it i'm ashamed of, but pushing for a trolligator, or talking about the ad? not an ounce of shame. i'm proud of it.

i think, however, there are many people who are unnerved when when someone makes waves be they for good or ill. what's more i have been indiscriminate. i haven't just fought for things that i think have been worth it. i fight about everything. even i know it's stupid. i've got this line from shakespere going in my head, right now, and it suits my behavior round here to a tee:"[paraphrased] [you are] as soon moved to be moody as moody moved. no--, if there were two of you, there would be none shortly for one would kill the other. you would quibble with a man for having a hair more or a hair less in his beard that you have, you would quibble with a man for cracking nuts, having no other "raisin" than because you have hazel eyes." i've argued about arguing. for no good raisin.

it's been kind of funny to me when people i think the world of, like mouse, say something to me, but before they do, they couch their posts, and then brace themselves for my tongue lashing, when there was none forthcoming. obviously my behavior is "broken" even now, when i am trying to come across as calm, reasoned, i am took to be flying off the handle. when i am nice, i am taken as angry. i can't say this isn't a castle of my own making. i knew i was in the wrong, but when i felt attacked all of that old, deep, hurt comes back. i realize now, i really can't help myself. i can't. it seems in this affair i have zero self control. i love the lounge, but in a lot of ways there is a lot of pain here for me, and i take way too much of it personally, so i'm going to take me out of the equation. i think not only will the lounge be better for it, hopefully i will too.
bunnyb
QUOTE(erinjane @ Oct 7 2008, 06:43 PM) *
I think bunnyb made a good point that she feels like others are trying to invalidate her feelings. But I feel like I can't even post in those threads because bunnyb's post made MY feelings feel invalid.


I'm sorry I made you feel that way, erinjane. In describing how I felt, I did exactly what I was condemning and for that I am sorry (I think that was what pepper directed at me too). I don't know, I think I was just trying to get across that people are incredibly sensitive just now and maybe people should take that into account (as should I). I'm not trying to silence anyone, I just want people to consider the addressee before posting; I don't mean don't express your opinion but when you're saying the same thing as twenty posters before you? is there any real need? BUSTies are some of the warmest, most caring and supportive of people but we can also be cruel, unintentionally most of the time but still cruel, and I'm just saying that sometimes we should reign the cruelty in (and now for the backlash...)

gt, I hope you don't leave because you are an integral part of the lounge, however popular/heartfelt/fiery/flawed/funny/opinionated/film theoretical you may be. However, as you said to me: put yourself first and love yourself more than you do the lounge.
girltrouble
thank you bunny, that's awful sweet of you. i'm thinking i'm just going to avoid threads with any sort of meta discussion of the lounge, you know any place where we talk about the lounge and not the topic, or where the lounge is the topic. if i start having the same problem, then i'll just excuse myself, but i'm hoping that ignoring all of that will keep me from getting stuck on stupid again.

and thank you so much for quoting my words back to me. *snickers* you are the sweetmost eva! and so wise! wink.gif
((((((bun bun cool.gif))))
erinjane
QUOTE(bunnyb @ Oct 7 2008, 02:17 PM) *
I'm sorry I made you feel that way, erinjane. In describing how I felt, I did exactly what I was condemning and for that I am sorry (I think that was what pepper directed at me too). I don't know, I think I was just trying to get across that people are incredibly sensitive just now and maybe people should take that into account (as should I). I'm not trying to silence anyone, I just want people to consider the addressee before posting; I don't mean don't express your opinion but when you're saying the same thing as twenty posters before you? is there any real need? BUSTies are some of the warmest, most caring and supportive of people but we can also be cruel, unintentionally most of the time but still cruel, and I'm just saying that sometimes we should reign the cruelty in (and now for the backlash...)

gt, I hope you don't leave because you are an integral part of the lounge, however popular/heartfelt/fiery/flawed/funny/opinionated/film theoretical you may be. However, as you said to me: put yourself first and love yourself more than you do the lounge.



I agree. Actually, to be honest, another reason I don't post in those threads often is usually someone else has already said what I was going to 5 times over (hence my little pop to say I agreed with pepper). tongue.gif
I still like it here, and I hope you don't leave GT. I think we are leaning towards being cruel and defensive lately, probably to do with the troll issues that have been going on recently. You're definitely right about the sensitivity part. Oh the internetz. tongue.gif
vixen_within
while we are on the topic, pepper, what have you stood for? still not "hissy fitting," just asking, other than yesterday, i can't recall a single thing. i'm not trying to belabor a fight or any such thing, but since you say you do when you feel it, refresh my memory.... because i'm curious. i've taken a lot of shit for the things that i've done, what have you?

