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Michelina
I am sipping my coffee after a 3-hour sleep (up almost all night with awful cramps) and I just checked FB. I noticed a "friend" just had a baby so I was browsing the pictures. Well, I was not prepared to see a big, huge, newly-delivered, bloody placenta in the mix. I think she needs to post a warning! Should be submitted to STFU, I think. :-) As happy as I am for people who have babies, I'm not sure that I will EVER appreciate another human being's placenta.

OK, enough of that rant. Zelda, my GP will put in the referral for me only after Mr. M's results come in. I have no idea what the waiting list is, but guess that I won't be seen until sometime this fall.

Yumyum, it really is fucking hard. Last night was awful. The cramps just make the disappointment that much worse. And I had a bad day yesterday considering that we have now officially reached 6 months of trying. I found myself crying on and off all day, even at the grocery store parking lot! We had friends over for dinner along with their new baby. There was a lot of talk about babies and references to us having them, and of course she doesn't know we're trying. It wasn't as bad as it could have been considering this friend tried for over 2 years to conceive so at least she knows that not everyone gets knocked up the second they want to.
Sigh.

Fookie, thanks for the info about Clomid and other similar drugs. I have no idea if my drug plan through work would help cover it. And who knows if they would cover progesterone. Glad to hear you have a wonderful and supportive friend you can confide in. I have a couple of those and am very thankful for them.

Speaking of support, I broke down to my sister the other day about my feeling that we are infertile and my desire for her bf to stop with his comments about us having children. Last time he even said "if it ever happens to you" and that stung. Anyway, I think I will stop confiding in her and my mom. She told me that they talk about it and they all (her, the bf, and my mom) and all think if will happen for us so that's why the bf hasn't stopped with the damn comments. I am sure they also say it's not happening because I'm stressing. Gotta love that one. I hate the idea of them talking about my fertility probs behing my back particularly because they know that this LP thing is very disappointing to me and that I am being referred to a GYN.

My sister also proceeded to tell me that her bf's older sister never had children although she tried, and has always been envious of her brothers who all have children. Now she just had a hysterectomy. I was thinking, where was the comfort in that story? My sister is a good person, but I think this makes her flustered and she really cannot relate as she got pregnant by accident. I figure that she may be better off if I just leave her out of this aspect of my life as sad as that makes me feel.

My aunt on the other hand has been wonderful and validates my fears while being supportive of the actions we are taking. I am so lucky to have her.
julie124
((Michelina)) Sounds like you've been through a rough couple of days. I think your decision to stop confiding in your sister is probably a good plan for now, especially as you've tried to make it clear that some of these comments are hurtful to you and she just doesn't seem to get it.

I don't have to tell you that some people seem to have an especially big blind spot where conception and pregnancy is concerned. I recently was talking with a good friend of mine (who is my mom's age) whose daughter is my age and has been trying to conceive for over a year...and has had 3 early miscarriages. My friend was asking me for advice on how to best support her daughter...she wants her daughter to feel comfortable talking with her about things, but she also doesn't want her daughter to feel pressured by her concern. I told her that 1. the best thing as far as I know is just to not be afraid to talk (and listen) about how things are going, but to let it come up when the daughter's ready, and 2. that no matter how perfectly she does it, her daughter is still going to feel pressure because she just IS. My friend told me that she had nosy people her age pressuring HER all the time about how the grandchildren thing was going and that she'd once made the mistake early on of sharing that the daughter had been trying but had had a couple miscarriages. Well, apparently these well-meaning friends felt it was appropriate to give my friend advice about her daughter's fertility. Advice that they expected my friend to pass along to her daughter. I said, "Yeah, 'So, my friends and I were talking about your fertility issues recently,' that's what every girl wants to hear from her mother, right?" My friend is like, "I KNOW!"

Michelina, I laughed about the Facebook update...I was picturing you sitting there with your coffee, hoping for a leisurely start to the day...only to be confronted with bloody placenta. I'll say this - I loved the pictures of my first niece just after birth, which did include a little blood and such...but you know, that was MY NIECE and it was in our private family photos, not posted on Facebook for all the world to see.

Love to all....I know it's been a tough week, hang in there everybody!

zelda
Michelina, just a quick pop in to say that if anything bothers me more, it's the "Relax and it will happen" comment. I heard a really good come back for that one on one of the scary boards (perhaps the only useful thing I read)...when someone says "Relax and it will happen" a good reply is "You wouldn't tell someone who has to lose 20 pounds to relax and it will happen. You wouldn't tell someone with cancer to relax and it will go away. Fertility issues are medical issues and deserve a medical solution. Besides, the overwhelming research out there has found no links between stress and conception. Otherwise, how do you explain rape victims conceiving?"

Quite a little speech, but I think it's enough to slam some common sense into people. My mom has tried (very gently) to use the "relax and it will happen" approach, and when I used a modified (nicer) version of that speech, my mom had to admit I had a point.

The problem is that people who get pregnant right away simply have no way of understanding that *they got lucky*. That's all there is to it. They can say it was the two glasses of wine they'd had with dinner that night, or they can blame it on being relaxed and stress-free, but the bottom line is that it's a question of timing and luck, and they were fortunate.

Someone who has never had to think about days and CM and luteal phases simply cannot understand that. I'm not saying they cannot be understanding, but they cannot understand it. Their reaction to our "jargon" talk is that we are taking it too seriously and that's why it isn't happening. What they don't understand is that the reason they conceived had *nothing* to do with them being relaxed.

Okay, getting off my soapbox...sorry...that one just drives me nuts. And you have EVERY right to tell your sister that her bf should *back off*! Sorry, Michelina, just feeling protective today!!
Cristine
Hey BUSTies, yes I really am enjoying this book. I’ve actually realized that I completely misread my cycle cuz I didn’t know what EWCM actually was. I thought it was the milky or creamy CM. (Again, can’t believe I’m saying that!) So when I still had CM afterwards it was confusing to me and I didn’t analyze it to see if it was the EWCM that I now understand! I feel so much more prepared to get pregnant this month! I took my first OPK test yesterday (CD 10) and can I say something really dumb? Although I had no LH surge, it was still so exciting to FINALLY see 2 lines on a test! I also had another realization, I wanted my cycle to be shorter so I get more chances TTC… but I now feel an advantage because my luteal phase is almost certainly longer, though now that I’m temping I can find out for sure.

Michelina, damn it that you started your period!!! Go have a drink (or ten) and start focusing on next month!!! And reading about Clomid in TCOYF has pretty much scared me out of trying that, so really think about it before you try.

Zelda, you seem to have a great mom but don’t listen to her about the thread. I know for me it has been incredibly therapeutic and it really seems to me like it is for you too! How are things going, are you having any symptoms or feelings? Anything? And I completely second you on the “relax and it will happen” bullshit! My 3 closest friends keep telling me that, almost laying blame on me that my stress is keeping me from getting pregnant! They, of course, all have babies!!! And only 1 of them knew that stress can't delay a period, but none of them knew that stress can delay ovulation which explains so much!! This is why I come here, you guys are such a support for me!!! I cannot thank you enough!
zelda
I'm really glad you're enjoying the book, Christine...there is so much to learn...I thought I was pretty smart about how the female body worked, and I was stunned from reading TCOYF how much I didn't know. In general there is a lot I didn't know about reproduction. For instance, I never knew that it could take up to 10 days for the fertilized egg to implant in the uterine lining. I thought your fertilized egg was in you right away.

As for the Clomid, while I know the author of TCOYF makes it sound super scary, there are a lot of women over the years who have benefited from it. Toni Weschler is great, but she almost has an anti-doctor approach (no doctors understand FAM, etc.) that isn't entirely correct, in my point of view. Julie mentioned this to me before I bought the book, and I think she was right.

