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eyelet
Don't forget you guys--I got pregnant at 42 without medical intervention, and though of course I can't predict the future, I did have the chromosomal testing that ruled out the main age-related disorders.

It is harder to be pregnant at this age (and I assume harder to parent too), just like it's harder to stay out all night, but it's doable. Lots of people have healthy pregnancies in their late 30's. Please don't feel old in your early 30's!

Funnybird-glad you're feeling okay and you're right about the fact that this proves you can conceive and your body is working on it.

Congrats Jenny--here's hoping you don't get morning sickness!

So my Mr's favorite joke right now is that his sperm were so confused to be in the dark they stopped an egg to ask for directions. (Told with his funny English accent). My god, he's already developing dad humor.
zelda
Argh....ladies, something cruddy just happened.

I woke up Mr. Z for a little morning action as planned, and........he couldn't perform.

This has rarely happened for him, and he was pretty upset. In the past when this has happened, it's been because he has to go to the bathroom or is tired, but he said "I was hoping I would be rarin' to go."

I acted very calm about it and was like, "I love you, no big deal," and he said we would try when he got home from work.

I can't help but be upset as I had a TON of EWCM this morning and the timing was good.

Has this ever happened to you? Of course I'm panicking and thinking I've pressured him and we'll never have sex again and I'll never get pregnant.
Michelina
Zelda, try not to panic. This happened to us recently too. It worked successfully later that day. It is frustrating for both of you, though. I really do not believe it is because you are pressuring him. Don't forget that he wants a baby too, and he is probably putting pressure on himself. I think this whole TTC business affects guys just as much, but they aren't typically posting on forums about it. :-) I have a good feeling that later today all will be well. You will have sex again! By the way, I am totally adopting the word "wazoo." That's too funny!

Thanks to everyone for your words and your reassurance that women over 30 (and over 40!) get pregnant all of the time. I feel that society puts so much pressure on women beginning with this stupid idea that you SHOULD start your family in your 20's. Yeah, I could have done that - I'd have a couple of children and be divorced. I always put my career and a healthy relationship on the top of my priority list. Now I have those, and have to believe that the baby will follow. I love this forum!

Funny, I am glad to hear you got some information about the cause of your miscarriage. Finding out it likely won't happen again must be a huge relief. Are you two still planning a holiday?


funnybird
Yes! We've blown a recession-defying amount of money on plane tickets to Australia next month. We're visiting family out there who live in a region famous for its wine - can't wait!

We starting trying three months after my 30th birthday, and did kind of piss me off that everything I read mentioned 30 as a sort of dividing line between “abundantly fertile" and “may struggle". It made me wonder; would starting 6 months earlier when I was still in my 20s have made such a difference? Really? 6 YEARS I can understand, although back then we had no money, were living in a tiny shoebox of a flat and still thought it was clever to regularly get drunk on weeknights.

Zelda, relax! Deep breaths! Waiting until tonight or even tomorrow will not make any difference. And yes, I had a similar experience. It wasn't that he couldn't at the time, he was more like “nah, don't feel like it right now". It took all my will power not to shake him and shout “it's now or never!", because, of course, it wasn't. I know how stressful it is when it seems as if there's such a small window of opportunity each month, and once you've started associating sex with babymaking it can be kind of difficult to stop. I don't really know what to say other than try and relax together this evening, have a drink (my answer to everything), see what happens.

Eyelet, your Mr sounds cute. Corny jokes always sound best in an English accent. But then I would say that because I have one...
zelda
Thanks for the reassuring words, Michelina and Funny. I am feeling better now...still thinking/hoping it will happen tonight or at least tomorrow, of course, but...I am not going to say anything. I'll let him initiate when he gets home from work or tomorrow or before he leaves out of town. I want the ball to be completely in his court on this one.

Even though I think externally I've been super relaxed with him, he puts pressure on himself because he wants a baby, too, plus he knows me so well - even when I act calm on the outside, I'm anxious on the inside.

This is what happens when you and your partner have been together for 10 years...he knows all your tricks. rolleyes.gif
zelda
Okay, so I'm a spaz. Mr. Zelda came home from work and five minutes later we Did It. (And he initiated.) Woo hoo! All that worrying today for nothing...

And I kinda like the fact that we waited until the PM...that should cover us for tomorrow when we won't be able to do it because I am meeting an old friend (who is in town on business) for dinner and drinks after work....

Maybe we'll try again on Thursday morning, but regardless, glad we did it at least once during the fertile window. Now I can calm down.

I am a spaz.
julie124
zelda, glad to hear things worked out! I'm feeling relieved for you.

I think it's hard not to spaz out and worry when your sex life suddenly has much more of an overt purpose than ever before. (Fun and expressing love are purposes, yes. But usually sex doesn't become quite so urgent for those purposes unless you're having a major dry spell or something.) Suddenly even if nobody is saying it, there's this feeling of WE GOTTA DO THIS RIGHT NOW OMIGOD! Which is kind of hard to overcome. It's kind of like when I was single and realized that I always met people when I wasn't looking for anybody. But you can't make yourself not look, really. (Although Goddess knows I tried.)

eyelet, I have to say, I quite enjoyed the dad joke. Dorky dads are awesome. Of course, I could be biased because I married a giant geek and my father and brother are both huge geeks with quirky sense of humor.

funnybird, I am very excited for your vacation! That sounds like a wonderful getaway for you guys. I'm glad you're hanging in there and doing okay. We're glad to have you here.

jenny_dreadful, I too worry about having no morning sickness (YET - have to add the "yet" or I will surely be puking my lungs out 30 minutes from now) but today I decided I'm going to do my best to just enjoy where I am right now. The joy of anticipation. It's a good day.
Michelina
Yay, Zelda! And you have a little more time now before he goes out of town, right? It really is an adventure and puts a whole new spin on a couple's sex life, that's for sure!

Jenny, what is your due date?

Funny, Australia is a great choice. I travelled from Cairns to Sydney recently and it was amazing. And there is so much I didn't see - I'll just have to return someday! Mr. M. and I were tossing around the idea of going to New Zealand in the near future. Maybe we will aim for next year if baby hasn't appeared by then. I think it's good for couples to have goals beyond reproductive ones.

Ananke, how are you doing?
zelda
Yes, Michelina, he goes out of town very early tomorrow morning and tonight we're having dinner with his mom, so we got busy this morning...and everything went just fine. No performance issues. And we enjoyed ourselves. Yay!

I still cannot tell if I've ovulated. It's CD 13, my temperatures are lower today than they were yesterday, and it's difficult to tell if I have fertile mucus because of the semen leaking out. Part of me feels like I should say TMI, but I have a feeling this board can handle that comment. ;-)

Well, I feel good that at least we did it on the last day that I had EWCM (day 11)...wish we could have done it more than twice before he leaves, but given the pretty regular length of my cycles, I'm pretty sure I generally ovulate between days 11 and 14, so I think we timed it okay this month.

