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zelda
Funny, I'm so sorry you got your period, but I think your plan to take a break sounds great...you and AB have been through so much together that you need some time to just focus on each other. I think that ending the year on a positive note, enjoying the holidays, relaxing and eating and drinking whatever you want will really help you start 2010 off in a positive mindset. Thinking of you and proud of you for taking care of yourself.

Michelina, sorry the OPKs have not arrived...perhaps you can learn enough via temping. What's up with the progesterone this month? Glad your cat is eating better...in a few minutes I'm going to try and pill our cat since Mr. Z is on a weekend camping trip with friends. Hope I can pull it off. I may end up having to smush the pills into food.

Laura, glad you're at peace with whatever happens...keep us informed.

JennyD, glad the bleeding has stopped...if I break down in the waiting room Monday out of sheer nervousness, I'll know I wasn't the only one!!! I can't believe you and Julie are so close to delivering your babies....yippee!!

Christine, good luck with everything...I still wonder the month we conceived (we did it the evening of CD 14) if I ovulated that day or the next day or what...my OPK was positive but not as dark as I have seen them get, so who knows...it is a mystery. Don't you just wish you could just look in there and find out??

As for me...feeling slightly more positive as I look forward to the doctor. I got an email from my cousin who was telling me when she was pregnant, she felt totally normal. She worried something was wrong, too, but everything was fine with both her pregnancies. In fact, all the women in my family have had very easy, symptom-free pregnancies. I wonder if there is a genetic component to it all?

Regardless, I'll feel a LOT better when I get that u/s and we (please God) see the heartbeat!

I had another spontaneous orgasm followed by cramps in my sleep last night...my second in two weeks! This must definitely be pregnancy related. I also had a scary baby dream...that I delivered early, the baby was dead, and my mom brought the baby's body over to me in a bowl. I was screaming and so scared...now, in the light of day, I realize it was just a dream and how common these types of dreams are in pregnancy...but still. So, between my insomnia, my dreams, and my spontaneous orgasm, I suppose I can say with confidence that my biggest symptom has been sleep disturbance!!!

Thinking of you and will update Monday after the OB.
eyelet
Funny, sorry to hear it too, but taking a break will give you the time you need to re-group after such a rough year. And props to Michelina, Cristine and Fookie for continued patience and focus.

Glad to hear beloved pets are on the mend. I know I'm stating the obvious, but Zelda-be sure not to clean the cat box barehanded. Use gloves and wash hands really well.

Z-Your friend's labor sounds like mine except for I did get to 9cm and it still wasn't enough. It's very hard emotionally to do a full labor and still get a c-section in the end. Your friend will probably need someone to lend an ear and not judge her for feeling a little resentful (despite of course the wonderful good fortune of a healthy baby).

To Julie and Jenny preparing to give birth--I remember feeling overwhelmed by the preparations, but once she was here found I needed just a few things in the early weeks. A bouncy seat where baby can be strapped in and sit on the couch with you, plenty of diapers, gas drops, q-tips and alcohol for the stump, plain sleepers or footie pjs (mine went shirtless or onesies since it was peak summer heat. A really important thing is to be prepared for breastfeeding to be a challenge. I had special circumstances due to breast reduction and long labor/c-section, but even women who have perfect births can have a hard time breastfeeding. It's worth buying some fenugreek capsules and some thick cut oatmeal, at the very least, to have on hand. If milk doesn't come in quickly enough, PM me and I'll help with lots of other resources. Be sure to make people leave you alone in peace to feed. Any distraction can inhibit let-down of milk. It's a strange thing to say, but it's akin to orgasm...completely connected to you being relaxed and happy. I wish someone had given me this advice, but I can still give it now.

I have only brief times to do personal stuff on the computer, but glad to still be able to follow everyone's stories.

Cristine
((((Funny)))) Can I just say that after what you 2 have been through this year that you must be some of the strongest people in the world? You are a model of how strong I want to be through this whole process! I think the "let's just see what happens" approach sounds terific and will give you the much needed relaxation you guys deserve. And yes PLEASE stick around, why would you go anywhere silly! wink.gif

Zelda, seriously, if I could just stick my head up there I absolutely would! Hell I'm already shoving a finger up there everyday, never thought that would happen!

We didn't have sex last night. After feeling my cervix I was pretty convinced the window was closed, so if we conceive this month we will know the exact time at which we conceived. We're already ready for the next cycle though, we're realistic.

Thinking of all of you BUSTies!!!
Michelina
(((Funnybird))) I am sorry to hear your period came. I agree with Cristine. Your strength is phenomenol and you and AB are an inspiration. You have been through more than I can imagine this year. You deserve to be good to yourselves and each other, and if that means taking a break from the craziness of scheduled TTC, then I think that is a good plan. Eat, drink, be merry, and look ahead to the good times that you will have in 2010. I really believe next year will be your year. And yes, please stick around here!

Cristine, sounds like your cervix poking has been very informative. I have been poking around more too especially because I have no OPK's. I am definitely feeling an open cervix now. I thought about buying strips but they cost nearly $50 for 7 so no way! I am looking at this month as a bit of a break so maybe this was just meant to be. One thing that makes it harder is that I am not exactly sure when to begin my progesterone this month. Again, I am not going to stress about it.

Zelda, I'll be thinking of you tons on Monday.

Laura, glad to hear you are in good spirits.

My sister told me yesterday that they are actively TTC and have been for 3 months. I have major mixed feelings. Firstly, she already has a child and proven fertility so I imagine it won't be long now until she is pregnant. I will be jealous - no doubt. Secondly, it will be so hard to be in a different province than the new little niece / nephew. Thirdly, it will be so exciting to be an auntie again. I almost just want her to get pregnant immediately so I don't have to fear how I will react. I can just get it over with! And maybe some distance during the pregnancy wouldn't be so bad.


ananke
Funnybird, I'm sorry to hear about your period. And 2009 has sucked for a couple of people I know.

