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nickclick
zelda, i love the thought that he's turning to be closer to your voice! maybe mr.z should read to him near your vajayjay! and enjoy your massage.

and thanks all for the bra and pump advice. i'm not there yet at 12 weeks but i'll remember to look back when they really start a-growin'.

has anyone else done the nuchal translucency testing? please share any experiences. i'm going on friday and nervous about vague results. but i'm excited to see some great pics of the peanut.
jenny_dreadful
Nick, we had the nuchal translucancy screen at 12 weeks, it is practically a given that you have this screen at the hospital I was booked in with. I had blood taken first and then sat in a waiting room to have the ultrasound which was also our first ultrasound of the pregnancy so I was quite concerned about a number of things such as there not being a baby there at all, a missed miscarriage etc so I was very reassured when the sonographer immediately found the heartbeat. The sonographer took a number of measurements before moving to the nuchal fold and she very swiftly measured different aspects of the fold telling me with each one what the average parameters were that she was expecting to see and telling me where our baby sat in that bracket. Once she had done that she went to get the results of the blood tests and came back in to tell me that all results were in the normal range as were the nuchal fold measurements and that these results combined with my age (I was 32 at the time) gave me risk factors of 1 in 50,000 for triploidy, 1 in 70,000 for trisomy 21 (down's) and some other conditions. It was very definitive, although there were disclaimers on the notes I was given, naturally. Good luck! I loved being able to go public with the pregnancy after this scan!
koffeewitch
http://www.sokolowdesign.com/sewing/links.html
I thought some of you might like the information on this link I copied...this is a page that links you to all kinds of useful instructions for making your own baby carriers, nursing bras/T-shirts, maternity and baby clothes, etc. It's called "Jennifer's Sewing Links" and it has everything from making belly dancing costumes and goth girl accessories to the aforementioned mama/baby stuff. I really urge some of you to try your hand at making your own nursing bras (from a regular store-bought bra). Nursing bras are freakin' EXPENSIVE but they're really easy to make from a well-fitting regular bra. (Besides that way you can still have cute/sexy bras of your own making...nursing bras are usually not much to look at aesthetically.
Anyway, hope this is useful!
pepper
Have you guys seen the National Geographic flim 'In The Womb'? I just finished watching it today and it had me in tears, it was so fantastic! Highly recommended for anyone with a baby in their belly or heading in that direction. It was kid appropriate too, nothing gory though the birth is shown. So good, so incredibly good. I think I'll go watch it again...
koffeewitch
http://www.sleepingbaby.net/jan/Baby/no_sew.html
Okay, here's one more link for those of you who don't sew: I give you the "no-sew" baby sling made from beautiful Indian tapestry fabric (the Earth-mama hippy spirit in me likes this idea, but of course, you can use whatever big piece of fabric you want). It does take a little bit of practice and getting used to baby slings, but I have to say I love them: I even have dif. slings for hot vs. cold weather! (Nothing is worse than walking around on a 90 degree day in a thick, padded, hot sling when you can have nice cool cotton-spandex mix).
zelda
Mr. Z and I saw "In The Womb" and loved it!

As for the nuchal fold screening...Mr. Z and I decided against it. Our risk was very low to begin with, and our insurance wouldn't cover it. What concerned me was the relatively high perecentage of false positives. I just didn't want to get myself into a situation of worrying over nothing and getting an amnio for nothing. Also, and this is a totally personal thing and I am totally pro-choice, but after hearing the heartbeat at 11 weeks, I just felt instinctively that we were keeping this baby no matter what.

That said, if I were older (over 35), I would have done it just to get more info. There is a small part of me that worries something could still be wrong, but from what I have read, the 20 week ultrasound really rules out a lot of huge genetic abnormalities (or soft markers as they call them), and ours was good, so....

Nickclick, I am sure all will be well...all my friends who have had it done have had great results, and it has turned out to be very reassuring...good luck!

I did have a scare this morning...little Elliott only moved two times in two hours after I ate...*very* rare for him. I called the doctor and she said come in for a non stress test. I was so worried, but of course the second we showed up at the doctor's office, he started moving like crazy.

They hooked me up to a fetal monitor for 15 minutes and he did just great. My OB is so nice and great...she said I did absolutely the right thing and not to feel embarrassed or worried for one second.

Part of me wonders if he shifted position last night (he moved a ton after dinner last night) and that is why I didn't feel him much this morning (he usually kicks me in the side), but this afternoon he has been very active again, and I think he is still breech...I think I'm still feeling his little head under my ribs and his feet kicking down below. Turn, baby, turn!

Ooh...what a day. Need to go home and put my feet up! ;-)
nickclick
zelda, sounds like a good plan for tonite.... hanging with Elliott.

i'll be 35 this summer, before the peanut is due, and insurance covers, so i'm crossing fingers that the nuchal screen will give us some peace of mind.