I think next month I may start using an OPK as backup.
zelda
Oh, and funny...Australia! So amazing. I know you'll have an incredible trip. I would love to get there someday.
ananke
Well, I finally have the internet back - we're also moved! We ended up having to stay until the very last minute at the old place because the hot water didn't work properly in the shower in our new place (turns out some idiot had installed a water saving device on a gravity feed hot water system...without telling the real estate/owner). And since then i've had one day off, which we spent at the birthing class the hospital runs. So I'm catching up and I'm so so sorry Funnybird. A holiday sounds like a good idea and if you're going where I think you are I've got a few suggestions for food and wine (BFF lives there and his partner's family own a winery that makes a fantastic muscatel) so PM me if you want. Plus the weather is just amazing this time of year.

Zelda, my cervical mucous never ever behaved the way a book said. Ever. Even at my most 'in tune, examine my bits in a mirror' phase. I didn't monitor ovulation when I was TTC but when I had previously I went by pain and mood swings (including randiness...).

Eyelet, I'm with you on the sucking thing. I feel like such a dick some days, but I really don't love pregnancy all that much. I'm into the third trimester now and all I have is a huge amount of admiration for you and the hard work you're doing. I'm exhausted all the time, get bad BH if I overdo it and cry at the drop of a hat (those guys were dicks - rock the lipstick and the lace).

In good news I've finally been able to start packing and whatnot. I've been getting a teensy bit of crusting/leakage from my nipples which I'm really hoping points to me being able to breastfeed. I'm also three weeks away from starting leave! I am so fucking excited about that.

In bad news I need to get a pelvic scan because I've got a pretty strong family history of shoulder dystocia which I've found out stems from a tendency to have long tail bones. So my ob. is a little concerned and sending me for a few scans in a couple of weeks. Which kinda sucks, but better I find out now than when I'm in labour (thye had to break my mother's collarbone to get her out, same with three of her four siblings).

I have been so fucking GASSY lately it's insane. I'll fart and burp at the same time. I was in a meeting (my team sucks and we're having 'special' meetings with a trained mediator/professional convenor person) and since I can't eat a full meal without heartburn for six hours, I tend to snack when I get the chance. So, being a fairly informal meeting with cake and whatnot, I nosh on my dried fruit and nuts over the three and a half hour meeting and eat two pieces of the totally delicious carrot cake. At one point I smother a burp, but one of my coworkers notices and starts laughing at me. I fake-glare and the convenor says "maybe if you stopped eating you might have time to digest your food" at which point we all sort of stopped, looked at her and laughed. I'd digest my food better if NerdBaby didn't have her hear stuck into my stomach. And burping means I don't have heartburn and quite frankly, you're lucky I'm not farting as well. So don't snark at the pregnant lady's eating habits, okay? Dick.

i've also popped out heaps - I need to get Mr A to take a few more photos, I look very very pregnant now. It's so cool watching her move as well, although it's also kinda creepy. Our friends are visiting in a few weeks and planning on stocking our freezer which is awesome. But since we both have the whole weekend off we're planning on sleeping in tomorrow (if we can), then pottering around the house and doing nothing. Then sunday we've got another birthing class and we'll probably go and buy some more baby stuff as well.

Oh God I nearly forgot to talk about the birthing class! Weirdest thing EVER. Our hospital is pretty swank - high end of town, private and pretty swish. Smack in one of the main Jewish areas as well. So it is really nice, but we get to the class (late because my brain cannot cope with time properly...) and almost everyone is a fair whack older than us. They're almost all in designer pregnancy outfits while we're slouching around in jeans and a shirt. But the oddest thing was the almost total lack of contact between the couples - one girl was there with her sister, there was a Japanese couple and another jeans+tee couple who were sort of affectionate, but the other sat in their chairs with their arms crossed and had to be TOLD to touch their partner in the practice labour massage bit. The midwife actually took one guys hand and made him rub his partner's back. It just felt weird, like I'm a seventeen year old crashing an adult zone. I'm not the most affectionate of people, but I still touch my partner when we're sharing books, and we lean into each other as well. It just felt so odd and almost shameful to be like that in that group. But we learnt a fair bit and it was all pretty interesting.
zelda
Hi, Ananke! Wow...burping and farting at the same time? I did not realize this was even possible!

My friend had a long tailbone and ended up having a C-section...not what you want to hear, I know, but I do remember her getting very annoyed by the situation. How does a tailbone impede labor?

I wonder what Mr. Z and I would do about labor. My mother is a certified Lamaze coach. I would almost want her in the delivery room with me and Mr. Z just up by my head talking to me and focusing on my face. Not that I am prudish about his seeing me push a baby out of my wazoo, but because I know he might faint if he did.

Speaking of the Mister, we did it three times between CD 11 and 14, so...I think that's pretty decent. I still think maybe we need to time it earlier that day 11, but I don't know. Now comes the ridiculous two week wait.

My temp went up today (CD 14), so perhaps if it stays high for two more days, I'll actually be able to tell something from my wonky chart.

I'm dry as a bone...no CM to speak of in my wazoo. :-)

eyelet
I heard about this tailbone thing for the first time in a recent birthing class. Evidently some people have a movable tailbone and some have one that remains rigid. If it's rigid and long, it obstructs the pelvic opening and often breaks in labor. I broke my tailbone when I was 12 when a boy pulled me by the legs off a table, so I guess that's one less thing to worry about.

I thought I was really knowledgeable about pregnancy, but realize now there's a lot I didn't know. I learned that the part of the uterus where the placenta attaches is basically an open wound when the placenta goes. That's why there's the risk of continued bleeding and why they're so adamant about resting after birth. I had always imagined the placenta just detached peacefully and left an intact uterine wall. Not so.

Ananke, glad to hear someone else seconding that 3rd trimester sucks. I'm impossibly large and still 40 something days to go. I can't imagine where I'm going to find any more skin to give to this belly! And my hands and feet are so swollen they look like I've had an allergic reaction. I will welcome my normal sized body (even with extra fat from the pregnancy) and never take it for granted again.

I'm a little concerned that I don't have any signs of colostrum leaking. I had a breast reduction 10 years ago, that was done by a very skilled surgeon who tried to minimize damage to milk ducts, but it's still a crapshoot whether I can nurse. I still don't regret getting the surgery though...in my case it was really necessary. I guess I won't find out the verdict until the baby is here.

Hope you're bed adventures were fruitful Zelda!
ananke
It was a looooooooooooooooong fart and i burped during. While laying on the bed in my underwear writing the weekly journal entry to the NerdBaby. I felt so womanly...

But yeah, the shit you learn about pregnancy is just mind-boggling. I had no idea on the tailbone thing til Nan mentioned it, then the widwife was demonstrating how the tailbone should move during labour (and why flat on your back sucks so bad). Nan's never broke, but I figure the ob. will have some idea on what is workable and what isn't for me. I won't find out for a few weeks though - he wants to wait a while before the CT scan of my pelvis and to do a late 'comprehensive' scan to check on NerdBaby's growth. So for the meantime I figure I'll bet on a natural birth.

I've started packing my bags! It's terrifying! Baby things as so so so small.

I haven't had swelling yet, but my back went fucked this morning - everything was fine, I leaned FORWARD to grab my head towel and sudden excruciating pain. I've been trying to stretch and rest and stretch and massage but it still hurts and I'm wondering if it's a 'call the doc' type thing. I'm pretty sure it's sciatic though, or muscular. It's so bloody tiring though. I hope a good night's sleep helps.

