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ananke
eyelet - the doctors think it's cyst on NerdBaby's ovary. Well, one of them does, the other is a little bewildered about that and thinks it's somewhere in her abdomen and we haven't heard from the peadiatrician yet. So it's a case of waiting til she's here before they know. I'm wondering if it's something like the 'cyst' I had, which looked like a small cyst on every diagnostic scan (ultrasound and MRI) but turned out to be a rather larger tumour made of blood vessels. So i'm going to mention that next visit.

And I have no idea why he wants to induce over the weekend/holiday. I think it's because it's quieter and he knows he can be there whereas during the week i'm guessing it'll be a bit harder because I'm doing this all a bit earlier than expected. It's annoying to have schedules affecting how I give birth. I understand that it's more about balancing as much growth in utero as possible with minimising risks to me and her with the high blood pressure and now the cyst thing, but it's still irritating to have stuff like public holidays affecting when I give birth because certain people/places aren't going to be working.

I know what you mean on the preparedness. i need to get the car serviced, I haven't prepped the nappes yet, the house isn't scrubbed, I still have a load of baby laundry, my bag isn't totally packed and THERE'S NOWHERE FOR HER TO SLEEP! My cot still hasn't arrived and the bassinette is still up in queensland. We may buy a bassinette at this rate, so Mr A is looking at it today since he's decided I have to stay home and relax since I felt crappy yesterday and last night after going to the movies* and woke up with a bit of a headache.

That's awesome that you're done with the second job. It must feel like such a relief! Combined with the cervical news, that's pretty awesome. The midwife thing sounds annoying, but at least they're listing now, right?

*We saw Star Trek and like a n00b I bawled at the start. And again part way through. Yes, you read that right I CRIED AT STAR TREK. This is after Mr A was talking about a font shirt he saw and one of my friends said he'd be Times New Roman which he got offended by and called her Wingdings. And while we were looking for a cafe for lunch he started saying "husband needs food badly" and "husband is about to die" - quoting from an old game. So i had a very nerdy sort of day.
zelda
Ananke, I am just laughing at the idea of you crying over Star Trek. My pregnant BFF called me today because she was bawling over a State Farm insurance ad on the TV.

I hope everything with the cyst situation is okay. You are more than entitled to whine and be freaking out right now. You an eyelet both! Eyelet, I am SO glad you were able to end that second job.

This is a question for Michelina or any of the ladies TTC. Have any of you had EWCM *after* ovulation? I'm pretty sure I ovulated on day 13 or 14 because of my EWCM even though I wasn't taking temps or any of that this month. I couldn't help but notice it even though I was trying not to. Then I had creamy CM for a day or two and felt pretty dry.

Today, about 4 days after ovulation, I got all this EWCM again. I'm kind of bummed because Mr. Z is out of town and we can't do anything about it, but at the same time, it would be odd for me to ovulate on day 17.

Does anyone know what this could be?

Eyelet and Ananke, keep us updated!

Michelina
Ananke, I hope that once baby is born, you'll get more info about the cyst right away and will find out it's nothing to worry about. You are completely justified in being worried right now. Hopefully it won't grow any more now. Will you be getting scanned again before she arrives? I think mentioning your own history is a great idea.

Eyelet, it must feel wonderful to be done your second job! Yay!

Zelda, I have had CM well past my ovulation on many occasions. In fact, today (8 dpo) I had a little. I think sometimes it gets stuck up in the cervix and comes out long after ovulation has happened. I'll bet this is what happened to you. My CM tends to be a little blood stained after ovulation. I think that ovulation causes a little bleeding and it gets trapped in the CM. It is usually my way of knowing for sure that ovulation happened.

I woke up last night feeling a little nauseous, but I think I was just too warm in my bed. I may have been dreaming about pregnancy because I immediately wondered if I am pregnant. Other than that, I feel like I always do at this stage. I am trying so hard to not read into anything anymore!
ananke
Michelina - I'm hoping it turns out to be nothing - just something caused by my hormones. But yeah, trying not to freak out is getting harder and harder. I won't be getting scanned again, mostly because they want at least 2 weeks to be able to check growth and at that point I'll hopefully have given birth! Which is a kinda scary prospect.

I'm really tempted to tell Mr A that we're scooting off this weekend - God knows where, but just getting out of the city and spending some time together before NerdBaby comes. Next week his brother is visiting (the timing didn't seem so bad when he first booked the trip!) and the week after that she's here!

And Zelda, there's one work cover ad that always makes me cry. It's so embarrassing. The entire pregnancy I've had to change the channel if that comes on.

And here's hoping you both get something positive this month!
zelda
Ananke, hope you can get away! I cry at all sorts of commercials right now, and I'm not even PG yet...thanks for the positive vibes.

You should put your brother-in-law to work when he visits...get him to help get the house ready. :-)

Thanks for the answer, Michelina. The CM was gone today. I think you're right.

This was the first month I got blood stained CM (that I noticed)...the morning of the day I usually ovulate (day 13). Glad we did it that day and day 11. That's all the action that took place this month, but maybe it was well-timed. Sigh. Who knows. I don't know anymore! With each month I get less hung up on interpreting my symptoms. Last month was the first time I didn't use a home pregnancy test, and I'm glad for that. The heartbreak of an early negative is worse than the actual period (for me, anyway).

So hopefully each month I'm learning to be a little more relaxed and fatalistic about it. I think if it doesn't happen by the fall (which will have been about 7 to 9 months of trying), we'll go to the doctor. Having that plan is putting me a little more at ease.

jenny_dreadful
I hear you on the crying thing! I spend a big chunk of my working day trying not to cry obviously at something I've read or heard that has touched my extra sensitive tear glands. The week before I found out I was pregnant I suspected something was up when I spent the whole 2 hours of a Harry Potter film I was watching bawling my eyes out, and now when I feel like I need to cry I stick HP on to get it out of my system. Weird.

Julie, I'm sorry to hear your babe wasn't compliant for the nuchal scan. How frustrating for you. Does this mean that you will have a later screening? I have my nuchal scan on Friday, but I was offered something called serum screening if I preferred to wait for the second trimester for any kind of screening.

