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zelda
Eyelet, so good to hear from you! And I'm so pleased to hear that you are feeling better physically and emotionally...yay! Your description of snuggling really made me smile. :-)

Yumyum, I hope you continue to feel symptom-free from the UTI. I feel really fortunate that I've never had one of those...hope you were able to get busy again.

Yeah, these are the days when I wish I could temp...but I'm such a restless sleeper, I don't really think I would be able to get an accurate temp. I have horrible sleeping issues (and have my whole life) including recurrent insomnia and night waking. I've talked to a doctor about taking meds, but I really don't want to do that...(although I do take over the counter stuff sometimes)...add to that a small bladder that has me peeing once or twice a night, and I just don't know how to get an accurate read! For example, last night I dozed from 10 to 1 am, was up for an hour, fell asleep again, woke to pee, and then really woke at around 6:30 am...but keep in mind the morning before I didn't fall asleep until 3 am and woke at 9 am! I think I would have gotten two entirely different reads....erg...oh well. At least my crazy sleeping pattern will already be established once baby arrives. And the good news is I get along quite well with little sleep, usually!

I still had a sort of positive OPK this morning....lighter than yesterday, but decidedly darker than the control. My cervical fluid was creamy, not egg white...and there wasn't much of it. I've read that some women have a "slow surge" that can take a few days, but considering that my cycle is 28 to 29 days, I'm hoping/thinking I ovulate by day 16 at the latest. The one time I temped I got day 13...I think. I think I either ovulated yesterday and what I'm seeing now is the downside of the surge, or I am ovulating today.

Anyway, today is CD 15 and we did it this morning...I was half asleep and so was Mr. Z, bless his heart.

I dare say I am LOADED up with jiz...of course I am already feeling defeated like it won't happen yet again...argh!

Michelina, crossing fingers for you!
Cristine
Eyelet, you mentioned a reflux medication you’re taking… has that been an ongoing condition you’ve had or does it just come & go? The reason I ask is because I had an ulcer years ago which healed but resulted in gastro esophageal reflux disease (GERD), if you haven’t of it it’s basically just EXTRAORDINARY bad heartburn. I’ve read that there are sooooooo many medications that cannot be taking while pregnant and I believe Nexium is one of them, I’ve also been prescribed the alternative of Protonix before but Nexium is cheaper with my insurance. I have to take this daily and cannot comfortably go more than 1 day without taking it or I will definitely have pain… on top of that I also take over-the-counter Zantac after eating something spicy or acidic. Now my question, do you (or anyone here) have opinions on any of those being safe and/or is the one you’re taking pregnancy-safe? I’ve also heard that excessive heartburn automatically comes with pregnancy as it is, so I’m afraid I might be in for it!

Michelina, zelda & yum… I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you guys and I hope these coming days/weeks fly for you! TCOYF should arrive at my home shortly, though I won’t see it till I get home! I’m on CD 7 and looking for to the OPK… and probably temp’ing!
julie124
Cristine, according to my OB's list of OTC medications that are OK during pregnancy, Zantac is OK to take. Not sure about Nexium but that would be something to check with your doctor. I think that generally most docs do the prescription stuff on kind of a case-by-case basis, unless the medication is an absolute NO during pregnancy because of risk of birth defects or something. I can't speak about Nexium or other heartburn meds, but I've had friends who were on antidepressants throughout their pregnancies and other friends who were still on their thyroid meds all through pregnancy. Again, always ask the doc...it continually amazes me some of the things I never thought about that are no-nos. For instance, I'm allowed to take Tylenol, but ibuprofen, Aleve, aspirin, etc are off the list.

Eyelet, so good to hear from you! Glad to hear that things are looking up. I feel for you with the Texas heat...yikes.

I'm kind of marvelling at how much more I've noticed the little dude's movements since the ultrasound. Part of that may be that he's getting more active too. He likes to party right after meals and at night when I'm sitting around, except for those times when I go for a walk (guess it's true that it puts them to sleep).

Signed up for a bunch of classes last night: childbirth preparation, unmedicated childbirth preparation, breastfeeding class, and baby safety class (which I mainly want for the infant CPR and the what-to-do-if your-kid-is-choking stuff). mr. julie is planning to do a class for dads called "Boot Camp for New Dads," which several dads we know have given rave reviews. I'm also seriously considering signing up for prenatal yoga class. I'm thinking it might be good for my leg cramps and joint pain.
eyelet
Christine--I don't have reflux but am taking this medication expressly to promote milk production. I sympathize though because I did experience some severe heartburn during pregnancy. I took Mylanta, but never had to look into prescription strength. I'm sure there is something you can use safely.
Cristine
Eyelet, it’s encouraging to hear that the reflux medicine you’re using is not only safe while breast-feeding but also produces milk… so I may bring that one up to my doctor to see what she thinks.

Julie, glad to hear Zantac is at least ok because I’ll need something! About Tylenol, I have heard the same but have you heard about the recent studies of Tylenol? I’m wondering if that sheds new light on that. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_tylenol_safety_fda I think it’s great that you’re taking those classes, I would love to be prepared for CPR and the choking thing!

So I picked up my OPK on my lunch break and Target didn’t have a basal thermometer! Should I go to a drug store like CVS or Walgreen’s… or do I need to go to Babies R Us? I could order it online but it’s CD 7, should I get it sooner? I really don’t know when to start doing all this stuff and I don't have my book yet!!
Michelina
Cristine, you should be able to get a digital thermometre at any drug store. Just make sure that it goes to at least one decimal point (I bet they all do anyway). Hope your book arrives soon!

I am freaking out a little. Just went to the bathroom and noticed light spotting. This is how my period always begins. I just cannot believe it is coming this soon. (Well, then again actually I can.)

By the way, I never count the spotting as period days. It begins when the red blood shows up. I am just hoping I hold out until at least 11dpo. :-(

I called the sperm clinic and am just waiting to hear back so I can book Mr. M an appointment. I am SO glad I'll be getting that referral soon.
eyelet
Christine--I'll save you the trouble of asking the doc. It's not sold in the US. It's approved in Canada and the UK and is safe for nursing women and children, but I'm not sure what they say about taking while pregnant. I ordered it online. It was endorsed by the breastfeeding guru doctor in Canada (whose name escapes me right now).
zelda
Michelina, are you *sure* the spotting is not implantation bleeding? For some women it can mimic spotting like the beginning of your period, and you did say you were around 7 or 8 dpo when that is supposed to happen (if it does). Please check in with us and let us know...I am hoping that is what it is! Is it brown or red? Brown is a good sign! Either way, I am really, really crossing my fingers for you that it is not your period. crosses fingers crosses fingers crosses fingers crosses fingers crosses fingers. Seriously, I just took my fingers off the keyboard and crossed my fingers for you.

Cristine, I bought my basal thermometer at a Walgreens. I am pretty sure CVS has them, too. In case you don't get your book in time, just try to take your temperature around the same time each day the moment you awake - before you sit up, talk, pee, even open your mouth. Just stick the thermometer in. The month I temped I kept a little notepad by my bed and wrote down the temp in case I wanted to go back to sleep.

Have you checked out Fertility Friend? It's a great website that will track you for free.

One of my dearest friends from high school has been trying to reach me (I'm never home when she calls). I have the sinking feeling she is calling me to tell me she's pregnant. She has a toddler, and she had mentioned a few months ago how she and her husband were going to go off birth control "to see what happens." It took her about 6 months to conceive her first kid...I don't know...I just think that is why she is calling.