This question only makes sense if you're viewing Bust as an arena, which it maybe has felt like sometimes, not ...well what it is, since everyone has a different reason why this place is important to them. I hope no one at bust ever feels the need to defend themselves on this point or feel beholden. Why should participating here or this very conversation become a power struggle? Quite frankly anybody here who's advice, wit, outpouring, skills, empathy, graciousness or just plain silly has helped me through a lonely day has done a great deal by my lights, truly. That includes a lot of people, that includes Pepper and it includes YOU!
girltrouble
i disagree, vixen.

my question was about how things are done in the lounge. my case in point was the ad or pushing for a trolligator, my point was that i took a lot of shit for questioning debbie, and taking a stand when i believe in it. i don't see anythig wrong with asking when has pepper ever done anything to change things around here. to stand for something instead, as i have said, of just going along. i was being very specific. i didn't ask the question as a general one. it's not about, "did you post?" she's an old school bustie, so that's not something that i question. i think, vixen, you missed the context: her post to me, if you read it, was chiding me, in large part, for taking on debbie. if she says that she stands up for things when she feels it, i simply wanted to know, "like what?"

i think that is a perfectly valid question.
kittenb
QUOTE
kittenb, I find your remark to be a mite offensive. Do you honestly think I'm being rude? I don't. I don't know if that's what you meant, but that's how I interpreted it. Passive aggressive comments really aren't helping either I or the people who post here. You've got to find a healthier means of expressing your anger, I think. Please, don't do that again. It would be nice if you were more assertive in manner, but not aggressive either. Aggression or passiveness won't help you get the response you want out of me, or anyone else for that matter in most situations. They have their place, but not in this instance.

I've read that some of you on the trolls thread think that I'm arrogant, self-righteous or even just panicky. I am none of those things, because I really don't feel that way. I just don't want anyone to make the same mistakes I have if I can at all help it. Nobody deserves to make themselves feel like crap. That's why I responded the way I did. Since you can't hear my tone of voice, you have no idea what I'm feeling right now, so please don't make assumptions. I'm pretty sure I haven't made any. When I'm feeling messed up, I know that I don't think clearly, so having someone remind me of the truth helps.

Thanks for listening calmly, I really appreciate it.


I was trying to be offensive. I don't even think I was being passive about it although, you are right, I would have been less passive had I simply written, "Funk, you are being rude." You are arrogent and self-righteous. You act as though because something might be true for you, if must be true for everyone. You talk down to the people on the Depression thread by completely denying the thought that simply because someone experiences depression they are therefor incapable of making any choices of their own. Who the fuck do you think you are?! It is pissing me off more than I can even say here that the Depression thread, a needed place of compassion and support, is becoming, "Funks Views On Life Today."
And fuck "listening calmly." You don't get to tell me to be quiet and you don't get to tell me how to express myself. Remember all the accusations of being sexist? It is comments like that that made several of us realize that you are a sexist.
Just because you have been depressed does not make you an expert on the situation. I dye my own hair. That doesn't make me Paul Mitchell.
I think you are an idiot and I wish you would go away.
However, thanks for providing me with a "healthier" way to "express my anger." smile.gif
pollystyrene
I'm going to break the "one you'll never send" part of the letters thread and post this, after bunny's urging (really had to twist my arm, huh? tongue.gif )

QUOTE(starpiste @ Oct 8 2008, 09:47 PM) *
Dear man posting in a certain thread,

I hate you. You're condescending and clueless about how your advice comes across. You don't even get when someone wants advice or when they just want commiseration. It's keeping me from posting because I don't want to read a trite, know-it-all response. And I even feel crappy when other people get them. fuck. I like that thread. It has been a place for me to share and vent and give hugs. I hate you. go away.

S.


QUOTE(pollystyrene @ Oct 9 2008, 09:03 AM) *
Dear man who I'm pretty sure starpiste is referring to,

This is why we don't want you here. You have a myopic view of a complex issue that's different for everyone and have no clue of the irritation you're causing.

It really, really pisses me off that Busties feel they can't even post in the thread because they'd have to deal with you.

I know you think you're being helpful, but you're not.

I know you're going through this yourself, but what works for you doesn't work for everyone and not everyone with the same issues is automatically get along with each other.

I know you're going to take this really personally and and want to post some "woe is me" martyr comment, but that's too bad.

I hope you get better and find happiness somewhere, I really do- I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone, but I care more about the Busties who have established themselves here and get along with everyone else than someone who's repeatedly made an ass of themselves and has been asked to go away.