Obviously with any drug or fertility treatment there will be risks, but ultimately there are risks with almost everything. I think each woman just has to weigh the pros and cons and what is right for her.

I'm feeling better today...nervous about waiting, but better. No symptoms, but I think it would be too soon for that. Not sure exactly when I ovulated...day 14 or 15, I think, so that means I'm only 4 or 5 dpo...probably too soon to say.
Cristine
Ok, I'll take her anti-doctor views into consideration as I finish reading. Cuz that whole nightmare about doctors so quick to declare infertility just freaked me out! Anyway, I know it's still early in your cycle Zelda but I'm just so excited for you and am dying to hear that it's your month!!! smile.gif

So on CD 11 my CM breaks at about 2 inches now, it's now cloudy instead of clear, 2nd negative OPK... let me clarify I'm not being impatient or freaking out or anything. The only reason why I'm giving so much TMI is because, with my crazy cycles, I was just wondering if anyone had an opinion if I should go ahead and finish the OPK over the next 5 days or if I should wait and skip a day or every other day. As I've previously expressed I'm totally new to this and for some reason I've never really noticed my different stages of CM. Oh and in TCOYF when it mentioned the "d" word (discharge), I swear my whole life I thought something was wrong with me and that it wasn't normal... so funny how little people care to teach girls about their bodies! And with my mom dying when I was 14 I never had that valuable resource so I just never talked about it with anyone cuz I was ignorantly embarrassed!

Oh and Julie I think it was you that was telling me how charting is great but that I'll love it or hate it... I LOVE IT! I'm like obsessed (in a good way) with it! I actually keep looking at as if anything has changed since I last updated it!
yumyum
(((Michelina))) Fucking cramps; they really do add insult to injury, don't they? I think it sounds like a good plan to stop confiding in family if it is coming back to bite you in the ass. Family can often blur the lines between what is appropriate and helpful, and what is just hurtful. That's one of the reasons that I chose not to tell many people- I didn't want to have people give me their advice, feel sorry for me, and talk about me behind my back. I really hate the thought of that.

Cristine, I'm glad to hear you're enjoying charting. I liked it too. When my husband would catch me studying my charts, he would start singing that 80's song, "she blinded me with science." I will probably resume charting next cycle (or the one after, we'll see how I'm feeling).

zelda, I agree with your assessment of the "just relax" advice. What a smoking piece of shit that is. I do believe in a mind body connection and I do believe that it is possible that intense stress could affect a cycle, but not every cycle. I don't really count neuroses. If stress was that potent, I think there would be a lot fewer humans in the world. I also think that women who are raped in times of war (or otherwise) would never get pregnant.
Cristine
yum, as of right now I can't imagine I'll stop charting just because it gives me such comprehension of my cycle.... I think it might help you if you to get back in it. Who knows, maybe after a few months, I'll end up hating it. I'm hoping it works sooner than that though! wink.gif
Michelina
Thanks for all of the kind words and support about my decision to not confide in my sister anymore about this. I feel much better now that the worst of my period is over. Like Cristine said, it's on to thinking about the next cycle. Speaking of which, I should be in Las Vegas during my next ovulation! At least I am hoping we'll be there and not in transit. My mom discovered she was pregnant with me there (couldn't figure out why all she wanted to do was eat hamburgers!) so it would be amazing to conceive our first child there. I am hopeful once again.

Cristine, I'm glad to hear you are enjoying charting. I think charting is wonderful, but as mentioned by some, it can be frustrating if you have a tendency to wake often throughout the night, which I thankfully do not. My charts are my "in" with the specialist so I am very glad I started doing it. I, too, am hoping it won't take much longer for you. And for everyone else as well! And about Clomid, well, I haven't reviewed that part of TCOYF. But I can certainly see that it would be controversial. I'll certainly get all of the information I can before making my choice.

Zelda, I really like your response to the stress copout (and I now really feel it is an actual copout - something to say as opposed to saying nothing, which I would prefer). I think if a logical person actually thinks about that, it would make sense no matter how quickly they conceived. I am going to try it out next time I hear it.

Julie, I am still getting a kick out of my placenta encounter too. It makes for a good story. :-)

I took an FSH urine test this morning and am glad to report that my FSH is apparently normal. If it had been high, it would be a sign of menopause. I was getting a little worried that perhaps my luteal phase shortening would be a sign of premature menopause. I am sure it will be tested through a blood test by the specialist, but I couldn't wait until then. Sigh of relief!

Cristine
Michelina, I really hope Vegas brings you that good luck!! wink.gif I find that having a glass of wine later in the evening really helps get at least a few hours of solid sleep, at which, I take my temperature in the dark and take it to the bathroom with me so I can see it! I have an alarm clock that projects onto the ceiling so aside from the slight motion to reach my night stand for the thermometer, I don't have much moving to do. I usually wake around 2:45 - 3:30, so my temps are low but I think they should probably compare consistently enough. On Saturday, after going to bed very late, I woke up at 5:15 (had several drinks the previous evening) and my temp was dramatically higher! dry.gif I still put it in my chart. I'm an Excel nerd so looking at charts and graphs are actually exciting to me!!
zelda
Hey, Michelina, that's great news about the FSH test...good to hear it. Would be hilarious if you conceived in Las Vegas...I am keeping fingers crossed as always...I'm also glad that your charting is helping you get an in with the doctor. I'm thinking I might go back to it next cycle...just to try and see. I'll be back at work and going to sleep and waking with a little more regularity in my schedule, so we shall see.

Cristine, glad you're enjoying the charting and that the book is making sense to you...it helped me tremendously!

I'm on CD 20 and not feeling anything at all. I suppose it may be too early for that if I'm going to feel symptoms at all. I'm already starting to feel that wave of impending disappointment. It comes earlier and earlier each month. Whereas when we first started TTC, I was hopeful until the day my period arrived...now I'm hopeful for the first few days after trying.

I dunno...god, we did it a LOT this month. I'm going to be so bummed, I KNOW it. Argh.

I can't decide if it will be better or worse to be at home if I get my period. I guess being at home will distract me and put me in a different mood of sorts...but then there's that fucking BBQ!!!
Cristine
Zelda, I know this is such a tough time and I remember my first month of trying... it wasn't even a matter of excitement, it was just that WE DID IT SO OF COURSE I'LL BE PREGNANT. It's so ridiculous staring at the damn pee stick thinking, how can that be??? I think I took 5 tests that month! I hope that your period doesn't come this month but that if it does that it would be better pre-BBQ, just so you can prepare for the grand inquisition! Hang in there and I want to say something stupid like "think positive" but we all know that doesn't matter for shit!
ananke
Just a quick note to say I hope everything is going well. I finally stopped bleeding at 5 and a half weeks and we had sex at 6 weeks and it was okay. Not the greatest, and I felt all weird inside - kinda obvious, but I felt like my muscles still weren't recovered and still tender. The scars/incisions were fine (yay for lots of lube) but the actual muscles were a bit iffy. So I think I might stick to non-intercourse for a bit.

Fallon is doing great, hitting a growth spurt and feeding constantly.

Michelina, that sucks about your family, it really does. Thinking back on it, I'm so happy we told very few people we were trying - no matter what they say it still hurts. And I am so with you on the placenta *shudder*. Although I did find an etsy store with plasticine moulded (resin) baby jewellery that included a placenta necklace, giant boobs leaking milk necklaces and, the absolute kicker, a baby crowning necklace...
Michelina
Ananke, great to hear from you! Glad to hear that all is going well. I have always wondered what the first time having sex would be like after having a vaginal birth. I am sure things will get back to normal pretty soon for you. It really hasn't been very long! Good to hear that Fallon is growing well, probably like a weed right now!