Zelda, the nightmares are terrifying - I remember my big one was just AWFUL. And then I came back from the bathroom sobbing and terrified Mr A...

Julie and Jenny, I had even less set up than eyelet! i didn't have gas stuff, or even a bouncer. I did have a cot that arrived two weeks before she was born, and set up a week before we came home that we now use as a change table next to the bed *sigh*

Clothes, nappies and an open mind is all that's really needed. The rest comes later. I was lucky to have a breast pump around when Fallon went back to hospital, but I could have gotten away with just using theirs. I'm lucky enough to be able to exclusively breastfeed which makes the baby requirements a bit smaller, but there are a lot of people who will tell you that ALL BABIES NEED X. Fallon loves her bouncy chair, but we didn't 'need' it until we got past the velcro baby bit. Same with the bassinette. Same with toys. We had a sling from the start, which was nice but we've had to get another one because my baby is a giant. It all depends on your child and you. We found it much easier to sleep in the bed with her, but neither of us take meds that interfere with sleep/drink/smoke. We don't use the sling a whole heap though, just for short trips. It's all so incredibly personal.

I mean, we've got a second room she could be in and we barely use it even for storage!

In my news, Fallon has hit a growth spurt and fed constantly for about a week. So I have been so dehydrated I barely pooped for a week and got a uti and now I've got a sore throat. Which has made me really unbearable to be around. I'm feeling better today though. I'm pretty much recovered from the surgeries but my belly button is still pretty tender to poke. Which is unfortunate because someone has discovered her feet are for kicking *sigh* I've also been to the local mothers group for her age range and I just feel so awkward. They're all middle class mummies who joke about how much of a 'ladies man' their babies are, or that if 'she doesn't keep her legs shut the boys will be swarming' and 'oohh look he's checking out all the girls!" (Mr A reckons I should just start talking about Fallon checking out all the girls, but I still find it kinda icky, just less heteronormative). So I feel a little (lot) out of place. My mother reckons I need to start my own feminst/nerd mothers group.

eyelet
That's funny Ananke...nerd group. Only nerds need apply. I would join. Yes true about the gear. I could have had even less but just certain things stand out in my memory as getting a lot of use in the early days. The bouncer was more important for me because my partner doesn't live with me and I was alone a lot so no one to hand her off to if I needed to pee or wash the dishes. She sleeps with me and the cot/crib is only used for naps, but that will change when she's crawling. Which won't be long now. Elowen is huge too! 17 lbs 9 ozs at 4.5 mos. She's wearing 9 month old clothes now.

Sorry to hear you're feeling sick...so far neither baby nor I have been sick since her arrival, and I truly dread it. Cold weather is just beginning, so it is inevitable.

I'm still nursing partially and still on the medication to keep the milk flowing that causes weight gain. Haven't lost a pound since two weeks post partum. I bet you're skinny by now Ananke with all the milk you've been making!

Zelda-I had nightmares and sleep orgasms too. Always had the latter but they happened more frequently while pregnant. Now that Elowen's here I have occasional anxiety dreams where I forget her somewhere. My Mr. has started having lots of them because he's reached that phase that moms reach much earlier where the baby is everything.

We had a nice day today at a big outdoor event. The baby was once again mellow and happy and smiling at everyone. I literally beam and so does Mr. E when our baby makes even tough guys go all mushy. We feel that we got the best baby there ever was (of course).
Cristine
Michelina, I think if you're around your usual ovulation & your cervix is obviously open then you can probably just rely on that for TTC this month... especially cuz your temps seem to be reliable. I understand you not wanting to buy another OPK, the only one I ever bought was on clearance from the market. I found out that the only reason why was because the free pregnancy test incuded expired in a month, whereas the strips didn't expire for 4-5 months. I also bought a 30 pack of strips for this monitor I'm using but haven't had to open it this cycle because my friend had enough left over to start me out. I completely understand your feelings about your sister trying to get pregnant! I know how hard that must be on you! I'm kinda relieved that I'm not TTC with a friend or family member, cuz it's inevitable that I would feel like a failure along side of them... not like I don't already, but I certainly don't need that measuring stick! Thinking of you!!
Cristine
Ok, I really don't know what to think about my cervix. I've already begun to ignore my temperatures and now I feel like my cervix is unreliable too! It has been open for 8 days so far, does that sound normal? It was high & soft for 3 days, around my peak day, then firmed a bit & lowered to a mid level for 2 days... now on CD 20 it is high & soft again! WTF?! I'm sure I already ovulated but last month when I had this same confusion, I started checking my cervix and it was already low, firm & closed on CD 19! And I decided I don't prefer the monitor to a regular OPK because it stops testing urine after the first day of the LH surge, but what if there is more relevant data in the days following that day? I even contemplated going out and buying an OPK too, just to monitor those days as well! I am sick of spending money on all this crap. I really really really hate this whole process and I'm just feeling so whiny right now!!
zelda
Cristine, if I were you I would try picking one thing you know is consistent for you and stick with it rather than trying to follow 10 different signs at once...at least, that's what worked for me. I had a very difficult time "reading" my cervix, and my sleeping is WAY too erratic for temping. So I stuck with OPKs and checking my mucus and that was it. And I still kinda went crazy (as I'm sure you know). Just my two cents, but I think it might help if you only focus on one or two things and follow those...