I'm sure there are lots of places where your advice would be appreciated. This just isn't it.

Please just go away. Do not apologize, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars, just stop posting.

~Polly

bunnyb
Why whatever do you mean, polly? I dislocated my shoulder trying to twist your arm! wink.gif.

That first paragraph to kitten would put a nail in anybody's coffin; how completely and utterly condescending of him. I'd call him a twat but I don't want to lower myself to name calling because that wouldn't be passive aggressive either.
pollystyrene
LOL, bunny.

Kitten, that was definitely a healthy expression of anger. I think he should avoid dark alleys for awhile.
culturehandy
I read the last line in one of his posts, I just want to help, somehow.

Why not try shutting the fuck up? that'll help.

The fact that there are busties who lean on other busties for support and don't want to go in these threads is disgusting. Yaaaah, that's really helping.

Why not go have a pity party of his own.
candycane_girl
Oh lordy, I don't know what else to say except that I agree with all of you ladies!

Although I once agreed with one tiny thing that he said, I was pissed off when I mentioned going off my meds under my doctor's supervision and got this as a response:

"Okay, first off, never even contemplate that unless the side effects are incredibly severe. For example, I was once on Zoloft and my emotions would go from ecstatic to depressed inside of a minute! That scared the hell out of me. You DO have to be very firm with a doctor when you are going out of your mind from medication's effects!"

Um, excuse you? Who the fuck do you think you are? I shouldn't go off my medication unless I have severe side effects? Fuck off. I'm going off my medication because I don't need it anymore and my doctor agrees with ME.

And I just have to reiterate what starpiste said. I used to post in that thread and now I don't because I'm sick of your lame-ass "I know everything and poor me my whole life has been a big obstacle but I've overcome it " response.

I don't want to talk to you, I want to talk to Busties!
auralpoison
He's found his niche here. He's dug his toes in & ain't goin' nowheres unless we ignore him completely. I blocked him after his first bout of ignance, but he's made a nice little home for himself in the Depression thread. He's developed a relationship with somebody around here or else he'd have gone away. When I click on him (Yeah, I admit I watch his actions so I can avoid him.) he's usually PM'ing his heart away. For the love of Mike, I dunno who he's connected with, but whatever. He's like a stray dog. Only dumber. Feed him once & he's gonna keep coming back looking for more.
gradgal
I agree with all of you ladies!

I have been lurking in the depression thread for some time and here is the quote that got me:

"I remember talking to a veteran once. He was in the same hospital I was, but he was in for something alcohol related. He was talking about his recurring problems (I think he was a Vietnam vet, but I can't remember properly since my memory sucks about painful times in my life). I had a funny feeling in the back of my head, and I looked at him and said something about maybe the reason why he drank so much is that he was really depressed because his life wasn't a happy one. I said that if he was really drunk, he's not thinking about how miserable his life is, he's thinking about putting one foot in front of the other and sitting up straight on the stool. I said that when you block things up, they just build steadily until it eats people from the inside out. He's just buying time with the booze, so when he's sober it comes back fiercer than ever. So he drinks, and it just gets worse. He stopped, and really looked at me. I dunno why. I don't think he was mad, just startled. I'm guessing I got him thinking, but I don't recall what he said after that."

Really, I'm surprised you don't remember what he said in response!!! Could it be that you are just so interested in hearing your own voice and 'wisdom' that you don't care about what the repercussions of your comments might be? The guy was probably thinking WTF!
thirtiesgirl
He's a 'savior guy,' and it's hard for them to get beyond their savior complexes. I've had several guy friends who have that issue, all generally nice guys on the surface, but really messed up with the over-helpfulness and condescension. Two of them that I used to know both continually fell for 'helpless' women in dire circumstances who basically used the guys for their own ends - child care, a place to stay when the abusive actual boyfriend got too abusive, financial aid, etc. My guy friends never learned. When one of them finally met a self-sufficient woman with her own place, car and job who was interested in him (as opposed to his money, his car or his apartment), he found all sorts of 'problems' in their relationship and with her in general, as an excuse to end the relationship. He couldn't handle a woman who didn't need his 'help' in that unhealthy, parasitic way, and he fucked up the chance at a real relationship because of it.
auralpoison
I am salivating as I type this. He's gonna be posting a response any minute now. I better not have anymore tea cos I'm gonna pee when I read whatever retardo bullshit he's posted in response.

But, y'know, I'm petty like that. And vicious. And unforgiving. And my prideful worldview & all that.