...off to seek out that NatGeo show......
aphelendra
Nick - We had to wait a few days for the blood work results to be factored in so we could get our official results, but the u/s tech was able to tell us during the scan that everything was measuring within normal parameters. All in all, it was a good experience, and happily gave us another chance to check out buggo, who had changed considerably since we had had our last scan (which I think had only been about two weeks). Good luck!

Zelda - sorry about your scare, but glad everything turned out well. Still crossing my fingers that Elliot will figure out how to right himself in time . . . .

Koffee - thanks for the sewing patterns. I myself don't sew, although I can embroider (just can't figure out how to use the damn machine). But my MIL does sew, and offered to make me some nursing tops . . . I'll forward her the link.

Jenny/other mamas who used them - do you guys remember what size ball you guys had? there are too too many to choose from . . . I find myself quite confused.

As for me . . . . I passed my glucose screen!!!!! I feel like I can relax about all the excessive weight gain now (which has thankfully started to taper off) . . . I don't mind being bigger, as long as there aren't any negative effects on my little lady.

Happiness and healthiness to all . . . .
funnybird
Nickclick, how did it go?

My scan is on Wednesday. Today I'm at 11 weeks and 4 days - the safety of the second trimester seems so near yet so far away...
kittygirl1979
Hey Everyone!

Not much to report here- I'm almost 9 weeks now. I really need to quit thinking about all the horror stories I've read about going for that next scan where they detect the heartbeat. I keep reading that some women still have all their symptoms and then they find no heartbeat. I never realized what a pessimist I am until now!! My "What to Expect" book says not to even read the miscarriage section if everything is going fine- if only I could listen to that advice! I just feel like if I am always prepared for the worst, I won't be too upset if it happens. But in the meantime I just worry and worry instead of enjoying myself!

Funny- I'm excited for you! I wish I could be at your point so that my worrying would be almost over!

Koffeewitch- those slings are so cool. I definitely want one!

Well, I'll pop back in later! Hope everything is going great for everyone smile.gif
zelda
Funny and Kitty, you are going to make it!!!! I just know it.

Kitty, once again you are in my brain. I know the exact section of What to Expect that you are referring to because I, too, became obsessed with it right before our 9 week scan. Then we got to the doctor and they had screwed up our appointment and told us we didn't have one.

I almost broke down in the waiting room I was such a wreck, so anxious to see the heartbeat and be sure that little peanut was there and okay. I actually chased a nurse down in the hallway trying to get her attention.

The relief that washed over me when I saw him and his heart cannot be described in words.

I feel like we give each other the same advice because we probably have very similar brains, but please try to avoid that section of the book.

It's going to be okay! You will make it!!!! Cannot wait for you both to get into the second trimester...the best time of pregnancy (in my opinion).
the janet
I just found out on Monday that I'm growing something inside my uterus. My husband of 2 months and I had been trying for about a month...and I guess we tried a little too hard as we weren't really expecting to have this happen so soon. We're happy...but we're also now dealing with the reality of having a child in 9 months. We'd moved to NYC the week after we got married and we're not really financially stable (who is??) so this is all a bit daunting. blink.gif

Also, I'm hyper aware of the possibility of miscarrying before 12 weeks, esp since I'm "high risk" (aka 36 yrs old). I didn't want to tell anyone, not even family, but it seems like they should be informed, especially if I did happen to miscarry. I figure I'd want that emotional support, right? I just don't know how people can keep it a secret for 3 months. We had dinner with out-of-town friends the other night and since I wasn't drinking and am a horrible liar, we just told them I was pregnant...but it was a dangerous move b/c once one person in our circle of friends knows, it will most likely spread like wildfire.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading all 95 pages of this thread! tongue.gif
nickclick
congrats, the_janet! we conceived, too, after only trying for a month. and then freaked when it happened so fast. mr.nick is a teacher and there's all this budget nonsense going on in NJ that's scared us about financial stuff too. it's been a stressful 3 months, but i assure you as you progress, and as you read thru this thread, you'll see your worries will only be about the health of that peanut.

i know, it's so crazy to keep it a secret when it's like the ONLY thing on your mind. we told people who we see often enough so they'd be privy to the whole process, because yeah, that emotional support is invaluable. especially from any new parents in your life. but there's no rule about keeping it a secret. i always thought it was just a dumb superstition. but then we feared miscarrying and then 3 months later some random someone in our lives asking - how's the baby? and then reliving something horrible. and making random someone uncomfortable. but anyway, it's up to you and if it's more uncomfortable lying (which i'm pretty bad at too), then let it out.

actually, we're going public this weekend because we got very good news from the nuchal fold scan yesterday! phew. at 35, my risks of down syndrome and whatever else they test for are that of a 20-something. the numbers aren't near me but anyway, it's good news. i asked the technician to explain every number to me and my hub was like - it's good news, stop obsessing about what you SHOULDN'T worry about! because one day i'll come across something on Google or in What to Expect (i know, i know....) and worry - oh no, did i get screened for that???????

thank you all again for the reassurance about the scan. yes it was great to see him/her in more detail. s/he was seriously swimming around!

aphelendra, good news about your glucose screen!

zelda, has Elliott done any backflips?

kitty, you will worry, you'll get good news, and then you'll probably move on to worrying about something else! seems to be the pattern i'm living anyway. when is your next scan?

zelda
New mama Julie 124 said it best..."worry is the work of pregnancy"...you'll worry about miscarriage, you'll worry about the health of the fetus, when s/he starts moving, you'll worry if s/he's moving enough/too much, and then you'll worry about delivery (where I'm at now).