Michelina, I think your feelings about your sister are just what I would be feeling...a mix. And I think it all sounds normal...thinking of you...oh, and why the heck are your OPK strips so expensive? Here in the US I could buy 20 cheapo tests for 20 bucks in the drug store...still expensive, but worth it.

On the flip side...I just sent in my credit card information to the ER to pay my $1200 bill. Remember, I *have* insurance...which paid for the remaining $1700 of the bill. God, I hate the health care system in this country!!!

Today I experienced a few waves of queasiness...it was very strange. I don't know if it was in my head or not. I was at the grocery store in the frozen fish section and had to move quickly or I thought I was going to puke. I don't know if it was the smell or my mind or what. I also had a ton of creamy CM and metal mouth, which I have had a few times in the past few weeks...so, I suppose my symptoms aren't entirely gone.

Argh...tomorrow is the doctor at 2 pm...cannot come fast enough! Oh please let everything be okay!!!
Michelina
Ananke and Eyelet, it's great to hear from you. Glad to hear that your little ones are doing well. Eyelet, I hope you and your daughter make it as long as possible without any sicknesses. It's great she hasn't picked one up yet!

Zelda, I'll be thinking of you tons tomorrow. I have a very good feeling for you.

Cristine, I am with Zelda on not using too many signs. It sounds like you and Mr C have regular sex during your fertile time so I think it is enough to use your monitor, check your mucous, and take your temp. My understanding is that the cervix position is the most difficult sign to use.

I had another hard weekend. Mr. M's sister in law had her baby and I just cannot pretend that I am really excited about it. They live far away from us, but we will be visiting in a couple of months. That will be very difficult for me. And with my sister TTC, I just feel awful right now. I am sort of considering seeing my GP about antidepressants.
Michelina
Oh and Cristine, you are allowed to whine here anytime. :-) And thanks for your understanding about my sister TTC. You hit it right on - I will feel like I failed that much more when she gets pregnant even though I rationally know that it is out of my control.
eyelet
I feel I can relate to these mixed feelings that come with hearing about other people's pregnancies. I had them for years and years when I didn't have a kid due to my circumstances. I felt that everyone was getting on with "normal" life and somehow I was stuck in neutral. I still have shades of that feeling now, since I don't have a conventional situation with my partner. I look on couples who have everything worked out (plenty of money, "perfect" marriage, kids young enough so they can have more than one) and I feel a pang of envy. But I come back to my senses when I look at my daughter. She is worth all the ways in which I've had to contort my life to make this happen. It is worth the effort you guys are putting in TTC. It is a long haul, with many sad days, but it is worth it. And if ultimately anyone is truly unable to conceive, then adoption is worth all the effort too.

Just my opinion.

Zelda-hoping you have a great appointment tomorrow. The queasiness started for me at 6 weeks pregnant and by election night was at its peak (will never forget that night). It ended almost exactly at 12 weeks.
ananke
Zelda, I can remember ordering bacon from the deli with my back turned to the counter. I just could NOT look at meat. I was queasy from implantation and throwing up from week 7 til week 16. The metal mouth was always a precursor to throwing up. Yuck.

And Michelina, it seems like everything is so hard for you right now. It must be tough, but it's okay to feel bad! It really really is. If my sister-in-law was still TTC and was upset about meeting Fallon I'd be okay with that. TTC is hard work and emotionally draining. I hope it works out for you soon.
lauradene
i got a postive test this morning, ladies.. my moon isnt due for another 5 days, (FRER) but the line was there! im hungry and my boobs hurt and.. whoa. big changes in my life. anyone else on here a first time preggo? my life is ready for it, i have a profession with a mat leave, my bf is amazing.. we'll see how that unfolds, but he's thrilled at the idea, so be it. at least he wants to be a dad, and we can let our relationship do its thing. i feel kinda crazy for even wanting this baby, but theres no doubt in me. not a drop. im kinda scared, though. whoa. crazy. how far along are all you guys? how many kids do you have? were your preg's planned? thanks for being there. Laura.
Cristine
That's great Laura, congratulations!
Cristine
Zelda & Michelina, thanks for the advice about checking my signs. I just feel like the more I try to monitor, the better my chances are at figuring things out. Iím getting quite the opposite result. And my sleeping patterns are crazy too, which has proven to affect my temperatures in the past 2 months Ö but the 2 months before that they really seemed reliable and I was encouraged by that.

Zelda, congrats on the extra symptom! wink.gif

And Michelina, I am seriously right there with you in regard to the sister in law. This is all so hard and itís completely acceptable for us to have human feelings at this timeÖ or at least thatís what I keep telling myself to rationalize my own behavior. Have you received your OPK yet? Have you & Mr. M started trying this month?

zelda
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so angry!!!

My doctor's office called and cancelled my appointment today because she is sick. They were like, "Well, we can reschedule you for November 3rd." Noooooooo! I cannot wait that long. And besides, Mr. Z is leaving Friday for a week-long camping trip, and we really wanted to make sure all was well before he left.

I begged and pleaded, and they got me in to see a new doctor in the practice on Thursday at 11 am. I cannot believe I have to wait so long. I confirmed that they will do the ultrasound at that time.

I don't know a thing about this doctor...I hope I like her.

God, I cannot believe I have to wait in agony until Thursday. I guess just each day without cramping or bleeding is a good day. SO FRUSTRATED!!!

Michelina
Oh Zelda, that really sucks! It must have been hard enough getting to today, and now you have to get to Thursday. I am glad you insisted. November 3 is way way too long away!

Laura, congrats! Was that your first time trying? And I am curious - how old are you? You don't have to answer that. I am 31 and TTC for 10 months now.