I love being me. It's wonderful being adored.

AAAAAAnd . . . take it away Funk! Mount your pulpit & preach to the she-heathens!
funk0039
I had no idea so many of you thought me destructive. How do I change the tone of my posts? It seems like everything I write is taken in the most negative light, and I wasn't intending it that way.

I've wandered the internet recently, and combining that with my life experience, I've never had ANYONE react like this to me, ever. I'm trying to understand. I've asked both male and female friends what they think of my posts, and none of them seem to have any trouble with my writing. In fact, the prevailing attitude is the exact opposite. They seem to think that I'm right, for the most part. The odd thing was, I asked them to tell me the truth, because I'd rather be hurt and have the truth, than just have a comforting lie. Nobody has ever reacted to me in such a hostile way.

I didn't know what this "Take It Outside" thread was. When I write, I'm not even remotely feeling superior to anyone. I've blocked many of the people who seem so crude where I was concerned, and I don't spend much time on this forum as I used to, because I had no wish to offend. I felt that maybe some of the things I've experienced might help others where depression was concerned. I tried to stay away from the threads where I saw many of the more hostile members post.

I dunno if you believe me, but I've been trying to learn as much as possible from every new experience. That's why I stayed here, because I thought if I was fucked up that I could learn how to change for the better, and I thought I might be able to help, at least a little.

At this point, none of you seem willing to take any of my posts at face value. I'm really sorry that I've disturbed each of you to this degree. I didn't intend harm.
funk0039
If you all collectively believe me beyond salvage, then I will leave. I'll wait to hear all of your opinions, then if they are all negative, then I'll go.
kittenb
You've heard our opinions. Leave.
auralpoison
Again with the martyr schtick. Get off the cross, we need the wood.

See, about the whole "being right" thing . . . ah, why bother.

Um, the majority has spoken. Repeatedly. You suck-diddley-uk. We wouldn't miss you. Mock you in absentia for a few days, but we wouldn't miss you. That would be tantamount to missing the clap.
gradgal
I think that you hit the nail on the head and pointed out what many Busties have been trying to say for a while now...

"In fact, the prevailing attitude is the exact opposite. They seem to think that I'm right, for the most part."

It is not about being RIGHT!!! The majority of your posts seem to be more about being right or validating to yourself how much you know rather than providing support. When people are struggling emotionally it is just as important and valuable to feel HEARD versus to receive the 'best' or 'most expert' advice. When you jump in with advice so quickly without getting to know the history of the individual who is posting or ask them questions, it can seem belittling...especially because there are many paths to recovery and the ones you suggest aren't necessarily best for all.



auralpoison
Gradgal, *long slow clap* You hit the point right on the head. Unfortunately, not his head.

We've told him time & time again how to come correct, but he won't do it. He's too busy being the all-knowing, Funk the Great.

He actually GAVE ME DIRECTIONS ON HOW TO CUT A PILL IN HALF! Cos, you know, I'm a developmentally disabled nine year old that hadn't thought of his idea long ago. I mean, c'mon. Anybody that's been here for six minutes knows I'm not fucking stupid. A big fat bitch, yes, but stupid, NO. And then he had the nerve to mention that he wanted to help me despite my previous unpleasantness. Yeah, go eat a bag of dicks.

That shit in the large breast thread was straight fucking wack. He actually thought that our issues were about not finding the mens. Not back pain. Not the drama of finding a 36HH bra. Not some creepy guy cornering you at the grocery while he ogles your rack. And the way he talked to Thirties? INSULTING. And he has no idea WHY even though we laid it all out for him. Hell, GT was actually *nice* to the guy, when she usually waxes chumps like him with a quickness. The boy just don't get it & he's never gonna.

The last time I met a Funk-type F2F, I finally just told him to shut the fuck up when I was speaking. His only friend was his gf & she was a fucking headcase that he could "save". Once she got on good meds, she dumped him for being a total buttweasel.
funk0039
QUOTE(gradgal @ Oct 9 2008, 05:39 PM) *
I think that you hit the nail on the head and pointed out what many Busties have been trying to say for a while now...

"In fact, the prevailing attitude is the exact opposite. They seem to think that I'm right, for the most part."

It is not about being RIGHT!!! The majority of your posts seem to be more about being right or validating to yourself how much you know rather than providing support. When people are struggling emotionally it is just as important and valuable to feel HEARD versus to receive the 'best' or 'most expert' advice. When you jump in with advice so quickly without getting to know the history of the individual who is posting or ask them questions, it can seem belittling...especially because there are many paths to recovery and the ones you suggest aren't necessarily best for all.