But it's still all worth it!!!

The_Janet, congrats! It's hard not to tell and also hard when people guess...my rule of thumb was not to tell anyone who I wouldn't feel comfortable going to for support in case of a m/c. Some people guessed anyway...it's difficult, but just know with each day you are getting closer and closer to that safe second tri.

Nickclick, great news on the scan!! Happy for you!!!!

It is so fun to read all these new conception stories, but it's hard to believe I am at the tail end of things already...6 weeks to go!!!
zelda
Oh, and to answer your question, Nickclick, Elliott is on the move for sure, but I can't tell if he is flipping. Some people say it hurts when breech babies "make their move" and there have been times when his movements have been downright painful, so....

I see my doula for a massage next week and am hoping she can help me assess his position. I just keep telling myself it truly doesn't matter how he gets here, C-section or not. I've wanted this baby for so long, and I am just thrilled that in a month and a half I will be meeting him, whether he pops out of my va-jay-jay or my stomach, I don't care!!!
koffeewitch
I wish I could find the right book to give you the exact statistic, but did you guys know that around 95% of babies born in the U.S. are born in PERFECT, good health? This is the statistic to meditate on when you find yourself worrying about statistics and "what ifs". Trust your body. Trust your body to know exactly what to do to make a perfect, healthy baby. Especially if you've had the ultrasound...it has already measured your baby's brain and all your baby's organs, each ventricle of the heart, the formation of your baby's spine... enjoy the magical time of pregnancy; it's something you only experience for a small part of your life. Relax. Walk in the fresh air. Breathe. Eat good fresh food and drink lots of water. Stretch. Talk to your baby. Your body will take care of the rest; I know it sounds hard to believe that your body really will grow a perfect little human being, but it's true!
pepper
YAY! Glad to hear you say it! I've been getting sad reading about all the stress and worry in here. Worry is NOT the work of pregnancy! I didn't worry, I didn't see a doctor, I had my babies at home on my own! I know that's not the path for many women but it just goes to show that there is Way more that can go Right than can go Wrong! God/Nature/whatever you want to call it is clever and creative and TrustWorthy! There are hundreds of millions of babies born safely and perfectly all over the world to women who have less knowledge of the process, worse nutrition and lifestyles, way more stress and way less medical care. If it was such a dangerous "illness" (as it is considered by the medical establishment and, sadly, the majority of mom's to be these days) there would be far less people inhabiting the planet today.

This is the time to rest in perfect balance and harmony with your child to be. Stress has a direct negative affect on the developing fetus, it is proven to be so and it is one of the many things that you Can control during your pregnancy. It's so worth it to focus on learning relaxation techniques and giving it up to faith that everything is doing well. Way more worth it than just accepting that "Worry is the work of pregnancy". I've never heard anything so ridiculous. You guys, come on, this is your time to shine! Be secure in the knowledge that so long as you care for yourself well, that baby is making itself happen just fine without any worry from you. Everything is wonderful, everything is good, everything is as it should be. <3
zelda
The quote "Worry is the work of pregnancy" actually comes from the lovely birthing book "Birthing From Within" by Pam England. FYI.

Not to start a fuss, but Pepper and koffee, I have to speak my mind for a moment. First of all, as someone who has suffered from anxiety attacks and worries my whole life (for which I have been in therapy for for several years), the absolute *worst* thing you can tell a worrier is, "Don't worry" or "Stress is bad for you." It's actually sort of insulting. Of course we would stop worrying if we could find some magic switch! Of course we know stress is not good! It's as useful as telling a drug addict, "Just stop taking drugs." It doesn't work. Ever.

Many chronic worriers have a biological issue associated with their worries for which they need medication. (Panic attacks run in my family - my brother and dad both suffer from them.) And many of us work diligently to modify our behavior with talk therapy and other cognitive therapy techniques (that's always been my route).

While I love and appreciate your reminders that we need to remember our bodies can build healthy babies more often than not, I do feel like this thread should be a place where we can be honest about our fears and where we should be allowed to express our worries. Many of us have waited a long time to get pregnant, and fears are part of that process for us (maybe not for everyone, but for us).