Thanks Ananke and Eyelet. It has been a rough time, but you are right - it will be worth it in the end, whatever route we get our baby by.

Cristine, we had sex a couple times over the weekend. My temp is still not up. Now I am spotting again. GRRRR.
Cristine
Michelina, are you using progesterone this month? What cycle day are you on?

Zelda, sorry you have to wait til Thursday... keep yourself very preoccupied over the next couple days, you'll get there in no time!
Fookie
Laura, must wanted to jump in and offer some congrats!

I've been TTC for almost three years now. Am on my fifth cycle of injectables and inseminations. My husband and I are diagnosed as "unexplained infertility".

Oh, Zelda, how insanely frustrating! I'm so glad you were able to convince them to see you this week.

Ananke and Eyelet, always great to hear from you. So glad the babies are doing so well. And Ananke, your bacon story made me laugh at work. Just picturing you either trying to explain why you were ordering backyards or not explaining it to the deli clerk almost made me pee.

Michelina, I can totally understand about your sister. My sister has had three babies during the time we've been trying (two as twins this August). When she announced the second pregnancy last winter, it took all my being not to start crying while I was still on the phone with her. Of course I was happy for her, but it was a huge blow. Just the reminder of how long we'd been unsuccessful.

Cristine, I wish I had some advice about your cervix (ha ha. I just made myself laugh writing that). I'm still amazed at how little I thought of such things before, and how much I think of every twinge and "symptom" my body reveals each month. I think you should just trust your gut. It's been mentioned before, but unless Mr. C. has low sperm or motility issues, there's no harm at all in having sex daily. In fact, the quality of the sperm increases the more often a man ejaculates. So while two days between sex, allows for more quality, daily allows for better quality. And if Mr. C. doesn't have any sperm issues, then even the reduced quantity is still in the tens of millions and better than the low end of healthy. Good luck.

Michelina
Fookie, how are you doing while you wait?

I am on CD17 and really miss my OPK's. My temp is usually under 98 prior to ovulation and over 98 post. This weekend my temp was 97.9 and 98. I thought for sure I ovulated yesterday considering the spotting and some minor ovulation pains, but my temp was still 98 this morning! I am annoyed because I definitely don't want to start the progesterone until I know for sure that ovulation has happened. I will see what my temp is tomorrow and hope it's at least 98.1. Then I'll feel more confident it is behind me.

My next concern is with the H1N1 and seasonal flu vaccines. I am going to get them, but as I reacted with a high fever last time, I don't want to get it done just as possible implantation is happening. I am more concerned about a high fever than the vaccine. So I am thinking I'll get my blood pregnancy test on Nov 6, then get the result before I head to get the shot. However, that is not a long time if I haven't ovulated yet!
Cristine
FookieÖ the thing that is most irritating is that I can test my fertility, Estrogen rise & LH surge all at home and yet there is nothing I can do to test Mr. Cís sperm on our own! Iím really hoping it doesnít come to having him go through an SA. Fertility Friend still has yet to draw me a coverline on CD 22, I just wish this cycle was over so I could already have my comforting glass of wine!

Michelina, I hadnít come across anyone that has had the H1N1 vaccine but I finally found 1 friend of mine who hasÖ she said she got sick to her stomach for a couple days and then she was fine. Good luck!
Fookie
Michelina, I'm doing OK. My dad visited for the weekend (I see him about 2-3 times/year because he lives so far away). It was so nice having him. We did a few major projects around the house that helped take my mind off of things. He's been my most surprising supporter though all of this. He actually asks intelligent questions in a pretty regular way. Most everyone else who knows what's going on, has stopped asking. I hate that b/c it makes me feel like they're pitying me and/or can't be bothered. It sucks.

I am on CD 20. My pregnancy test date is also nov. 6. I'm not sure why they make us wait those extra days. 14dpo would be next Tuesday.

Cristine, it doesn't seem fair that you can test so many female factor issues at home, but not male. His going through an SA is just about the least invasive testing either of you would ever go through, so if it does come to that, try not to think of it at so horrible smile.gif

I'm still milling around the H1N1 vaccine dilemma. There's an insanely interesting article in The Atlantic that's really got me thinking I won't, but at the same time, people are really starting to panic and media are jumping all over things here. The one good thing is, that pregnant women in Canada will have access to an adjuvent-free version of the vaccine, though the rest of the population is stuck with other one. I think that since I'm going through this fertility stuff, I will be able to get the adjuvant-free one through my clinic. But who knows. And no, it's not that I am convinced the vaccine or the adjuvant will have side effects, it's more that I'm not convinced flu vaccines work in the first place, and it does bother me that the US and Australia refused to use the adjuvant version of the vaccine (though Europe has been adding adjuvant to their vaccines for a long long time). It's all so confusing.

Cristine
Fookie, that's exactly I how feel about flu vaccines... the flu shot sometimes worked for me & sometimes didn't, but that 1 year about 7 years ago it made me horribly ill! Since then I haven't gotten a flu shot and sometimes I do get sick but never as bad as that one time. I'm not familiar with whatever terminology they're using to describe the live vaccine and not-live, but from what I've heard they're only handing out 2 versions in the U.S. right now and as far as I know they're both live... 1 is injected & 1 is a mist. They're handing them out like candy here in the L.A. area at no cost to children, pregnant women & those "at risk". So since I don't have much faith in the flu shot, I just can't bring myself to take any risks.
ellenevenstar
I haven't posted for AGES but I've been reading about your journeys and thinking of you all heaps.

Congratulations Laura! Yep, big changes... but try to enjoy the crazy ride.
I'm 31 & have no kids. I've been pregnant for much of this year - got pregnant in the first week of January, miscarried at the beginning of March, then got pregnant again at the end of June. Now 20 weeks along.