I hate that I can't be happy for her...it is layered with the knowledge that I really do not like her husband and don't think he's a good match for her at all...he is very controlling. So...I am going to have a very hard time acting happy if she is pregnant, for more than one reason.

Michelina, let us know what is up! I am thinking of you...
Cristine
Michelina, I was specifically looking for the word “basal” on the package so I might have missed a perfectly capable one. And I really hope it is implantation bleeding, don’t give up quite yet… and I am crossing my fingers with Zelda!

Eyelet, our Congress just passed a bill allowing the legal purchase of drugs from online Canadian pharmacies… so I’ll look around and see if I can find info on Domperidone during pregnancy.

Zelda, how soon after your period was over do you need to start temp’ing… or does that even matter? I just tracked my book and it arrived at 2:34 and is sitting on my porch waiting for me! smile.gif I did check out Fertility Friend and put in the 3 months of cycles that I’ve been tracking, once I start temp’ing I can start tracking that too! And by the way, don't feel bad about not being entirely happy for your friend. First of all it is just human nature to be disappointed when someone else gets something that you've been trying so hard for! And I too have a friend whose man I'm not fond of, she has 2 kids with a man that has cheated on her numerous times... they married, he divorced her to be with his new young girlfriend, got back together and tried to start having their 2nd (born last month) with no intention of remarrying! I'm not saying that you need to be married to have a baby, but just their whole history is F'd up! Yet she can get pregnant in a blink!!! Hang in there, you have all of our support here!
zelda
Thanks for the words of support Cristine, they are appreciated!

Well, your choice of when to start temping is up to you. For your first month, you might want to start temping right away, just to get into the habit of it. TCOYF seems to advocate temping every single day.

Some women - once they know their cycles - start to temp near what they anticipate their fertile time to be...maybe day 9 or 10 of a "normal" cycle. And they temp until they have reached ovulation and then stop. Women who are using Fertility Awareness as a way to prevent pregnancy usually do this...one of the advantages of temping if you are trying to achieve pregnancy is that if you get 18 elevated temperatures in a row, you are almost certainly pregnant...so if you continue to temp past your fertile period, you can know if you are pregnant. There are a bunch of other reasons why the book suggests temping every day, but ultimately it's up to you...you may want to start doing it every day just to get into the habit.

I hope you enjoy the book! I read it in one night!

Michelina, hope you check in and let us know what's up...thinking of you big time.
yumyum
Got some sperm last night- yeah! I did temp this morning and it looks like I've already ovulated. We might do it again tonight just in case. It's weird, as hard as we've been trying this cycle, I still feel that I won't be pregnant this month. I feel very matter-of-fact about it. I guess I'm just going by past experience, but one of these cycles, I'll get a posititive, right?

Michelina- I have my fingers crossed too that it's implantation spotting! It has to happen soon for someone on this board. zelda, cristine, funnybird, fookie -I'm talking to you too (I hope I'm not leaving any who's ttc out). Good luck to all of us!!!!
Fookie
Eyelet! So good to hear from you. I'm so glad that now that things have settled Mr. E. is displaying the qualities you were looking for earlier. My goodness. I can only imagine the upheaval that becomes life in the first couple of weeks after baby comes home. So pleased for you that you are feeling so much better. Is the Canadian breast feeding guru you refer to the one I mentioned? If so, it's Dr. Jack Newman. He's got quite the reputation and following.

Michelina, any news? I didn't quite catch how far along you were past ovulation. Nothing wrong with hope, right? It really could be implantation bleeding. On the charts at my fertility clinic implantation is listed as ocurring between 7 and 12 days passed ovulation. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Cristine. TCOYF is a brilliant book. I took it out from the library in December and read it from cover to cover (then Mr. F. did the same, without me knowing. He randomly suprises me with tidbits he learned from the read.). TCOYF has great charts in the back that you can photocopy. They seem to want you to chart from day 1 as well as check your CM and the position of your cervix. I have to admit that I only really checked my CM from about day 11 and never really payed much attention to the position of my cervix. Like Zelda, I have a horrible sleep pattern so temping was always pretty much pointless for me. I tried taking my temps for three months and my graphs were like a deranged mountain range. No rhyme or reason. The I started being monitored by the fertility clinic so there was no real point anyway.

Julie, your description of all the movement brought a tear to my eye and giant smile to my lips. How incredibly wonderful. I'm just so happy for you. Keep us posted with all the new twinges and evidence of your little one growing and running around in there.

Yumyum. You can't go wrong with just having lots of sex. I really don't know much about the OPKs so can't comment on how often one would get false negatives from them. Just listen to your body and go with that. If you end up with a positive in a few days then reward yourself with ... more sex. Ha ha.

Funnybird, when do you get news about the flat? I love moving. It's weird. I don't love the physical aspect of moving the boxes, painting etc. but I LOVE looking for a new place, daydreaming about life in the new place and then unpacking in the new place. We've been in our house for 1.5 years now and I'm already dreaming of my next move ... and I LOVE my house and my neighbourhood. I moved around a lot as a kid and I really do see it as an adventure. I hope you get the flat!

Zelda, I totally sympathise with the bad sleeping. I wake up several times each night. My naturopath agrees there's not much use in temping unless you sleep regularly. She also feels strongly that a good night's sleep can't hurt conception. She gave me a fantastic recipe for a before bedtime drink called the Healthy Breast Drink. I guess it's main use in the natural health world is as a preventative tonic for breast cancer. However the main ingredient, tumeric, also has a gazillion other health benefits including acting as a very mild detoxifyer for your liver and reproductive system. An additional benefit is it helps you sleep well. I swear to you that whenever I make this drink I sleep like a baby. For what it's worth, here's the recipe:

1/2 tsp. turmeric powder
2 tbsp. water
1 cup soy milk (you can also use rice or almond milk - I have use organic soy milk - So Nice, original ... the others I've tried do weird things when heated)
1/2 teaspoon of maple syrup or 1/2 a banana (i use the maple syrup ... I am a good Canadian!)

Simmer the turmeric powder in the water in a ladle over the stove for 3 minutes. Warm the soy milk in a small pot on low heat, to just below boiling. Turn off heat. Add turmeric powder and maple syrup to the soy milk and blend.

If you decide this drink is for you and plan on doing it regularly you can make a turmeric paste by mixing 3 tbsp turmeric with 1/2 cup of water and cook it gently for 1/2 minutes. Store this in a covered glass jar in the fridge and use 1 tsp of the mixture per cup of soy milk (add syrup to the cup of soy/turmeric). This really cuts down on prep time.

The turmeric has a potent smell but isn't overwhelming in terms of the flavour. I had my doubts about this one, but ended up finding it was such a nice relaxing way to end the day that I kept with it. And then of course I actually started sleeping better.

Hope you enjoy it. Let me know if you have any questions!

Cristine
Zelda, I hate reading so I doubt I’ll get through it in one night… but who knows, it may just draw me in! But the first thing I’m flipping to is freaky-nails-chick! wink.gif

Yum, don’t give up hope so soon… it’s very easy to put up our guard in an effort to fend off disappointment. But in the end a negative is horribly disappointing no matter how much you talk yourself out of it. Sorry if that sounded preachy, I was actually trying to be encouraging because I’m really crossing my fingers for you and all the other TTC’ers!!