Again, not to start a fuss, and I do appreciate every kind word you have offered, but I did need to get that off my chest. :-)
pepper
Thank you for honestly sharing your feelings, I respect and honour what you have to say and I genuinely appologize for being insensitive if I have been. Of course this is a safe space to vent fears and anxieties and I need to remember that what is posted here is only a sampling of how you are all feeling, there are surely many times when you are all feeling great about your pregnancies. I guess that might be underrepresented here and reading so many worries and fears (that to me sound like the worst case scenarios at times and not the most probable outcomes) has given me the idea that many of you are terrified instead of enjoying your pregnancies. I wish that was not the case for you, I truly do.
Please feel safe to express your worries and concerns here, I don't judge any of you for being worried. I just wish I could offer some words to alleviate some of your stress.
zelda
Pepper, thank you for your kind words, and I didn't think for a moment that you were being insensitive. I just wanted to share that for many of us, it is just not that easy to flip the switch to off. Oh, how I wish it were! I've gotten a LOT better with my worries, mostly through therapy and behavior modification exercises, but it is still there and will always be to a certain degree.

Focusing on positive outcomes or trying to replace negative thoughts with positive ones in a gentle way is one behavior modification technique that can work (just like staying away from Google and scary books). I can replace any worrying thoughts with your kind thoughts, but it takes practice. :-)

The good news is much of my worrying has been contained to this forum...for the most part, I have enjoyed this pregnancy and will miss much of it when it's finished...even though I will love having little Elliott finally in my arms instead of my uterus. ;-)
koffeewitch
Oh, Zelda, of course this is a space for you to share your honest feelings, anxieties, worries and fears...but it is also our place as a mutual support system for one another to give you positive feedback, and a more accurate picture of the wonderful, powerful, creative being that is a woman during her pregnancy. I never meant to sound condescending; and you're right, saying "don't worry" never helped anyone. But the FACTS are there: the most likely outcome is that you will have a beautiful, perfect, healthy baby. We're not telling you to stop worrying (all pregnant women worry) we're more suggesting a mantra to sing to yourself when the going gets rough.
aphelendra
Super super busy today (when did my house suddenly get so damn filthy!?), but wanted to pop in and say congrats to the janet!

will write more later when house is cleaner, and I am therefore saner . . . .
zelda
((((((((koffeewitch))))))))

Thanks, koffee...I appreciate that.

Man, I think my hormones are raging and I am just on edge...I didn't mean to be so touchy. I watched Sense and Sensibility on Encore today and started sobbing. Why? I don't know. Watched the Sixth Sense and started crying, too...not feeling sad or bad, just super emotional/excited/anxious/you name it. Everything has Extra Meaning these days as the birth of Elliott comes closer and closer. I wish I could find a way to bottle this and remember every moment. The fact that it will only become more intense when he arrives is incredible!!!

I also have to vent about my mother in law for a second (see, you can see my hormones are crazy). She is a sweet lady and for the most part we get along, but she has strange habits when it comes to money. She is obsessed she won't have enough even though she and her late husband saved and planned and she is more than well off enough. She was born during the Depression and grew up dirt poor, and I think that's part of why she is the way she is.

Anyway, many weeks ago she offered to make us curtains for the nursery, and I gladly accepted her offer. They turned out beautifully and I was so pleased.

Yesterday I came home to discover she had dropped off the receipts for the fabric and curtain rod in our mailbox. She expects us to REIMBURSE HER for the cost it took to make curtains for her grandson's nursery? Curtains she herself offered to make?

This is weird, right?

Mr. Z rolled his eyes when I told him...he knows his mom is weird with money. He called it "obnoxious" but we both agreed there's not much we can say or do to change her...it just felt hurtful, that's all.

I mean, this is odd behavior, si???

Aphelendra, I hope the house cleaning went okay!
luleey
Thanks for the link koffeewitch...this might be something to try!

Is it bad I haven't even heard about the nuchal transluscency scan? My doctor said I can't have another u/s until 20 weeks (had one around 8 weeks). I was like awww, really? But what if something's wrong? And she just looked at me and said, Why would something be wrong?

Because I'm a paranoid first mama, hello!!! I'm just trying to make do imagining what it looks like...
zelda
Luleey, I think it's only in the past few years that the NF scan has become better known and used more widely, especially among women under 35. My friend who gave birth a few years ago at the age of 32 had never heard about it, and it was not offered to her. (Also remember a lot of insurance providers don't cover it.)

It's weird...some of my friends' doctors basically make the NF scan sound like the next step regardless ("Well, we'll schedule you for this test now,") and then some doctors like yours seem to suggest it shouldn't even be an issue/option given your age. My doctor did offer it, but didn't make it seem mandatory although I did have to sign a release stating that I was declining the offer of testing.

My feeling is, as a woman under 35 your risks are already quite low. Frankly, they are still low for a woman in her late 30s as well, relatively speaking. At any rate, the way Mr. Z and I viewed it, we figured since our odds were low already, we didn't need an expensive test (that we would have to pay for) to confirm what we already knew.