Zelda, you poor thing! You did well to get an appointment this week. All the waiting will dissolve to nothing when you see your new little creation FOR REAL. It's so intense. Hope all is well. I've been having some intense dreams too, including nightmares and sexual ones. I dreamed a month or so ago that I gave birth to my baby and it wasn't breathing and my husband and I were trying to get it going and I woke up in terror. I also had a funny dream where the baby came out with heaps of bright red hair and we called him 'Pete' after my husband's red-headed cousin smile.gif

It's wonderful to hear your kids are thriving so well Ananke and Eyelet. I am starting to accumulate quite a bit of stuff that others are taking it upon themselves to give me, which is great, becuase I'll have to buy less (good for pocket and environment) but I can't help but mourn my goal of living simply. Ananke, how gross are those comments at your mother's group? Why are women so keen to sexualise their own daughters before they can even walk or talk??? I'm lucky I have THREE awesome feminist friends pregnant or perinatal - one just had a baby three weeks ago, one due in December, one due in January - and we're looking forward to our anarcho-feminist-mums'-collective meetings!

Michelina, it sucks to feel those mixed feelings but it sounds like you're giving yourself permission to do so, rather than feeling guilty about feeling negative about others' pregnancies (which is what I was doing, a bit). I think this experience gives us added sensitivity - a close colleague of mine miscarried in September and I felt like, although there was nothing I could do to avoid being pregnant around her, I could at least not flaunt it and I hope I've been able to offer her some good listening and share what was helpful for me... so the experience of hurt and the mixed feelings around others' pregnancies has certainly made me more conscious of others' reaction to mine.

Cristine, my cervix was a bitch too. Very unpredictable. One month it would be the same the whole time, then the next it was all over the place. Luckily I could take my temp regularly. I've decided to go with the H1N1 vaccine even though I'm uneasy about it. Going to school every day without having had the shot is actually a far greater risk than having it. If I weren't a teacher, I don't know if I'd get one, though. However, having said that, I intended to make a doctors appointment this week and haven't done so yet, so I think I'm subconsiciously avoiding it.

Fookie, how wonderful that you have such a supportive and 'with-it' dad. Glad you had a nice weekend with him. All the best to you.

I'm 20 weeks tomorrow!!! Half way!!! Belly is really getting round now. So excited. Had a morphology scan last Thursday which showed everything is well and we've got some wonderful 3D shots of chickadee's face - it's incredible. It looks very much like chickadee is a girl. She wriggles around lots which is a real treat.

Sorry for mammoth post, again.
Cristine
Ellen, seriously, as soon as I start relying on a new sign it stops working for me! Iím not going to rely too heavily on any one sign anymore, I trust OPKís and to a certain extent the ClearBlue monitor. I canít believe youíre so far along, how exciting!!! And yes, if I was a teacher or healthcare worker I would probably get the H1N1 vaccine. Keep us posted...
julie124
My, my, has it really been that long since I've posted on here, or are we just incredibly prolific these days?

First, lauradene, congrats! Hope all goes well with you and your little bean. Try not to worry too much about being in the "perfect" situation to have a baby - if this is what you want (and it sounds like that's a resounding yes), the rest of the stuff will work itself out. Oh yeah, and since you asked, I'm expecting baby #1 and as of tomorrow will be at 36 weeks (HOLY CRAP!).

zelda, I completely understand your feelings about the wait...I thought that first appointment would never come! Now here I am saying holy crap about 4 weeks to go. It goes slowly for a long time, then it seems to speed up to breakneck speed. I am very excited to hear how things go on Thursday. And congrats to your BFF on the new little one!

jenny_dreadful, I am so happy to hear that the bleeding has not returned. I agree "just one of those things" is simultaneously comforting and not comforting at all. Thinking of you and your little guy/alien.

ellenevenstar, I am SO happy to hear from you! Sounds like things are going really well. Enjoy the second trimester, it's a lot of fun once things get rolling.

Cristine, hang in there - I agree with zelda, sometimes trying to look at all the signs just threw me into a tizzy. Sounds like you have a good attitude about things.

Michelina, I am thinking of you - I know that this has been a really, really tough time lately. Like eyelet, I remember so many times when I was just in despair about other people's babies - other people whom I dearly loved, but I remember thinking, "Why is it NEVER my turn?" I don't have any words of wisdom, just that if you can avoid beating yourself up for wanting what you have every right to want, that will help. I believe it is going to happen for you, I just wish I knew when. Best thoughts for kitty as well.

funnybird, I am so sorry about your period, but I want to join with everyone else in saying how amazed I am at your strength and humor. You have had so many curves thrown at you this year, and I just want more than anything else for you and AB to be happy. And you never know...my friend who just gave birth was told she should try IVF, and they decided to just be happy being together and quit trying, and that's when she got pregnant. I'm not saying it's a cause and effect thing (just to be clear - I am NOT saying "just relax" grr), but I find that the universe works in mysterious ways sometimes.

ananke, sign me up for the nerd/feminist mom's group. I kind of feel like we have the beginnings of the online version, but it is nice to have one face to face....

eyelet, thanks so much for the good advice....I will definitely stock up on the oatmeal and fenugreek. Our breastfeeding class isn't for another week or two, and now I'm starting to feel like maybe I cut it a little close.