Fookie, I’m buying a basal therm. on the way home and starting on CD 8! My CM was lighter last month than usual and that was my 39 day cycle followed by a shorter/ lighter period! We had so much sex that I just blamed everything on that… even if it isn’t true. And I’m the same way with sleeping, I can’t remember the last time I’ve slept through the whole night… but I’m at least going to try it for a month or so. Maybe your recipe will help!!
zelda
yumyum, I know just what you mean...you start to just feel negative right away...this won't be our month. I know it because I have been there, too. The longer we TTC, the more I feel that way (makes sense I guess)...last month I took it so hard. I had really allowed myself to feel hopeful. I dunno. This month will be hard, too, because we have had so much sex I'm sick of it! We have really, really tried, combined with great cervical fluid. I just don't know.

Sigh.......

I hope it happens for at least one of us!

Fookie, thank you so much for the recipe! I normally drink soy milk anyway (don't like regular milk), so I will try it! So nice of you to give us the info.

Cristine, let us know what you think of the freaky nails chick. Believe me, there is no escaping her!

One thing that may make it difficult to chart your mucus when you're having a lot of sex is distinguishing from seminal fluid leaking out of you and your regular mucus. The book talks about that...I'm going to go back tonight and reread a little...I need some more educating. I still don't understand why I seem to have the most EWCM several days BEFORE I actually ovulate (at least according to the OPK). Wouldn't it make more sense to have that kind of fluid on the day I actually ovulate?

Michelina...I was wondering...is it possible you actually ovulated earlier than you thought and therefore your period is not actually early (nor is your luteal phase too short?). I know you didn't have your OPK strips this month, so....just wondering.
zelda
Great Scott's ghost...argh! I just received an E-mail from my mother alerting me to the fact that there is going to be a BBQ in my honor when I go home in two weeks to visit my parents. I come from an insanely large, insanely LOUD Latin family, and they're ALL going to be there. (Keep in mind I didn't ask for this BBQ.)

I have just realized said BBQ is going to take place one day after my period is due to arrive (while I'm at my parents). While my immediate family has been really great about not pressuring Mr. Z and me about the baby thing, let me tell you I have a million aunts who will bluntly ask, "So, when are you going to get pregnant?" It certainly won't help that my cousin will be there (got pregnant on the first try with *both* her kids) and my cousin and his wife will be there (they're expecting soon...she got pregnant fast, too).

Lord almighty there is going to be a serious freak out on my part if I get my period one day and then the very next day have to endure full frontal family violence as they attack me about my fertility. Oh my Gawd...please, please, please let it work this time!
Cristine
Zelda, great point about the seminal fluid during this confusing process... didn't even occur to me! And I really hope you have good news for that BBQ, that's going to be such a difficult event, I really sympathize with you! Is there any option to postpone it by a week??? I just barely flipped through the book cuz we're meeting friends for dinner, but are you talking about the chick holding the cervical fluid that led to the birth of her kid? And I cannot believe you read that in one night, the book is huge!!!
zelda
Well, I am an English teacher and a reading FREAK, so yes, I really did! Well...I skimmed through the section on menopause. But yeah...over the course of many hours I pretty much read the entire thing.

Yes, we were talking about the lady whose mucus led to the birth of her kid...check out her talons!

Unfortunately the BBQ cannot be postponed because we'll be at the beach the week after that. Sigh...

The good news is that Mr. Z and I have agreed that if I get my period while I'm at home, he will go get the sperm analysis done! Yay! He was super okay with it...I actually showed him the section in TCOYF that said that pot can cause issues...he looked shocked. What, did he think I was making up my concern this whole time? I mean, I'm sure he didn't...but sometimes men need to see something in black and white.

At any rate, I am so relieved he is going to go get it done while I'm gone...phew! That will make me feel like we're taking charge at least. Of our fertility. (Ha ha ha.)
Michelina
Eyelet, it's nice to hear from you. I am glad to hear that all is well and you are feeling positive. I'm also glad that Mr. E. is now showing that he is just as enamored by your little one as you are.

Cristine, I'm glad your book arrived! It is an easy and interesting read and I got through it quickly (although maybe not quite as quickly as Zelda!)

Zelda, I hear your concern about the BBQ. I get angry when my sister' boyfriend so much as mentions us having children. I can't imagine a whole bunch of family talking about it especially if the timing is bad. I am really hoping that it will be a non-issue for you!

Did your friend get ahold of you? Believe me, I can relate to the feeling that you described! I even feel that way about my sister. She only knew her bf for 4 months when they had unprotected sex a few times and she fell pregnant. She was in her early 20's, no job, not done school. He was without steady employment and was still in a major partying phase (which hasn't actually changed much.) I adore my niece and love her to bits, but I wonder how it makes sense that they got to become parents so easily. It makes no sense so I shouldn't try to make sense of it.

Yumyum, I can also relate to that feeling. The excitement I had during the first few months is lessening, and I get to the point where I feel negative right away. But just keep Julie's mantra in mind. You'll feel disappointed either way so why not feel a little hopeful and positive while you can? I should listen to my own advice. :-)

Fookie, I am currently 8dpo, or so I believe. Zelda has a good point - I was out of OPK's this month so I am not certain about my ovulation date. However, my temp was not up until the 9th which tells me I likely ovulated on the 8th. However, the 7th is still possible. That would make me 10dpo tomorrow, which is tolerable, but not great. I was happy to get to 12 days last month. I wonder why my LP varies so much. I thought that was the consistent part of the cycle. Yet my follicular phase hardly varies at all.

Thanks for all of the kind words. I had a little more light spotting but it seems to have subsided now. I am just going to wait and see what my temp is like in the morning. It was a little on the low side today (sort of inbetween my usual pre and post ovulation temps) so I had a bad feeling this morning. But I am still clinging to a little hope. I would honestly be feeling more hopeful if I weren't someone who consistently spots before my period arrives.

I have to keep remembering that I have been referred (or will be soon) to a specialist for this very reason. I will get help for this. Mr. M's sperm analysis is booked for July 27. I will be a nervous wreck the next day awaiting the news.
Michelina
Oh and Zelda, that's great news about Mr. Z and the analysis!
julie124
zelda, color me impressed that you got through that book in one night...I am a voracious reader and I pretty much devoured that book too when I got it, but I think it took me a few nights to get through the whole thing.

Cristine, as zelda said, TCOYF recommends temping every day, but practically speaking a lot of folks don't. I tried to temp every day (because for me, a habit only works if I do it consistently) but occasionally I would get a bit more lax during my period...temps are usually pretty all over the board then, so they won't necessarily tell you much of anything. I just tried to make sure that I temped consistently as soon as I got to the light/spotting end of my period. I got to where I could pretty much predict my period coming because my temp would make a huge drop either the day before or the day of. (Now, if I had just paid attention to that in my earlier months of TTC, I would have wasted far fewer pregnancy tests!) As far as the sleep, the important thing is that you have at least 3 hours' sleep before temping and that you temp before getting up or doing anything else.

yumyum, never hurts to get a little more sperm in there. The month I conceived I actually had a high temp before I ovulated (I think it was an outlier) but decided to keep going until I had three consistent days of high temps (which is what TCOYF recommends). Sure enough, my temp was lower the next day and I didn't ovulate for another two days.

My little guy had another kicking festival last night. We went to a party and I ended up eating a lot of sugary stuff so I think that may have made him a little more kicky. It's funny, when I first started feeling him it was more like bubbles, or like the butterflies in your stomach feeling (which makes it hard to distinguish from my usual stomach gurgling and gas). Now I still have those feelings, but I also occasionally get some actual pokes, bonk bonk bonk bonk. Those I normally get low in my belly, almost in the pelvis. They make me giggle. mr. julie caught me giggling last night and said, "Are you getting kicked?" We started talking names, which is not going to be easy. He doesn't have a ton of ideas but has rejected about half of mine (not maliciously, he's just like, "nah..."). I kind of like the idea of a more unique name but his tastes tend toward the more traditional so far. This is just the first of many conversations, though, and we have time.