I'm getting increasingly nervous about my scan! This week I have my booking in appointment with the midwife when she will apparently palpate my uterus! I'm 12 weeks now so should be able to feel my uterus. I think I might be able to - but I have a belly and I'm worried it gets in the way of my being able to tell. I'm noticing that I get a lot fuller after meals now, which apparently can be caused by increased levels of progesterone slowing down digestion. I've also been exhausted all weekend, so I'm taking these all as signs that I really am still pregnant. Am really looking forward to the scan to confirm everything is going to plan, and that the little one is OK in there.

Eyelet and Ananke, thinking of you both as your confinements* draw near! (*do they use that phrase outside of the UK? i have to fill in a maternity form giving the date of my "expected week of confinement" when I eventually tell my work that I'm in the family way, it seems an extraordinarily oldfashioned term!)
zelda
I have not heard the term confinement in the U.S., but I did know it was popular in the U.K. It's a funny and outdated term, but for some reason I like it..."Sorry, can't go out. I'm confined....by my huge belly!" :-)

Jenny, I wish you all the best with your scan. I know the nerves must be getting to you, but won't it feel so good when you're all done! Let us know how it goes. On the tired thing, my BFF is now in her second trimester and the tiredness is really going away...in fact she has a lot of energy! Hopefully the same thing will happen for you, too.

Today, I was hit with a wave of depression over TTC...I don't know...Mr. Z and I were just talking, and he revealed to me how sad he feels that the baby thing hasn't happened yet. He really wants it too, and he's just bummed. He said there is nothing I am doing to make him feel this way, but he says he can't help but feel that he's not "doing his job" as it were. Again, that manly virility thing coming into play.

I tried to make him feel better, but I don't know the right words. Later on today, we tried to do it (not for baby, just for fun), and he couldn't perform. I think his sadness was still bugging him. Of course you know me, I started frantically thinking that he'll never perform again and next month we'll be out of luck and blah blah runaway mind...

I just am filled with this overwhelming sense of dread that we will never get pregnant. I know it's completely ridiculous and irrational, and I am just whining, but for some reason today was a hard day. It felt good to take a break up to and through the fertile window, but this waiting around time always gets me down.

I don't know what to do...I don't know how to just go on living my life with this TTC thing always in the background. Today Mr. Z was like, "I just want to make you happy and be happy with a baby," and I was like, "I am so happy...with you!" And I really am...we have such a good relationship and I just don't like what TTC is doing to us...

Bleh and bleh.
eyelet
The term confinement makes me think of Jane Austen stories...

I never thought I would adapt to this level of largeness, but once again, my body seems to have adjusted all the settings and it doesn't feel so weird. I think I have at least a few more days to wait until labor kicks in because I feel very normal.

I don't know if I mentioned already that the baby is about 7.25 lbs. I've held many babies that were that size and it's a trip to think that's in me.

Today is the home visit by the midwife's apprentice. I still have some loose ends, but at least the house is clean. The Mr. also seems to be getting with the program and realizing that he has to be ready at all times.

It's a bummer Zelda how TTC is making you guys feel. We forget that both genders feel like they are somehow failing in their biological imperative when conception doesn't happen right away.

Men's brains are more connected to their genitals than we give them credit for since during their early years it seems their penises are beyond their mental control. A couple I know had the experience that they went in for egg extraction and fertilization and when the husband had to give sperm, he couldn't get an erection. This is a guy who had no history of this at all. in the end, they had to spend $2000 and get the sperm extracted by syringe in order to fertilize the eggs during the window of time. It was successful fortunately, and they have a healthy baby now, so he can tell the story with a sense of humor, but I can imagine it would have been even more demoralizing had it not resulted in a pregnancy.

Off to the store to round up the last of the items on the list (including cheap olive oil for my perineum-yikes!)

Wishing well to all.



Michelina
(((Zelda))) I have had a few days lately when I have felt very similar to how you're feeling. I feel like I have "failed" each month it doesn't happen. All I can say is that you are not alone. You and Mr. Z clearly have a very honest and communicative relationship, and that will get you through this. If just feels so unfair that it happens so easily for some couples.

I got my period today. My temp dropped and I am spotting (how it always begins) at only 10dpo. Dammit.

I'm at work so I have to run. Will contribute more later.
zelda
Oh, argh, Michelina...10 dpo?? Argh! I am so sorry. So frustrating...trust me I know. I know you know I know.

((((Michelina))))

A friend of mine gave me some sage advice today...she said Mr. Z is entitled to his hills and valleys with this as well. So I have to be okay with him feeling this way and not rush to go "fix" everything - which is my tendency. I trust our relationship will be okay...I cannot imagine going through all this if I didn't feel like our relationship could handle it and was strong enough to deal with it.

Michelina
Now I am freaking out wondering if I have a luteal phase defect. Again, before TTC, I had a normal cycle with a good 12 to 14 day luteal phase. This is so frustrating and I just want to cry. Has anyone heard about vitamin B6 to increase the luteal phase? I might just try it next cycle.

Zelda, like you, I think we should go to the doctor if we haven't conceived by fall. That will make it about 9 to 10 months and I think that if she is convinced that we are getting the timing right, she'll probably order tests, or at least a semen analysis. (I am laughing right now. When I typed "tests" just then, I accidentally typed "testes.")

Eyelet, it's great to hear that your baby is a good size. Might be pretty darn big by delivery date! :-) A friend of mine spent her last few weeks very worried as baby was estimated at only 5lbs just before delivery. He ended up being just under 6 and is perfectly healthy.

Jenny, your symptoms definitely sound reassuring. How many days until the ultrasound now?
zelda
Michelina, remember that 10 days is still in the normal range...I hope I didn't seem like I thought there was anything wrong with that in my last post (I was mostly just concurring with your frustration over your unexpected early period)...Besides, I doubt you would just develop this defect all of a sudden. I know you were using OPK strips, but you might have been off by one day or so...even if you weren't, I don't think 10 days is anything to worry about. The good news is even if it is a luteal phase issue, that can be easily remedied with extra progesterone.

We've been trying for about the same amount of time, so we, too, are going to go to the doc in the fall. Actually, Mr. Z says he wants to get a semen analysis next month which is fine with me. There is a clinic near here that does it for $110 US dollars. The best part is they will let you give the sample at home as long as you can get it to the clinic within an hour. We live about 15 minutes away, so I know Mr. Z is happy he can "donate" without having to do it in a doctor's office. After the nightmare with the Fertell thing (we still haven't figured out how to contact a human...the thing is a total scam), I've just decided that if we're going to do any tests, we need to just do it with a doctor.