Zelda, yes I was very happy about the FSH test. It's the first time I have ever not wanted to see that second line! I am sure most people don't have symptoms at this time so try not to get down just yet. The way I see it, you may as well feel hopeful and good while you can because no matter what, you will feel shitty if you get your period.

Cristine, I have having that glass of wine right now. :-) I forgot to address your OPK question a while back. I think you should test everyday, not every second. You don't want to miss it. I think that until you establish your own pattern, you should start well in advance. Have you gotten a positive yet?

Yumyum, you're right - the cramps really do make it worse. I had more severe cramps than usual this cycle and I think that they really brought me down, both emotionally and physically. I even felt sad today on my fourth day, but have rebounded a little after getting some exercise tonight. Where are you in your cycle now?

I am really hoping for luck in Vegas!

zelda
Hey Ananke...glad to hear from you! Amazing to think that a few months ago Fallon was still a little wee one inside of you! Crazy. I hope you check in from time to time...by the way...that necklace sounds hilarious.

I went out with a girlfriend last night and had a couple of beers. I'm feeling defeated again already...I don't know why. I'm at 22 days in my cycle - not sure how many dpo...7 or 8 maybe...perhaps it is too soon for symptoms or perhaps I will not feel them at all.

I had some creamy CM this morning which according to TCOYF is normal in the second half of the luteal phase and only an indicator or pregnancy if it continues on.

I have mixed feelings about getting my period while at my parents. I've actually timed it well...I should be staying at my sister's house the morning it's due, and she lives alone. It will be much easier to have a good cry on her shoulder alone...

I can't believe it...how I'm so negative I'm actually *picturing* myself getting my period at my sister's. Of course I've also allowed myself to picture myself testing positive at that very apartment (I'm bringing a test along), but...oh well, at least it will be a different atmosphere if I do get my period. And the timing will work out decently for the next cycle. I will be getting home from my parents on CD 13, right in time for Mr. Z and I to start trying again, and hopefully with knowledge from the SA.

For ladies who have tested positive or who wish they would...did you ever literally picture yourself getting a positive result and getting excited, imagining how you would tell the Mr., who you would call first, etc.? Or is this is fantasy particular to me?
Cristine
Michelina, I haven't tested since I posted that question, I really don't feel like I'm near ovulation yet... AND I keep forgetting to bring tests to work! Isn't middle afternoon the best time to test with the OPK? Does anyone think that 5:30-6 is too late in the day to test? I'm on CD 14 and the calendar is estimating that I'll ovulate in 6 days & to start testing now based on a 33 day cycle. My temps are quite funny, aside from that first day of 95.45 every day has been back & forth from the mid 96's & mid 97's... quite a mountain range! I usually wish that my friends & family will hit the jackpot in Vegas, for you I'm hoping quite a different jackpot!! wink.gif

Zelda, I imagine every scenario! The first person I'll tell if I'm pregnant is of course the Mr., then YOU GUYS, then my best friend, then my 2nd closest friend & then my 3rd... I overplan waaaaay too much! Beyond that I'll wait a long time to tell anyone else! I don't want to disappoint family if something happened early in the pregnancy, but you guys and (to a slightly lesser extent) my friends will be the support I need if something were to happen. Hang in there Zelda cuz I'm not convinced yet that you're not pregnant!

Ananke, I'm glad to hear things are going well with you & Fallon. And my vagina hurts just hearing you talk about sex right now! What the hell is with that necklace by the way???!!!
yumyum
zelda-I'm riding the negativity train right next to you. I have all of my normal preperiod feelings, so I'm about 99% sure that I'm not pregnant. And yes, I have imagined several different scenarios about how I would tell my spouse and my parents. I've found that the fantasizing makes me feel even worse when I get my period, so I've tried not to do so much of that anymore. It's a self preseveration thing, ya know? I'm still wishing you good luck- I think it would be better not to feel any early pregnancy symptoms than to feel something. It seems like whenever I feel something, it turns out to be a PMS marker.

Michelina- I'm on CD 26. I'm not sure when I ovulated (I'm not charting and I never got a posititive OPK) but I think I'm about 10 days post ovulation (just judging by my body's signs). Good luck in Vegas!!!!

Ananke- glad to hear things are going well. 6 weeks seems so early- you're a brave soul!

Cristine- thanks for being such a positive person- it's nice to hear when you can't seem to work it up on your own.
Cristine
yum, it's funny that you would use the word positive to describe me because I bet everyone I know would disagree with you! But actually I'm more positive when it comes to others than I am with myself. It's just a very difficult process (and I've barely begun) and my closest friends just aren't giving me the support I need. They are the "relax and it will happen" moms and that is just NOT helpful! I love the support you've all given me and I really really am thinking super positive thoughts for all of you! If we can't turn to friends & family with all the mundane details of our cycles & symptoms, it is so helpful to come here!!

And in regard to how you would tell the parents, I'm hoping to be far enough along in my pregnancy around a holiday/ birthday/ special event, to be able to announce it with a gift like a cheesey "World's Greatest Grandma" shirt. Now with my husband, I'm telling him right away, I've already asked him if he wants me to wait for a special occasion and he adamently said NO! Plus when a couple is obviously trying, it's like "hey did you test yet???"... so yeah I think the announcement will be running into the bedroom and waking him up to try to read a test while half asleep!!

Anyway, I'm sorry if this is not your month... but on a POSITIVE note, we don't yet know for sure!!! And if you're not, I really think you should try (don't remember if you've attempted to before) charting next month... unless it drives you crazy of course. I personally love it, but like I said if it doesn't work after a few months I may end up hating it!
zelda
yum...love that "riding the negativity train" ... very funny. Choo choo!

I keep remembering the countless number of women who don't have symptoms until well after testing positive. In fact, "What to Expect" says most symptoms start around 6 weeks (two weeks after you test positive since they count a pregnancy from the first day of your last period...meaning you're technically pregnant before you actually are...weird). ANYway, my BFF did not have symptoms until a few days after her missed period, and my other friend had none until about 6 weeks pregnant, and even then she was just tired...never had sore breasts or anything.

Really still hoping this month is ours, but who knows. I did have a bad sinus headache all day today with a slightly runny nose, and I was yawning all day, but that may be nothing.

One way I almost always know my period is coming is I get diarrhea right before it's due...like the day or so before. From the increase in progesterone, I think. So if the diarrhea comes, I know this month is in the crapper, too. HAHA. Get it? Diarrhea? In the crapper?

Sigh.

Ellen, did you have any symptoms before testing positive? Can't remember if you said you did or not.

Cristine, I think it's fine to test around 5:30 or 6...perfectly fine. Just try not to drink too many fluids or urinate for about four hours before testing. If your urine is very clear, the test will not work correctly.
yumyum
Cristine- thanks for the nice words yet again. This is the first cycle in the last of 6 that I haven't charted. I ran out of paper charts and my husband wanted me to stop for while (he doesn't like it for some reason), so I decided to go a month without charting. I miss knowing when I've ovulated.

zelda- I hate the period diarrhea. That happens to me sometimes. Ugh. I'm glad you like the train. This is really the only place I feel like I can indulge myself like that!
zelda
yumyum...have you tried Fertility Friend online? It does the charting for you for free...very easy. And it may be easier on your husband to not have to see the paper charts.
ellenevenstar
Hi!
Wow, it's been quite a few days! There's so much activity to catch up on!