I had no idea on that placenta thing. Christ. In the hospital I go to it's standard to do a shot of oxytocin after labour to help with the uterus thing, but Christ. That's kinda scary. Between that and prolapse, I'm not picking up anything but NerdBaby for a few weeks after birth!

I wouldn't worry too much about the colustrum - I've had some crusting, that's it (giant bosoms and when I got exams for reductions they always said I had significant enough nerve/ligament damage that breastfeeding wasn't likely anyway) but a lot of women don't get anything until after birth. I hope it does go well for you though!

And Zelda, I hope your unions were fruitful tongue.gif and fun...
zelda
Thanks for the fruitful wishes. :-)

Okay, I have a question for any BUSTie who is temping.

If my temp went up quite high on day 14 and was at that exact same temperature today (and I actually slept soundly before taking it!), does that mean I probably ovulated on day 13? From reading "Taking Charge" it seems to me that she refers to the day of ovulation as the day before the temperature spike.

I am so excited that perhaps I am actually seeing a pattern in my temps.

That is freaky about that placenta thing! I thought it just magically detached, too!
Michelina
I had no idea about the tailbone thing, nor did I know that about the placenta. The things I am learning from you ladies! (Said genuinely, by the way. I'm a bit of a geek and do find it truly fascinating.)

Zelda, my ovulation is always the day before my temp rises. For example, last Saturday I had ovulation pain and on Sunday my temp was up. I think it typically takes the body a day to respond to the increase in progesterone from the corpus luteum. So I would bet you ovulated on day 13.

I had temps in the early 98's and then it jumped to 98.5 for a few days, now today was 97.8. Not sure what to think of that. I'm really glad I'm temping this cycle. If I hadn't, we may not have gotten the timing right this month. I am thinking this is the first month we really nailed the timing. I have another week to wait now.
zelda
Thanks, Michelina! By the way, I'm a total nerd, too.

I have had ovulation pain in the past, but I didn't this cycle. Still, from what I've read, I probably did ovulate on day 13. I'm glad we got busy that day as well as day 11 (and day 14 for good measure). I know each month is different, but if I'm as regular as I think I am, this confirms for me that the first month we started trying we actually started getting busy way too late.

I've noticed I get a lot more EWCM a few days before I actually ovulate, but there isn't much there on the day of ovulation itself. Not sure what that means, but hopefully Mr. Z's stoned boys made it up there. ;-)
julie124
Wow, I never knew that business about the tailbone or the placenta leaving an open wound either. The things you learn....it really is interesting.

Ananke, I remember the first time I went to buy a baby gift for a friend with a newborn...I started out in the 9-12 month sizes, thinking "those are really little, they must be the newborn stuff" and then kind of gasping when I saw how little bitty the actual 0-3 month clothes were. And even though I know now how little babies are when they're first born, it always surprises me again every time I meet a brand-new baby.

Oh, and sorry to hear about your back. Crossing my fingers that some rest helps you feel a little better.

eyelet, hang in there! It's good to hear how you're doing....I know third trimester is not fun but I am thinking good thoughts for you.

zelda, thinking hopeful thoughts for you too! You probably would want one more day of high temps to confirm when you ovulated, but yeah, I think it's probable that day 13 was your day.

Michelina, that slightly lower temp you just got might just be an anomaly. Sometimes room temperature, whether you kicked the covers off, if you slept with your mouth open one night (like I am prone to doing), and other random things can affect temps. I'd wait and see what the next two days bring. And of course I don't want to get hopes up prematurely, but some women claim there is a phenomenon of an "implantation dip." Are your temps normally in the 98 range right after ovulation?

I think I'm not imagining the waist-thickening thing. Reason being, I am finding that I have to change outfits like five times to find something that looks right. Thursday I threw on a favorite spring blouse, button-down, because I've been finding that things that don't tuck in seem to work pretty well. When I put it on I remember thinking, "Hmm, that seems a little tighter than I remember, but my boobs did get a little bigger, so whatever." Then I go to the mirror to do my makeup and realize: I can't wear this blouse. First of all, the buttons are pulling at the bustline. I should mention that as a girl who normally can't even fully fill out an A-cup, this is a completely foreign experience for me. Then I try it with a different bra and discover that not only do I definitely still need a bra with some padding (because otherwise I will be featuring my nipples, oh so professional), but the buttons are pulling a little at the slightly fitted part near the waist. Then yesterday I put on a little vintage dress that I thought I'd try to wear before I got too big for it and discovered that although it fit okay while I was standing up, when I sat down the waistline got kind of tight. And that was before breakfast, so it certainly wasn't going to get more comfortable as the day wore on.

Right now the clothing adventures are just kind of funny to me, but I suspect they will get progressively less funny as it becomes harder to clothe myself. My friend who is at 16 weeks says she has gotten rather depressed about her figure going away - I mean, she's happy about having a baby, but she's definitely unhappy about this feeling that she's losing her old self.
zelda
julie, it stinks when your clothes don't fit! Hang in there...a woman at my work was crowing to another (very pregnant) woman that she didn't have to buy maternity clothes until her 7th month because she stayed "so small." Whatever...my preg coworker wanted to scream.

My BFF had trouble fitting into her tops within weeks because her breasts were so big. She's carrying a little extra weight, so she hasn't noticed any waist-thickening.

I am very pear shaped and love that...I think it will be very difficult to adjust to having more of an apple shape...of course there is also a part of me that wants an excuse to buy cute maternity clothes.

FYI: Another friend of mine invested in a very expensive pair of maternity jeans and said it was the best money she ever spent...plus, she can wear them again if she has another baby. But even if she doesn't, she said they were worth every cent.

I forgot to mention...I had the strangest dream the night before I ovulated. I dreamt that I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was sitting at the dining room table with Mr. Z, and my mother was on the other side of the table. I took the positive test and put it on the table, and everyone screamed.

It was so real I woke up and for a split second thought I was pregnant already.

I have had dreams that have correlated to life events before. Please don't think I'm nuts, but I do believe that dreams are more than just the mind at work when we are asleep. If I end up getting knocked up this cycle (crosses fingers), that dream will be something I'll remember... ;-)
funnybird
Oooohh Zelda! What a great dream! Things do sound good for you this month: good timing, lots of CM... My fingers are crossed.

So, either my hormones are still spazzed out or my cycle is back to normal remarkably quickly. I only stopped bleeding on Thursday and this evening I've had a ton of EWCM - so much that it's like the photo of the woman with the scary fingernails holding her 'specimen' on a crumpled tissue in 'Taking Charge' - if we were ready to try again I'd be jumping Architect Boy like there's no tomorrow instead of typing this. I guess it means I'm ovulating again already? Or I just have an infection in my wazoo.

Brand new babies are scarily tiny. I held my nephew when he was two weeks old and his head was so wobbly it was terrifying. It's probably good that they are though, considering we have to squeeze them out of ourselves.

Julie, that's both a pain and rather exciting. Let's hope that smocks and floaty garments are in this summer. Did you see the doctor yet?
zelda
Oh my God, Funny, that picture of the woman holding up her CM in "Taking Charge" DOES have scary fingernails. I am so glad I'm not the only one who noticed. I actually laughed out loud when I read your post.

I have heard that some women are extremely fertile in the months immediately following a miscarriage. My friend who miscarried (also the same friend with the very expensive maternity jeans) waited one month after her miscarriage and immediately conceived the following month. I had a TON of EWCM the month I went off the pill. I wonder why some events trigger more fertile mucus.