I know how stressful and crazy it is...all I can say is we are here for you and willing to listen at any time. Hang in there...(((Michelina)))
Michelina
Zelda, I was only worrying because I googled it and some sites say that under 12 is worrisome. Others say that 10 and more is normal. So I am not sure what's correct. I am just being paranoid, I think. And you're right, this isn't a consistent problem and if it is, it is easily fixed. I am going to pour myself a glass of wine now and relax!

Mr. Z having a semen analysis is a great idea. I hope that the results reassure you, and they probably will!
Michelina
Zelda, is this the same test that failed for you?

http://www.babyhopes.com/products/pre-conc...count-test.html
zelda
Hi, Michelina! No, that's not the one. That test only measures sperm count. To really know if something is wrong, you need to know motility and morphology. (Motility - the sperm's ability to move at a normal pace - is the one thing that *some* research says might be affected by heavy pot usage.)

The Fertell test (www.fertell.com) measures count and motility...but like I said, it didn't work. There is no longer a human being on the customer service line, and the website they left on their answering service to report a faulty test doesn't work (www.fertellhelp.com).

I've decided if we're really going to test him, we might as well check all three key components with a real doctor's test. I have faith that even if there is something wrong, given Mr. Z's history of getting a girlfriend pregnant once, any problems could be easily remedied with lifestyle changes, vitamins, diet, etc. All things Mr. Z is readily willing to do. He's already drastically cut his pot smoking down.

Anyway, he's going to go sometime in June. I think this will help him feel better.

I think your luteal phase thing is nothing to worry about...it sounds like you almost always have one of normal length, so this may have been just a freak occurrence. And again, 10 days isn't all that short. :-)

Sigh...I feel like I have a degree in biology now.
Michelina
Thanks, Zelda. Wow, there sure are a lot of those products on the market! It's confusing. I wondered why the one I linked to is cheaper than the others. I guess it makes sense it's cheaper because it only measures one factor. I agree, may as well skip the home tests and get a valid test in a lab. Thanks for the reassurance about the luteal phase thing. I feel better about it now. Have you guys thought about zinc supplements? That is supposed to help sperm.

I am honestly thinking of trying cough syrup around ovulation this month. Has anyone hear tried it? If so, when did you start taking it? I am sort of intrigued. As far as egg whites, won't be going there!
recentlysequined
Hi all - sorry for the thread-jack; I just wanted to introduce myself - I'm about six weeks pregnant and excited/freaked out/a little swollen. Since it's still so early in the game my husband and I aren't telling folks yet, but this means I am BURSTING to talk about it with someone - so pardon me if I drop in and shriek quietly from time to time.

AAAAAAAAH!

I feel better already.
zelda
Recently, feel free to shriek away...there is a lot of shrieking and venting on this thread.

Is this your first? How old are you? Tell us your stats (if you so choose!).

I'm Zelda...I'm 32, and my husband and I have been trying to conceive our first child for about 5 months...no luck yet, but we're still hoping it will work out. Some of us on here are trying to conceive and others are in the early stages of pregnancies and eyelet and ananke are due any minute!

The one thing we seem to have in common is we are all equally disturbed by the TTC/Pregnancy boards on other sites complete with baby dust and pixies and flowers and crap like that.

Welcome!
recentlysequined
Thanks Zelda! I'm 33, married for 4 years and this is my first pregnancy - exciting, but terrifying. So far I feel ok: a little crampy and tender, but nothing too gruesome. I haven't had my first OB exam yet - I have some meetings with docs and a midwife scheduled for two weeks out to start the process.

Yes, I actually didn't even bother checking out other boards - I'm a longtime BUST magazine subscriber, so I knew this would be the place to talk breeding without having too many Anne Geddes moments.

A baby in a flower pot. Heh.
julie124
Congrats, recentlysequined! Sounds like things are going well thus far for you...I know what you mean about just *bursting* with the news. I've been telling folks gradually...always thought I would wait until 12 weeks or whatever. Ha, ha, ha, ha, HA. Not so much.

Oh yeah, by way of introduction, I'm 36, pregnant 14 weeks as of today (woo hoo!) and this is my first pregnancy as well. And I may have to steal your line about "Anne Geddes moments."

Y'all, thanks for all the support on the attempted first-trimester screen. That one goes out the window, but I can always do the quad screen in the second trimester if I want to (jenny, I think that might be the same thing as the "serum screen" you referred to - it's a blood test). Went for my regular OB visit yesterday and things look good. The doc tried to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler and couldn't, but had warned me beforehand that at this point it's only about half the time they can find it on the Doppler. So we did a quick ultrasound and all looks well. Baby is still doing headstands, though, so we weren't able to get any better pictures than we did at the nuchal scan visit.

eyelet and ananke, I am getting excited for you....it's getting so close! ananke, sorry to hear about the cyst...thinking good thoughts for baby and for you.

Michelina, sorry this wasn't your month and glad to hear that you're feeling calmer about the luteal phase thing. I think every so often our bodies mix it up a little and as long as it's not 10 days every month, it's probably nothing to worry about. I did use B6 for awhile because I was worried about having a sufficient luteal phase...if you do try that, everything I've read says to start with a smaller dosage and then add more in a couple months if that doesn't do the trick. I think I was taking about 10 mg daily and that seemed to work fine.

The egg white thing (using raw chicken egg whites) I never tried because it seemed....excessive and kinda yuck, I guess, but I did use Pre-Seed a few times. I didn't use it when I conceived (I'd run out and hadn't gone to get more) but I know a few people who have had good luck with it.

Oh yeah, and I'm a little late to this discussion, but the crying thing...you never know what will set it off. One night I was at home bawling in front of the TV as I flipped between a John Denver retrospective and that show called "The Locator" where this guy goes around the country helping people find their long-lost loved ones. The second one I would expect to be a little emotional. The first...yes, I was crying during "Rocky Mountain High."
zelda
Recentlysequined, glad to have you here! It's nice to see this board so active.