Also, as I mentioned, we decided we were going to have the baby regardless, so for us, finding out sooner didn't matter to us. For some people, they prefer the NF scan in case if they choose to terminate - of course terminating earlier rather than later is preferable.

It is a long time to wait until the 20 week scan, I know, but trust that it will confirm for you that your baby is just fine. Hope that info helps... :-)
tommynomad
Big hugs and hearts to all the pregnant and TTC BUSTies!! wub.gif

Shenomad and I are in week 32. It looks like our little puck is breeched. Our midwife (who rawks) is confident about her ability to get him turned when the time comes, should that be necessary.

We are now unabashed fans of Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein. As if The Business of Being Born wasn't enough of a great movie, we went to the library and got Your Best Birth. It immediatey became our favourite birth book! For all the pregnant BUSTies who haven't seen Orgasmic Birth, that's another must-see. OMG! We actually had a should-this-be-hot-it-feels-like-watching-porn moment! Despite the weird hotness, we plan on doing as much as we can to emulate this fantastic birthing method.
pepper
NICE! There are some ecstatic birthing videos you can watch on Laura Kaplan Shanley's Unassisted Birthing site too. It's pretty freaking awesome to watch those, very inspirational!
zelda
Tommy, our little man is breech, too. I have heard one old midwife trick is lying on an ironing board with your butt elevated for 20 minutes a few times a day. Also heard crawling around on your hands and knees helps, too (which I've been doing). Looking forward to talking to my doula about this when I go for a massage tomorrow. Sometimes I'm so sure he has flipped - especially when I feel hiccups near my pelvis. But then I feel weird movements that make me think he is oblique or transverse.

We shall see what happens! It's sort of fun to guess what's what. ;-)
luleey
Thanks for the NF test info, Zelda.

Everyone on this thread has so much good info to offer--the question is when I'll actually get to reading/watching/learning about it!!!
zelda
In my opinion, it's best not to overread. Pick one or two good pregnancy books you really like and ignore the rest. My favorites were What to Expect and The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, but you might find something you like better! :-)
aphelendra
Whew. busy weekend.

Hope everyone is doing well.

We met with a midwife today. It was excellent, and we're very happy we did it. She has an excellent success rate (as far as vaginal/unmedicated births go), but also seems more than willing to intervene medically when there is indication to do so, which is important to us. Otherwise, her birthing philosophy seems similar to our birth instructor's, which thus far we have really liked and agreed with. We are going to have to switch hospitals, which is a little daunting. The hospital we had planned to give birth at previously is one of the best in the country, a major plus if you're a worrier like me. But our new hospital will accommodate our desire to go as naturally as possible much more willingly and has much better breastfeeding support. They also have a level III NICU, just in case.

I'm having to let go of my some of my worry (hello koffee and pepper!) and realize that as a young/low risk/healthy mom, I don't necessarily need to be at the best[i] hospital in the city. But in case something does go awry, i have chosen a very very [i]good hospital that will almost surely be able to swiftly and adeptly deal with any complications.

All in all, yay for midwifery!

Tommy and Zelda . . . . though I am very early and buggo will most likely switch positions, I have just had my suspicions confirmed. Buggo is definitely transverse, which would explain the weird sensation that there are actually two little ones in my belly (hands and feet banging away at the same time on opposite sides of my belly). But the midwife assures me just one bubs, she's just sideways. Must be the bustie curse, eh? Hope fully my bubs, and your bubs, will right themselves shortly.
kittygirl1979
Wow I do not have good insurance when it comes to pregnancy apparently. I have to pay $2000 out of pocket for pregnancy expenses. Plus extras like ultrasounds, blood work. Ugh. I have to make $400 payments at each visit. Was not expecting that! Oh well- too late now, ha ha!

Otherwise I'm doing good. I'm trying to be more positive (Koffe and Pepper) and though it is not in my nature to be optimistic sad.gif it really does help to force myself not to over- obsess.

Zelda- I cannot agree with you more about not over reading!! I have to force myself not too. I have found that Goggling anything is the worst thing you can do!

Hope everyone else is doing great!!
funnybird
I had my 12-week scan this morning, and it was an amazing experience! Babybird is fine and as healthy as can be. We saw his/her heart (with all four ventricles), brain, stomach, kidneys, bladder and spine, and counted his/her fingers. The sonographer was wonderful. She was Greek and very effusive - describing everything as "perfect" or "beautiful" - and talked to babybird throughout, asking him/her to stay still for a moment and saying "high-five!" when he/she raised his/her hand. The scan was very thorough, checking the placenta and umbilical cord, with an internal scan to look at my cervix - all look good. The results for the NT screening and blood test were great too.

Both AB and I had taken the day off work, so afterwards we went for lunch, then to see an art installation, then home for an afternoon nap. This evening we called our parents and finally told them the news. I've had such a perfect day - I believe I'll fall asleep with a smile on my face tonight!