I'm sorry, I should have clarified what I meant. When I wrote I was trying to find out if I was right or not, I was referring to the collective interpretation that I was so destructive. One of the things that make me feel better about myself is when I try to be helpful just because, but discovering that I'm doing harm by my trying to help is really shocking. So, I asked the people around me if the people on this forum were right in their assessment. I asked a female friend of mine a few minutes ago, and she said that most men are pretty selfish, so when women encounter a man who's helpful they immediately try to defend themselves because they figure it's a set-up. She said that I should leave this forum, because there are women who are really negative and who won't want anyone around who contradicts their views. That last statement wasn't meant to antagonize!

I am so damn sorry that I did so much harm! No matter what the motivation behind the forum's response, I was hurting not helping.
auralpoison
We don't think you're setting us up. We think you're an asshat. You aren't offering us a timeshare in Boca, you're talking to us from this really stick-up-your-butt place.

It's all in your delivery. The tone you adopt when you write is offputting. And in some cases, completely misguided. I reiterate: You were a total assclown in the big breast thread. Your focus was on boobs being colourature for attracting mates. Happiness for women equals a relationship with a man. That sombody will love us for who we are. WHICH WASN'T THE FUCKING POINT OF THE THREAD. Had you spent fifteen minutes, I dunno, reading the actual THREAD, you'd know that. And when you got called to the carpet for it, you acted like a little bitch. "I'm a victim, I'm a victim of you awful, petty wimmens!"

OWN your shit, motherfucker. I OWN *ALL* my shit. It's bought & paid for in full. I, unlike you, actually acknowledge that sometimes I'm dead wrong. Hell, I've been corrected on here so many times I've lost count. But I LISTEN. I absorb, I consider. Sometimes I back the fuck up, sometimes I get on my hind legs. You can't seem to do that. You just whine about us meanies & carry on in your uppity way. You don't pause & say, "Gee, all these women think I'm a fuckstick. HUH. Maybe I should examine what they've said to me & take it to heart even if it stings a little."

We aren't ogres. WE AREN'T. Bust is full of fabulous, fierce, funny females. It's why I came here in the first place. There are women & men here that I'd get on the first plane out to help them without ever meeting. GT gets kicked out of her place? I'm on it. Zoya gets arrested? I'm on the next plane to Glasgow. Crino needs fucking tampons & ice cream? I'm there. Stargazer gets crazy & decides to move to Rwanda? All over it. I will do whatever I can to protect & love these people. That includes running off dorks that really should know better. I cut Litvak off at the knees last night because I *KNEW* he wasn't up to snuff. The Lounge has HIGH standards & you don't cut the mustard, either.

And I gotta say, you've been dissed by some of the biggies. The BIGGIES. The people that always get mad props in the MAS. Some of the most magnanimous, giving, loving Busties there are have told you to quit being a dick. If Bunny or Polly or CH told me to check myself? Well, then I'd sure as fuck check myself. Them bitches is S-M-A-R-T, smart. I learn from them every day. They MAKE me a better person. They tell me when I'm beyond the pale. And I respect the fuck out of that.

As far as what your friends think . . . have they read your posts? Do they know how condescending you sound? How blatanly uninformed you are even when you've been told WHY we get so turned off by you? Busties have been pretty clear with you from the beginning that we have issues with the way you post like a smartcunt. We don't like it. Yet you persist & then act all offended when we tell you to go take a flying fuck at a donut.

I don't think you're a bad guy. I DON'T. You just have the common male affliction of superiority & a distinct lack of listening skills. GT said it best, & I paraphrase, "More reading, less talking."
hellotampon
QUOTE(auralpoison @ Oct 9 2008, 11:04 PM) *
Yeah, go eat a bag of dicks.


laugh.gif I really hope I remember this phrase the next time I get mad at someone!
auralpoison
Make yourself a t shirt & you'll never forget! I'm expecting mine to come any day now!
girltrouble
wait.... did i miss a slow clap for a bag of dicks? where the fuck have i been? oh right being nice. fuck! why do i say those things?!

lol. nah, y'all are more than capable, and god i lurve my busties.

although, i have to say, i am pissed off at all of you. i happened to be chugging a bottle of tabasco, when you made me laugh-- hard. have you ever had hot sauce come out of your nose?

NOT PRETTY.

thirtiesgirl
In connection with the bag of dicks theme, I'll just mention a notable quote-able from the new movie Nick & Nora's Infinte Playlist: "fistful of assholes." ...Well, it made me giggle anyway.
pollystyrene
In the Cameron Frye voice, auralpoison, you're my hero.