Michelina, I have heard Mucinex or some cough syrup can help with CM. I read about it in TCOYF. Preseed is really good...comes with a plunger you can use to insert some inside prior to intercourse. We've only been using it as a lube (I haven't been inserting it inside) because I do seem to be blessed with copious CM! I'm hoping this will help Mr. Z's sperm if it is at all lazy!!

Glad you're feeling better about the luteal phase thing...I think Julie is right...if it isn't happening every month, it's surely nothing to worry about.

Julie...glad your OB visit went well...but it sounds like you're having a gymnast! :-)

Anne Geddes makes me wanna puke.
Michelina
RS, welcome and congrats! I am 31 and TTC for 4 months now. Too early to freak out, I know. (But I certainly have my moments!) What is your due date?

Thanks for the info and reassurance about the luteal phase issue, Julie and Zelda. I did a little more research on it, and some suggest talking to one's doc if it is consistently less than 12 days. I think I'll keep charts and if it is consistently less than 12, I'll go to the doctor this summer. It seems like such an easy thing to remedy that it would be a shame to let go for too long (if it really is a problem!)

As far as the cough syrup, I understand it doesn't create CM, but thins it out and makes it more sperm friendly. I think my CM is rather thick. I have a good amount of it, but I figure it couldn't hurt to try thinning it. I have been using pre-seed, but I figure that if the natural CM is too thick, then the pre-seed probably won't do much good. Does this sound right?

I think I'll be going on a shopping trip this weekend for vitamin B6 and cough syrup. Exciting! :-)
zelda
I need to order more Preseed. I think my mucus is pretty thin. It stretches out several inches (fun - ha ha!).

This month was weird...I had a ton of mucus on day 13 when we Did It and then the next day absolutely nothing. Makes me thing we did time it well. But I can't get my hopes up.

Argh! Still another week of waiting. I wonder if some day they will be able to come up with a test that tells you the moment you conceive. Now is the time I start thinking, "Am I having symptoms?" But each month I get less focused on that because I am able to say, "Now, Zelda, you had that last month and nothing happened."

Saw my BFF today and she is really starting to show! She is starting to get all panicky about the amnio results, but I really do have faith it's going to be okay. I am crossing my fingers for her and thinking good thoughts.
ananke
Welcome RS! I remember week 6 - nauseous, but I could still bend and that was actually the week we picked the name we've pretty much settled on! I was spotting that week though.

Week 14 was the week of the most heinous throwing up.

Can you tell i've gone over my pregnancy journal again? And cried some more? I've transcribed it as well, thinking I might put it up on the web somewhere.

I had another appointment today and my ob. is getting cranky with the paediatrician and ultrasound guy because they seem to think that either emergency ultrasounds on newborns are easy to come by at any time or that he'll do a c-section to make it easy for them (or that induction = knowing exactly when she'll come...). I'll be getting yet another scan on the 4th and the induction will be set for the 10th or the 11th. He seemed pleased that my mother is coming down, and was happy with my blood pressure stabilising again. Mind you I'm on more stupid instructions to rest and take care with getting out of bed/cars/chairs because of pelvic pain. But NerdBaby is still doing fine, great results on the monitors (she kept kicking them again) and everything checked out on the minor ultrasound the ob. did.

I'm so over the take it easy thing. So over it. But if I push it I feel so damn awful. I still need to get the tyres replaced on the car (never mind the minor repairs) and I've given up on the house. i've found mylanta helps my heartburn more though, which is great.

What Made Me Cry Today: stupid nursing bra not fitting me. Now I have to send it back and they're sending out yet another one and hopefully it fits. I've got to get to the specialist I found in my city as well. But yeah, after getting up at 5am to drive Mr A to the airport (where they closed checkin early and he missed his flight) I did not need to find out that I still don't have a nursing bra.

Oh! Vital stats are that I'm 27 and 35 weeks along with a little girl and because of my blood pressure going up I'm getting induced early. As in I'll be having my baby in a week and a half. On that note, I'm going to go and freak out a bit about that!
Fookie
Welcome RS! This is the best pregnancy-related board anywhere!

I’ve been away from the boards for about a week and I can’t believe all the activity.
I am at work and don’t have the time/bravery to take the time to get through all the posts (right now I’m typing this in Outlook so it looks like I’m working!).
I’m sorry, I’ll be a better participant. It’s just that with taking this month off, my brain has been on a total trying-to-conceive holiday. It’s been wonderful, but I do miss checking in to the lounge and keeping up to date with everyone’s news.

I’m in the midst of an insane amount of passive aggressive crap from my partner’s sister right now that has kept my mind pretty busy. I think I should probably go over in to the relationships lounge and discuss some of this in the family thread.

I hope everyone is doing well, physically and mentally.

I will catch up better on the weekend.

Take care.
zelda
Today was the last day of school (I'm a teacher), and I'm sorry ladies, but I went out and got DRUNK. I'm a little buzzed while I'm writing this.

Only on BUST could I admit to getting drunk while during my "two week wait." Argh!

I just drunkenly searched on the internet for pregnancy symptoms and 8 days past ovulation and blah blah blah I'm drunk. Will the fates just put a baby in my drunk belly please?

I'll regret this post in the morning.

Oh, and Mr. Z and I Did It (for fun not for baby) when I got home! His performance anxiety from a few days ago was all but forgotten. Of course I'm sure the fact that I was drunk and more than willing didn't hurt.

Erg....please don't let me be hungover.

Baby dust! ;-)
ananke
Dude, I got totally drunk TWICE in the 2 week wait that came up positive for NerdBaby - there were weddings! One in wine country! But yeah, only on BUST does that come out. Also drunk sex can be awesome - I find it sometiems resets whatever i've been anxious about with sex. So here's hoping for awesomeness!
jenny_dreadful
I can admit here that I was pretty wasted the night before I found out I was pregnant - I was at a wedding, not drinking was not an option!

Welcome RS! My vital stats are that I am 32, I am 12 weeks (and 2 days!) pregnant with my first child.

I am now talking about a baby rather than a pregnancy, because I had my scan this afternoon AND IT WENT BRILLIANTLY!!! My risk for Down's Syndrome was 1 in 1500, my risk of triploidy was 1 in 25,000 and the baby has a heart beat and a bladder and a brain and his nuchal measurements were normal. They had to use a combination of the regular belly ultrasound and an internal ultrasound because they couldn't get a great picture of his brain through my belly podge, but the internal pics were great. I've got a lovely picture and I heard the heartbeat which was just sublime.