I hope everyone is doing okay, and that stubbornly-breech babies will stop worrying their mamas and papas and turn themselves around!

aphelendra
Congrats funny! I'm happy to hear you had such a great day . . . . it was a long time coming and well deserved.

Kitty - insurance insurance insurance. Yuck. We also are likely to have about two thousand in out of pocket expenses. Mr. is taking the plunge of being officially self employed . . . . between health insurance expenses, liability insurance, workman's comp . . . . Ay. I don't know how we're going to pull this off. Not to mention we are now going to have to put little buggo on my COBRA plan . . . . I shudder to think how much that's going to cost.

Zelda - I saw my chiropractor today, she said that she's had success using the Webster technique to turn breech and transverse babies to the vertex postion . . . . something about loosening the utero-sacral ligaments, i think? It sounds promising, might be something to check out . . . .

Hope all are well
zelda
Funny, it brings a smile to my face to hear this joyful news...for the past year or so, I have followed your story and thought about you and AB as you came across many obstacles to come to this point...how amazing that you get to experience this wonderful time. Those scans are so reassuring, and I know it must have been so wonderful to share the news with your folks. CONGRATS!!!!

Aphelendra, isn't the federal government subsidizing COBRA at 60% right now via the stimulus plan? Something to look into...Kitty, I'm so sorry about the insurance. We're looking at shelling out between 2500 and 4000 to have this baby when all is said and done. I hate our health care system. HATE IT. At least with Obama's reforms people hopefully will no longer lose their homes to pay for health care.

Thanks for the breech/Webster tip, Aphelendra...my doula says she also has some techniques if he is still breech at 36 weeks. I will talk to my OB about this...

Had a lousy day at work...it's state testing here in TX and that always make working at a school difficult. But today was one of those days where everyone had to say something rude or obnoxious about my body..."Woah, you're huge!" and "How big are you gonna get?" and "When are you due...not till June? What? You're so big already!" and of course my favorite, "You sure there's only one?" Oh ho ho ho ...seriously, fuckheads, I've gained 25 pounds and this baby is a normal size. GO FUCK YOURSELVES. ;-)

The later stages of pregnancy are turning me into a real misanthrope.
nickclick
zelda, misanthrope away. why do other peoples' pregnancies make people think they have input into your size, health, anything? we've been slowly telling friends and fam this week, and getting all sorts of unsolicited advice. OMG you're not drinking from a water bottle, are you? holy crap you're gonna die if you don't get a flu shot! yadda yadda. i have my standard answer - i'll ask my doctor. in other words, you're not my doctor, so shush it.

funny, congrats on the wonderful scan! high-five!

happy almost mother's day everyone!
Fookie
Ummm ... we will probably be bringing a baby boy home in two weeks.
Ladies I'm crying my eyes out as I type ... and I'm sorry for not acnowledging any of the amazing news and updates on the board since I last posted ... but I'm somewhat shellshocked and not completely functioning.

Two weeks ago our approved adoption homestudy was dropped off at the local children's aid society. we've been waiting for them to get in touch with us to "update" it (we did our homestudy privately so we have to do a mini update when we use a public agency). Today we got a message from them asking us to get back to them urgently ... low and behold ... in a world where a 2-5 year wait is considered standard we have been matched ... to a two week old little boy. We were third in a short-list for him (b/c we haven't bee unpdated yet, i guess). The first couple turned him down b/c there was some first trimester weekend bringe drinking when she didn't know she was pregnant. The second couple has been waiting for so many years they no longer feel comfortable adopting an infant b/c they are now almost 50.

So now there's us. Tomorrow morning the children's aid worker will be at our house to update our homestudy and give us even more information (I've already grilled him on the phone twice). As far as a children's aid adoption goes, the alcohol exposure is pretty much the norm. We contacted Motherrisk in Toronto to get the most up-to-date info we could about occasional binge drinking in the first trimester. While there are concerns and the official line is that no exposure is worth the risk ... it seems as though "probably" this little boy will be ok. He was carried to full term, was a healthy weight and is so far presenting as the picture of health.

The mother made an adoption plan for him, although she does not want an open adoption (something we really really wanted), she did provide a wealth of info concerning her own and her family's health history. Father is known to her, but bolted a few months ago. Ads are out everywhre trying to locate him. The expectation is that he will either not come forward or will have no desire to parent (he knew of the pregnancy). We would end up being "foster" parents until baby boy can go through the courts to become a crown ward (likely a couple of months to do this).