I went to see my GP on Wednesday. I hadn't gotten around to it for 2 weeks because I was in this kind of weird denial/'don't get too excited' mode and I kept forgetting to make the appointment - I know, how psychologically strange, considering pregnancy is pretty much all I've been thinking about for so long?? The GP visit was a bit of a non-event because all my blood work and stuff already got done in January when I was pregnant before. He just took my blood pressure and we had a bit of a chat about the hospital birth centre. Then I went next door and made an appointment at the ultrasound place for my 12 week transnuchal scan which will be on the 2 September and my next GP visit will be a week or so after that. I had to really talk myself into the 'hope doesn't make bad things happen' space when making the September appointment, as if planning 6 weeks ahead might jinx everything...

Since the appointment the pregnancy has seemed much more real to me, probably not least because I'm so constipated!!! sad.gif. I have a huge whole-grain breakfast PLUS 4-6 prunes with it, I eat plenty of raw fruit and veges and drink over 800ml of water every day. But I'm still bloated and uncomfortable. I bought some Metamucil today so we'll see how that goes.

I'm currently very excited because my parents are coming around to our place tonight for dinner, essentially just so we can tell them I'm pregnant again! The younger of my two brothers is coming too but my other brother has to work (and only told me this today) so I'll ring him later tonight and tell him. We told our parents and siblings when I was 6 weeks last time plus incidentally a handful of our closest friends (about 3 or 4 couples) when I was 8 weeks or so. No special events - telling your parents you're expecting their first grandchild is a special event in itself - I'll never forget the looks on their faces!!! When I miscarried they were all really supportive and I was glad I'd told them... but also really glad I hadn't told anyone else. I think we drew the line in the right place for us. We are lucky to have positive and trusting relationships with all 4 parents and all our siblings so it was cool. It would be hard to tell siblings if there were some you didn't get along with but others you really wanted to share with.

To be honest, with regards to visualising outcomes when my period was impending, I think in the last few months I had only very brief imanginings of period arrival or stick-peeing but I really pushed them out of my mind and didn't think about them much at all because the images brought up lots of emotions and memories and I didn't want to go there. I just wanted to take each day as it came. I think this was exacerbated by the fact that we bought our first house and moved in April-May so I was pretty preoccupied (but of course had a fair swathe of down days too).

Zelda, I had no symptoms before testing positive this time around but I do remember that last time when I tested positive I had already noticed that my breasts were quite tender. By 6 weeks I was wincing when I hugged my friends, they were that sore!!
Having said that, last time I got my period my breasts had been ridiculously sore for several days beforehand too. The cruellest thing about early pregnancy symptoms is that they're often so similar to PMS ones! My boobs still aren't that sore this time around but symptoms such as the constipation and dizziness when standing up / getting out of bed have only just kicked in in the last week.

Just a few days to wait Zelda and yum yum! I'll be checking back regularly to hear your news. Keep hoping and, as someone said, try to make the most of the days when you know you definitely can be hopeful!!

Thanks for the update ananke. Glad things are settling down and your're listening to your body.

Michelina, the stakes are high! You've gotta be in it to win it! Bet big and win big and have a wonderful time doing it!!!
funnybird
Hey everyone!

Ellen, so nice to hear from you. Glad to hear that things are going well.

Cristine, I've been enjoying your posts - they remind me of when I started charting and that feeling of an epiphany when you realise how much your body can tell you that you didn't know before.

Michelina, I love Las Vegas (we wanted to get married there, but realised our parents would probably never speak to us again if we did...). I think it would be an awesome place to conceive.

Zelda and Yum Yum, it's not over yet! I can understand the appeal of the negativity train - a pessimist is never disappointed, right? - but the rest of us can hope for you. Oh, and my first symptom was being constantly and ravenously hungry.

Well, we got the flat that we wanted, and will be moving in the next couple of weeks. It's a beauty - the first floor of a victorian town house with high celings, big windows, a south-facing terrace and a big communal garden. I also finally heard from the hospital. My appointment isn't until September, which seems so far away. I can't help imagining how mad I'll be if it turns out that there's nothing there and we've wasted all of these months waiting to find out. We're considering using the private health cover we have through Architect Boy's work, which may speed things up a bit. Grrr! The NHS is so slow! And I'm so impatient!
zelda
Thanks for the answers and info, funny and ellen. Just this morning I was wondering how you both were doing. Ellen, I'm sure it's only natural to feel all those feelings as you make the appointment, look into the future, etc. but I just know it's going to be okay for you this time. A dear friend of mine who had a miscarriage felt the same way about her second pregnancy. She was so terrified she and her husband told no one - not even their parents - until she was three months along...I think she looks back and wishes she had shared that with them. But I understand...by the way, her second pregnancy went great and she has a healthy baby girl. I spoke with her last night and she was laughing about how big she is getting.

Funny, I hope you get that referral letter soon! And I'm so glad you got that lovely flat you wanted. By the way, speaking of the referral letter, it's interesting to me (as an American) to listen to BUSTies from other countries talk about their national health plans. Despite all the issues that must arise, I desperately wish we had something like it in the States. Obama is working hard to pass something, but I fear we will never see the day where everyone is covered. I know one couple who was in debt up to their eyeballs after their first baby was born via C section and they had no insurance. They were paying on that debt until their son was almost in kindergarten! Ridiculous. Fortunately, the hospital forgave some of the bill in the end because they had shown good faith.

I am SOOOO tempted to test on CD 26 the day I leave for home...because Mr. Z will be here and on the off chance I test positive it would be so exciting...but I've made a promise to myself not to do that...because of a fear of a chemical pregnancy that would get my hopes up (and if I hadn't tested early I wouldn't have known), and because I suppose it could be a false negative and I would be sad for no reason.

Plus, like I said earlier, for me a period is always less depressing than that big ol' negative stick staring at you in the face. The worst are the digital ones. NOT PREGNANT. Oh really? Thanks. :-)


Cristine
Zelda, I took the test around 5:45 yesterday & still no LH surge… we had sex anyway because Fertility Friend is estimating that I should ovulate by Monday, so I’ll keep testing! Oh and the diarrhea thing, that usually happens to me mildly on day 1… had no idea that was because of progesterone! And I also HATE the big fat NOT PREGNANT digital tests, I’m switching back to the lines next time! Update on the Obama healthcare plan in case you haven’t heard, the Senate has confirmed they will NOT pass the bill before their August recess but are "promising" by the end of the year! We’ll see…

Yum, my husband usually doesn’t like me to “obsess” about things but he has been so surprisingly supportive of me charting, posting on this thread & reading the book… I’ve even been able to relay to him what I’m learning about men’s bodies! But yeah I think if this were to go on for several more months he might suggest I take a break. I love that TCOYF has now become “the book” in mind, just realized I keep saying that!! And I second Zelda on Fertility Friend, I love that site!

Funnybird, I’m glad someone is enjoying my posts… it feels like I’m a little girl saying mommy, mommy look I tied my shoes!!! Are you still TTC at all during this down time? September is so far away, I’d hate for you to lose these valuable months! And congratulations on the flat! Moving is so exciting! We actually want to buy a new (bigger) house, but with this housing market in the U.S. (and more so here in California) it’s almost impossible to sell right now! I’m hoping we can before I give birth to someone who is going to need a room! I don’t know where we could possibly move our “office”! Hell, I'll move it outside just to make room for our baby!!!

Ellen, again I always feel the need to say something stupid like “stay positive”… but that’s really all you can do for the time being. I know this must be a hard time but, like Zelda insinuated, something incredibly good CAN follow something horribly bad… we all want this to be incredibly good for you this time!