Had a wonderful baby shower this weekend with friends and family (my mom, who flew in for the occasion). The nursery is coming together, little by little. I'm still working too much and occasionally having a money freakout, but overall I am feeling pretty lucky to be where I am. My belly has gotten HUGE in the last couple of weeks...all the sudden I completely popped out. Little guy is bopping around in there, doing his little alien thing. We're getting close on names. My main complaint is that the foot swelling is getting worse. Also, I feel fat. Someone made a comment at my baby shower that they could tell I was having a boy because "all the testosterone makes your face change," and frankly I was thinking, "No, my face is just getting FAT, that's what's happening." Sigh. But you know, it is TOTALLY worth it.

Okay, must help mr. julie make dinner. He's been hard at work on home improvement all day. Love to all, Busties!
zelda
Ladies, I want to respond individually to you all, but right now I am just so nervous thinking about tomorrow...first of all, I've been MIA because this huge storm knocked out our phone/Internet line for two days, so I only just now have Internet access at home (it's been too nutty to post from school).

Anyway, more tomorrow when I hope I will have positive news to bring you all...argh, I am so so so so so nervous. Please, please let them see the heartbeat and let everything be okay.

Scared!
Cristine
Zelda, I'm sure everything will be great and you can hopefully put your mind at ease!! You will be in my thoughts...

Julie, I'm glad to hear you had such a nice shower!
julie124
zelda, thinking of you today....I believe that everything is going to be okay, but I know it's nerve-wracking. Just try to breathe. And let us know how it goes.

In other news, had my checkup yesterday, including my swab for Group B strep and my H1N1 vaccination. Since she was already in the area (so to speak), she did a quick cervix check and informed me that I am "a tight 1 centimeter" dilated and 50% effaced. mr. julie was all excited about what this might mean, until I reminded him that we learned in childbirth class that women can walk around for weeks being a couple of centimeters dilated and partially effaced. I will tell you that it certainly makes me more aware of my achy back and pelvis than I was before.

Okay, must do work, but I just wanted to pop in and let zelda know our thoughts are with her today! Hope doesn't make bad things happen, sweetie. Hang in there.
Michelina
Thinking of you Zelda!

I had a dream last night that I finally got a positive pregnancy test. I am trying to remind myself that hope doesn't make bad things happen.
Cristine
Michelina!!! I remember what happened the last time you had a dream... fingers crossed for you! wink.gif
zelda
Michelina...here's hoping that dream comes true for you this time!

Today.....we saw the peanut! Heart beating...looking great. He/she even moved a little bit...we could see the arm and leg buds. Mr. Z started crying while I could only stare in shock and relieved glee.

I loved the doctor...it ended up working out so well that we got her. She was marvelous...understanding, nice, reassuring, and calm. They took a ton of blood, urine, and a pap smear. She thinks I may have a bacterial infection in my vag which she says is common in pregnancy, so she took a sample and I will hear back.

Because they had to squeeze me in since my original appointment got canceled, I go back in 2 weeks for more time with her.

It feels real for the first time today. It was incredible...an experience I will remember for the rest of my life.

More later...
Michelina
Congratulations, Zelda! That is fantastic news! What a wonderful experience for you and Mr Z. You really have a baby in there!

My dream may come true, but I don't get the feeling that that dream was for this cycle. It wasn't nearly as vivid and powerful as the one I had for you. But maybe we are almost there...
Cristine
Zelda that sounds amazing!! I can't believe you saw so much definition so soon, that's so wonderful!!!
ellenevenstar
Yay Yay Yay!!! I'm so glad for you zelda.
Good vibes, Michelina.
zelda
Is it possible that my clothes already don't fit?

At the doctor's, I realized I have gained about 3 pounds since getting pregnant. This weekend my skirts are all too tight to zip unless I hike them up higher. I feel like I have a little pooch, but how can this be? I'll be 10 weeks Thursday. I feel like I need some other clothes...I feel very fat around my tummy.

I'm not a skinny minnie - I normally wear a size 12 or 14 in American clothes, but I'm pretty proportionate with most of my weight in my rear end and hips (a classic pear). This weekend is the first time I put some clothes on and was like, "Ooooof...does not fit." But it's too soon to blame the baby, right? Is it just bloat?

How is everyone?
zelda
PS...thanks for all the congrats! The peanut's photo is on the fridge!
eyelet
Glad you had such a nice appointment Zelda. Yep, you can have tighter pants at 10 weeks. I remember having to wear maternity clothes by Thanksgiving and you have the same pregnancy calendar I had. Now that it's Fall I keep seeing and doing things that I was doing last year in the early weeks of my pregnancy when it all felt so surreal. I would obsessively check this website http://www.ehd.org/movies.php to see where the embryo was in development. That first trimester it's like you have a major secret from the world. It's the biggest news you've ever had and you can't tell many people, and strangers would never notice. I don't think I'll ever forget that era of my life. How exciting for you!
julie124
zelda, glad you had such a great appointment! So happy for you....

I dimly recall that my pants started getting a bit tight fairly early on...it could be bloat and from what I understand, if you're having any kind of constipation issue that can make you pooch out a bit. So, blame baby but it's not the actual baby just yet. I used to joke that it was such a relief when I started showing for real because then I looked pregnant and not just like I had eaten too many cheeseburgers. With baby #1 it normally takes awhile to see a difference.

Incidentally, I highly recommend the Belly Band (they have a version at Target) for those early days when the pants or skirts still fit except for the waist. The maternity pants will be too big for you for awhile yet (and trust me, they are EVIL - I spent all day Saturday fighting with my stupid maternity jeans that fall down every time I get up from sitting) and it's nice to be able to wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. As much as I was dying to have that visible belly, I found that I was happiest when I could be in regular clothes.