Okay, love to all....I must actually get some work done today before starting my weekend! TTC ladies, you are all in my thoughts (and zelda, I am dreading that barbecue gauntlet nearly as much as you must be - yikes!).
Michelina
I took my temp this morning and it was higher than yesterday - it was a normal post ovulation temp for me. I am not spotting anymore last time I checked. I feel a little on edge, but am trying not to think about it. I wish I could just make it to Sunday before my period starts.

Funnybird, how are you doing?

Julie, feeling your little guy inside of you must be so amazing.
zelda
Julie, my BFF said after her glucose test (where she had to drink a bottle of sugary stuff), her baby was off the wall moving around! So I think that has something to do with it! I cannot wait to have that sensation...hopefully, I will!

As for names...Mr. Z is the same way (yes, I think names even though I'm not pregnant yet)...he says no (nicely) to pretty much every name I suggest, yet he has no names of his own! :-)

Michelina...great news about your temp. Perhaps it was implantation bleeding? Oh I hope so! Keep us updated!

It is times like these that I wished I temped. I woke up this morning to an OPK test that still showed a relatively high level of LH. Also, I had a teeeeny bit of EWCM. Well, we did it yesterday morning (CD 15)...I'm going to try and make a go of it today just in case, although if my luteal phase is on the short side (12 days), I would assume this would be the last day I could ovulate (given my longest cycle)...so I'll try to jump Mr. Z tonight. Glad we did it yesterday, too.

I went back and looked at my old calendars...one thing I think may be our problem is that we haven't had sex over an extended enough period of time. We'd have sex on days 11 - 13 and nothing else...so...I think if Mr. Z's SA is normal, we may want to extend that fertile window a bit.

Cristine
Julie, I am so looking forward to temp’ing resulting in MUCH fewer wasted tests!

Michelina, the still high temps are very encouraging!! I’m hoping it was implantation bleeding!! smile.gif

Oh and Busties, Mr. C & I have had 1 solid boy name for a couple of years & 2 solid girl names for about a year. The easiest thing for us was middle names since we’re naming them after dear family members who are no longer with us, so with that in mind we do still have a 2nd solid boy’s middle name too.

I like the book but all I’m getting from it so far is “this could mean something or not”, “that can mean something or it doesn’t”… so yeah I know I need to keep reading, but between you guys and the book I really feel like I have some great resources this month! And yes those talons are hilarious!

Ok so I started temp’ing today on CD 8 and am pretty amazed that it was 95.47 F because I am usually so close to the perfect 98.6, so now it really makes sense to me that there should be zero activity prior to temp. I slept from 10:30 – 3:30 and temp’d then because from then on my sleep is usually the most restless. So since I usually have to pee around that time every morning, that should work for consistency in temps. So I put it in my fertility tracker and it gave me a little green dot which means that today is “Fertile/Best Conception Chances”, which doesn’t make any sense to me since I shouldn’t be fertile until their forecasted date of 7/25 (CD16). I’m guessing they’re just basing that off my temp, but does anyone have any ideas about that?

I’m going back and forth between fertility friend & babymed.com (because I like their daily descriptions). So according to babymed, and my most reliable month of a 33 day cycle, I should start taking my OPK on CD14. I still haven’t decided to have sex daily or every other day, I guess we’ll just see what mood we’re in because I don’t want it to be forced… but with such jacked up cycles it’s hard to pinpoint which days to start. Plus last month we had so much sex that we were both in pain… stupid me gave ourselves an 11 day window!!! But I’m hoping the OPK will really help us hone in on the best days. Wait, based on that CD16 fertile date, the OPK starting on CD14 just doesn’t seem right! I think I’ll start it on CD11. I AM SOOOO OBSESSING OVER THIS NOW. blink.gif
zelda
Cristine, I hear you on the obsessing front!

I'd say it would be pretty hard to know what's going on charting wise until you've charted for an entire month to really try and establish a pattern (or maybe even more than one month). I'd suggest you use the OPKs and temp this month from CD 10 on (get cheapies and buy a bunch), but let the OPKs (and your cervical mucus) guide you in decision when or when not to do it as opposed to focusing too much on temps. And I'd say it's fine to aim for every other day this first month...unless the spirit moves you to go for more! You're just starting off...I say, keep the stress to a minimum right now if at all possible. I know for us, doing it every other day really helped stress wise...now, after 8 months of TTC, I'm thinking quantity over quality more than anything else, which is why we've been doing it so much this cycle, so...

Also, I noted your low temp of 95 something because you temped at 3 am or so. That's exactly what would happen to me...I'd have a temp of 95 something in the middle of then night, then I would go back to sleep for an hour or two and wake up with an elevated temp in the 97 range. Whatever you do, try to stick to the same time from the get go, whether that's 3 am or 6 am...don't do what I did which was try to take temps at BOTH times, leading me to try and create two separate charts, leading to insane frustration which is why I don't temp anymore (although I may try it again in the future).

God, to be one of the women who goes to sleep and sleeps for a solid 8 hours and awakens at the same time each day! I just don't think TCOYF (as much as I love it) really addressed the needs of erratic sleepers/shift workers, etc.

Well, my instinct was right. My old friend from high school is 10 weeks pregnant. And (say it with me now), "We weren't even trryyyyying." Oh ho ho ho.

They really weren't. She went off the pill and got pregnant two weeks later. Literally.

That said, it wasn't as hard to deal with the news as I thought it would be...for one, I expected it and had braced myself. Secondly, because this is her second kid, she is not as crazy excited as she was with her first, and I already see her as a mom in my mind, so there's not that weird feeling (that I have had, anyway) when your friend who is not a mom (like you) suddenly shifts into that mom world. And finally, she actually admitted to me that she went through a depression when she discovered she was pregnant...that she realized she was really and truly "a mom" and in this suburban life she wasn't sure about...I actually do think that's normal (of course, I didn't mention that I also think it has something to do with her husband, but...)

So all in all, it was more of a me supporting her call as opposed to the other way around...even though she was incredibly sweet and supportive of me. In fact, she admitted to me that she had been nervous about calling because she knew we were trying, but she didn't want me to learn about it via Facebook. I really appreciated that.

She also relayed to me that she knows of TWO couples, both in their early 30s, who took 18 months to conceive. Nothing was wrong with them. They just took that amount of time. As much as I hope it doesn't take that long for us, it does help to know that it happens.

Michelina, how are you? Man, I am hoping for some good news for you!
Cristine
Ok I got through chapter 2 at lunch and I am now loving this book, it really makes me feel comfortable that learning my cycle will definitely give me a great advantage in instances where I'd be wondering or worrying! I came back from lunch and, I can't believe I'm talking about this... BUT, I like where my cervical mucus is this early in my cycle. And please guys, give me ideas of how early in your cycle that you get this! But it's sticky, pretty clear (poor lighting in the bathroom at work), but about 1 inch before it broke. I think I might ovulate early this month but maybe that's just wishful thinking. So yeah Zelda, I think starting the OPK on CD 10 is a good idea. Maybe I've been missing it every month or maybe after a 39 day cycle everything is just changing in my body. Ok, feel the need to calm me down if you think I'm being overly optimistic!!! rolleyes.gif

By the way, I love charting! And TCOYF definitely made me more excited about it! We'll see how temping goes over the next few days before I determine whether or not I like that part.