Cristine
I just had to comment on something I just read in TCOYF, HAMSTER EGG TEST??!!! Wow, I guarantee you my husband would never resort to fertilizing a hamster egg to determine whether or not his sperm is fertile. WOW!!! Is it just me or is that borderline crazy! I'm imagining they would terminate the embryo after, I haven't seen half human/ half hamsters walking around!!
yumyum
Funny- congrats on the flat! It is so nice to move into a new place...
Ellen- glad to hear from you. It'll be wonderful sharing your good news with your family!
zelda- I haven't tried fertility friend- I might try it out next cycle.
cristine- that book is a wealth of information. If you think the hamster egg thing is weird, apparently they used to do something with pregnancy testing and bunnies. Something like they would inject a woman's urine into a bunny and if it died she was pregnant- something like that.

I went to see my ob/gyn today. We had been playing phone tag for two weeks, so when I called today, her nurse was able to sneak me in (same day- unheard of!). This is only the second time I've been to see her. I like her but I also find myself feeling annoyed by her. I told her my concerns and also mentioned that I have extremely painful mentrual cramps. So...she ordered some lab work (thyroid study, prolactin), SA for the Mr, and a pelvic ultrasound.

I was glad that she thought that my concerns were valid enough to ok looking into it further. She outlined how the process works (what they test for and when they would do each thing). She said that if I had an HSG that showed I had blocked tubes, I would basically be an IVF patient. I asked her what could cause this, and she said it can be congenital or it can be caused by abdominal infection, such as appendicitis (I had appendicitis when I was 11). I really hated to hear IVF at this point. She said that chances are that I am fertile, but still it was distressing. Then, she also mentioned (about a million times) that we need to DESTRESS. Uh. WTF? I could never hear that again and would be ok with that. Tough appointment but I'm glad that I got that over with. I will have my ultrasound Monday and the Mr is planning on making his "deposit" next Friday. Deep breath.

On another note, I don't have my period yet but I feel it lurking. Dammit- it would be so nice to discover I am pregnant and not have to do any of this.

Cristine
Yum, it sounds like you have a great doctor... aside from the destress BS! And she's just giving you several different scenarios so let's try not to jump to the IVF so quickly. For a doctor to say "you're probably fertile" and "might possibly need IVF" in the same conversation tells me that she's not leaning one way or another! This is good news that your doctor is going through with these tests! And for all we know you might be pregnant right now!! Hang in there, I know it's tough. And urine in rabbits??? Seriously what is wrong with people?!!

Oh and Michelina, speaking of doctors, would you believe that doctor's office still hasn't called me back??? I believe I called on July 9th!!

Ok so I have a positive OPK! What the hell that means is beyond me! I didn't bring the instructions with me to work so I don't remember if it means that today is my first fertile day? If I will ovulate 2 days from now? Or when to start having sex, but I gotta tell you that dark test line really put me in the mood! wink.gif But I remember Zelda saying she had a positive for like 3+ days! So yeah who knows, I'll try not to get my hopes up... which is worse, stress or hope? Good God it's like people don't want us to feel anything! We're human!!!
zelda
Yumyum, glad you went to the doc...and I'll second what Cristine said...it's all a big maybe right now. At least you are being proactive. I'm beginning to believe that is what it is going to take for me and Mr. Z...I really hope he goes for the SA while I'm away.

Cristine, from what I've read online, most tests say that you should have sex the night of the surge and or the next day. Ideally both if you want to maximize your fertility. That's what most tests say...that you're the most fertile the day of the *first* positive and the day after. I've read to be really sure, you should have sex the day of the surge and then the next *three* days.

A positive test implies that you will ovulate within the next 12 to 48 hours (with I believe 36 being average), so if you test positive on Thursday night, you could ovulate Friday morning, Friday night, Saturday morning, or even Saturday night with the egg potentially still viable on Sunday. So that's why they say the three day thing.

The reason you can get a positive for a while is that the entire time you are preparing to ovulate and ovulating, the LH is high in your system...so while I started to get a strong positive on day 13, got a very strong positive on day 14 (I think I ovulated on day 15), I still had some LH in my system up until the early morning of day 16.

If you find the tests hard to read, I suggest the digital kind by Clearblue Easy which have a smiley face for a positive...no comparing color strips. They are more expensive, though.

I have some good news to report that is NON baby related. I have an agent! A real live literary agent for my first young adult novel. All summer long I've been working to find someone, and I've received an offer of representation from a really good agency. This is a dream come true.

All summer long I've been thinking, "I can't get an agent and I can't get pregnant...come ON!" So I'm very glad at least this dream has come true. It is a far cry from publication, but it's a start. I am THRILLED.
Cristine
Zelda, we got busy again last night to celebrate the positive OPK! smile.gif I got another positive read today (CD16), I know I took it early but it worked better for the day's schedule, but it seemed darker yesterday so I'm imagining I won't get another positive tomorrow... fertility friend is now saying I should ovulate by CD18. Anyway temps are still low, I feel like I will have gotten sufficiently loaded up for the month so I'll be very excited to see my temp jump! And if this is not my month, I think I will do ClearBlue next month just to know for sure... I'd HATE to miss such a super tiny window! But I'm comforted by temping. And congratulations on the agent! That's great news!!
yumyum
zelda- Congratulations on getting an agent! That's wonderful news.
cristine- glad to hear about the positive OPK. My fingers are crossed for you!
zelda
So last night I dreamed I'd gotten my period...ugh. It was such a "real" dream that this morning I actually woke up to look and see if I'd started my period in the middle of the night - even though that would have been an unheard of three days early. I hadn't...it was just a dream

But it doesn't give me a good feeling about this month. That combined with ZERO symptoms makes me feel sure this month was a bust, too. In fact this morning I had that creamy, watery CM that I sometimes start to get right before my period starts.

The only thing keeping me going right now is the good news about the agent. That will make the period a little easier to take this month....and I'll have that to focus on during the BBQ - answering questions about that as opposed to questions regarding pregnancy.

Sigh...still...it's gonna suck when it shows up.
Michelina
Zelda, congratulations! That is a huge deal and you should be very proud. Becoming a mother naturally is a random event, but getting an agent takes talent and dedication. It's definitely great timing so you can focus on that at the BBQ if your period shows up. I'm so happy for you!

Cristine, yay for the positive OPK! I love those tests. And combined with my temps, it's just really amazing! Hope you're having fun. ;-) Oh and about the hamster egg, that hamster-human hybrid wouldn't get far. I doubt it would even divide a couple of times. The chromosome pairs have to match up in order to create any sort of life at all so I doubt they even need to be destroyed (that would happen naturally pretty quickly, I am pretty sure). I think the test may have some value for those with unexplained infertility, but I would feel just awful if my husband's sperm could penetrate a hamster's eggs and not mine! I'd never be able to look at a hamster the same. :-)

Yumyum, how are you doing? I'm glad to hear your doctor's appointment went well save for the stress talk. When will Mr Y be going for the SA? And what about your tests? Mr M goes tomorrow for his. I am so nervous about the results!

Funnybird, good to hear from you. Congrats on the flat! I hear you that September is still a ways to go when waiting information as important as that. Good idea to look into the private insurance route.

Ellen, I'm glad to hear you are doing well. How did it go with telling your family? I'm sure they are thrilled. I fantasize a lot about telling Mr. M and other people. I have always thought it would be cute to tell my sister through my niece by whispering it in her ear. She is a parrott and it would shock my sister and make her laugh if she repeated something like "there's a baby in Auntie's tummy."

Hopefully someday soon we will all have stories to share about how we shared the news! Fingers crossed for everyone.
Cristine
Michelina, being jealous of a hamster would just be the all time low for any of us right now! wink.gif
I like your idea of how to make the announcement to your sister, that is so cute!!