Just got home from a party where I ended up talking about "Taking Charge" with a friend who is trying. We got into a discussion about temperatures and timing...so funny how my conversations with female friends have changed from who could I hook up with at the party to fertile cervical mucus. ;-)
ananke
Well, sleep made my back somewhat better (Mr A also made me take a hot shower with him and he rubbed my back in there and again when we were in bed - God i love that man) but then I nearly passed out in the birth class today! It was so weird. I feel okay now, but it was odd and embarrassing.

Julie, the clothes thing gets worse. I'm not doing too badly because I have such a ginormous butt that I've only really had to buy a pair of maternity jeans (BEST THINGS EVER!) (oh, get the ones with a really wide band at the top that can fold down, they look best and fit best from what I've experienced and what other women have said). Everything else is so big in the waist that I either take out the darts or unbutton a wee bit. I found the changing shape the hardest to deal with because for the first time in my life my waist is bigger than the rest of me. Not to mention prgnancy hormones making me freak the fuck out this morning about fashion and clothes and OH GOD I'M FAT AND HIDEOUS AND UNSTYLISH (with a bonus side of "and you can wear whatever you want you horrible bastard" aimed at my poor husband...) - luckily our method of dealing with the (occasionally irrational, occasionally well-founded) pregnancy freakouts is to talk it into the ground. So I didn't get to the tears point about it.

I've known a couple of women who got pregnant very soon after miscarriages - one of my workmates was saying she wishes she hadn't, because she didn't get time to grieve, but others said it was a good experience.
jenny_dreadful
Funnybird, a really good friend of mine got pregnant very quickly after her miscarriage, to her surprise. She said it felt like her body had learned how to conceive and quickly went about doing it again!

Zelda, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, what a great dream!

Julie, I'm hearing you on the tight tops, I feel like I am 100% breasts at the moment. I'm still not sure about the thickening waist thing, but something is definitely changing in my construction around my middle.

I've had a few days of not enjoying my pg symptoms. I've been feeling down in the dumps (although better now after crying at the London Marathon for a couple of hours) and nauseous, also having some diarrhoea (sorry, tmi) which apparently can sometimes be related to raised progesterone levels. I've got my first ante-natal appointment tomorrow, looking forward to being in the system. I am 8 weeks today, due (by internet rather than doctor calculation!) on 8th December.



zelda
Jennydreadful, I don't think there's such a thing as tmi on this thread. ;-) As long as you don't start talking about baby dancing and baby dust, it's cool. :-)

Ananke, I think I will feel the same way about my body if I get pregnant. Even when my weight fluctuates, I am used to having a small waist and it's easy to dress to accentuate that and feel good about my figure. Maybe I'll just break out some muumuus. Sigh.

I really wish I hadn't told so many people that Mr. Z and I were trying for a baby...we have a wide circle of friends, and I mentioned to a lot of people around the holidays that we were wanting to start a family after Christmas. Maybe it's my imagination (probably is), but I feel like everyone is looking at me waiting to see when it happens...doesn't help that my BFF (who also runs in the same circles) is pregnant.

One acquaintance who I hadn't seen since the holidays was at this party we were at last night, and when she hugged me hello, I saw her eyes dart at the beer I was drinking...not in a mean way, but I think because she wanted to see if I could be pregnant or not. (I admit I've done the same thing when I'm curious.)

And when we left the party early because I said I was tired, another friend was like, "Oh, pregnant yet?"

Everyone means well, but it makes me feel like I'm under a spotlight. Michelina, you were right to keep it under wraps. Of course you get to a certain age and people expect you to get pregnant, I suppose, even though I firmly believe it's okay for a woman not to want kids...but when you go and announce that you want to make that your goal, I guess you can't help but feel like everyone is around waiting to see when it happens!

I can't believe my previously misbehaved temperature has been the exact same for the past three days, confirming ovulation most definitely happened on day 13, it seems...
eyelet
Ananke--I don't think my Mr. and I could fit in one shower right now, as much as I would love to. I would try to turn around and end up knocking him out of the shower!

So I was telling Mr. E last night about how I have explosive diarrhea every morning because of my anti-swelling supplements (garlic, chlorophyll, and activated charcoal, on alternating days). He asked how swollen I would be without them and then launched into this imaginary scenario "I could swear that blimp has eyes--no, I mean it, I think I saw it blink." That sounds really mean but it had us laughing to the point of wetting ourselves. Of course I know I don't look like a blimp (maybe parade float) and am still plenty attractive. I have to laugh about it because somehow it makes it easier.

Regarding clothing--I had to move into maternity jeans early on because I'm just not comfortable with anything binding my waist. I was able to use the below the belly ones then, but in the last few months can only be comfortable with the huge panel that comes all the way over the belly. I have had some luck with thrift store shopping, but most of my new stuff was bought online at Old Navy. It's cheap and cheerful and mostly natural fibers so you don't have to add flammability to the list of third trimester complaints.

Something happened last night--a bit off topic, but might be relevant to some of you. We got a call from a couple that are friends with my Mr., telling us they just found out she's pregnant. I was thrilled, but for a very selfish reason (about to expose myself as petty here). The wife falls into the category of my partner's friends that I called his "Studio 54" friends. All super skinny and chic and to my mind way too fixated on being cool . They still do a lot more hard drugs and drinking than I'm comfortable with at this stage in my life and I would like my partner to be more in my camp on this subject and not be put in too many situations where he's tempted.

So now that they're having a baby, she'll have to abstain from all her crutches, and maybe she'll get some insight into what it has been like for me being pregnant and needing my partner to be 100% on my team, not chided by his friends and being told he's no fun anymore. She will finally have to grow up a little, and I think it's time. Maybe we'll actually be able to find some common ground now.
funnybird
I was a bit tipsy when I posted last night. And I decided to jump the boy anyway (with contraception). Might as well keep in practice.

Zelda, my first thought when I saw the photo of the scary fingernails was "I bet she doesn't check her cervical position daily"!

If I am indeed ovulating I might be fertile when we're in Australia. We were joking today that we could do the whole "name the kid after the place of its conception" thing and end up with a little Sydney or Adelaide. Hmmm.

julie124
jenny, looks like you and I are both having our first appointments tomorrow! Best of luck with yours...hope everything goes well.

I have been totally mellow about my upcoming appointment and having fewer of the "am I really pregnant" feelings this week (especially after the clothing debacle on Thursday morning) but today I am freaking out just a little. I keep thinking my boobs are getting smaller after they got bigger, so today I had another internal conversation with myself in which I reassured myself that no, I did not imagine my two positive tests over a month ago, and that I need to stop making myself crazy because life has enough of that anyway and if something bad is going to happen, my obsessing over it beforehand is not going to help.