I was so keyed up in the waiting room, they kept me waiting for an hour and 20 minutes after taking blood and I was so nervous plus my bladder was so full (as instructed) and I was feeling sick (and the receptionist was really unfriendly and there were kids yelling and it was too hot and I felt light headed) that I started crying. Luckily my beloved other half was really supportive and kept me calm when I felt like I was going to lose it! Luckily, when they did get to me they found the baby straight away so I was reassured quite quickly.

It turns out that two eggs had been fertilised, they found signs of another embryo that hadn't grown beyond being a cluster of cells. Apparently this will just eventually break up and be absorbed into the placenta, but it's crazy to think I could've been having twins!

I'm so excited that I can finally go public about being pregnant, and that everything looks OK with the little one. The sonographer was trying to get the baby to face the camera and poked my stomach a few times, and we saw the baby throw his hands up in front of his face and wriggle away! It was amazing to see so much movement and reaction.

I'm delighted. We go on holiday on Sunday, and I'm so pleased we have good news to go with. Thank you everyone here for your kind words earlier this week when I was really freaking out. I'm sorry not to have responded sooner.
zelda
So glad the scan went well and everything looks good...that's great news, Jenny! Crazy to think you could have had twins!! The bladder thing sounds horrible...is that to get better pictures during the scan? Keep us updated!

I think the last day of school is almost as good of an excuse as a wedding in terms of drinking. I'm at 9 dpo and have no symptoms, so of course I'm in that negative cycle of "I'm sure I'm not pregnant, I'll never be pregnant," thing. Argh. I hate doing that to myself!

Oh well...my husband and I are going to a party tonight...I don't feel like drinking now at all! Fortunately I was not hungover, just tired this morning. Erg.

julie124
jenny, congrats on the fabulous scan results! Interesting, they never make me keep a full bladder for my scans, but when I had an internal ultrasound last year (when I wasn't pregnant, to check out some pelvic pain I was having) I had to do it, and I remember how hard it was. Never so happy to pee in my life, but I guess it does make the internal ultrasound easier to see. How amazing about the "almost twins" - I don't remember the specific percentage, but apparently it is quite frequent for two eggs to be fertilized but one of them not to progress and just get reabsorbed into the placenta. So glad your little one is doing well!

I've been a bit mood-swingy the last couple of days. One part of that was that yesterday was my day to pay bills and since mr. julie is currently unemployed (and has chronic depression issues that tend to impact his ability to really get out there and get a job) it tends to fill me with a bit of fear when I watch the money go out the door. (My consulting business is going well for now, but when I have this kid I'm going to be out of commission for a couple months, and frankly am not really interested in being responsible for EVERYTHING.) Also, my OB called yesterday and said that after consulting with the cardiology office I saw last year (to check out my heart murmur) they decided they want me to get another echocardiogram just to make sure my (tiny) heart defect isn't going to be an issue for having a safe vaginal birth. I understand and even appreciate why that makes sense, but one of the riders in my stupid insurance policy completely excludes covering anything having to do with my heart defect. So I'm likely going to have to pay for the entire echocardiogram myself, argh. Just trying to remind myself that it's all worth it to make sure I'm okay and that baby is okay.

However, today I'm feeling pretty good about life. Had a somewhat productive day of work, started making plans to hit the garage sales tomorrow in search of cheap baby gear, put on a spring dress from last year that shows off my itty bitty baby bump, am enjoying the sweet smell of honeysuckle and lilac coming through my house, and of course am enjoying reading all the posts from you lovely Busties.

zelda, glad you weren't hungover! You know, sometimes a girl just has to get her drink on. Screw the two week wait, you gotta just live. I'm looking forward to red wine, champagne, mojitos, martinis, and many other delights off the forbidden list in about 26 weeks or so. Of course, by that time I should be a really cheap date.
zelda
Julie, I hear you on the money issue thing...Mr. Z and I are fortunate enough to live in an affordable part of the US where we can live pretty comfortably on my teaching salary. (It helps that we're thrift store fanatics and not really into fancy stuff to begin with.) We've been socking away money, and our plan is for him to quit his job (he's a machine operator by day, musician by night) and stay at home with the baby and we'll supplement my salary with our savings until the little one is old enough for day care or nursery school. We're hoping he can stay home with the baby for at least a year...I know he's going to be really good at it as he is a great homebody and actually better at cooking and home stuff than I am. Ah, a BUST man.

But even though I think we can swing it, and we actually met with a financial planner who agreed we could, it is scary to feel "responsible" financially in that I will be the primary breadwinner at first. Oh well...there is so much scary business associated with parenting and I know the money thing is just one part of it.

Sorry you have to pay for the echocardiogram yourself. Just another reason to *hate* the US health care system. Why oh why must it be this way??

We went to a party tonight and I did NOT drink. Last night did me in for sure, but you are right...sometimes a girl does need to get her drink on. I will miss those night when I do get pregnant, I know!
jenny_dreadful
Zelda and Julie, thank you! I'm so relieved the scan is over. I've now told my family there's going to be an addition and my mum, aunts, nan, great aunts etc have already gone mad planning names, buggies and knitting patterns.

Zelda, I totally miss the days of getting my drink on, I just told my beloved that I plan on eating chorizo and drinking a glass of rioja as soon as I've delivered the baby and that he should plan on having them ready. There is a 'taste of Spain' festival in London today, and those are the things I would be feasting on if I wasn't in the family way.

I'm off on holiday today, to Seattle, so won't be on the board for a couple of weeks. Keeping my fingers crossed for you, Zelda, and for you Julie that the echocardiogram brings reassurance that all is OK for you. What a total bummer about the expense of it.
zelda
I'm sure telling people has got to be the best party, JennyD! I am sure the chorizo and wine will taste even better after a nine month break.

I'm 11 dpo and don't really have symptoms to speak of. Yesterday I had terrible cramps all day, but I think they were associated with gas. I moved my bowels four times! Highly unusual, but I don't think that's an early symptom of pregnancy - at least not from anything I've read. This morning I woke up gassy and cranky and tired, but I've woken up that way plenty of times, so...