Zelda, I have some very realistic dreams where I really have to assess what's real & what's not when I wake up. Sorry about the sucky dream. And I love that you'll definitely have something to celebrate at that BBQ, no matter if you start your period or not!
Cristine
Just a quick note to say that I got another positive OPK and this line was the darkest by far! So we had some afternoon sex and I layed down for at least 10 minutes, like you all want to know that info! wink.gif So now fertilityfriend is saying I'll ovulate tomorrow or Tuesday, I really hope we timed things right this month and that my temperature shoots up tomorrow so I can take at least a day's break from sex! rolleyes.gif Thanks for all the support and crossed fingers guys! Now we wait...

How's everyone doing in their cycles? How are the new momma's and momma's-to-be?
Fookie
Ellen, how did the dinner go? I bet your family was over the moon! How fun. I've been daydreaming of "how to tell" Mr. F. and everyone who's been rooting for us for so long. It will be such an amazing announcement to make. I'm glad you're feeling good and that you're looking toward the future and that 12 week appointment. I bet time will fly!

Michelina, funny you should mention telling your sister through your niece ... my sister had my nephew (her son, then just over two) tell me. We were on the phone and she asked me if I wanted to talk to him. He's not a huge talker and I could kind of her her whispering in the background. I heard him say "mamma" ... "belly" ... "baby." Very cute!

Zelda! That's awesome! You rock, lady! What great news and what great timing. Now you might just have TWO amazing things to help you float through that BBQ. Still keeping the hope alive. This may be your baby month too! Hope doesn't make bad things happen!

Yumyum. I think that fertility docs (docs in general, even) are a weird specimen. I HATED my first one. I love my second one, but she's still a bit of an odd duck. The clinic I go to, I actually never see my own doc unless I book an appointment with her. She never seems to be scheduled for regular "rounds." On the cycle monitoring floor. I did have one doc tell me that maybe the month they wouldn't let me cycle b/c I was away from days 8-10 of my cycle that Mr. F. and I should just do it lots and maybe we'd get lucky. Ha ha. For someone with unexplained infertility, it struck me as incredibly hurtful. It took everything I had not to burst out crying right there. I did respond something to the effect of luck having nothing to do with the previous 28 months of trying and I think she did actually feel bad for saying something so flippant. Anyway, it sounds like your doc was just trying to make sure you had lots of info, and also making sure that you knew that even in a worst case scenario, there was still IVF/hope. Probably just came out the wrong way. I've been through every test out there, so feel free to ask questions as you go along.

Cristine, I must have skipped over/blocked out the hamster-egg thing. I'm thinking I should go get "the book" and give it another read! Between that and the finger nail lady and all the good info ... I'm sure I could use a refresher at this point. It's been a long time since I needed to actually pay much attention to my body since ultrasounds and blood tests were doing all the hard work. I'm kind of jealous of all the charting going on on this board ... my wacko sleep patters always made it impossible, maybe now that I'm sleeping better with the turmeric drink, I could give it another go.

Hi Funnybird! Great news about the flat (lots of great news over the past few days on this board!). I'm so excited for you. I love moving ... well, the setting up house aspect of it anyway. The packing part, I don't love. We just got back from a few days of camping and it's the same thing ... I love setting up the tent, figuring out the best spot of the campsite to do different things etc. But packing up is a royal pain in the ass. When do you move? I agree that september does kind of sound far away, but I'm constantly remarking on how fast this summer is going. I'm heading back for round four of IUI in September and I can't believe how fast that's coming. If the private insurance route doesn't work out, maybe try to just see August as a last month of just enjoying trying etc.

As for me ... we went and camped with a friend-couple and their two daughters (6 and 4) this weekend. Their oldest daughter who we met when she was two, is the kid that made us want to have kids. Both kids are insanely funny and smart and awesome. It was a weekend filled with laughter, but some bittersweet moments too. The kids absolutely love us and can't help themselves from saying things like "Fookie, you should get yourself a kid." Ouchie. My heart hurts a little. They randomly tell us they love us and it's so insanely wonderful. I actually worry about whether my future kids will be as cute and awesome smile.gif Although we're not doing the fertility clinic thing this month or next, it's hard to ignore my body's natural rhythm. I think we've had lots of ovulation-timed sex and who knows maybe we will get lucky this way one day. I'm still treating this month as a break, so won't be obsessing two much about anything.
zelda
Hey, Fookie! So good to hear from you...glad you had a good time camping even though I know it must have been hard to hear the little ones say you should get a kid of your own....(I hear the same thing from my 13 year old students, including one who charmingly told me I should "hurry up because you don't have a lot of time, no offense.") HA!

I know it's hard, but on the flip side, at least you're getting validation from kids themselves that you will in fact be an awesome mom (not that you didn't already know that!).

Tomorrow is CD 26 of a 28 or 29 day cycle, and I'm heading home to visit the family. I will be staying with my sister until CD 28, then going back to my parents' house on the night of CD 28. I think I'm going to go ahead and test at my sister's house before I leave if my period hasn't arrived...it will be easier to have a good cry there if that's how it all turns out. I don't like to test early, but in this case I think it's okay (and it won't really be early...just the day my period is expected)...I'd rather have it that way than waking up to my period in my parents' house. And to think twenty years ago I got my first period in that very house and was thrilled to be "growing up"! Strange how life is.

I thought my boobs were a little sore today, and there may have been some mild cramping, but at this point I think I could totally be imagining it. I would be over the moon to test positive, of course, but at this point I'm so grateful for the good news of the agent to keep me going...if I do get my period, the agent news really couldn't have come at a better time. Thanks for the congrats, everyone! Now I'm just crossing fingers...
Cristine
Oh Zelda you made my heart sink at relating "our first period" to "our worst period", test whenever you feel the need to (coming from someone who tests 5 times a month). Now that I'm temping I hope I will change entirely! I fucking had a friend today, and I quote EXACTLY, "Just relax. It will happen."... I have had it with that bullshit! She has 2 kids in a fucked up scenario, for those who have read the details!!!

Fookie, for some reason when I hang out with children I completely blank out at the fact that they're not mine to protect... but that camping experience does not sound too enjoyable. Last weekend a bunch of my high school friends got together and one brought her husband & kids. She got totally shit-faced and her 2 & 4 year old children were begging her to take them home to bed. I felt the total need to play mom as she was passed out on the couch and none of my friends tried to make anything better! Anyway, I have horrible sleep patterns but I am still trying to chart as much as I can. I have not broken the 98 F mark (so unlikely) so I think that regardless of my 2am - 5am temping, I have a base at which to monitor my cycle! I'm dying to hit that surge now that I've "consumed" so much sperm, I hope to report back as to my temp surge... but who knows!
Cristine
Good morning all! Fertility Friend just confused the hell out of me! I put in another temp for this morning, it's slowly been escalating over the past 4 days but I'm only at 97.95... anyway as soon as I put it in the whole calendar changed and is now telling me I'm 4 dpo even though I didn't get a positive OPK til "1 dpo". Does anyone think that's possible? Luckily we had sex on "ovulation day", but that was the first day of sex in 6 days because I didn't think I was fertile quite yet. I fear I may have mistimed it again this month, but then again the calendar could be wrong... I guess all I can do is wait and see.
julie124
Cristine, Fertility Friend tends to look at your history of temperatures thus far and then looks for three days in a row of an appreciable temperature rise above the trend of the rest of your temperatures. So usually when it tells you you've ovulated, it will tell you after it's been a couple days unless your temperature just shot up one day (some women's ovulation shows in a slow rise, some women do sort of a stair-step rise, and some just have one day when it's like, BOOM, high temps for the rest of the cycle). Don't fret just yet - especially if you have a temp that is an outlier, that can sometimes make FF say you ovulated before you did...but generally after it gets a few more days of data it will correct itself.