I actually went to a clothing swap yesterday with a bunch of non-pregnant folks and managed to find a number of things that at least will work for a little while. Basically I went with tops in a slightly larger size than I normally wear and also found a drop-waist dress and a stretchy long skirt (with some structure) that I think could work. My friend with two kids tells me that maternity pants are the devil and recommended that instead I just purchase pants maybe a size or two up from what I normally wear. A lot of the pants I wear tend to be mid- to lower-rise anyway(not thong-displaying low-rise, but lower than my natural waist) so I think I might be able to make that work. A lot depends on how I actually gain the weight, I think. Maternity jeans sound like a good investment, though. I think at some point I will purchase some camisoles to wear under things as well. But this is all getting ahead of myself...so far my waist-thickening really isn't noticeable to anyone but me.

eyelet, I actually don't think you're being petty. Or if you are, maybe I'm just sort of in complete sync with you over that sort of thing and that's why I don't think you're being petty. There are definitely friends of my husband's that I like generally but sometimes feel nervous about when my husband spends lots of time with them because they are in such a totally different place in their lives. And while my husband is wonderful, he has been known to have some desire to avoid growing up sometimes, and he doesn't need encouragement in that direction.

zelda, I feel for you on feeling like "everyone knows" you're trying. I have been pretty up-front for awhile about my desire to have a baby (especially the last two years), and between that and the fact that my husband and I have been married for 6 1/2 years and are both in the second half of our thirties, there was definitely sort of a feeling that people were watching us. I will say that my mom was really good about not pressuring us until about six months ago when she said she wanted "curly-haired grandchildren" (Mr. Julie and I both have naturally curly hair). My in-laws never gave me any pressure directly, though I kind of wondered what they might be thinking when the years were ticking by and no babies had been discussed.

My best friend from childhood had it worse - it took her and her husband awhile to conceive (I think about nine months to a year for their first?) and it just killed her when they were trying and she had people asking constantly, "So, when are you and the Mr. going to have kids?" In that way it might actually be helpful for people to know you were trying...sometimes people will be more tactful in that case. Then again, sometimes people just don't think and say all kinds of thoughtless stuff no matter what you do.

zelda
eyelet, I don't think you're being petty at all. (By the way, I love the term "Studio 54" friends...) It should be very interesting to watch. I'm assuming the pregnancy was unplanned? Hopefully it will go all right for them and you should be able to find some common ground...

julie124, a clothing swap...what a groovy idea. And nice on the wallet, too. I would think the first few months would be difficult because you don't feel big enough for maternity clothes but you don't necessarily feel comfortable in your normal clothes either.

I need some advice. Should Mr. Z use the Fertell test we ordered to check his sperm? As I've mentioned before on this thread, Mr. Z smokes a tiny bit of weed each night before going to bed. (I don't...it's not my thing. But it's never been a problem for me as he doesn't get stoned...it just relaxes him. Like my nightly wine.)

He's not a big drinker or cigarette smoker, doesn't ride a bike, wear tight pants, etc., but I know that weed can be a factor like all those other things. He's actually cut back since we started TTC, but he still smokes pretty regularly.

Even though we know a ton of potheads who have fathered kids, and we know that Mr. Z himself impregnated an old girlfriend in his early 20s (yeeeears ago - she terminated), of course I end up reading all this stuff on the Internet about how marijuana can screw up sperm motility, etc.

From reading "Taking Charge" and from what my doctor said, you should try fertility-focused intercourse for 4 to 6 months before worrying, but I guess I am still worrying a little.

We paid $100 for the test and it expires in June, so he really should use it. But part of me is afraid of what will turn up. (Stupid, I know...how is not knowing any better?)

I kind of think if he's gonna use it, he should do it now while we're in the hopeful stage of waiting to see if my period comes. I'd hate to have my period show up, be depressed, then have him do the test then and be depressed again.

I'm being totally neurotic and exposing my neurosis to y'all right now...sorry. ;-)

What do you think? Should he go ahead and do the test? Erg...what do you think?

jenny and julie, good luck at the doctor tomorrow! Let us know how it goes.
ananke
Zelda - I don't know much about Fertell, but a highschool friend got pregnant after several years of sleeping with her boyfriend (who ALSO got another girl pregnant the same time) because he'd been told he was infertile from childhood mumps. The pregnancies came after he stopped smoking pot. He smoked a shit ton though.

Eyelet - I don't think you're being petty at all! It's so annoying when people actually get into that whole 'ball'n'chain' bullshit and act as though needing support and love is a trial and awful. I'd be hoping the same thing for her as well, and for him.

Jule124 - I couldn't have done it without bellybands. I probably could have done without the maternity jeans even, as long as I had those. I wish I'd picked up some cheap boob tubes in summer though, they'd do really well for layering and support. At this point the support of the band is really important, not just the covering up. I couldn't have done just bigger pants, but I'm a fattie so I fit things pretty differently! But I have totally needed the maternity shirts - partly for the boobs, but mostly because of the length and getting the bump in there!

Today's appointment didn't go well - my ob. got his 'oh shit' look when I mentioned the woozy spell and wanted to know if they checked my blood pressure. They hadn't, so he did and it turns out it's a bit high - particularly since my blood pressure is usually quite low (witness the first trimester 'drink a lot of water and be careful getting up in the hot weather and take it easy'). So I freaked the fuck out when I got home, even though it actually isn't a horrible bad thing, or even that bad right now. It just feels like one thing after another.

And even though I know nothing I do can lower it if it's high because of the pregnancy/pre-eclampsia, I feel like I've done something to cause it - pregnancy, more guilt than you ever imagined!
eyelet
Zelda-maybe he should use the Fertell test now so that if it shows a low count, he'll have nearly a full month before you ovulate again to abstain from the pot and generate un-stoned sperm. And if it turns out you're pregnant, it's a moot point, but if you're not, his recovery time will already be underway and you can try again with more confidence next month.

This partyer friend/acquaintance's pregnancy was semi-planned. She knowingly laid off the birth control for a while, but I know she didn't lay off other things. Hopefully she did for at least the last few weeks, which would probably make it okay.

She's flakey, but I believe that she is basically an intelligent person and will abstain now. My real concern is that she has no idea how much of an all-consuming physical experience pregnancy is (at least is you're over 35--she's 37). Then having a kid--my gosh, I'm a former teacher and someone who had already calmed down to a very quiet lifestyle, and even I am a bit scared of the life change. She's going to have complete culture shock with a baby in her life. No more after parties in the hotel lobby and no more sleeping 'til noon.

The bellyband helped me too. I bought the generic one at Target for $12, vs. the $30 one. And I've been wearing camisoles with shelf bras the whole time to help with boob support and belly coverage. But I'm also not thin (US 10-12 and 34DDD when not pregnant).

Ananke--There is something you can do about it. Make sure you are getting 100 grams of protein per day, even if it means drinking whey protein/milk shakes (not soy protein), which I have to do because I don't crave much meat. Chlorophyll liquid or tabs will help the liver and kidneys with filtering and kyolic garlic tabs will help with water retention (which I recall you saying you don't have yet). I'm not a holistic healing freak at all, but I do believe that docs will throw prescriptions at many ailments that can be solved nutritionally. The minute I started this regimen, my blood pressure resumed being low and the protein in my urine went away. I'm still puffy, but that's more inconvenient than dangerous.

Pre-eclampsia is an automatic ticket to the hospital, so midwives are very careful about it from early on.