I could really use some help around the house- can you swing by? I've got a comfy couch you can stay on. tongue.gif

Funk, what part of "Don't apologize, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars" and "You've heard our opinions. Leave." do you not understand.

Annoy tiny blond one, annoy like the wind.
stargazer
QUOTE(funk0039 @ Oct 9 2008, 06:14 PM) *
I asked a female friend of mine a few minutes ago, and she said that most men are pretty selfish, so when women encounter a man who's helpful they immediately try to defend themselves because they figure it's a set-up. She said that I should leave this forum, because there are women who are really negative and who won't want anyone around who contradicts their views. That last statement wasn't meant to antagonize!



yes, we are mean negative women. please feel free to leave as soon as you can. and i'm being a big, angry, castrating bitch when i say that.
girltrouble
ok, i guess i can say it without reservation: my favorite women are negative, angry women...




... did i mention i have hot snot?


auralpoison
"When Cameron was in Egypt's land . . . let my Cameron goooo." I still want to have sex with Alan Ruck.

Polly, I get on that couch, I ain't leavin'. My butt print will be forever on your cushions. How close is your nearest bodega? I needs me forties & ice cream & lotto tickets.

I gotta admit, I crack even my own shit up. I've been slacking on the work lately because I just haven't *felt* it. But after a convo here that kicked my spirit a bit, I've been on it again. I think I largely knocked this one out of the park. Those words flowed from my fingertips like water. And they are 100%. No excess, straight to the bone.

Pardon me while I go give myself a good rogering. I deserve it.
bunnyb
QUOTE(auralpoison @ Oct 10 2008, 12:49 AM) *
There are women & men here that I'd get on the first plane out to help them without ever meeting. GT gets kicked out of her place? I'm on it. Zoya gets arrested? I'm on the next plane to Glasgow. Crino needs fucking tampons & ice cream? I'm there. Stargazer gets crazy & decides to move to Rawanda? All over it. I will do whatever I can to protect & love these people.


This made me laugh so hard (minus the hot sauce). I think it's imagining zoya being arrested by Glasgow's finest constabulary and imaging the reasons for being arrested ... laugh.gif.

Also, thanks for the compliment, AP.
roseviolet
Funk, I think the others would agree that I'm one of the "sweeties" around here. I don't get riled up or angry in the Lounge very often. I try to remain calm. I'm not saying the others are wrong for reacting differently - definitely not! - but that's just the way I react to things. I like to step back from situations, take a breather, give people the benefit of the doubt, etc.

All that being said ...
I think you should leave this site. Not only for the benefit of others, but for your own benefit, as well.

QUOTE(funk0039 @ Oct 9 2008, 06:14 PM) *
I asked a female friend of mine a few minutes ago, and she said that most men are pretty selfish, so when women encounter a man who's helpful they immediately try to defend themselves because they figure it's a set-up. She said that I should leave this forum, because there are women who are really negative and who won't want anyone around who contradicts their views. That last statement wasn't meant to antagonize!


I don't feel that way. I don't feel that most men are selfish & should always be received with suspicion. I don't even feel that way about the occasional guy who joins this forum (I actually met my husband here in the Bust Lounge, so I obviously am not offended by a male presence on this forum). The problem here is not that you might contradict our views. Your views aren't really the issue here. The problem is your tone. The problem is the way you present yourself and the way you speak to others.

Since you brought up broad gender stereotypes, I'll mention another. It is believed that when most men hear a woman express a problem, their immediate reaction is to try to fix the problem. They cannot understand that a person may be talking about their feelings simply because they wish to receive sympathy. Solutions can be nice as long as they're worded as suggestions, but when a woman is crying and heart-broken, that usually isn't the best time to give her a list of things she must do to fix her life. I've seen you do this, Funk. Over and over again.

Stereotypes aside, my issues with your posts began long before I learned that you are male. I picked up a decidedly condescending tone. I felt as though you thought your audience was simple-minded & uneducated on the very basics of human behavior. I saw you spouting out generalities rather than addressing individuals & their unique feelings & unique situations. I did not read sympathy in your posts. Rather, I sensed superiority. I sensed that you felt that the way you lived your life and how you handled your issues was the only way for anyone to tackle these problems. You worded your statements not as helpful suggestions, but as demands. Orders.