The one good thing about TTC for a while is you become more suspicious of symptoms and not so excited about any one possible little thing. I should know by Thursday or Friday of this week if this month is a bust and we need to send Mr. Z for his semen analysis. ***crosses fingers***
Michelina
Jenny, congrats on the ultrasound! What a huge relief, and how exciting to see your little one! What a great way to start your vacation.

Julie, it is so hard for me to wrap my mind around how your insurance could not pay for something as important as an echo. That's tough, but I guess you don't really have a choice. It's too important. The peace of mind you get will be worth it, though.

Zelda, I have noticed the same in myself. I am reading into things WAY less than the first cycle or two. I am still wondering if we may have had a chemical the first time we tried. My breasts were painful that first month. I was waking up at night in pain and having to change position. I've never had such sore breasts and it hasn't happened since. Of course, if it happens again, I'll be reluctant to get excited now. Well, I am crossing fingers and toes for you.

I started actually creating charts now so I can take them to my doctor. I had only 9 days of elevated temps in the last cycle and that is a sign of a LPD. So I started 50mg B6 and will go to my doctor if I have another cycle that is under 12. I would rather get this sorted out now than spend months stewing over it and wondering if 10 or 11 days is normal. It seems like since TTC, my LP has decreased by about a day per cycle. Eventually, I just will go from ovulation to menstruation at this rate! :-(
zelda
Michelina, that is the advantage of charting, so you have something to show your doctor and he or she can work with you. I think what you're doing is smart and proactive! The B6 is a good idea, too.

I, too, wonder if I had a chemical the first month we tried...or something. I had that strange spotting three days before my period was due - something that's never happened in my life before or since. And that period was quite heavy. Who knows? But yes, I have become much more relaxed about symptoms since then, which helps.

I'm nervous about having Mr. Z's semen analysis done, but I think it will make us both feel better. At least we are being proactive as well. I still have faith somewhere inside me that we will get pregnant eventually even if it takes a while.
Michelina
I think I am going completely crazy. I have been crying over this LPD thing for days now. And I have been telling everyone in my family about it and telling them that we will never have children. It's like I am preparing myself and everyone else for the worst. I just told my sister, and I said I feel like I have let everyone down. And now I feel guilty because I now have everyone worrying about me.

I know a LPD is treatable, but I wonder what progesterone would do to me. I am fine with the B6, but am worried it won't change anything. And I have so much on my plate with a move right now that I don't know when I'll even have time to go to the doctor and deal with this. I am just feeling sorry for myself, and finding it so unfair. Then I try to remember that I am healthy and so is Mr. M. and we should just be glad we have each other. I just feel so psychotic and alone right now.
zelda
Oh, Michelina, it is like you are my Canadian cousin. Everything you type, I feel. Trust me, I know what you are feeling because I have been there crying and sad, too. Today I was walking around the house trying to picture what our life would be like if we never had kids, convincing myself that there is something wrong with Mr. Z's sperm, or with me...I was trying to wrestle with that and I had to stop myself and remind myself it has only been 5 months and there is no way I can say that we will never have kids. No way.

I know you know what I am going to say...that you don't even know if you have an LP problem or not, and that even if you do, it is treatable. And that you are still quite young and have plenty of time - even if you have to take time off from TTC while you move and get adjusted with a new house (which can be very stressful, I know).

But even though logically you know that, all of that knowledge can't really help when your neurosis is in overdrive and you are consumed by bad, obsessive thoughts.

Some advice...and I was in therapy for years to try and stop worrying and runaway thoughts...you can take it or leave it, but I thought I would give it... :-)

*Admit you are a worrier and don't beat yourself up over it. Don't try to be cavalier when that just isn't your style. Don't be angry at yourself up for being a planner and a worrier. Having the foresight to look ahead is one reason the human race has evolved to where it is today. If we were all Type B, we might still be living in caves. ;-)

*Limit who you talk to about your worries. I know you just went and spoke with a bunch of relatives, and perhaps that does make you feel better. But therapy helped me realize that talking to everyone about my worries in an effort to calm them only amped me up as I went through the story over and over. Plus, I was practically reciting my worries to total strangers at work or wherever! In the moment, it felt good to "share" but afterward I was left only feeling more worried because I had just recited and indulged my worry out loud again. Pick two or three close people and rely on them for unloading...and make sure they are people who will listen and help you think calmly about the situation and support you.

*Try to stay off the Internet. I know it's easier said than done, but Googling will make you crazy. I have had ten different kinds of panic attacks from googling "pot and fertility" and have now stopped entirely. The Internet will make you more worried, most of the time.

*When you find your mind going on a runaway train ("I had a short LP last month, and this month too, and next month what if I have one, and oh no, I'll respond poorly to the progesterone and never get pregnant oh my word aaaaaiyee!!!") ...sound familiar? When you find your brain getting on that train, literally get up and walk around or do something to distract yourself. I used to say, "Stop it!" out loud and then get up, watch tv, read a book, take a walk, call a friend (and talk about something else). It may feel forced, but after a while of breaking the habit of indulging a worry, it becomes less likely that you will worry. Distract yourself until it becomes a habit.

*Sometimes, I look back on all the times in my life when I thought for sure the worst case scenario was going to happen. It never did. And when terrible things happened in my life (and they have), they were always unexpected. And I handled every single situation. That track record pretty much tells me that worrying solves nothing. Again, easier said than done...but I like to remember my odds once in a while.

(((((Michelina)))))), you are NOT psychotic and you are NOT alone. I am sending you a virtual BUSTie hug because you deserve it. Try to get out of the house or do something distracting this evening like going for ice cream or something. We are here for you, and I do have every faith that one day we will both be able to talk about our pregnancies right here on this very thread.

BUSTily yours,
Zelda


ananke
Listen to Zelda, she is wise in the ways of the worrier and the planner. I've found myself freaking the fuck out about the whole cyst/induction/blood pressure thing and apart from possibly exacerbating the issues, it really really doesn't help. I can plan and worry, but once I start on that train of 'what ifs' things go downhill. I can plan what we'll do if she needs surgery. I can worry about surgery. But the what if train never ever EVER goes anywhere fun.

It's odd how many of us seem to have had chemicals at the start of trying - I got the nausea that first month that was my first sign for NerdBaby, just not as bad that first month.