Still no one complaining of morning sickness...soooo glad for you!


julie124
Just got back from my first appointment. Just....wow. The doc couldn't be nicer and I feel very comfortable with her. And the best part was that they did a vaginal ultrasound so we got to see little bean on screen, including the heart beating. He/she moved at one point too, which was totally cool. Based on last menstrual period I am 8 weeks, but based on the crown-to-rump measurement they are estimating me at 9 weeks 5 days and gave me a revised due date of November 25 (which means that I was right about when I ovulated, woo hoo!). So, just in time for Thanksgiving...

mr. julie came with me, which was great. When the baby came up on screen we both kind of gasped. He was like, "Wow, it's *real*." Which was pretty much my happy happy reaction. I think I can stop overanalyzing my boobs now. Anyway, we went out to lunch afterwards (kind of to celebrate, but mostly because I was *starving*) and talked about stuff like should we find out the sex, whose last name should the baby have, what do we think about CVS and amnio and other testing, how the hell are we going to figure out this child care/working/having enough money to live situation. Still more to discuss on that last point - lots more - but it felt good that we were having the conversation. Nothing like seeing it live and in person to make you think about the implications!

I actually have already purchased a bellyband (the $16 Target version) because when I first found out I was pregnant it was the only thing I felt like I could justify purchasing. I haven't worn it yet but I think I might try it out when my pants get a little bit tighter (they still hook without much trouble, but it's getting a little more snug in there).

zelda, I think eyelet's advice is a good idea, especially since it takes a little while before stopping the pot affects the sperm. And I suspect you're going to be just fine - I remember in particular a friend of a friend who got pregnant on her honeymoon because her husband was a big-time pot smoker (like, a LOT) and they figured his sperm count was low enough from it that they could forgo birth control. They have two kids now.

jenny, hope everything went well for you today!
zelda
Julie, it sounds like your appointment went so well! That is great news...my BFF really liked her doctor, too, and I know how important that is.

Do you think you will want to know the gender?

Right now my BFF is going through the anxiety of waiting for the results of her CVS testing...I keep telling her the odds are very good that all is well, but I know she will feel better once she really knows.

Mr. Z and I have decided he will try the Fertell thing at some point this week...I think we will both feel better knowing. I think I still feel anxious, but somehow I think it will all work out. Thanks for the advice, everyone.

I am having a ton of creamy CM today. I know it is too early to consider that a symptom at only 4 days past ovulation, but I don't remember ever having that before. I hope it's not the return of my yeast infection, but it's not itchy, so I don't think it is.

Then again, maybe it's just that I'm observing my CM more than ever before because of reading "Taking Charge."

My temp spiked up up up today. So crazy. It's so odd to realize that ovulation changes your body temp so clearly...I would have never known that/thought that until reading that book. Wish I'd gotten it months ago!
ananke
Thanks Eyelet - it makes me feel heaps better to know someone else has had it without it being an ongoing issue (the due date club was all 'white coat syndrome' and 'relax' as if I was tense going in and hadn't had every other pressure test in the same position with the same doctor...) and I probably do need to up my protein. I grabbed a protein bar to have with lunch (chocolate AND protein, totally awesome) and a drink for tomorrow. I'll look at the herbal stuff and in the meantime drink even more water.

Julie - neither Mr A nor I could do anything but laugh when we heard NerdBaby's heartbeat the first time. It does make it so much more real and awesome and just incredible. I saw her little heart beating away in her little ribcage on monday and it is just the most amazing thing. Liking your doc is a great thing, it makes it all a lot easier.
Michelina
Julie, that is so exciting! It must have been amazing (as well as a relief) to see your little bean.

Ananke, sorry to hear about the blood pressure. It sounds like the "treatment" of chocolate protein bars isn't a bad deal, though. :-)

Zelda, I hear how you were conflicted about the fertell test. It sounds like you have now made a decision. I am crossing my fingers that his results are normal. That will be such a relief. And if they're not, well, at least you will know and he can get some formal testing done so that you will know your options. Oh why can't this be easier?

I am at 10dpo now. I don't have sore breasts at all. It's wierd - every cycle lately, my breasts are less tender than the one before. I feel normal except for being hungry and tired, but that could just be PMS. I have also felt like I'm fighting a cold lately. I have also noticed more creamy CM this cycle, but like you, I wonder if I am just paying more attention now. My temps were above 98 after that little dip, then was down to 97.8 again today. My temps seem very erratic on both sides of ovulation.

julie124
Thanks everyone for the good wishes! I'm still pretty excited...

We haven't decided for sure, but I think we are leaning toward finding out the baby's gender. mr. julie pointed out that it might be helpful for planning purposes. Not that we're going to go bananas with the nursery or anything (I'd rather keep that somewhat gender neutral in any case) but he pointed out it might be easier to discuss names, and it certainly will be more fun in terms of buying clothing and such. Of course, I've heard of many couples who thought they knew the gender only to get a surprise on delivery day, so all the planning could be for naught.

We're also discussing last name possibilities. I kept my name when we got married, so we have different last names. Hyphenation is definitely out - our last names are hard enough to spell already without saddling the kid with both of them separated by a hyphen. We don't want to make up a totally new last name for the baby either, since that would mean that all three of us would have different last names. I don't really have a problem with the baby having mr. julie's last name, but he shared that he is not super attached to his last name (it's his father's, and doesn't really have a relationship with his father at all) and might be open to using my last name for the baby. I'm kind of intrigued, I must admit. We're still discussing, but I'd be curious about what discussions others have had about last names.

ananke, sorry to hear about the blood pressure issue...hopefully the protein cure will help!

zelda and Michelina, I agree, it really is amazing how hyperaware you become of every little thing about your body when trying to conceive. Sometimes the "new" things you're noticing might just be normal variations for you. If you can, just try to look at it as some kind of amazing science experiment. With sex! I won't promise that it will keep you from obsessing (it clearly didn't stop me) but maybe it will help you kill some time in the "wait."

jenny, thinking of you and hoping everything went OK yesterday....
zelda
julie, I think it was you who had the therapist who told you to rate your symptoms on a 1-5 scale throughout the month so you could better evaluate the symptoms during the 2 week wait...I've been trying that, and it's really helping. Thanks for the tip!

Michelina, my temp took a huge dip today almost to the coverline. Super wonky on the other side of ovulation for me, too. But I am glad that I can at least see the difference between the two phases. There was a pretty clear jump after I ovulated. I am crossing my fingers for you that this is your month! It's still pretty early for symptoms. I will let you know immediately how the Fertell thing goes...has Mr. Michelina cut back his smoking at all (if you don't mind me asking)?

As for last names...I had a friend who had a daughter, and the daughter took her last name (she'd kept her's after marriage) and then the son took the husband's name. Don't know what they would have done if they'd only had kids of one gender, but it always struck me as a pretty neat plan.

What about using one of the last names as a middle name?

I think you're right about the hyphenation...I don't want to knock hyphenated names, but as a teacher, I have had several students with hyphenated names, and it is a huge hassle for them when it comes to paperwork. And typically most kids end up using only one of the last names to make it easier for them.

I'm torn on trying to know the gender. If I'm 100 % honest, Mr. Z and I both want a little girl...I think if it is a boy (if we ever get pregnant!), we would want to know ahead of time so we could process that first and perhaps deal with the little bit of disappointment that might follow...I know maybe that sounds bad, but I do think a lot of people have to have a slight preference whether they admit it or not. I know for sure that I would end up being thrilled with a boy, too, but I think in my mind whenever I've pictured myself as a mom, I've pictured myself with a baby girl.