Look at this recent post (Oct. 8th) to see what I'm talking about: Click
Here is a person in pain. The very first thing you say to this person is an extremely harsh statement. Then you spout out orders. Perhaps you meant them to sound like helpful suggestions, but they do not come across that way. You make it sound as if you think you are the be-all-end-all expert on exactly what every person should do with their lives. And seeing as, by your own admission, you are still mentally unwell, I think that's a very unhealthy position for you to take - unhealthy for yourself and for others.

Since you seem to appreciate suggestions, I hope you'll forgive me for offering you a couple. First, I think you should add a little sympathy to your communications with others. If you'd perhaps told the individual that you were sorry to hear they were feeling so badly & told them that they are not alone, that would help a lot. Sympathy & support is HUGE ... especially in the depression thread. Secondly, perhaps you should try asking questions. Instead of ordering an individual to "Go to the wisest person you know of either gender," you could say "Who have you spoken to about this? When I was in a similar situation, I found the wisest person I could think of & I talked to them about it. It helped me a lot. Maybe it could help you, too." Do you see the difference - the VERY important difference - between these two responses? If you don't, then I think you need more help than any of us can offer.

The point isn't about being "right" or "wrong". There may be sound information in your posts, but the way you come across is undermining any good information you may have to offer. Indeed, it can be very damaging. I understand that you don't mean to come across that way, but you do ... at least in print. The negative reaction you're receiving is, unfortunately, deserved. It's all bound to be hurtful for you. That can't be good for you, seeing as you're still battling your own depression. So for your own health and for the benefit of others, I think it might be best if you moved along.
culturehandy
I don't try and defenf myself when someone of either gender offers advice, and I have many very close friends who are men. Hell, one of my best friends is a man!

You're friend is offering sweeping generalizations of women.

I can appreciate that when things are written some times they come acorss as snark, rude or condescending. And I've stayed out of the deprssion thread (again, because I feel me going in there while not suffering from depression and offering advice is rude and completely unwarranted), but dude, some of your posts come across as rude. We have no problem with someone, no matter who they are or gender or whatever, offerig advice, but it's the delivery of that advice. there are more eloquent ways of putting things. I don't doubt that you were trying to help, but think of how YOU would react if someone said things to you in a way that may hurt you. It's not so much offending but hurting people.

If I went into the depression thread and just posted, Suck it up buttercup, then I'd deserve a tongue lashing. I don't really care if you stick around or not, our paths don't cross, we don't hang out in the same threads, but if you do decide to stick around, just read your posts and few times and take what we are saying seriously.

Awwww thanks AP, that is so sweet. I hearts me some AP.
auralpoison
wub.gif Count me as drunk on the love.

Dude, if RV tells you to fuck off, even if it's ever sooooo politely? Yeah, you need to fuck right off, homie.
funk0039
QUOTE(culturehandy @ Oct 10 2008, 09:34 AM) *
dude, some of your posts come across as rude. We have no problem with someone, no matter who they are or gender or whatever, offerig advice, but it's the delivery of that advice. there are more eloquent ways of putting things. I don't doubt that you were trying to help, but think of how YOU would react if someone said things to you in a way that may hurt you. It's not so much offending but hurting people.

If I went into the depression thread and just posted, Suck it up buttercup, then I'd deserve a tongue lashing. I don't really care if you stick around or not, our paths don't cross, we don't hang out in the same threads, but if you do decide to stick around, just read your posts and few times and take what we are saying seriously.

If this is the case, then how do I change that? I asked a friend of mine if I came across as arrogant/condescending in day to day life, he thought about it and said he doesn't think so. He knows me REALLY well, so this can't be a personality quirk, it's got to be a screw up in the way I type my posts. I sure as hell don't want to hurt anyone! I was serious about wanting to learn something, I just didn't see how I was being rude, otherwise I would have never posted what I did. Would you help me deconstruct how I'm posting so that I can figure out where I went wrong?
funk0039
QUOTE(roseviolet @ Oct 10 2008, 08:36 AM) *
Funk, I think the others would agree that I'm one of the "sweeties" around here. I don't get riled up or angry in the Lounge very often. I try to remain calm. I'm not saying the others are wrong for reacting differently - definitely not! - but that's just the way I react to things. I like to step back from situations, take a breather, give people the benefit of the doubt, etc.

All that being said ...
I think you should leave this site. Not only for the benefit of others, but for your own benefit, as well.
I don't feel that way. I don't feel that most men are selfish & should always be received with suspicion. I don't even feel that way about the occasional guy who joins this forum (I actually met my husband here in the Bust Lounge, so I obviously am not offended by a male presence on this forum). The problem here is not that you might contradict our views. Your views aren't really the issue here. The problem is your tone. The problem is the way you present yourself and the way you speak to others.