Well, my bags are packed, I'm going to put them in the car this week sometime (after it's been cleaned...) and my mother has booked her tickets. Mr A and I had our last dinner out and it was awesome - mind you I made the mistake of wearing heeled boots. Not terribly high but I ended up needing to walk a bit further than planned and my pelvis was not impressed by this. Mr A kept snarking at me under his breath and threatening to spank me. The dinner was amazing though. So incredibly delicious and the ambience was really quiet and relaxing. We decided against a hotel because Mr A was out of town for work that week already and when I woke up in my own bed with my own comfy sheets I was really happy with that decision. I'm still getting headaches though and Mr a is getting more and more worried about me overdoing it. It's hard to explain to him how it is for me - for so long I've been told anything wrong with me is because I'm fat and lazy and not doing enough and I should push it, but that just doesn't work right now. But I still have that habit. So he's taken to telling me just how much I'm 'allowed' to do. It's driving me crazy but i'm so freaking bad at setting my own limits right now.

10 days or so until she comes!
Michelina
Zelda, not only do I absolutely appreciate your words, I am going to put forth great effort to implement your advice. I think you nailed it. I have been kicking myself over being a planner and trying to change it. And pretending I am something I am not is probably just contributing to my stress and worry. And I. Must. Stop. Googling. And lastly and likely most importantly, I need to make a conscious effort not to let my negative thoughts run on. I have a tendency to do what my mother refers to as "awfulize." I think about the worst case scenario, plan for it, prepare for it, and then come to expect it.

I actually saw a counsellor a few years ago about my fears about being single. I had a lot of relationships in my 20's, but none of them were ever right and I always was left feeling like I gave more than I got. I went to a counsellor after my last relationship ended (before I met Mr. M) and the counsellor was fantastic. He helped me to see that my negative thoughts were the true root of my unhappiness. I wasn't depressed chemically, but was more or less throwing myself into a depression by having thoughts such as "I don't deserve happiness" and "I am destined to be single." Anyway, in the end I was able to control some of those thoughts, but it always has and likely will always be a struggle for me. And I am not sure why that is. I have had a pretty good life and have been lucky in many ways!

I also appreciated how you mentioned that when you prepared yourself for the worst, it never happened. But it's when you least expected it that things went wrong. This is true for me too. I need to remember this!

I did get out tonight and had a steak dinner with some delicious cake for dessert along with Mr. M and other good company. I definitely feel better.

Ananke, ten days! It sounds like you should take some of Mr. A's advice. It is hard to let go, but your headaches are a way for your body to say it's too much. And you don't need to prove anything to anyone. It won't be long before you are very busy. Take care and get some relaxing in now!

Michelina
Zelda, about your thoughts on telling people about my assumed LP defect, a huge part of me wants to make an annoucement to the world that I have a hormone deficiency and will never get pregnant. Part of me wants to make everyone back off by saying this. On the other hand, I think it would make me feel even worse. I am going to try to keep my thoughts and fears to a very small number of people I am very close with and leave it at that.

And lastly, I need to remember that even if the worst case scenario happens, Mr M and I will get through it together. There has never been a challenge in my life that has defeated me. Thanks again for your kind and wise words.
zelda
Michelina, I'm so glad some of my advice rang true for you. Now if I could only follow my own advice. ;-)

It's hard for me, too...I think one of the reason you told everyone about the LP is that you do feel pressure, however subtle, to conceive. I feel it, too. Even though my family and friends have been supportive, the word is *out* and it's like I feel they're all watching me when I have a drink or whatever. ("Is *she* pregnant yet?") If I could do it all over again I would have told no one but my parents and my BFF and asked her to keep her mouth shut. I'm sure the pressure I feel is more imagined than anything, but it's still there.

Hang in there, and remember you can handle anything that comes your way. You have before. And you will again.

:-)
zelda
My BFF's amnio results came back today....totally normal!! Yay! After the craziness with the CVS testing going awry, she is so happy. And I am, too!
ananke
That's awesome about the amnio!
Michelina
Zelda, yes, I do still feel the pressure and it probably is more in my head than anything else. I think I will see what happens with this cycle, and then make an appointment with my doctor if I have another LP of 9 - 11 days this month. This month we are starting our new strategy of abstaining until just before ovulation. Should be interesting.

And great news about your friend's amnio results! What a relief!
zelda
Interesting about abstaining, Michelina. Mr. Z usually abstains for at least two days before we start doing it for baby...I wonder if more would help? How many days did your doctor suggest?

It's Day 26 of my cycle. My period could come any time between tomorrow and Friday. I have zero symptoms, so I'm not getting too hopeful yet again.

I wonder how many women actually get symptoms during the two week wait? I think I remember reading that eyelet said she had none. A friend of mine had no symptoms all the way through the two weeks *after* she tested positive, and then she only got really tired. That gives me hope. But it does seem in the world of the Internet (mostly on those scary sites), that women had all kinds of symptoms before they tested positive. Then again, I wonder if they're just looking back with knowledge and applying their pregnancy to things that would have seemed normal to them otherwise.

I went ahead and bought some more of the digital OPK tests yesterday (with the smiley face), so we're prepared for next month. I think we'll go ahead and try next month, then send Mr. Z for a semen analysis (after he's abstained for a few days). In fact, I'm going to go ahead and call the clinic today and get more information.
julie124
I think "looking back with knowledge" is most likely what most of those women are doing. I think a lot of the things I noticed in the week before I tested positive could have gone either way - weird dreams can be explained, I always get really tired right before I get my period, the tender breasts could have been too much caffeine, my runny nose could have been allergies, etc. I think when you're on one of those baby dust boards the environment tends to over-encourage our natural tendency to want to know what's going on: "Could I be pregnant? Does this thing I'm feeling MEAN something?" Thus the painstaking cataloguing of symptoms, especially when "graduates" of the TTC board post later on. It just kind of snowballs - kind of like my younger days, when my girlfriends and I would try to analyze the meaning of every move the guys we liked made. (Wow, am I glad those days are over....)

zelda, we're all thinking of you this week. You do give excellent advice and I hope you will take to heart the very good advice you gave Michelina: "Remember you can handle anything that comes your way. You have, and you will again." Sometimes it is so hard to care for ourselves the way we care for other people.