So I think I would at least want time to deal with that if that image didn't end up coming true. At the same time, I think it would be so much fun to get that surprise in the delivery room. At that point, I have a feeling I would just be thrilled to be having a baby!!!
zelda
So my poor BFF called me all frantic this afternoon because she got unclear results back from her CVS testing. The majority of the cultures came back all clear - no Downs, no trisonomy 21 (or whatever that's called), but a few of the cultures showed a chromosomal defect with chromosome 2.

The doctor and genetic counselor are very certain that the cultures got tainted with some of my BFF's DNA...this happens in 1 to 2 percent of CVS tests. Of course there is a small chance that there *is* something wrong with the baby, but the doctor told her since chromosome 2 is such an important chromosome, it is highly unlikely that a baby with a chromosome 2 defect would survive this long in utero anyway. It's most likely just my BFF's DNA.

Well she has to get an amnio to confirm that all is well...the whole reason she got the CVS was to avoid the amnio! And she has to wait 3 weeks to get that test...erg. I know she is stressing, but I told her that the odds are definitely in her favor.

The good news...she's having a girl! That's what she was hoping for.

I am just trying to lend all the emotional support that I can to her right now...I know it's a scary time...but I really do think all will be okay.
ananke
Oh God that must be terrifying. Mr A and I decided against the genetic testing (mostly because we're v. low risk and there were very few things that would have changed the outcome of the pregnancy) but that must just be terribly hard to deal with. Best of luck to her.

I ended up at the ob. today because I got a headache last night that I hoped and hoped was tension that ended up waking me up at 6 this morning. And it turns out I've still got higher than normal blood pressure and protein in my urine so we're monitoring stuff a lot more. The headache is still there, even after codeine so I'm pissed off. I feel like kicking things. It's fuckign scary right now. But it's something I can deal with, so I'm trying to concentrate on that. I don't have anything else symptom-wise though (like my wedding ring still fits the same, so do shoes) which means it's a little less intense. But I'm getting onto the protein and the liquid chlorophyll!

As far as names go, and gender, Mr A and I had a gender neutral name picked at week 6, almost entirely by accident. We decided to find out the gender, mostly because it's a surprise now not just at birth and because it makes it a little easier for our families to bond with the pregnancy even though they haven't been able to be involved at all. We'd decided prior to babies that the kids would have his last name, even though I'd kept mine - mostly because he has a massive massive attachment to his family and the name is part of that. But NerdBaby's middle name will be my surname. I wanted hyphens but got vetoed.
eyelet
Ananke-don't worry--I've been on pre-eclampsia watch for 20 weeks and still keeping it at bay.

I bought a whey protein in vanilla flavor, sweetened with Stevia, so it's not adding to the sugar load, but still tastes good. I use milk with it and use a hand blender so it's fast to make. It's 40 grams of protein, which means I have some chance of reaching the 100g per day goal. It really is hard to do if you consider a serving of meat is around 20 grams. My normal eating habits would have me eating more like 30-40 grams per day. If you like vanilla shakes, this would be good, but if you hate milk, it might have to be unflavored protein powder in a smoothie.

The link below has the Brewer's Diet for preventing pre-eclampsia. You can disregard a lot of the stuff that is just common sense and you've probably already been doing, but skip to the part where it gives protein counts for different things and you'll see how little protein you probably have been getting.

http://www.bradleybirth.com/PD.aspx

The liquid chlorophyll should have no flavorings in it (like mint). With cold refrigerated water it's really very refreshing like a tea. I ended up moving to chlorophyll tabs eventually just for portability, but try the liquid for a while anyway, because it gets you into the habit of drinking more water.

Regarding names, I'm still struggling with ours. The Mr. likes it because it's Cornish and he grew up there. I like it too, but still thinking maybe I'll have some inspired idea at the last minute. It's such a huge responsibility naming a person! We're throwing something weird into the mix--my partner now wants to change his own last name to that of his stepfather because his bio-dad left his family when he was 5 and he doesn't like the idea of perpetuating the guy's name now that there's another generation.

This thing with his dad has really gotten dredged up now that we're having a kid...but that's for another post some time when we're talking about family baggage (I've got plenty of my own too).


Michelina
I posted 3X due to computer problems. :-)
Michelina
Another oops!
Michelina
Zelda, that must be awfully frustrating for your friend. Even though it sounds like all is likely well, she still has to go through another invasive procedure and another wait for results. She must really appreciate your support through this.

As far as the pot smoking, Mr. M is dry right now. He hasn't smoked for about 2 weeks, I'd say. He is getting more, but knows it may be the last batch. He even brought up the subject that if we go for fertility testing, the first thing he'll be told to do is quit pot. As we are only on the third month of trying, I think he should go for it and we'll talk again this summer.

I had a good talk with my mom last weekend. I told her that we are trying and that it is frustrating. She knows that I am not good at waiting for things I want, and she has also had her own struggles with TTC. She was very supportive and has promised not to ask. She knows that when we have good news, we'll let her know.

As far as the baby gender thing, Mr. M really wants a girl. I, on the other hand, would love a boy. I have always thought that, if I were a single mother by choice (something I had very much considered before meeting Mr. M), I would want a girl. On the other hand, with a partner I would want a boy. I agree, Zelda, even though not everyone admits it, I bet most people deep down have a preference one way or the other. I think that once the baby is in the parent's arms, that the sex really doesn't matter.

As far as names, Mr. M and I have had many fun discussions about it. We have a ton of girl names, but find boy names are much more difficult. I took his last name so that won't be a decision.

I am starting to panic everytime I go to the washroom and think I see blood. No, please don't come!!! But the reality is that I could start my period anytime now. I am 11dpo today so "the curse" could come at any moment. (I really do feel like it's "the curse" now!)

julie124
(zelda's BFF)
I'm so sorry about that - it must be nerve-wracking for her, no matter how reassuring her doctor is trying to be. I think we are going to get the first trimester screen and hope and pray that the results don't end up indicating further testing. My feeling is that I want this baby, no matter what. I think mr. julie is more of the opinion, "Well, if something is really wrong, we could just try again." I told him I didn't think I could terminate the pregnancy even if the baby had problems.

My preggo friend and I were recently discussing how one of the frustrating things about pregnancy is that it makes you realize how little of this is in our control. I mean, we can eat as well as we can, exercise, rest, blah, blah blah, etc etc etc but at the end of the day we can't control what happens.

eyelet, I hear you on the family baggage. That's the main reason I think mr. julie is considering having the baby take my last name - he's none too fond of his absentee father and I don't think likes the idea of perpetuating what he thinks of as his father's name (even though it's his name too).
Michelina
I am lightly spotting. Crap! My temp was still well elevated this morning so I am not losing hope entirely, but spotting before my period is very normal for me. My temp doesn't usually come down until the first day of real flow. The only thing unusual is that I don't typically spot until about 13dpo.
eyelet
I was so focused on giving Ananke that nutrition info, I didn't stop to comment on your friend's test results. My good friend who is 6 weeks behind me had some iffy test results too and was given the all clear on her amnio. It was very stressful waiting and wondering and to make it worse, she and her husband had different opinions about potentially terminating. So glad that worked out in their favor and I hope it does in your friend's too.