So... holy fuck balls ... I'm not even processing right now. If we say "yes" there will be a baby (a real one) in this house. We are both leaning strongly toward "yes" ... but scared out of our minds. The baby's name right now, is the name of my grandfather (who has been dead for many years) who makes "wise" appearances in my dreams every now and then. It is also mr. fookie's middle name, his dad's name, and his grandfather's name ... his uncle's name, my uncle's name ... somehow ... I'm thinking of the last dream I had about my grandfather, in the depths of despair during our infertility journey: I was in the backseat of his car. He was driving. I felt like everything would be ok. He told me that he was taking me where I needed to be going and that I had to have faith ... I'm not superstitious or hugely spiritual but everything huge that's ever happened in my life I can truly say was "meant to be" ... and I find it insanely hard to ignore that this baby boy has my grand father's name.

Please think of me tonight (I"ll be sleepless and sure) and tomorrow morning. My brain has already decorated the spare room ... I'm already camping with this baby in August ... but I'm so totally scared and shell shocked and happy, and horrified, and scared, and shell shocked, and happy ...
aphelendra
fookie - I am crying with you. Thanks for reminding me, once again, what a miracle and what an adventure adoption can be . . . . As lucky as you are to have found this little boy, he is lucky to have found such a determined and thoughtful woman to be his mother, you guys must have stood head and shoulders above the rest to find yourselves with a little one so quickly. It absolutely sounds like this is meant to be.

You're in my thoughts tonight surely, and tomorrow as well. Update us as soon as you find the time!
zelda
Fookie, OMG!!!! I am awake right now with third trimester insomnia (woop dee doo), and decided to check this thread. So glad I did!!!!!

This is amazing news. I would not worry about the first trimester binge drinking. A friend of mine who did not discover she was pregnant until about 8 or 9 weeks went on several benders herself due to having finished a professional certification exam she's been studying for for several years. They did the nuchal fold test and all kinds of other tests, and her baby (still in utero) seems just fine. I think they are just super cautious about fetal alcohol syndrome these days, but if she stopped drinking back then and it was just a few binges, I wouldn't worry one bit.

And let's be honest, many people in our generation are the products of women who drank throughout their entire pregnancies (my mother included), and we all turned out okay. :-)

So weird about the name...like it is meant to be somehow. Like your grandpa is orchestrating this all from beyond. Gives me the chills (in a good way).

I cannot wait for more updates from you, but I am so so so thrilled you came here to share this excellent news. This is amazing, amazing, amazing, and it makes me so happy!!!
jenny_dreadful
Fookie, what amazing news, I am so delighted for you and I have happy tears running down my face as I type, congratulations and I cannot wait to read your next update.

Funnybird, I'm so glad your 12 week scan went so brilliantly and that you can say goodbye to the first trimester!
funnybird
OH! MY! GOD! FOOKIE! I知 crying too - look what happens when you tell a bunch of hormonal women such stunning news! When do you get to meet the little guy? I知 not usually superstitious, but that name thing is just too perfect. Go for it! I知 so excited for you!

Thanks for all the congrats. I know I致e been pretty gloomy and pessimistic up until now. After the experiences of last year it seems like I知 now conditioned to expect bad news, but I知 starting to let myself believe this pregnancy might just be okay. Now if the nausea would just stop (this morning I puked so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. Thanks for that Babybird) I could start enjoying the experience.
pepper
That is amazing news Fookie! Best wishes, lighting a candle for you...
I wouldn't worry about the drinking, the baby doesn't even draw any nutrients or anything from mama for a while in the beginning. I didn't often turn down a small glass of wine (watered) with dinner throughout either prenancy, I personally think there is an hysteria about this issue that is way out of proportion. The flouride in toothpaste is more dangerous than an occasional drink!

Ok mama's, I am officially deciding that I won't be having any more kiddies. Every once in a while I feel the urge (witness the recent visits to this thread) but I'll be 40 in a couple of years and, frankly, I have my hands full with these two. It's a delight to hear about your adventures in conception, pregnancy and small baby hood but I think enjoying your stories is going to have to be enough for me. I did love being pregnant and giving birth so very, very much. Hope it's great for all of you too.
julie124
I lurk around here every so often just to see how folks are doing, and glad I did today!

Fookie...I have tears in my eyes right now, I'm so happy for you and Mr. F. (And I really don't have the hormone excuse at this point.) Sometimes I have this feeling that the universe puts us in the place we're supposed to be - although a lot of times we have to get through a lot of shit to get there, so it doesn't always feel like it. How amazing about the name being your grandfather's name and the dream you had. I am thinking good thoughts for you, Mr. F and baby and believing that things are going to work out for you guys.

funnybird...I am so excited that you are ready to tell family and friends! Enjoy this time and hopefully the nausea will subside soon.

Just a quick note re: insurance: we had an individual insurance plan with a maternity rider, and while it helped a little (just having insurance actually makes the doctors adjust what they charge, even if it isn't covered) we probably paid a good $4,000 for the delivery between the hospital and the OB and another couple thousand for various tests and crap that our stupid insurance plan didn't cover. If you can afford COBRA it's worth it for all the hospital stuff because usually those group insurance plans are much better in terms of coverage. Just keep all your receipts and records - any insurance premiums you pay (that aren't deducted from your paycheck pre-tax) and any co-pays or other out of pocket costs figure into a medical expenses deduction if you itemize on your taxes. That includes any COBRA payments you make.