Speaking of fashion, today I went on The Search for the Holy Grail Part II: Finding Some Shoes that My Poor, Bloated Feet Can Wear. I needed casual shoes because my feet busted out of the ones I had been wearing, and I have to give myself a break from my cute (but somewhat binding) work shoes. The shoes I bought weren't the most gorgeous, but after viewing some of the hideous options out there, they were a hell of a lot better (and cheaper - who wants to pay $60 for the ugliest shoes ever?).

My search was complicated by the fact that my pelvis/upper thighs were aching the whole time. I'm not sure what's going on - maybe just the spreading that is supposed to happen - but every time I got up from sitting, I was basically hobbling around. It was like my upper inside thighs had tightened up and it hurt to walk. I don't know that I've dropped yet, but I'm guessing that it's related to some kind of additional pressure on that area. Anyway, I'm pretty much fine when I'm sitting down, so I'm not particularly worried, it's just weird.

So, I have a question for the mamas (which maybe should go in another thread, but while I'm here...): any recommendations on nursing bras and nursing camisoles? Are there particular brands or styles that are easier to access or to use? I don't necessarily need a lot of support...even with the pregnancy gain, my boobs are still relatively small (Bs), but I've heard that some kinds of nursing bras are kind of hard to manipulate, which is the last thing one needs when you have a hungry baby!
eyelet
julie-with a smaller bust you have many more options for bras and tanks. The cheapest tanks are those from Target. They are in the bra section, not maternity. They are around $15 each and they really help you be able to wear normal shirts while nursing (the tank gives you some coverage when you lift up your shirt). I've found bras I like, but I'm 34H right now so I've never road tested bras for regular size. One think I do like about my recent bras is that the hooks to undo the cup are the metal kind, not the plastic kind. They seem easier to me, but again, very individual taste. I liked maternity pants because I have to have things at my waist, not below. But I liked the full panel ones from Gap/Old Navy, or Motherhood. I confess to actually buying a pair after the baby came because they were on sale and I was still so swollen from the c-section. Happy to report as of two weeks ago, I'm completely out of them. But I recommend you definitely don't hand me down pregnancy clothes for a couple of months after the baby. Exciting that we're nearing some more births in the group. Since I've been on this forum, there have only been three.
Michelina
How is everyone? Cristine and Fookie, how are you two doing in the last days of your wait? Thinking of you both and hoping for you tons!
jenny_dreadful
Hi all, it is 5 weeks today until I'm due to give birth to my baby boy and I am just a little bit freaking out! I've suddenly become enormous (although I'm still not getting a seat on the tube in the morning) and some guy whistled at my belly at lunchtime today, saying "bloody hell" in an awestruck/really fucking rude way. I've started getting a really sharp pain in my right hand side, which I'm reassured is round ligament pain, but really hurts when it gets going, and I finish work for a whole year a week on Friday. AHGHHH!!! Life is about to change beyond all recognition! I really can't wait to meet my little man, and we are doing lots of getting ready stuff for him, but today all the imminent change feels massive!

Right, it feels better to get that off my chest.

Zelda, so glad that your scan was such a great experience, congratulations. I first noticed my body changing when I was about 12/13 weeks pregnant, when my waist started thickening, but I have friends for whom that happened around the 7th/8th week.

Julie, good luck with your hunt for nursing bras/tops. My boobs don't seem to have grown since I've been pregnant, but I'm a bit trepidatious about what happens when your milk comes in. Will they grow out of all proportion to the size of the feeding bras I've bought?

Michelina, Christine, Fookie, keeping 'em crossed for you.

Welcome Laura, and congrats on your pregnancy. I'm Jenny, I'm 33 and I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my first baby, a boy, and it is a planned pregnancy.

Ananke and Eyelet, thanks for the advice on stuff to get. It's really reassuring to know that you don't need as much stuff as the various newsletters I've signed up for are making me think I need!
Cristine
Jenny, you're almost there! How exciting!

Michelina, I had negative pregnancy tests on CD 27 & 28... that was more than likely the absolute earliest I can test but I have just felt no need/hope to test again. I'm on CD 30, 12-14 DPO, and I've had a few mild pre-period cramps over the past few days... I'm sure I'm not pregnant. I've given my cervix a 6 day rest and I can't imagine I'll start checking it again everyday. I haven't taken my temperature for 2 days, I feel like I've been acting fine but I think I'm kinda depressed... or just really disconnected from the whole TTC thing now. Anyway, where are you at in your cycle? How are you? Are you taking progesterone this cycle?
eyelet
Oh Jenny, I feel you on that last bit of pregnancy. The last two weeks you feel not quite human. I went swimming a few days before I had my baby and I bobbed around like a buoy. Everyone was looking at me and shaking their heads with that "she's about to pop" look. I had to wear lycra workout pants to swim because my regular bathing suit bottoms would not have covered one ass cheek.

Can't believe you're not getting a seat on the tube. Not even from a fellow woman?!

Be prepared for a big boost in boob size once milk comes in. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it's pretty common. None of the bras I bought ahead of time work now, and I don't even have a full milk supply.

Cristine--do you normally go 30 days or more between periods? CD 27/28 is often too early to read as you know.

The TTC temping and mucus and cervix checking has to get really old after a while. I am taking meds and all kinds of herbs and doing all these pumping strategies to keep breast milk from drying up and before that it was chlorophyll or some such to keep the edema at bay during the pregnancy. It feels sometimes like I will never be able to just live, without all this vigilant attention to my body. But it's all part of protecting/caring for the baby too so not ready to stop yet.

