Perpetually confused teenage boys can traffic in mystery. But alas – sometimes, a gentleman pensively leaning against a bank of lockers is just...a guy.
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Following brave, crazy, near-strangers will lead to great adventures, the stuff of your novel. (Side fact: I directly applied this theory once and ended up in somebody's television dream of 60s New York.)
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...but even as you go toward the unusual, the strange – don't snub the Brian Krakows of the world. Not only will they grow cooler and more confident in college, but someday they will be captains of industry. Keep in touch.
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Every so often, it's possible to wake up one morning and just – kind of magically – be over him.
Italics. In the way that, like, you speak.
There's a graceful way to grow apart. Dropping your childhood best friend like a hot potato and hiding from her company in the girl's bathroom is NOT one of these ways.
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Sometimes your greatest heroes (and I obviously refer to Mr. Racine, a substitute English teacher who blows everyone's eyes open in episode six, The Substitute) can disappoint you. But that doesn't necessarily detract from what you learned from them! People are flawed, and one's idols in particular should not be held to perfection – unless you are the kind of person who loves to be disappointed. See also: Angela's Dad.
You think the look he's giving you is, “Oh baby, I want to write you a song.” But it's actually, “I want to have sex. Here and now, in this car.”
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If you want to change your life, dye your hair.
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Though sometimes it's hard not to be selfish, stay attuned to your loved one's inner lives. Even if they're your starry friends who seem like they couldn't possibly have problems. On closer inspection, your BFFs might be alcoholics, or struggling with their sexuality – in which case they'll need your support. So put down the mirror and listen.
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Your parents mean well. And this won't help your ego, but they probably talk and worry about you more than you think.
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And this should help your ego – no one else is looking at that zit. Plus, if you stop picking at it, it will go away faster.
Eventually, when you stop spending so much anxious time on Jordan Catalano and Brian Krakow calms the eff down about getting into college – you might consider growing towards people who love you despite glaring personal flaws. You know, instead of chasing the ones who seem to require all of your superficial energy and also, like, can't read.*