I am beginning to feel that panicky feeling of what if something goes wrong. I read in my books that it's normal at 35 weeks to start having a lot of mood swings and self-doubt so I guess I'm right on track. I sometimes get angry at my spouse for not being as "in" this as I am. It's my every waking (probably even sleeping) thought. Every small move from getting up to pee to carrying in groceries requires coordination and effort. I have so much more understanding now of people who are mobility impaired or carrying a lot of extra weight.

Michelina--sorry to hear it if it does turn out to be your period. I can't recall which month you're on--wondering which month everyone is on in TTC, in fact, but I seem to recall with you it's still under six months right?

Off to the salt mines...

zelda
Woah! I am catching up on all these posts...

Thanks for the good wishes for my BFF. She was feeling so frantic again last night, so she called the (super nice) genetic counselor today who answered all these questions...of course my BFF had gone crazy researching everything on the Internet and scaring herself half to pieces...the counselor really calmed her down, so that's good. It still really sucks that she's going to have to wait until after the amnio to get the total all clear, but her doc feels really confident that everything is going to be fine.

She and her husband were both on the same page in terms of terminating if there was definite proof of something really wrong...but she admitted to me last night how attached she's become, and now that she's knows it's a girl, it's even more horrible to think of termination at a late stage. I am just really crossing all fingers and toes for her right now!

Michelina, hang in there...remember Moxie (who has posted on here) had the same thing in terms of spotting before a positive test. Also try to remember that you're still relatively early in the TTC journey. I'd say anything under 6 months is still really no reason to fret Have you checked out some of the charts on Fertility Friend? That made me feel loads better. I know...you want it now....so do I! Bad! But at least looking at those other charts will make you see how many women didn't get pregnant until 7, 8, or 9 months or even longer. I'm glad you can talk to your mom about it...my parents have been really laid back and not mentioning anything about TTC even though they know we're trying. I appreciate that...

Let us know what happens....I'm thinking of you. Lots!

Since my parents are visiting this weekend, Mr. Z and I want to get busy before they come (for fun, not for baby!). Since the Fertell test requires men to wait at least 2 days from the past ejaculation to test, he's going to wait until next week to try the test...so hopefully I'll know something next week. He's cut back quite a bit, but I would say he's still smoking enough to make an impact (if he is borderline infertile which - from what I've read - is when pot can really make an impact). I asked him how much he was smoking when he got his old girlfriend pregnant when he was in his early 20s, and he said he was smoking 4 or 5 times a DAY (good God). He's not even close to being that much of a pothead now (or I wouldn't have married him), but I still think...well, he was a lot younger. Even though, I keep going back to that story for reassurance.

Oh well, I can't worry about it now...and at least it's fixable. He's already said he'll quit smoking for a baby.

I'm 6 DPO and no symptoms yet even though I know it's too early. We'll see what happens.

Ananke, I hope you feel better...being in pain sucks...please let us know what's up, and I'm thinking of you!
Michelina
The spotting just happened once today and seems to have stopped. I am enjoying a glass of wine and trying to relax about it. Zelda, you are right - it's not time to panic yet. It's only the third month. I just want this so badly! We have planned drinks out with friends this weekend so if I'm on my period, I'll have a nice distraction.
ananke
My headache is still there - I think I'm going to name it now, since it looks like it'll be here for a while. Our plans are somewhat screwed up now since I'm symptomatic which puts it up to a whole 'nother level of intervention. But the upside is that NerdBaby is doing well and there's no problems there - I ended up on the fetal monitor and the midwife was surprised at how much she's kicking (every so often she'd kick the monitors so it'd be going beep beep beep BARPLE beep beep beep) and she wasn't even overly active at that point! But she was in a good position and looked healthy so everything is looking good there. I get a big diagnostic ultrasound next week which will be good (we're getting the DVD for our mothers...) and hopefully give us some more info and options.

Eyelet - I got really cranky last night with Mr A - I just feel so big and ungainly and tired and now I've got this whole other thing to think about and ARGH. So I can't imagine it gets better later in the game! But yeah, it's been an eye opener as far as mobility goes, even though I've got a dodgy knee, it's been different having trouble doing things like grocery shopping and being so so tired. But yeah, I'm looking at protein counts and just being amazed. I'm so going to get sick of eggs, I just know it.

It's so hard to have that termination conversation - Mr A and I had discussed it long before the pregnancy and again when we started, but once you've got that positive it make it all so much harder. None of our decisions changed, but it was so much harder to think about. It must be even worse the further along you are.

Michelina, I spotted before AND after my positive test - but like Zelda says, it's early days yet. I hope the Fertell comes up good for you Zelda!
zelda
Dang anake, can they give you anything for the pain?

Soooo cool that you got to see NerdBaby moving around and doing her thing. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to have a whole `nother person inside of you...by the way, I almost said that I cannot even conceive of what it must be like...pardon the pun.

;-)

Michelina, let us know what you find out...I wouldn't be able to hold out and would take a test even though Fertility Friend says the most accurate positive tests (meaning no false negative) do not occur until 13 dpo. I am so glad I only have one more expensive digital EPT test in the house...I just don't want to break it out, but the next time I use a test, I'll use that. And if it's negative, that's it...no more tests in the house, and I won't buy anymore unless I'm 3 days late. The urge to test is just too strong for me, and if I have to go to the store to buy one, then I won't end up doing them thus I won't get so upset. For some reason, I think a negative test is more depressing than getting your period.

I'm so glad my parents will be here this weekend when I'll be around CD 22 to 25...it will help distract me from the waiting game. Of course I'm going to see if any symptoms start to pop up this weekend...I can't help it.

I've decided that this is really our third month of trying, not our fourth. If my chart is correct - and I think it is - I've been ovulating on day 12 or 13...the first month we really tried, we didn't start trying until day 14. Too late. So I think I'll feel better if I refer to this as month 3 of timed intercourse. We shall see.

Okay, LOST is coming on over here...that can definitely distract me from the TTC thing. :-)
zelda
Ugh...why am I so moody and depressed all of a sudden.

I'm sorry...no one even has to respond to my blahs...a few hours ago I was on here telling Michelina to stay positive, and right now I am on the verge of tears because an old friend of mine (who I'd already known was pregnant) just emailed me to tell me she found out it was a boy.

I don't know why I'm so blue. I just had this weird, scary feeling like it is never going to happen for us. I know I'm being completely ridiculous, and I'm going back on everything I just said two posts ago or whatever, but I just feel really, really depressed all of a sudden for some reason.

Argh, what is my problem!? And I'm worried that the Fertell test will show bad results and I'm going to get angry at Mr. Z for smoking pot even though he's been smoking for years and I couldn't care less...up until now. Or maybe he'll be fine and there's something wrong with me, or there's nothing wrong, we just have to keep trying.

Toot toot! Crazy train, pulling into the station - Miss Zelda, get on board!

Argh! And it's not like I'm not happy for my friend...but she knows we're trying (again, I should have kept my mouth shut) and she's like, "What about you? Any news?" And I have to tell her no even though she had every right to ask since I'd told her when she called to tell me her news originally that we were trying.

Okay, sorry...sorry, I'm just venting and getting it all out...sigh...sigh...triple sigh.
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