I'd say, keep having sex until you're sure you've ovulated. If you started a little too late this month, you'll know for next month. (And the cervical fluid thing is also a clue...get busy as soon as things start looking fertile. Some women don't get full egg white...some women the most they get is creamy and it's still fertile.) The thing about OPKs (which TCOYF warns about, I think) is that they depend on detecting the hormone surge right before ovulation. For some women the hormone surge takes longer to register in the urine than others (kind of like how some women take longer to show a positive on a pregnancy test) so if your system is like that you could actually register a negative OPK when you are in fact fertile. Also, sometimes ovulation can be delayed due to stress, travel, or other factors, and you might get the hormone surge...but not actually ovulate at that time (so, positive OPK but no ovulation) and then get another surge later and actually ovulate then. So, this is why I like the temping.

And the temperature surge - TCOYF makes it sound like it's a completely obvious surge, but it's not super-obvious for everyone. It becomes more discernable with time...after you've charted for a few cycles you tend to notice what your usual pre-ovulation and post-ovulation ranges are. But for me....pre-ovulation I was generally around 97.3/97.4 or so, and sometimes the early post-ovulation temps were only about 97.6 or 97.7. Later it went up a little more, but usually the first couple of days after ovulation it wasn't super-obvious (which is why Fertility Friend was helpful...if you asked me to draw a coverline I would be lost).

zelda, congrats on the agent! That's wonderful news and you should be very proud. I am thinking happy, positive thoughts for you as you go home to visit your family. No matter what the pregnancy outcome this month, you have a lot to be proud of and I'm hoping you have a wonderful visit.

funnybird, great news on the flat! I agree with whomever noted that they love having a new place and setting up house, but hate moving. I am hoping that we can avoid moving for awhile.

Totally agree with everyone on the hanging out with children thing. (I also understand the yearning...in the words of one friend, "They make my uterus hurt, they're so cute.") I try not to be one of those people who have no kids but try to tell everyone how they should raise theirs...but man, am I tempted sometimes. My husband has two cousins who are so much younger than him they're like nephews (they are now 11 and 13). I came back from visiting at Christmas a couple of years swearing that my future children would NEVER be allowed to act the way they did during some of those holidays. (Talking back to their grandmother and NOBODY called them on it, tossing aside the board game they got from their other grandmother without so much as a "thank you"...stuff that I would be grounded without presents for had I tried to pull such crap as a child.) And I'm all about letting mama have a good time and a couple of drinks in front of the kids, but making your toddler and preschooler stay up so you can get shit-faced...not cool.

So, me and the little guy are doing pretty well, aside from some aches and pains. One thing that does occasionally bum me out is how excited people get over the fact that my other preggo friend is having a girl. I'll admit - I had kind of hoped for a girl, partly because I'd always pictured having a girl. But I am really happy about my little guy (okay, happy is not even the right word...ecstatic maybe?) and I feel like I get to learn about this whole new world of little boys. And I would never want him to think that I wanted anything but him (actually, sometimes I feel a little guilty because I "kind of wanted a girl" before I found out). But it's kind of hard to hear when I get together with people and my friends will gush over other Ms. Preggo, "Oh, I am SO glad you are having a girl! All my other friends are having boys and this is so exciting!" And another friend made sort of an offhand joke about how their sister had had "two boys before having the girl...yeah, she had to mess it up [having all girls in the family] for us." I don't want anyone to talk badly about having girls, but I want to hear that same level of excitement for my having a boy. Right now, I just get really quiet during those conversations, and I kind of feel myself getting almost a little defensive and I guess a little jealous maybe. (Happily, I do get to hear that kind of excitement when I talk with my mom, my sister, and my sister-in-law, so that helps.)
Cristine
Julie thanks for the calming words, I really appreciate it! My temp jumped .64 from yesterday and is .5 higher than at any point in my cycle so far, but I really expected it to be a bigger jump. But that leads me to believe that I ovulated yesterday if anything, but not 4 days ago just because of a low followed by a rising pattern! Alright I realize nothing is perfect, and I've also realized that I really don't get very noticeable EWCM so that's pretty discouraging in trying to find out where I am in my cycle. But yes this will be very valuable data for next month! And if I did ovulate 4 days ago then this month my cycle is going to be about the 28 day standard which just amazes me! Since I've been tracking, 33, then 40 and now 28??? Geez, this should be fun! Anyway I'm really hoping I ovulated yesterday cuz that will be perfect timing this time!

And I am excited for your boy!!!! smile.gif How can people be so insensitive, it amazes me how people just don't think before they speak or just have no level of courtesy! And don't feel guilty at all for wanting a girl. I don't think you get upset because you're jealous, I think you get upset cuz they're total jerks!! I really want a girl, however, I really want a boy first to be the big brother and protector of any future sister(s). So either way I will be incredibly excited. I know you're happy about that "protector" in your belly, please don't feel guilty at all about any natural thoughts or feelings you have... you're human!!
jenny_dreadful
Hi all, this hamster egg thing is intriguing me (and freaking me out a bit). I've missed some of the great news on this board, but wanted to say congratulations to you, Zelda, on your agent, that's awesome news.

I'm 21 weeks pregnant now, and am feeling a lot more of the baby's movement. It kind of feels like hard blinking in my lower abdomen. I have my next scan on Thursday and will get to find out the baby's sex (hopefully), I'm really looking forward to knowing. Julie, what kind of aches and pains are you having? I am having the occasional period-like pain, but kind of on the side of where I can feel the baby lump. I'm sorry that people aren't as excited as they should be about your little boy baby, that sucks. We keep referring to the baby as 'he', so I wonder if I might feel a bit disappointed on Thursday if I find out it's a girl. I don't know. Mainly I just home that the baby is growing normally and that there is nothing untoward to find out about.

Sadly I found out that my nan has been diagnosed with myeloma today. She begins chemotherapy tomorrow. My mum tells me that a bright light for her right now is our baby, and her looking forward to becoming a great grandmother for the first time. She is a wonderful, strong woman and I really want my child to get to know her.
ananke
Oh Julie, that sucks! I can't believe people aren't excited about having a little boy! I think it's awesome!
Michelina
Jenny, great to hear from you! Glad that you are doing well. I'll bet you are excited to see your little one on Thursday. So exciting! I am sorry about your Nan and hope that all goes well with her chemo so she has many years to spend with her first great grandbaby.

Julie, I don't get that either. People must really not think about how that would feel to you (or anyother boy's mother to be.) I guess women just typically relate more to girls just like a group of men would more likely celebrate hearing that a boy is on the way. But that doesn't excuse it. Maybe you just need to point it out to them. The feeling of jealousy you desribed is only natural and you don't need to beat yourself up for it, but it seems that their comments are feeding into that a little.

Fookie, good to hear from you as well! Has this break been helpful for you and Mr F? I'm glad to hear you are going back in September to try again. Your story about your nephew is very cute.

Cristine, it sounds like you probably did ovulate already, but until you are certain, you should continue on. At least it's fun work, right? ;-) Although I think we can all relate to being happy for a break once ovulation is definitely behind!