And Zelda I am very glad to hear the way the news was delivered to you and how you handled it! I think being able to help her accept the news was a terrific opportunity for you! And by the way, I don't know why people would ever deliver news like this to loved ones via Facebook so I'm glad she told you PERSONALLY. I swear we're just losing touch with what that word means today!
julie124
I'm sorry, but going off the pill counts as trying, unless you were using another (non-Fertility Awareness) method of birth control as backup. (Fertility Awareness is great, it's just that when you're just off the pill sometimes your hormones don't act in a very predictable way.)

Cristine, my guess is that since you haven't been temping regularly (and it doesn't know when your usual ovulation date is) the online tracker thingee is guessing on your fertile period based on the average cycle length (for the cycles you put in) and possibly assuming a certain luteal phase length. zelda's right, it takes a couple of temping cycles to have a sense of when stuff "usually" happens. And I know that Fertility Friend sometimes will adjust once you've put in new information - for instance, it sometimes would adjust my ovulation date after I put in more temperatures that clarified the pattern.

zelda, I'm glad you could be there for your friend. I had a Facebook embargo on my preggo news at first because I wanted to make sure I called or sent personal messages to people (and not because of their trying/not trying to get pregnant, but because I didn't want my really good friends to find out via anonymous message rather than from me personally). Of course, I finished pretty much all the personal messages I needed to do but now I'm so far along I feel bizarre making a big announcement. (I also am haunted by the totally inappropriate Facebook announcements I've seen on that website - which you should look at, it's hilarious - called STFUParents.com.) I've made a couple of oblique references to my preggo status lately but it's just weird writing some of this stuff in a status update. My friend Jennifer joked that I should just wait until after the kid is born and then be like, "Hey, look at my son!" and let everyone not in the know do a double-take.

OK, back to work....
julie124
Oh, that website I mentioned - here's the actual (correct) link:

STFUParents


zelda
Julie, it's kismet that I came here and found that site which has me laughing through my tears!

I ended up having a meltdown not long after I posted. I was fine with my friend (or so I thought), then my mom called. I told her about my friend being pregnant, and she already knew because my friend's mother is friends with my mom. My mom was like, "Yes, I heard on Wednesday. I know [my friend] was worrying about telling you since she knows you've been trying for a while."

My mom said it in the nicest, sweetest way, but I simply burst into tears. I totally scared her. I thought I was feeling fine, but I just let it all out, sobbing hysterically about how I don't want people to feel sorry for me and I don't want to be the object of pity, and how I'm worried about everyone asking me a million questions at the BBQ (or maybe worse...not asking because they "feel bad" for me). I was sobbing about how hard it is, how painful, how frustrating and worrying it is, etc.

She said all the right things to try and calm me down - really, my mom has been great through all of this - but...it was so hard.

I don't know...I don't know what my problem is. I just had a meltdown.

Thank God for that STFU site, julie...it made me feel a little better.

Sigh...god, this day has been kind of crappy.


Cristine
Zelda I am so sorry, but don't forget that you are human and that was a normal reaction! Don't be too hard on yourself, we have no idea what this month will bring you... but you should feel positive because of how much timely jiz you got this month!!! wink.gif We're all here for you and I'm still crossing my fingers for you!
zelda
Cristine, thank you...that was so very sweet of you. I needed that.
yumyum
((((zelda))))

The BBQ sounds like it's going to be a raw deal. Period week is such a vulnerable time for us who are ttc. Does your extended family know you are trying? I feel for you, I really do- usually after I get my period, I just want to retreat from the world for a few days. I'm going to a family party this weekend, but my period is not due for another week or so. Also, no one in my family asks (my mom knows we're trying but she is really good about not bringing it up). Sometimes it's hard to see my brother and his wife; they have a baby and she got pregnant "without trying," right after they got engaged. Uhhh, ok.

I had a bad day too- I got an email from a very pregnant friend today who said she was feeling huge and she couldn't believe how fast the time had gone- then she asked how it was going for me. She's one of the few people I told we were trying; I told her many months ago because I thought for sure I would be well into my pregnancy by now....but I'm not. She and her husband got pregnant on their first try. I believe her. I know exactly what you're saying, not wanting people to pity you. That's the last thing I want. So after reading that email, of course my mood spiraled down and I started thinking "is this ever going to happen for us" and just feeling sorry for myself in general. It sounds like you've really increased your chances this cycle, what with all of the extra sex. We were kinda doing the same thing as you guys; sex 3-4 times up to when I think I ovulated, then nothing. I'm going to try not to give up sex cold turkey this cycle. I'm planning on having it at least every 3 days until I get my period. This will take some doing (no pun intended) because usually after we've had ttc sex, I'm ready to stop for a few weeks. Yup, that's right- we're definately not newly weds anymore! Anyway, maybe the time off was turning Mr. Yum's nutz into a spermatorium. Try to do something fun tonight, maybe something that lets you escape from yourself (any good movies out?). The BBQ is a ways off and who knows what might happen in the meantime smile.gif
yumyum
Julie, thanks for the link the website- hilarious! Also, I love your description of feeling the baby's movements. I think that is so cool. The whole thing just seems so wonderful to me...
zelda
YumYum, thanks...I know just what you mean. I thought for sure I would be well into my second trimester by now. Ha! At least you didn't tell a million people (like I did)...I'm sorry you're feeling down. I'm feeling just like you...just down and not wanting to be pitied. Yeah, I think my mom has sort of let the extended family know I'm trying...but even if she hadn't, in my family, if you've been married for three years (as Mr. Z and I have been), people would be asking even if my mom hadn't said anything.

I have creamy CM and my OPK was still sort of positive this morning...but it's like I don't even have the energy to do it. I'm drinking cocktails. Who knows.

Mr. Z and I are going out to hear a salsa band today...at least that will take some of the sting out of this day.
Cristine
Have fun tonight Zelda, just enjoy yourself & try to let go for a night! wink.gif
zelda
Thanks Cristine...we actually did it when Mr. Z came home, so we have been "active" from days 11 to 16. That is pretty good...we only missed one day in that spread. Crazy! If it doesn't happen this month it will not be for lack of trying.

Now we can just go out tonight and enjoy ourselves...before I start obsessing over the dreaded 2 ww. Sigh...........
Michelina
Zelda, it sounds like you needed that cry and talk with your mom. Cristine's words were so right. Hope you and Mr. Z had a nice time last night!

Yumyum, I hope you are also feeling better today. Those days of just feeling down because it seems to be happening to everyone else is so normal. I have certainly had my share lately!

Yesterday I went the whole day with no spotting until about 5pm when there was a tiny bit of brown blood. Today I work up to an elevated temp again, which made me happy until I discovered more spotting this time red in colour. Now I feel a little crampy so I'm am certain it's my period on its way on 10dpo. I feel a little sad, but mainly just accepting right now. I honestly didn't feel very positive this cycle, and am focussed mainly on the upcoming sperm analysis.
zelda
Michelina, I'm so sorry about the spotting and cramping. You know I have been there...I am so glad you're getting the SA done and getting proactive about all of this. That is so smart.

I wish I could get into that head space. I am glad Mr. Z is going to get the SA done while I'm out of town, but my mom said what would really be great is for me to come back from vacation and get some blood work done - especially if Mr. Z's SA is normal. Then we have a baseline to work with.

Of course if it's not normal, I suppose I should get my blood work done anyway, just in case. But I'm scared to move forward into "doctor" land. I just want it to happen without having to go to the doctor.