Remember "Studio 54" pregnant friend? (For those who are new, it was a hard partying friend of my partner who didn't seem like the mommy type.) We're co-hosting her baby shower next week and she is due at the end of the month. Pregnancy has softened her a bit, but she still loves the nightlife. She wants the shower to go until after midnight, and I'm just shaking my head in disbelief. She looks like she hasn't gained an ounce of body fat and barely has to wear maternity clothes. I with my red hair, freckles, and "sturdy" build am rather in awe of her ability to stay glamorous still. Bitch. smile.gif

Slow couple of days on the forum, no?

eyelet
PS Sorry your feeling depressed Cristine. Sometimes there's some relief in just letting yourself feel pessimistic for a few days and rolling around in it until you feel it's out of your system.
Cristine
Eyelet, yes I remember your studio 54 friend... that must be so hard to watch. 2 of my closest friends were super thin during their pregnancies and literally all the weight was in their bellies & boobs, I am not looking forward to that comparison since I know how easy it is for me to gain weight. My cycles (and indicators) have been all over the place but I think I should start tomorrow, if for some crazy reason I don't start by Friday I suppose I'll test again. One thing I decided to change next month is that I'll start an OPK after I get an egg on the monitor, the reason being is that the monitor stops the pee sticks as soon as the egg shows up! I already bought the OPK but I don't think I'm going to rely too much on any of my other indicators.
eyelet
Well, I sure hope you don't start tomorrow or Friday Cristine, but I know, talk like that makes it feel even more disappointing if the period does show up.

Has anyone on here every tried acupuncture or Chinese herbs for TTC? Just asking because my best friend feels they helped her.

Having a really hard time buckling down and working during the baby's naps today. Must be the weather...it makes me want to play hooky and web surf.
Fookie
Zelda, Iím so thrilled you had such a wonderful scan with hubby present. How lovely.

Jenny, I am also shocked at the fact that nobody is giving up their seat on the tube. What the hell? I can only imagine how at this point in a pregnancy the realization of how everything will change really surfaces. Iím thinking of you and thanks for the crossed fingers.

Michelina, Iím on CD 27, but 15dpIUI/ovulation (and negative HPT, see below). How are you doing?

Cristine, youíre so brave to do all those tests. I honestly feel like every test I take is the worst possible thing I have to do. I put them off as long as I can so that I only have to do one.

Eyelet, I did acupuncture with my naturopath for several cycles. It certainly didnít hurt, but it was also not the magical cure for my unexplained infertility.

I had the teeeeeeniest spot of fresh blood that I only spotted as it swirled once I flushed on Sunday. That was 12dpiui. It was right before a yoga class and I actually cried during the ďrelaxationĒ part of the class. Mr. F. and I had a good, long, hard, cry in the shower after (not sure what it is about the shower, but thatís where we do most of our TTC crying/commiserating). The bruises on my arms from all the blood work this cycle hadnít even healed yet. Somehow the unfairness of spotting before those had healed really hit me hard. Iím not sure if I had mentioned that my other arm (the one where they can NEVER find a vein) Ö well they succeeded twice this cycle, but actually gave me some nerve damage in the process. Very glad to say that has cleared up. Was quite concerned about having ďelectrocutionĒ pain up my inner forearm every time I straightened my arm for the rest of my life.

Anyway, I have been going to bed at like 6:30 p.m. b/c thereís nothing on TV and being asleep is so much easier than being awake with my thoughts. Have felt like doing nothing but crying and have driven myself insane trying to find out if it could have been implantation bleeding at 12piui. Not likely it seems, but enough hope to truly drive myself nuts with fear over being hopeful and then getting disappointing news at my blood test on Friday. I also havenít spotted at all again, but I am on progesterone. I did have period cramps all day Monday though. So, I was awake most of last night trying to convince myself to ďrip off the Band-AidĒ and just get an HPT done and over with. I am 15dpo after all, so itís like 99.9% accurate at that point. So I did, and it was of course negative. But the good news is, I did not cry again. I think Iím digging myself out of my misery and will indeed continue to survive. We will not do anymore IUI cycles, this year. Mr. F. thinks, ever. I didnít want to tell him I might have one or two more in me, b/c I didnít want him to hold me to it. Maybe in the New Year. Weíll see. In the meantime, we will start a savings account for IVF. I think I really need to give it a go. See if they can see anything new during that process to explain why itís not working. Saving for that will take us about a year, so who knows what might happen in that time. We will also start the adoption process in January. Get the home study done etc. and see what our options are. Despite being very keen on adoption before all of this happened, I have to tell you that now Iím worried my heart will always be broken at the thought of never getting to see what a little Mr. F/Ms. F would have looked like, and what his or her personality etc. would have been like. Iím not sure that Iíll ever feel completely ready for adoption, knowing that was not so much a choice, but my ďonly optionĒ but I guess getting the process going wonít hurt. This all sucks so bad, and Iím sorry I havenít been very active or attentive on the board. I am kind of TTC and babyíd out right now.

I hope everyone on the board is doing well. I will check in periodically and will look forward to hearing about the imminent deliveries! Best wishes to all.
Cristine
Eyelet, what kind of Chinese herbs does your friend recommend?

Fookie, I actually hate myself for not being able to wait on tests. I just feel like those that are lucky enough to get pregnant will get to see a positive before their period is due, plus I'm using First Response which CLAIMS you can test that soon... so once I see a negative I'm pretty convinced and I really don't have any emotion during any follow-up tests. Here I am bitching about all of this and then I'm reminded that you are going through so much more, I'm so sorry about your arms you poor thing! God this just sucks so bad, but I'm glad you have such an amazing husband to get you through this and that you guys are on the same page about the next step(s). I hate to be one of those people that says "maybe once you stop IUI and you just go back to regular sex while waiting on the other options, you'll just happen to get pregnant naturally!", but that's what I really am wishing for you guys! Please don't go too far away from this board! wink.gif
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