And I am so happy for your BFF and her good amnio results! That's wonderful and must be a huge relief.

Michelina, thinking of you too. It's so hard not to dwell on our fears and it sounds like you've found a good way to deal with things. I find that when I have a plan of some sort for what I'm going to do about something it tends to help me feel better - helps to give myself a bit of control at least over the things I can control. One of the great lessons I keep having to re-learn is how little control I actually have over so many things. This will probably come in handy when I have a little human with his or her own personality to contend with.

I had a good weekend. Found some major bargains in my garage sale hunt, went to a lovely barbecue with a friend whom I haven't seen in months, had a nice long chat with my mom on Sunday. My doc called last night to let me know that the routine blood work from last week's appointment "looks great," so that's good. I still worry myself about random things...for instance, I think my diet the last few days has probably not been great, so I'm trying to get more protein and lay off the sugar. And I've had a little headache when I go to bed last night and the night before, but that may be allergy/sinus-related as it's been unseasonably wet here the last couple of days. I'm also wondering if it might be a sugar crash (both nights I binged on fruit popsicles while watching TV - like, 2-3 popsicles in a short amount of time). So, I'll try to be a little better and we'll see if that makes a difference.

ananke, the countdown begins! Sending all my good thoughts and prayers to you and NerdBaby...keep us posted and take care of yourself!

eyelet, how are you doing?
zelda
I called a fertility clinic today to find out about getting a semen analysis done. They want us to come in as a couple and have a consultation first. I think considering we've only been TTC for 5 months, it would be nice if we could just have a basic semen analysis done and if all looks good, then we just continue trying for another 6 months or so. (And I could go into my GYN and just ask for some basic blood work to be done, too).

I need to get on the phone later this week and do some more research. I'd like to avoid having to go in and see a doctor and all of that if we can...I don't know why. Maybe because I don't want to think we are getting to that level yet.

Sigh...
eyelet
I'm doing fine Julie, thanks for asking. I still haven't gone into labor yet, but have gone into a kind of a mental energy conserving mode and haven't had much interest in getting on the computer any more than I have to (which is really unusual for me). Am doing my basic to-do's each day and spending a lot of time with my feet up.

I have no instinct at all when this birth will happen, but will definitely take a moment to log on and let you guys know when it does.

Best to all. smile.gif
Fookie
Zelda, I haven't been reading long enough to know where you live, but in Canada my family doctor put us through our paces before ever referring us to a fertility clinic. Could you get a requisition for sperm analysis from your family doctor? That's how it worked here (Canada, Ontario). My partner deposited into the ridiculously skinny container at home, then drove it with the requisition form to a lab. The end. My family doc also sent me out for regular and internal ultrasounds and did blood work for both of us for the hormones. Once everything came back negative she gave us the option to keep trying or to refer us to a fertility clinic. The fertility clinic was rather impressed with my family doc's thoroughness, but made us redo all the tests anyway. You should have seen the bruise on my arm from all the blood. ACK! (Anyone else get faint, dizzy, nauseous when they see their own blood? My dad's the same. I wonder if it could be genetic.)

Michelina, I am a born worrier and planner. I understand your agony, but I think that the fact that you're self-aware will go a long way in applying Zelda's sage advice (I'm working hard to apply it too.) You're gonna do alright smile.gif I can get pretty nutty about it (to the point that I can almost convince myself that by imagining every worse scenario I'm actually avoiding those scenarios b/c if they came true then I'd be psychic and if I was psychic then that fates would have to renounce me etc. etc. (weeeee, does anyone else smell a nut on this board?).

Ananke ... you must be so EVERYTHING right now. My goodness, it's almost time. Looking forward to reading all about the delivery and you're gorgeous baby. I'm always so amazed and impressed when people who are any less than 15 weeks due don't already have bags packed etc. This is what I mean when I say that I am a planner. I pack (trial run) two weeks before a trip!!! Last time we moved I was so excited about it that I packed up everything in the kitchen weeks before our closing date. My partner was less than impressed when our dinner guests showed up for dinner and we had only two plates, two glasses, two knives, two forks etc. In a totally bizarre flipside though, I can be spontenaous to the point of jaw-dropedness about buying the tickets for the vacation or buying the house. IF there's TIME though can't help but plaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn. That is probably the hardest part of this unexplained fertility thing ... I have all this time, but I cannot plan. I can only wish and imagine and stare at that third bedroom that we've been calling the baby's bedroom for two years. That room drives me crazy. I would like to be so optimistic that I could paint it and get it all ready. But then we'd have to keep the door closed and if anyone ever happened to snoop they might have me committed!

Ok. That was quite a ramble. It's good to be back. I'm sorry I dropped out for a bit.
Zelda I'm thinking of you this week. I'm due next Tuesday, so we're not too far apart.

Take care everyone.


zelda
Fookie, you are no nut. If you are, then I am, too!

Thanks for all your great info re: the fertility process. Sadly, I am a resident of the US, which normally is something I like, but when it comes to our totally fucked health care system is something I hate.

We do have insurance via our employers, but I doubt they would even dream of paying for any kind of test given that we have only been trying for five months. From my research I've found a sperm analysis on a cash basis is about US $110 or so...a reasonable out of pocket expense, I think. It was my understanding that he should be able to just go to any old clinic and have that done without having to see a doctor, etc. If it comes back normal, fine. If not, then we see the doctor. I am sure that must exist somewhere around here...I just have to get on the phone and get more info. Fortunately as a teacher, I am off in the summer, so I have time to do some research.

My GYN said she could run a basic blood panel (again, we'd probably have to pay out of pocket) after six months. Both that and the semen analysis are nominal expenses we can fortunately afford that would at least give us the patience to keep on trying or the information to be more proactive in trying to conceive.

Well, we shall see. I am of course keeping my fingers crossed that this is our month, but I just got back from aerobics and am not the least bit exhausted. I don't have creamy CM, I walked around all day with no bra and my boobs didn't hurt, etc. etc. Sigh.

I can only keep the faith, keep remembering it is still early in the process, and just keep hoping that eventually this path will take us where we need to go.

I hope this is your month, Fookie! Crossing toes and fingers for you. Come back soon...I love reading your posts.
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