Right now, I'm feeling a lot of resentment toward Mr. Z for smoking pot. I don't like feeling this way. Mr. Z is not a "lazy pothead." He has a regular job, works hard, does his share around the house, etc. But right now I'm thinking, gee, maybe the only reason I am going through this pain is because he has been smoking.

I know that's sort of dumb - first of all, plenty of potheads father children, and right now we have no way of knowing if there's even anything wrong with his sperm. He told me if the SA comes back at all abnormal, he will quit completely.

God knows I haven't quit drinking. If anything, sometimes I think the TTC stress is causing me to drink more than I normally do!

I'm just ranting...venting...grasping at something to be angry at. I'm scared to go to the doctor, scared to have Mr. Z's results...just frustrated and confused and lonely.

I don't know why I'm so depressed right now. This has been our most active "trying" ever, and if anything, our odds are better this month than they've ever been before. But I suppose it's knowing that all the trying in the world can't make me pregnant if that's not what our bodies have in mind that makes me the most sad. It's knowing that if I do get my period, the disappointment will be even worse than ever.

Then I watched an MTV episode of this reality show "16 and Pregnant" today...it followed this lovely teenage girl and her sweet boyfriend as they placed their daughter for adoption. It was so painful for everyone even though it had a "happy" ending...the adoption took place and in the end the birth parents felt really good about their decision and the adoptive parents were thrilled to be parents...

But I felt so many mixed emotions as I watched it...frustrated that fertility/infertility had created this situation where these poor teenage kids had to give away their baby (and their families were NOT supportive)...sad that these adoptive parents were so anxious (you could tell they were so worried that the teenagers would change their minds at the last minute)...knowing all the infertility issues they'd gone through to get there...I felt so bad for all of them. Why did the wrong people get pregnant and the right people didn't?

There's no reason to it all...so I was sobbing the entire episode.

Gads, I am having a crappy couple of days. Thanks for letting me vent...this thread sometimes becomes like a diary for me.
Cristine
Michelina, I am so sorry! Damn it, why does this process have to take so long for those that actually WANT a baby?!

Zelda, I am very encouraged for you this month. I know you don't want to get your hopes up but the odds are definitely in your favor... but you're right, odds or not, it's ultimately our bodies that determine whether or not we conceive. I won't watch the 16 & pregnant show, I think it would just piss me off too much! And I hear you on doctorland! TCOYF really discouraged me from even contemplating going to a fertility doctor. And I believe you said Mr. Z impregnated someone when he was a heavy pot smoker, so I don't think you should focus too heavily on the effects of pot. I know it's hard not to be resentful but the last thing TTC should do is create a divide between the 2 of you. I just don't want you to let anything drive you to that point! Hang in there, I know this is a tough time!!

We had sex last night, just practice since I'm only on CD 8. I want him to save & store up but I cannot deny him and say "no I'm not fertile yet!". As if that's the only reason to ever have sex with my husband!

Will one BUSTie PLEASE get pregnant this month??!!!! rolleyes.gif
Cristine
Ok so I just saw a chart from the author of this book that is probably exactly what happened to me last month! She had a 38 day cycle (mine was 39) which had never happened to her, due to stress from moving! This is such a relief cuz I've kinda been beating myself up thinking I was pregnant but that the embryo couldn't implant due to something I was doing wrong! I really wish I would have temped last month and I wouldn't have needlessly worried! I am definitely seeing the value in temping! 1 thing it said though was that your temp can be altered if you have alcohol the night before. That's a little irritating since wine pretty much keeps me sane during this process!!
julie124
zelda, I saw that episode of 16 and Pregnant with the adoption too and spent about 45 minutes bawling. I don't know whether you've seen many of the other ones, but on most of the other episodes I've seen the couple ends up keeping the baby and usually one or both of them is a complete tool and it kind of makes me despair for humanity. I was just so touched at how this couple decided that their daughter was better off being adopted by another couple than with them, and the letter that the guy wrote for his daughter telling her how hard it was to give her up but that they did so to give her a better life.

In general I find those preggo shows very difficult to resist, though sometimes lately I've been thinking, "Maybe it's not the best idea ever for me to watch this," as so many of them show different complications at birth. But I'm a sucker for all of those shows - Deliver Me, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, Babies: Special Delivery, etc. I've also long been a sucker for films in which someone is pregnant - Juno, Waitress, that horrible Hugh Grant movie, all that. Sometimes they're hard to watch when you're struggling with TTC (or as used to be my case, in trying to get your partner to agree to TTC). Oh yes, and I took my husband to see Away We Go a few weeks ago. Bawled during that one too...it was a really good movie and we both really enjoyed it.

I really empathize with your feelings about the pot smoking...and just all of it, zelda. There are so many variables in fertility and I know that before I conceived I was so wanting to give ourselves the best possible chance and it made me really angry when I thought mr. julie was doing anything that might jeopardize that (such as pot smoking, drinking a lot, being too tired to have sex, etc). When we had to switch insurances because he had lost his job - and had to do a 3-month waiting period because of it - I was really, really angry at him for losing his job. All I can say is, acknowledge the feelings but don't let them rule your relationship. I think I realized I wasn't angry at him for losing his job, I was afraid that I might never be a mom, and I needed something external to blame for that.

I believe that, one way or another, being a mom is going to happen for you. We can't control the fact that when we want something, we want it NOW, not at some undefined time in the future blah blah blah. Hang in there...you have a partner who loves you and TONS of friends who are rooting for this to happen for you (including all of us!). Try not to beat yourself up for having a down couple of days...this is HARD stuff and it's okay.

Cristine, glad to hear that you are enjoying the book and that it's giving you some comfort! Another possibility is that you had an anovulatory cycle (where your body tries to ovulate and finally just throws in the towel), which is completely normal for folks to have from time to time and can also be caused by stress. The alcohol affect on temping is kind of maddening, I agree.
zelda
I just have to say once again how absolutely relieved and happy I am to have this thread to come to for support. Even when I just crazy rant, y'all always come back and give me such kind words and make me feel less crazy. It means so so SO much to me, and I thank you for that.

When I had that meltdown with my mom, she was like, "Maybe you shouldn't get on that thread so much," but I actually think this thread is one of the few things that has kept me from losing my mind during this entire process. That and cocktails. :-)

Julie, so glad someone else watched that adoption episode. I've seen some of the others, and while at first I felt a twinge of jealousy ("Why did that dumb kid get pregnant and not me?"), I always end up feeling hopelessly sorry for everyone involved by the end of it.

Seriously, I could not believe how amazingly loving and mature that couple was...I hope they stay together. I don't think I've ever said that about a teenage couple before, but they obviously had something right between them. Their families were absolutely awful. That one scene where the teenage dad said to his deadbeat dad that he wasn't going to let his daughter grow up in this "hell hole" made me cry. I wanted someone to adopt HIM! Reminds me of that late 80s movie "Immediate Family" with Glenn Close and Mary Stuart Masterson (another tearjerker).

I can't really watch a lot of pregnancy shows because it makes me too bummed out...except for "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." Seriously, can they just title that, "The Most Clueless Women in the World"? Actually, I shouldn't be so mean...there do seem to be explanations for why these women did not realize they were pregnant, but ultimately that show just boggles my mind.

I've already made a promise to myself that when I get pregnant, I will not watch Deliver Me or any of those shows because I know it will make me totally freak out!