I started getting fertile CM yesterday already (cd 9). One thing I have noticed is that I get days of it before ovulation. I may try cough syrup again this month to try thinning it a little. I am hoping I ovulate in Vegas and not while camping, but hey, that would be romantic too (just a little less convenient.) Mr M had his SA yesterday, but we don't have the results. I tossed and turned last night with dreams about it. In one dream the person on the phone said all was well, but then said "oh no wait, there is a major motility and morphology problem" and my heart just sunk. I am REALLY hoping the doc will share our results with us today. The report should already be at her office. Fingers crossed. I'm so nervous!
Michelina
And Zelda, you must be at your sister's by now. How are you? Thinking positive thoughts for you (in more way than one!)
julie124
Thanks for all the cheers for me and my boy! I didn't mean to get all Eeyore here...in general my friends are thrilled for me, it's just when me and my other preggo friend are together a couple of my friends in particular tend to go gaga over the girl thing and I end up feeling a little like chopped liver. My sister-in-law actually had a really good perspective about the whole "kind of wanted a girl" thing - I was talking to her when we had just found out the sex and she said, "I think a lot of women kind of want a girl at first because they think they know something about being a girl, but having a boy is kind of a mystery." She also pointed out the fact that at the beginning, there really isn't much of a difference between having a girl and having a boy, "It's just that for one you have to watch out about being sprayed, and the other you have to clean poop out of a bunch of folds when you're changing diapers." I also realized yesterday that I want people to be as excited as I am about my boy...and let's get real, people are going to be excited and happy for me, but nobody is going to be as excited as I am, because it's MY BABY!

One thing about having a boy...it's made me really appreciate all the great men/boys in my life, from my husband, to my dad and my brother, to my nephew, to my former roommates, to my guy friends here. I'm also that much more concerned not to replay gender stereotypes...I almost feel like it could be easier to avoid gender stereotyping with a girl because you're so much more conscious about letting them know that girls can do anything, that you don't have to wear girly clothes or look like a "lady" unless you want to. But with boys...I guess it feels like it's more subtle but just as important to teach him similar things and let him be proud of who he is, but respectful of others.

Jenny, I'm so sorry to hear about your Nan's illness. I'm hoping for all the best as she goes through chemo - I'm sure having a great-grandbaby to look forward to will be a nice distraction for her. We had a bit of a scare with my husband's grandma last month...she was in the hospital with unexplained blood loss and was really out of it for a few days. She's better now, but I know the feeling of wanting the baby to have a chance to know his great-grandma.

Good luck with the scan on Thursday! I had the same thought before the scan...that I just wanted everything to be OK with the baby, and learning the sex was just icing on the cake. I found myself kind of shell-shocked by the entire thing...I didn't have much of a visible reaction when the technician said he was a boy, in part because I was trying to absorb all the input to my brain - those pictures are not exactly obvious! The technician is all, "And here's the blah, and here's the blah," and I'm all, "Uh, huh," but thinking, "What? Where? Is that fuzzy thing a foot or what? And how in the world can you tell that's a penis and scrotum?" Also, at my scan they had a rule that the technician can't tell you anything about the health of the baby, that they want the doctor to look at the results and tell you later in the appointment. So it was hard for me to get excited about the sex until after I saw the doctor and heard that everything seemed to be developing normally.

As for pains...I'm still getting nightly leg aches. I have to sleep on my side full-time now (per normal instructions for the fifth month and beyond) and normally end up switching sides about 3-4 times a night to give my aching hips a break. I also usually have to get up at least once during the night because my legs hurt, but luckily walking to the bathroom seems to help. I also get up pretty early in the morning, not only to feed the kitty, but also because my legs hurt. Other aches and pains....off and on I've had a little pain next to my belly button that feels almost like a mild stitch in my side. I'll get it off and on some days, and other days won't have it at all. Since it goes away (and it's not that bad) I've decided it's most likely just my abdomen stretching, or gas pains. Or maybe Braxton Hicks? (I am totally clueless as to exactly what those are supposed to feel like, despite reading up on the internets on them.)

Last night I made the mistake of eating some delicious salsa that I'm pretty sure is responsible for waking me up at 1:00 a.m. with horrible heartburn. And I couldn't find my Tums that I swore I had in my bathroom...in retrospect it was kind of funny, watching me go through multiple purses and drawers looking for a rolls of antacids. I finally propped myself up with pillows, sucked on a peppermint Altoid to calm my stomach, and managed to fall asleep about an hour and a half later. I figure others have had much worse heartburn and stomach experiences, so I'm counting myself as lucky.

One thing I've discovered during my night wakings...my little guy likes to party at night! Last night even as I was lying there with heartburn he was kicking away and I have to say that it just made me so happy. See, the only problem with feeling movement is that once you start feeling them, you start worrying when you DON'T feel them. So anytime my little guy is moving around I'm pretty happy.
Cristine
Jenny, sorry to hear the news about your grandmother. And I hope you get to find out the baby’s sex on Thursday!

Michelina, yes I am dying for a break from TTC… my husband won’t admit it but I’m sure he is too! I’m pretty certain I ovulated on Sunday, once I put in today’s temps it moved my ovulation by 2 days to Saturday & I think it will change again tomorrow… but I’m ok with Saturday too since at least we got 2 days of sperm in! Congratulations on the fertile CM!! wink.gif And keep us posted of the SA results!

Julie, the description of your baby partying at night was so exciting! I really worry about the heartburn too because I already have acid issues as it is… and I LOVE spicy food! I can’t imagine going 9 months without buffalo wings or kung pao chicken!!

So what’s the deal with post-ovulation CM? I think I’ve heard some of you say it’s a positive sign??? Anyway, it was pretty light yesterday but today I have a good amount. I feel like I always have throughout my life though, I can’t really remember too many dry days… but then again I’ve never paid more attention than I am now! rolleyes.gif Also, I kind of have feelings in my general vaginal region that feel similar to feelings I have before starting my period... but on CD 19 that's highly unlikely, any thoughts?

Zelda, how are things going???
yumyum
Hi everyone,

So, I got my ultrasound done yesterday. It was weird. I haven't heard from the doctor yet, so I still don't know anything. Also, I haven't gotten my period yet. I predicted that I would get it yesterday or today. The length of my cycles varies a bit. On average, my cycles are 30 days long and if I get my period today, it will be a 30 day cycle. That being said, I have had 31, 32, 33 day cycles. I am trying not to get my hopes up too much, but I have to admit, I feel excited that it hasn't come yet. I continue to get those "period on its way" feelings but they don't last too long. If it's coming, I wish it would just come already so I wouldn't have to think about it. Mr. Yum keeps asking me about it. I can tell he's getting his hopes up. I just wish I knew what it feels like to be pregnant... I've decided if it doesn't arrive by Friday morning, I will test then. Oye.
Cristine
yum, yes it is very exciting to not get your period. But it's a fricken roller coaster of emotions if it comes! But hopefully it doesn't, are you having any symptoms? My only symptom, at approximately 2 or 3 dpo, are probably normal cuz the timing doesn't seem right being that I already ovulated and implantation wouldn't be this soon. Weird pre-period vaginal sensations that I don't remember feeling half way through my cycle. I love being aware of my cycle, but it makes is so hard when you're trying to remember "has this happened before??".

Anyway, I would definitely recommend testing on Friday! Do you happen to still have your past charts? I know you haven't been temping this month but if you can come up with some sort of average from those charts, maybe you can estimate if you're still above your average coverline... just a thought to ease your mind over these next 2 days.
yumyum
Cristine, it is exciting and nerve wracking! I'm not really having any symptoms that don't just feel like pre period symptoms (ie mild cramping and slightly sore breasts). I'm always fatigued and hungry before I get my period, and I always have to pee a lot, doesn't matter where I am in my cycle. I will take my temp tomorrow morning and compare it to my previous cycles. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
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