Good thoughts to all - and for zelda, turn, baby, turn!
funnybird
Ugh, just when I was starting to relax, I get home last night to find my blood test results from my booking-in appointment have arrived and I'm RhNeg. Crap crap crap!

I'm going to stay calm, not google and call the antenatal clinic to see if someone will give me an indepth explanation of what this means (especially as this isn't my first pregnancy so I may have already developed antibodies). Why can't I have a straight-forward pregnancy?? It's not fair!
nickclick
Fookie, count me in for many tears too. how wonderful this experience is going to be for you and for baby. keep us updated.

and funny, did you call? what did you hear from the clinic?
funnybird
Yes Nicklick, I called the clinic, and they've already tested for antibodies (which I don't have) so I don't need to worry until 28 weeks when they'll give me an anti-D shot. Not that I'd have known from the screening results print-out I received - just numbers and letters - an explanatory accompanying letter might have helped! My Mum had an ABO incompatability when she was pregnant with my brothers - making my middle brother seriously ill when he was born - and had to have amnio when she was expecting me to make sure I was okay, so I was a little anxious.

Fookie, any news?? Thinking of you and Mr. F.
zelda
Sorry about that little bump in the road, FB, but that shot will take care of things and keep Babybird nice and safe, I promise! The wonders of modern medicine...thank goodness. It will be all OK.

Felt the same way when I failed the first screening for gestational diabetes and then when I found out Elliott is breech...I wanted to be a textbook perfect pregnancy. Then I realized there is no such thing, but despite any bumps, our wee ones will be just fine. You have a good doc, great care in a great country...focus on that and all will be well.

Just had some oatmeal and berries for breakfast...followed by a bowl of chocolate ice cream. What Elliott demands I can only deliver, right? ;-)
pepper
FunnyBird, I am rh-neg. I researched and decided against the rhogam shots for myself as the chances are actually very slim of sensitization. There generally must be an injury to the uterus or placenta that is severe enough to cause separation and blood leakage (like a Major fall) or cross contamination during delivery (which could cause sensitization that would affect later rh-pos babies but not the one you are giving birth to just then) due to pulling on the cord which is easily avoidable. Of course you should have the injections if that's what you want but know that this isn't as big and scary as deal as it seems so not to fret too much about it, especially if they have tested for antibodies and found none. I read up a TON on this and it's statistically very, very rare. You and baby are safe mama.

Have you had an amnio? It is a cause of cross contamination in itself.
aphelendra
Zelda - funny you should mention ice cream. The midwife who teaches our birth class just did a session on breech presentation. She said she often prescribes the "haagen daaz diet" to ladies whose bubs are upside down. She thinks, apparently, that as baby gains weight he/she will become increasingly uncomfortable and naturally want to switch to vertex position. I think she was being a bit facetious, but hey, any diet involving ice cream sounds like a good one to me.

Funny - sorry to hear about the hiccup! I'm sure everything will be just fine, but it does suck when anything "abnormal" shows up throughout the pregnancy. Sometimes I find myself thinking that if it was so hard to get pregnant, then surely us hard-to-conceivers should get to have perfect text book pregnancies. But Zelda's right, there is no such thing as a perfect pregnancy!

Pepper - although you won't be having any more bubs, we like you hanging around. Your advice and perspective is always appreciated.

As for me, I am off to Babies R Us to begin registering for shower stuff. Yay! Any advice ? I'm a bit overwhelmed. I checked the web site's must have checklist, and apparently I "must have" a whole bunch of really silly shit. Wipe warmers!?! Seriously people???? I think my child will just have to make do with regular old room temperature wipes.

And why do people keep insisting that I will simply die if I don't have a wealthy supply of pacifiers? because as long as there have been babies, there have been pacifiers? You know what I think makes a great soothing device? My boob.
zelda
Aphelendra, when I was setting up my registry, I sat down with my BFF who had just had a baby three months before and she told me exactly what I needed and what was just a nice thing to have. Needless to say, I didn't register for a wipe warmer! You really need so little, especially when they are very young. The baby industrial complex would have you believe you need to spend thousands of dollars...so ridiculous!

We actually got a LOT secondhand - bassinet, stroller, infant car seat, little vibrating infant chair, swing...all FREE from friends who had just had babies. The stuff is less than a year old!

Pepper, your post about the shot made me think just how much liability must play into all of this. When Mr. Z and I decided against any prenatal testing (other than the 20 week ultrasound), we had to sign a million papers saying it was okay...I know something like 80% of OBs get sued at some point, but...man, it is so sad that liability seems to be the driving force behind so many healthcare decisions. I didn't know that the shot was not absolutely necessary for the RH neg situation.

Aphelendra, any excuse to eat ice cream is fine with me!
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