Cristine, I'm glad you're enjoying that book...yes, stress can certainly delay ovulation or create an anovulatory cycle, which would create a long cycle. It should be interesting what you find as you experiment with temping and charting your cervical fluid.

ellenevenstar
Hi everyone,
Zelda - I hope you're starting to feel a bit better. The waiting game is EXTREMELY hard. I have always been an impatient person and in the days after my fertile time I used to meditate to try to convince myself that the waiting was a good thing to help me develop something that I lacked... but this didn't really make it easier, it just allowed me to kid myself (maybe?) that there was some purpose to it all. We are all with you and WILLING this for you.

Mums are so good! My mum tried for AGES to have me (it was discovered years later that she had one blocked fallopian tube but I guess the technology for ascertaining this wasn't as accessible 31+ years ago) and has been a wonderful source of comfort and understanding during my own times of obsession, grief and doubt. I feel so lucky to have her.

My advice for the BBQ is this (although you may not wish to take it!): After my miscarriage and over the following months, when I was at social occasions and people made comments or asked us when we would have babies, I would smile and say something like "soon, I hope." I found that this made them feel just slightly uncomfortable enough to never ask again, but it still sounded like I was being polite. I seriously think people in general need to be harshly trained out of saying things like that to women (at BBQs and the like) because, for every person who gets pregnant unintentionally or when 'not even trying,' there are at least as many who are trying long and hard to conceive or have miscarried and it's fucking out of order for people to mention it in those kinds of circumstances, I think.

Michelina, I'm sorry to hear about the arrival of your period and also about how your cycle messed with your head by spotting etc. It's great that you can focus on the proactive steps on the horizon.

cristine, glad to hear you're having sex for fun. I think frequent ejaculation is good ejaculation!

I know heaps of people who smoked pot and fathered children. My husband was a heavy pot smoker for 14 years and he has made an ENORMOUS effort to give up in the last 12 months or so. It's been incredibly hard for him so, when he has had a couple of mini-relapses while ttc, while on one hand I can't believe it because I have been centering my whole life on doing all the right things and I have felt resentful and angry, on the other hand I am so grateful for the changes he has made and pround of his success. And, really, I'm at least as suspicious of alcohol's effects on sperm as I am of pot's.

I am now 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant with embryo number 2. I've had just one or two light cramps in the last few days, so a big relief that they have settled down. Today I've had 2 of the symptoms from my last pregnancy come back - a bit of dizziness and the first signs of constipation - but my boobs are still hardly sore at all. I was SO constipated last time so I guess it's back to the prunes now for me. blink.gif
Michelina
Zelda, I can totally relate to your feeling of resentment about the pot smoking. However, Mr. Z. has said he will stop if the SA indicates a problem, and that SA is not far away now. It might help you to focus on that. The TTC part of this cycle is now over so if you aren't pregnant this time (and I really hope you are!) you will know what his swimmers are like by your next try. You two are also being proactive. Try to give yourselves some credit for that. I hope you are feeling better. (((Zelda)))

Ellen, great to hear from you. I like your idea of looking at this as having a greater purpose. Just that thought has given me some comfort. I have always had an enormous amount of control over the events in my life. This is the first time I have felt powerless. Maybe I need to just accept that this is the way it needs to be, and that there are some lessons to learn and life experience to be had in this process.

Cristine, glad to hear the book is bringing you some comfort! I have recommended that book to many people since I got my copy in 2005.

So I still not technically on my period. The spotting the last 3 days was very very faint. I basically needed to examine the TP and underwear to notice it. I have to admit that I may not have noticed if I weren't so hyperalert to everything going on down there. Anyway, my temp was STILL elevated this morning, but the spotting is increasing and now completely noticeable. I definitely need a liner now. So I am not sure what to make of all of this. I am still hoping that the actual flow doesn't come until tomorrow, which will mean that I have again made it to 12 dpo. I guess I need to find out from the GYN whether 4 days of spotting is normal or not. And I know for sure it's not implantation bleeding now as it is identical to my usual spotting.

I guess now I am wondering whether there was an attempted implantation at 8dpo that failed. :-(
zelda
Ellen, thank you for your kind words about the waiting game and pot smoking, too...makes me feel good that you know of a lot of pot smokers who have knocked up their ladies. I, too, think the whole thing might be a sham by a couple of researchers funded by anti-drug policy, so... :-)

Michelina, I, too, like to be in control. I'm major type A. I was just thinking that maybe all of this is a lesson to learn I cannot control everything. In fact, this is the first time in my life (like you were saying) where I feel almost entirely out of control. Of course I can make doctor's appointments, be thoughtful about my fertile days, etc., but ultimately whether or not that sperm and egg meet and implant is not my decision.

Argh! Here's to learning a painful lesson...

I know how absolutely frustrating it must be to have this spotting, Michelina. The good news is you are aware of your body and what is going on. Imagine if you were not...you might spend countless months ignoring what may be a very fixable situation (if there is even anything to fix).

From what I've read, it seems like progesterone deficiencies could count for a too-short luteal phase. Seems to me that this would be one of the easier problems to fix via progesterone supplements/suppositories, etc. I think this would be far easier to deal with than, say, not ovulating regularly or at all (which you seem to have no problem with).

I'm feeling better today...I'm coming up on the days of my cycle that are the easiest to handle. Right after we've tried when I still have hope, but not so close to my period that I start to feel frantic/sad I don't have symptoms. So I should enjoy this time while I can.

Hope doesn't make bad things happen...right? :-)
julie124
That's right, zelda! The comments about the whole "lack of control" aspect of this having a greater purpose I think are very wise. I remember when I got pushed out of my job two years ago (long, stupid story) and how sad/angry I was at the time...I had tried to do everything right and still had to leave. Later, after I started my business and was really enjoying what I was doing, I started looking at it like, sometimes God/the universe is trying to tell you that this isn't the right place for you anymore. And sometimes God/the universe has to YELL to get you to change. I don't know that this is really the same, but it's true that a lot of these things remind me that while I can do my damnedest to control everything...I can't. At some point I have to start trusting that I did all I can and figure out what's right for me.

Ellen, glad to hear that the cramping has toned down...don't worry too much about twinges and such, because my whole first trimester I felt weird stuff and it's pretty much just everything expanding. Plus, if you're constipated, some of that makes you have weird twinges too. Prunes work well, and I also recommend dried apricots (although use these with caution, as sometimes they work a little TOO well). I also found that going for a daily walk, drinking a hot beverage in the morning (decaf tea, or decaf coffee if you can stomach it), and having a bran cereal on a regular basis also help. As for the boobs, I think I was really surprised to discover that it was maybe a month or two into the pregnancy before my boobs started getting tender. Also, mine expanded a little at first, but not a ton...that happened later. Now they're big compared to my usual "barely fills up the A cup" size (I like to say that I finally got my boobs, and it only took 24 years after puberty!) but not all that big in the grand scheme of things. I hear that I'll get another expansion toward the end of pregnancy and of course afterward when the milk comes in.

Michelina, I am thinking good thoughts for you... the fact that your temps have still been high is promising. I know it must be incredibly frustrating to have to worry about your luteal phase. As zelda noted, it's really good that you're on top of this and aware of what's happening...if there is a problem, that will make it easier to address.

zelda, now that I'm feeling movement, I find some of the stories in the "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" show even more amazing. I actually think I could understand not realizing it if it was your first pregnancy and your baby wasn't super-active...it could be really easy to think that the weird feelings were just gas or back pain or something, especially if you'd been told that you could never conceive children. But the ones that get me are the ones where the mom already has a couple of kids and STILL doesn't recognize the pregnancy symptoms. And I love it when they rush to the hospital thinking they have a tumor or appendicitis or something and the doctor asks, "Is there any chance you could be pregnant?" The mom always says, "No, that's not possible!" and I'm always thinking, "Did you have sex in the last nine months? Then yeah, it's possible!"