Since you brought up broad gender stereotypes, I'll mention another. It is believed that when most men hear a woman express a problem, their immediate reaction is to try to fix the problem. They cannot understand that a person may be talking about their feelings simply because they wish to receive sympathy. Solutions can be nice as long as they're worded as suggestions, but when a woman is crying and heart-broken, that usually isn't the best time to give her a list of things she must do to fix her life. I've seen you do this, Funk. Over and over again.

Stereotypes aside, my issues with your posts began long before I learned that you are male. I picked up a decidedly condescending tone. I felt as though you thought your audience was simple-minded & uneducated on the very basics of human behavior. I saw you spouting out generalities rather than addressing individuals & their unique feelings & unique situations. I did not read sympathy in your posts. Rather, I sensed superiority. I sensed that you felt that the way you lived your life and how you handled your issues was the only way for anyone to tackle these problems. You worded your statements not as helpful suggestions, but as demands. Orders.

Look at this recent post (Oct. 8th) to see what I'm talking about: Click
Here is a person in pain. The very first thing you say to this person is an extremely harsh statement. Then you spout out orders. Perhaps you meant them to sound like helpful suggestions, but they do not come across that way. You make it sound as if you think you are the be-all-end-all expert on exactly what every person should do with their lives. And seeing as, by your own admission, you are still mentally unwell, I think that's a very unhealthy position for you to take - unhealthy for yourself and for others.

Since you seem to appreciate suggestions, I hope you'll forgive me for offering you a couple. First, I think you should add a little sympathy to your communications with others. If you'd perhaps told the individual that you were sorry to hear they were feeling so badly & told them that they are not alone, that would help a lot. Sympathy & support is HUGE ... especially in the depression thread. Secondly, perhaps you should try asking questions. Instead of ordering an individual to "Go to the wisest person you know of either gender," you could say "Who have you spoken to about this? When I was in a similar situation, I found the wisest person I could think of & I talked to them about it. It helped me a lot. Maybe it could help you, too." Do you see the difference - the VERY important difference - between these two responses? If you don't, then I think you need more help than any of us can offer.

The point isn't about being "right" or "wrong". There may be sound information in your posts, but the way you come across is undermining any good information you may have to offer. Indeed, it can be very damaging. I understand that you don't mean to come across that way, but you do ... at least in print. The negative reaction you're receiving is, unfortunately, deserved. It's all bound to be hurtful for you. That can't be good for you, seeing as you're still battling your own depression. So for your own health and for the benefit of others, I think it might be best if you moved along.


Ok, I want to make sure I'm getting this right. You're saying that I was implying that I was the perfect expert by the way I was posting? For that, I am sorry, that was NOT what I meant! The whole point of language is to get your point across, and I've been screwing it up. I never intended to be harsh! Usually when I express sympathy/support, I'm right there in person, and I do something like give them a hug or try to make them physically comfortable, anything to help. Often I just hold them close, male or female, and tell them they can cry all they want it's ok. That wasn't coming across, those little actions and my tone of voice. Sheesh, I'm starting to get it, I think. You can give me as many suggestions you like, believe me I'll listen to anyone who isn't crude, hostile etc and has something to say! No, I'm not implying that I want to stay(in fact I don't know how to delete my profile here, how do I do that?) but I do want to learn something if I can.
mornington
Funk, that is *exactly* what rose is saying - that you've been writing as if your opinions are the only valid ones, your experiences the only real ones, and your advice the only good going. You sound sanctimonious, and while I would concur that you've given some good advice, it's lost in the preaching of the gospel of you. We *can't* put actions or tone across in writing. We can all try, but I personally find your "voice" so... "yes, I have the answer, little woman, don't worry your pretty head, for I have EXPERIENCED" that I don't want to listen to you - I come here to get away from that.

QUOTE
Few humans are as giving as I can be
- you said that. Stand back. Look at it. Just that one sentence. It doesn't read "sometimes I feel I give too much", it says "I am better, even in my flaws".


And, as far as we can tell, you can't delete your profile. You just stop posting.

pollystyrene
We don't care, don't have the time or desire to put forth the effort into helping you see what's wrong.

Go discuss it with your therapist.

Just stop posting here.

girltrouble
um, mornington, right now, i am so super jealous of your mad dance skills. wink.gif
StarryStacey
Oh my gosh. I think I hacked the fuckers account. F.N. ASSWIPE sure is going to get his karma coming to him.

user name
Femicist Nemesis

password
57b4912a4cd171c

What an asshole!
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