Wow, this was a long post! Well, I'm off...I really should do some cleaning around the house but I think I might go out and do a little scoping out ideas for the nursery. (Now that I'm a garage sale and thrift store fiend, I like to use trips to regular-priced shops to gather ideas.) Also, now that I'm paying attention, I'm really irritated at how gendered all the clothing options are for babies. I used to marvel at how much pink there was for girls...now I find myself grumbling that EVERYTHING IS BLUE! Damn it, I just need to find one of those "This is what a feminist looks like" t-shirts for little dudes.

Michelina
Thanks for the words, Zelda and Julie. I just came back from yoga (which I desperately needed) and have discovered that my period has indeed begun. 11 dpo this time.

Charting is such a good thing. If I didn't chart, I would appear to have a "normal" 27 - 30 day cycle. However, my charts clearly show that I ovulate at day 16 or 17 and get my period between day 26 and 29. So I am just thankful I have been charting and will have something concrete to give to the specialist. Of course it will all be a moot point if Mr. M's SA is abnormal.

You're right, Zelda - an LP defect should be treatable with progesterone. I have thought of getting some over the counter progesterone cream, but when I mentioned it to my GP, she told me to wait until I see the specialist. I imagine they would prescribe suppositories if they think this is the problem. Another treatment is Clomid. My understanding is that the drug creates healthier follicles, which create more progesterone. I would give Clomid a try although the increased risk for ovarian cancer scares me. Mr. M. wants twins so he may get his wish. :-) I guess we'll see where this takes us. And you are also right, Zelda, that there are worse problems. I am consistently ovulating, have never had an STD (so likely don't have blocked tubes), and have no fibroids to my knowledge. All I know is that I have a tipped uterus, but that apparently has no effect.

I am crossing my fingers for all the Busties in their 2 week wait now!
Michelina
Oh and Julie, I love the STFU parents site. Thank you for that!!!
Fookie
((((Michelina))) Grief. I'm sorry. I'm glad to hear your focus is on visiting the specialist and future cycles. There is something to be said about figuring out something specific may actually be the cause of the lengthy TTC. At least now you can find out what you can do about it. A short luteal phase does seem to be one of the most treatable causes of infertility so if that's your case, things should turn around for you soon. As for the clomid... if you have insurance the covers it, enquire about other options. Clomid, which has been around forever and has good success rates etc. does have more side effects than some of the more expensive options like Puregon. Comid has the unfortunate side effect of seriously thining your uterine lining, which is also a cause of infertility. I read recently that the studies linking fertility meds with cancer came out in 1994 (2 major ones I think) and that since then their results have been put into serious question. It doesn't seem like most scientists believe there's a link anymore. Of course, I always figure that anytime you chemically force your body to do anything, you're kind of playing Russian roulette, but that information did make me feel better.

Zelda! I hear you with the randomly bursting into tears when you think everything is just fine. I had an appointment with my naturopath on Wednesday, the first one since before my last period. After I told her it didn't work, she asked me with all her beautiful and sincere concern how I was doing, and I totally burst into tears. I definitely don't cry in public or with strangers. It took me by such surprise that it forced me to admit that I wasn't as "moved on" yet as I thought it was. It took everything in my being not to just sob through the entire acupuncture. Gah. I am glad that your childhood friend was thoughtful/aware enough to call you with her news and that you were able to be supportive for her. Here's to hoping that the people at the BBQ are as tactful.

Julie, thanks for that website. Ha! And how great that you're feeling Baby J. doing all that magical stuff. Soooooo fun!

Ellen, almost six weeks! How exciting. I'm still just bursting with happiness for you.

Cristine, glad you're so into the TTOYF book. It's such a valuable source of information. It really made me crazy to think though how little I really knew about my own body before starting to read it. It should be used as a textbook in school. Such a great book.

Well, I spent the weekend with a university friend that I only see about once every year. She does freelance work for me, so we connect via email several times daily, but there's nothing like actually seeing each other. I am truly, truly, lucky and blessed with seriously good friends. I am getting all misty-eyed thinking about how happy seeing her made me. She offered no false hope/plattitudes and asked all the right questions (I had been waiting to see her to really update her about my journey with the infertility treatments) and made all the right comments about the frustration and the unfairness of it all.

Speaking of unfairness ... someone said (I'm sorry, I've lost track) something about the waiting/frustration etc. being a god/universe lesson/test. In the last two years or so, I've decided this phase in my life is about learning to accept that life isn't fair. Talk about a lesson I should have learned when I was two! This infertility thing is the biggest suckerpunch ever in that regard, but there are also other parts of my life (like the family-run business I am work in - not my family - who are beyond any comprehensible level of RICH. The adult children have everything handed to them by the owner of the business, and they are a bunch of dolts.) It drives my "unfairness" meter into overdrive everytime I hear of them discussing the $30K/year private school they send their kids to, or the shopping trip to paris, or the problems with the chauffeur, nanny, cook etc.... I just want to go yell at them. With not a blink of an eye, they could probably solve all my infertility issues with the money they spend on clothes in a month. Gah.

OK. I'm fine.
yumyum
(((Michelina))) I'm so sorry to hear that your period came. I think it's good that you're going to have an appointment with a specialist and try to get to the bottom of the short LP. I am a bona fide control freak too. So far, I've been able to overcome whatever life has thrown at me through hard work and determination, so the fact that we weren't able to concieve right away, even though I've done all the right things and read the right books, has been a reality check (to say the least). When we first started, it was as though I thought I would get pregnant if I read the right thing, or if I took the right combination of supplements. I'm just now starting to be more accepting that that's not the case. It's really hard- really fucking hard.
zelda
So good to hear the wise words of so many wise ladies...sorry if that was cheesy, but you know...

Yeah, Fookie, you're right...life isn't fair. That's what I was thinking when I was watching that adoption episode. But I try to hope that life has meaning, even in it's unfairness. Yeah, I guess that's a "silver lining" approach, and sometimes I'm better at it than at other times. I try to feel that way. But yumyum, you're right. It's so fucking hard sometimes.

Ellen, I wanted to tell you that my BFF felt a LOT of cramping and even had some very light brown spotting during her first trimester - it terrified her and she went to the doctor, but all was well. It was just her uterus positioning itself and growing and stretching. She was terrified with each twinge - she's 38, and it took her a year or so to get pregnant - but I wanted to just let you know (as I'm sure you know) that it's okay to have that cramping.

By the way, thanks for the advice for the BBQ. I think the "Soon, I hope" will work...the problem is my family is so IN your FACE, I can just see them assaulting me..."Does Mr. Z were boxers? Are you doing it every day?" I can just see them being crazy like that. My family is like the family in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" except we're Latin (Cuban and Chilean). Ay mami!

Michelina, when are you planning on seeing the specialist? Are you going to wait for Mr. M's SA results? I asked Mr. Z again tonight if he was serious about getting his done while I'm gone, and he said absolutely. Since my period is due just a day or two after I leave, I'm tempted to do an early test on CD 26 when I'm still home with him just to say, "Okay, yes, go ahead and make the appointment," but I really have made a promise to myself that I won't test early. I guess I'll just wait those two or three days and just call him with the results - whatever they are.

Positive vibes to everyone tonight...

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